Musing on the roots of hatred

[SeaCat]

In talking with one of my neighbors not too long ago I was told that most of our neighbors don't like us. In some cases they hate us with a passion. I was surprised by this and didn't understand it. We talked a bit more and understanding started to dawn on me.

Many of our neighbors don't like us because we are improving our place on our own. We're doing the work and not paying someone else to come in and do it.

Others dislike us because we are often out in the yard in what they call inapropriate clothing. (My wife and I wear the same things our neighbors do. My wife wears shorts and either a T-Shirt or a bikini top. I wear short and either a Tank Top or no shirt.) Then again unlike our neighbors who are in the most part younger than us we both work out daily with both weights and other types of excercise.

Many of them dislike us because we ride a motorcycle. Other dislike us because we both Snorkel and I dive.

In other words my wife and I are different from them. In some cases they are jealous of us and in other cases they feel threatened by us for one reason or another. this started me thinking about the reasons for other dislikes.

Could this be the same reasons why some people dislike Gays? Straights? Other ethnicities? Could the basis for so many hatreds be based on the feelings of jealousy and perceived threat?

I think I'll have to ponder on this for a bit.

Cat

 

[rgraham666]

People hate because they like hating, in my opinion. It gives them purpose. It reinforces their sense of self.

It's also addicting. The fight and flight reflexes kick in and flood the body with endorphins, adrenaline and other hormones.

But they need, as all addicts do, constant and stronger hits. So they find more things to hate.

It keeps Rush Limbaugh in business.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

CAT

Hate requires you to be important to someone, and usually signals that we're a serious threat to someone's well-being and security. And then lotsa people are simply psychotic and have no reason....if it wasnt you it would be the tree you stand next to or a dog that happens to trot by.

In ROB's case he has a Harmatian fatal character flaw that attracts Karma to him. He pisses off the universe because he is.

 

[john-the-author]

In talking with one of my neighbors not too long ago I was told that most of our neighbors don't like us. In some cases they hate us with a passion. I was surprised by this and didn't understand it. We talked a bit more and understanding started to dawn on me.

Many of our neighbors don't like us because we are improving our place on our own. We're doing the work and not paying someone else to come in and do it.

Others dislike us because we are often out in the yard in what they call inapropriate clothing. (My wife and I wear the same things our neighbors do. My wife wears shorts and either a T-Shirt or a bikini top. I wear short and either a Tank Top or no shirt.) Then again unlike our neighbors who are in the most part younger than us we both work out daily with both weights and other types of excercise.

Many of them dislike us because we ride a motorcycle. Other dislike us because we both Snorkel and I dive.

In other words my wife and I are different from them. In some cases they are jealous of us and in other cases they feel threatened by us for one reason or another. this started me thinking about the reasons for other dislikes.

Could this be the same reasons why some people dislike Gays? Straights? Other ethnicities? Could the basis for so many hatreds be based on the feelings of jealousy and perceived threat?

I think I'll have to ponder on this for a bit.

Cat

I think that this is largely the case, Cat. I gather from the occasional stories that you've told that many of your neighbors are fairly mediocre people (and my profound apologies if I have made an inappropriate conclusion from scant data). As a result, the fact that you're ~interesting~ and you do all sorts of things that they don't (e.g., exercise, ride a motorcycle, stand up to neighbors who are doing wrong things) makes you threatening.

Here's one I've run into time and again: People who are lacking in self-confidence have a real problem with extroverts, particularly cheerful extroverts. Our personalities go from wall to wall (or horizon to horizon as I have been told repeatedly) and they get threatened reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally easily. I once didn't get a job simply because I was showing personality and the interviewer (I found out years later from a writer who >I< hired and who I'd have worked with) told me that she was terrified of me. There wasn't a lot of sport in that, he said, but I scared the bejeezus out of her. And that was just from having a non-standard answer to "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" (She was a nebbishy little woman as I recall.) It could be all of those. Or it could be anything else.

(FWIW, the Babe and I work hard on being a good neighbor to people in the neighborhood. I like to bake, but as a diabetic, I shouldn't eat stuff, so I tend to bring plates of goodies around to everyone within a block of us periodically. It works really well and it pays off handsomely when you're needing to borrow a wheelbarrow or a drill. )

I'm sorry that they do, though. You sound like a neighbor I'd sure be willing to have. You sound intelligent, respectful, reasonable, and you do things safely. You treat people with respect from the start and don't sound like you ever get in anyone's face unless they've gone out of their way to get into yours and/or be really, really stupid. And I get the strong impression that you'd go waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out of your way to avoid a conflict with someone who was just being an asshole for their own reasons. So yeah, I think you'd be just fine as a neighbor. People are stupid. Fuck 'em.

 

[jomar]

CAT

Hate requires you to be important to someone, and usually signals that we're a serious threat to someone's well-being and security. And then lotsa people are simply psychotic and have no reason....if it wasnt you it would be the tree you stand next to or a dog that happens to trot by.

...

If not important, certainly a threat. They might hate you because you remind them of what they are not.

 

[TE999]

IMO people living in close proximity to each other engenders irrational thought beyond the usual judgemental assholery. Think of rats in a box. My area is rather sparsely settled and we rarely see our neighbors except to wave hello as we or they pass by.

Why anyone would resent your doing your own home improvements is beyond me. That's totally irrational. Your neighbors may be younger than you, but in their heads they're already old and stodgy. They need to live in one of those beehive condos on the beach.

 

[SeaCat]

IMO people living in close proximity to each other engenders irrational thought beyond the usual judgemental assholery. Think of rats in a box. My area is rather sparsely settled and we rarely see our neighbors except to wave hello as we or they pass by.

Why anyone would resent your doing your own home improvements is beyond me. That's totally irrational. Your neighbors may be younger than you, but in their heads they're already old and stodgy. They need to live in one of those beehive condos on the beach.

I think one of the reasons they resent me doing my own work is because of the money. They are scared to do the work I am doing but they aren't willing to pay for that kind of work. Therefore they see the work being done and become jealous.

Cat

 

[SeaCat]

CAT

Hate requires you to be important to someone, and usually signals that we're a serious threat to someone's well-being and security. And then lotsa people are simply psychotic and have no reason....if it wasnt you it would be the tree you stand next to or a dog that happens to trot by.

In ROB's case he has a Harmatian fatal character flaw that attracts Karma to him. He pisses off the universe because he is.

In some ways I agree with you, and yet.

I feel that many people feel threatened by what they don't understand.

We are a threat to others because we are willing to do things they aren't willing to do for one reason or another.

My wife and I work out on a daily basis because it makes us feel good and helps us in our daily lives. They aren't willing to put forth that effort. Because of this my wife and I look good physicaly. We are a threat.

My wife and I work on our place because we don't care to pay the amounts of money others aask to do the same work. Because of this our place is improving.

Some people feel we are a threat because my wife and I embrace our sexuality. We are sexual people and we acknowledge this. This is a threat to some because they aren't comfortable with their own sexual needs or wants.

My wife and I are considered to be dangerous, which to many means exciting because wwe live our lives the way we want. We have made our decisions irregardless of what other people think. Because many of our decisions don't follow the norm, (Motorcycle riding for example,) we are exciting and to many that excitement is a threat.

What people don't stop to think about is that we are like them in many respects. We don't want to be bothered. They chose their lifestyle as we chose ours.

Cat

 

[SeaCat]

I think that this is largely the case, Cat. I gather from the occasional stories that you've told that many of your neighbors are fairly mediocre people (and my profound apologies if I have made an inappropriate conclusion from scant data). As a result, the fact that you're ~interesting~ and you do all sorts of things that they don't (e.g., exercise, ride a motorcycle, stand up to neighbors who are doing wrong things) makes you threatening.

Here's one I've run into time and again: People who are lacking in self-confidence have a real problem with extroverts, particularly cheerful extroverts. Our personalities go from wall to wall (or horizon to horizon as I have been told repeatedly) and they get threatened reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally easily. I once didn't get a job simply because I was showing personality and the interviewer (I found out years later from a writer who >I< hired and who I'd have worked with) told me that she was terrified of me. There wasn't a lot of sport in that, he said, but I scared the bejeezus out of her. And that was just from having a non-standard answer to "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" (She was a nebbishy little woman as I recall.) It could be all of those. Or it could be anything else.

(FWIW, the Babe and I work hard on being a good neighbor to people in the neighborhood. I like to bake, but as a diabetic, I shouldn't eat stuff, so I tend to bring plates of goodies around to everyone within a block of us periodically. It works really well and it pays off handsomely when you're needing to borrow a wheelbarrow or a drill. )

I'm sorry that they do, though. You sound like a neighbor I'd sure be willing to have. You sound intelligent, respectful, reasonable, and you do things safely. You treat people with respect from the start and don't sound like you ever get in anyone's face unless they've gone out of their way to get into yours and/or be really, really stupid. And I get the strong impression that you'd go waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out of your way to avoid a conflict with someone who was just being an asshole for their own reasons. So yeah, I think you'd be just fine as a neighbor. People are stupid. Fuck 'em.

I am the neighbor from hell and I admit it. I am working hard to make my place not only look good but to make it safe for my wife, myself and our cats. I do the work on my own without permits or help from outsiders.

I am the neighbor who will roll out of bed in the middle of the night to help you, until you decide to play your games. Then I ignore your pleas for help.

I am the neghbor who will go out of my way to make you feel welcome until you start playing games with me, then I'll make your life a living hell.

I am the neighbor who will run into your burning house to rescue your ass, then again I am the neighbor who will put water baloons filled with Buck Rut on your engine headers if you piss me off.

I refuse to kiss your ass because your great uncle three times removed was famous. I also refuse to kiss your tail because you think it needs kissing.

If you're ugly then I'll tell you so. On the other hand if your wife is cute I'll also tell you so while informing you I'm not interested in her. (Hey I'm married, I'm not blind.)

Cat

 

[john-the-author]

I am the neighbor from hell and I admit it. I am working hard to make my place not only look good but to make it safe for my wife, myself and our cats. I do the work on my own without permits or help from outsiders.

I am the neighbor who will roll out of bed in the middle of the night to help you, until you decide to play your games. Then I ignore your pleas for help.

I am the neghbor who will go out of my way to make you feel welcome until you start playing games with me, then I'll make your life a living hell.

I am the neighbor who will run into your burning house to rescue your ass, then again I am the neighbor who will put water baloons filled with Buck Rut on your engine headers if you piss me off.

I refuse to kiss your ass because your great uncle three times removed was famous. I also refuse to kiss your tail because you think it needs kissing.

If you're ugly then I'll tell you so. On the other hand if your wife is cute I'll also tell you so while informing you I'm not interested in her. (Hey I'm married, I'm not blind.)

Cat

Exactly so. You're a person who treats others with respect and on their own values and merits, not because they're bluebloods or something. It also sounds like no-one has anything to fear from you in any way if they treat you fairly and honestly... which is probably true about a lot of people, actually.

Yeah, I'd have you as a neighbor. But I think you'd prefer the weather there to here in Oregon.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

CAT

I agree with you AND sometimes I observe shit that amazes me, and the only explanation for it is pure nuttiness.

My general attitude about life is: Sunlight doesnt shine up the same dog's ass everyday. Sometimes you eat bear, sometimes the bear eats you.

So if youre Mister Muscles with a hot chopper and a sweet wife, good for you. My life isnt screwed because your life rocks. Tomorrow it could suck to be you, and I'm Oprah's latest orgasm.

But lotsa people hate you if your life is rolling down a stretch of smooth road.

 

[john-the-author]

CAT

I agree with you AND sometimes I observe shit that amazes me, and the only explanation for it is pure nuttiness.

My general attitude about life is: Sunlight doesnt shine up the same dog's ass everyday. Sometimes you eat bear, sometimes the bear eats you.

So if youre Mister Muscles with a hot chopper and a sweet wife, good for you. My life isnt screwed because your life rocks. Tomorrow it could suck to be you, and I'm Oprah's latest orgasm.

But lotsa people hate you if your life is rolling down a stretch of smooth road.

I agree, JBJ. Particularly that last line: some people just can't stand someone else's success even if it means that their own rice bowl isn't broken (to mix metaphors shamelessly).

 

[TE999]

I agree, JBJ. Particularly that last line: some people just can't stand someone else's success even if it means that their own rice bowl isn't broken (to mix metaphors shamelessly).

To belabor the point a tad...look at what passes for entertainment these days...other peoples misery...so called 'talk' shows...tv shrinks...agony alleys...phoney courts...human debris on parade.

All so some loser watching at home can say "I'm better than those mokes...get me a beer Mildred."

 

[john-the-author]

To belabor the point a tad...look at what passes for entertainment these days...other peoples misery...so called 'talk' shows...tv shrinks...agony alleys...phoney courts...human debris on parade.

All so some loser watching at home can say "I'm better than those mokes...get me a beer Mildred."

Yup. Definitely. I can't stand reality shows like that.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Look at where you are living, cat. Not very many people live in trailer park because they have an actual reason to, and a long-term plan. Most people live in them because it's the cheapest thing going and allows them to take the path of least resistance in life.

You've told us stories about some of your neighbors who are not much more than human garbage. What can you expect from diaper-throwers-- thoughts?

 

[Weird Harold]

In other words my wife and I are different from them. In some cases they are jealous of us and in other cases they feel threatened by us for one reason or another. this started me thinking about the reasons for other dislikes.

To put words in your neighbors' mouths and paraphrase Eustace B. Bad (of Courage the Cowardly Dog): "Stupid Cat, you make me look bad."

That principle is indeed the root of much hate in the world. "You're Ugly and Your momma dresses you funny," (or some variant) accounts for most of the remainder.

 

[Handley_Page]

Cat,
IT sounds to me more like envy of your way of life, lifestyle and abilities, rather than >hate< .
If you were my neighbour, I'd come and watch (or even help) just to learn something (and maybe use my eyes a little).

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I agree, JBJ. Particularly that last line: some people just can't stand someone else's success even if it means that their own rice bowl isn't broken (to mix metaphors shamelessly).

I've never resented anyone's good fortune, because I've had plenty of my own. And everyone has their share of burdens. But some people (whats the German word for it?) delight when other people get shit on.

Freudenschade is the word I wanted.

 

[SeaCat]

Look at where you are living, cat. Not very many people live in trailer park because they have an actual reason to, and a long-term plan. Most people live in them because it's the cheapest thing going and allows them to take the path of least resistance in life.

You've told us stories about some of your neighbors who are not much more than human garbage. What can you expect from diaper-throwers-- thoughts?

True there are some lower life forms that live in Mobile Home Parks. On the other hand there are people like me who live in them as well. (Then again there are those who would accuse me of being a lower life form.) I too moved here because it was cheap. (I paid $1K for the trailer which was less than I was paying a month in rent.)

On the other hand the last place I lived was in a fairly upscale neighborhood. I stopped watching COPS on TV. If I wanted to watch COPS all I had to do was step out front. Unfortunately it was usually a repeat.

Now let me tell you about some of my neighbors.

The trailer to my East is up for sale. This is the trailer that has the couple who likes to toss the Diapers. (They have stopped doing since they had to clean a month or two's worth off the roof.)

The trailer on the other side of that is owned by a retired Lawyer and his wife.

The trailer directly to my west is empty and up for sale. The trailer alongside that is owned by an M.D.

Across the street are three trailers. The first is the one where the guy who hit my bike lived. He has moved and the trailer is being rented to a couple I rarely see.

The next trailer is owned by a younger couple whom I rarely see. Although I do hear from them on occasion, usually from the wife when she is complaining about my wifes attire.

The third is owned by a rather obese older couple who are some of the friendliest people you would ever meet. Their health is not good which accounts for the ambulances showing up at there place several times a month.

My park has 144 units in it. The people who inhabit these units vary from the three different cops to the retired NASA Engineer to the M.D. and Lawyer. Yes we do have our share of scum in here as well but no more or less than any other neighborhood I have lived in.

Cat

 

[MagicaPractica]

To put it very simply, I think people usually hate because they feel badly about themselves in some respect. They hate themselves and then turn that hate outward.

 

[DesertPirate]

Over the last 52.5 years I have discovered that most groups deserve extreme dislike and sometimes hate.
There are very few individuals that I even dislike. Most people, no matter what race, color, creed, country of origin, orientation, or any other thing you can think of, are pretty damn nice one on one. I mean somewhere in the 99% range.

 

[xssve]

Sadly, people often bond through mutual fear, mistrust and hatred - the centripetal defensive response causes people to bond in defense against a common enemy - this is how authoritarian/fascist/feudal politics works: they must continually manufacture new enemies in order to maintain control - if they run out of external enemies they splinter into factions and turn on each other.

Christianity for example, which has devolved into a feudal institution for the most part - once they suppressed all competing religions, they splintered into Catholic and Protestant and started in on each other, it's the pattern, you're just seeing it in microcosm, as a generalized behavior pattern.