Move over Doc Laura...DOC EMOODIE is in the house!

[Eumenides]

Okay!

You gots problems?

I gots advices.

I'm real good at giving advice.


So cum on in and aks away.

 

[Private Vasquez]

I have these two bumps on my chest. What are they, doc?

 

[amelia]

dear dr. lola:

lately i've been having this problem. i don't really want to tell you what the problem is, but, do you think you can help me anyway?


secretively yours, amelia

 

[Eumenides]

I have these two bumps on my chest. What are they, doc?

I can't be sure without closer proxemics.

I guess that they are masturbatory emissions.

All you gots to do is lick em off.

 

[Private Vasquez]

But they're so hard. Won't it break my teeth?

 

[Eumenides]

dear dr. lola:

lately i've been having this problem. i don't really want to tell you what the problem is, but, do you think you can help me anyway?


secretively yours, amelia

Of course i can.

I'm a friggin mind reader.

The solution is:

Take two licks and call me in the morning.

 

[Eumenides]

But they're so hard. Won't it break my teeth?

Just take them out.

 

[Private Vasquez]

so I can gum 'em?

 

[amelia]

dear dr. lola:

sometimes when i talk to my two sexy hoe knees, i get this strange tingly feeling down there. is this normal? and what should i do about it?


wet with anticipation

 

[Nora]

Dear Doc Emoodie,

Lately I've been fixated on the color fuschia. I painted my fingernails, toenails, lips, walls, carpets and my car fuschia. How can I make it stop??

Signed,

Going Colorblind

 

[Eumenides]

so I can gum 'em?

If you have Wrigley's that works best.

 

[Eumenides]

dear dr. lola:

sometimes when i talk to my two sexy hoe knees, i get this strange tingly feeling down there. is this normal? and what should i do about it?


wet with anticipation

You need help

Who talks to their knees?

And who calls their knees hoes?

You're one weird phone ho

Oh, wait...just masturbate.

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Doc Emoodie,

Lately I've been fixated on the color fuschia. I painted my fingernails, toenails, lips, walls, carpets and my car fuschia. How can I make it stop??

Signed,

Going Colorblind

To quote Mr. Asshole:

Refer to sig line

NEXT!!!!!!!

 

[Nora]

Pfft! Dr Laura's nicer. AND I hear she puts out.

 

[Eumenides]

Pfft! Dr Laura's nicer. AND I hear she puts out.

I put out.

Just get out the polish remover and i'll lick ya real good.

 

[Nora]

I put out.

Just get out the polish remover and i'll lick ya real good.

um...can we dye your hair first? I think it would look *really* good in ... well, you know.

 

[RosevilleCAguy]

Doc.

One half of me is yellow. The other half is items from the electrical department of Home Depot.

I cant get laid. All the women operate on DC current and I am AC.

Help me. Help me. Help me.

 

[Nora]

(psst! Doc! Tell him if he cleans out his PM box he might have a better chance of getting laid!)

 

[amelia]

dear dr. lola:

i keep hearing voices inside my head telling me to masturbate. and making fun of me for talking to my knees and calling them hoes. those voices make me want to bust out my ninja style and kick some bootay...or else rub one out..i haven't decided.


undecidedly decided

 

[Private Vasquez]

Kick some bootay whilst rubbin' it out.

I mean...doc, I have a problem. I can't seem to find my belly button. Do you know where I left it?

 

[Sillyman]

Dear Doc

I keep wanting to try phone sex, but every time I call someone we end up getting derailed. What should I do?

Hearing Voices

 

[Eumenides]

Doc.

One half of me is yellow. The other half is items from the electrical department of Home Depot.

I cant get laid. All the women operate on DC current and I am AC.

Help me. Help me. Help me.

This is a simple problem.

Simple problem = Simple solution

First you get an adapter.

Then you cross reference the words yellow, home, depot and help.

Then you get on your knees and practice wishing on a wishbone.

Then you'll get laid, AC or DC.

 

[Eumenides]

Dear Doc

I keep wanting to try phone sex, but every time I call someone we end up getting derailed. What should I do?

Hearing Voices

First of all, don't talk on the phone while riding a train.

Second of all, the line "I'm rock hard and ready to thrust" always gets me in the mood.

 

[Eumenides]

um...can we dye your hair first? I think it would look *really* good in ... well, you know.

Yes, it does look very good in fishnet stockings.

But what does that have to do with dying?

 

[Eumenides]

dear dr. lola:

i keep hearing voices inside my head telling me to masturbate. and making fun of me for talking to my knees and calling them hoes. those voices make me want to bust out my ninja style and kick some bootay...or else rub one out..i haven't decided.


undecidedly decided

Don't listen to the plastifile.

What you need to do is simple, really.

Listen to the voices.

Sometimes the voices in your head aren't really all that bad.