Motivation help

[HNC]

Hello everyone,

I need help this morning, I'm a 24 yo m, single, fairly good looking ... VIRGIN. I know, I know 24 is a little old, but I am where I am. I met a girl (she's 28) a week ago who is intelligent, fun, cute and in to me. One problem is that she speaks english as her first language and my first language is french. We went on a date, and it went well so this afternoon is our 2nd date (were going rollerblading). The problem I'm having is I don't REALLY want to go, I mean I don't mind but it feels like it would be less complicated just to stay home or go out with people I know really well (freinds). It seems every time I meet someone, I end up either rejected (if I really like the girl) or I loose interest and never call her again (kinda what I'm feeling now).

I'm thinking I need one experience to break the habbit of doing things on my own. Maybe if I go out with her, I'll become more interested in her and eventually feel more "natural" around her. Has anybody ever felt like you didn't want to get out of your "comfort zone"?

Do you guys think I should suck it up and go out with her or just wait to find the one that really gets my attention.

Also, I know it's going to sound REALLY stupid but can you tell me how much you like sex. Beeing a 24 yo virgin makes me ... anxious about sex, and never having experience sex, I gess, I dont miss it.

Thanks alot for helping me!!!

 

[Mansa Musa]

You're a null. You didn't even bother to fill in the simplest bit of profile information. Therefore, I'll suggest that you use Yahoo Answers, or some other site.

 

[HNC]

Well, I do have another user name that I've been using for many years but since I'm revealing such personal info, I thought I would create a new one. Maybe it was a mistake. If nobody wants to help, that's fine i'll just post it later using my other account. Even on a message board it's never easy to say what I said in that thread.

 

[SweetErika]

Yeah, you need to suck it up and step out of your comfort zone. Start looking for solutions, instead of irrelevant problems, like you having different first languages (clearly it's not much of an issue for you to speak English, since you communicate perfectly fine here). With practice, it should get easier to find the motivation to get out of your comfortable little box, but you're never going to know unless you really push yourself to step out of it, over and over.

Finding special people and keeping relationships going take effort. That's reality. While you might meet someone everything feels natural with right from the start, you probably won't because you're so absorbed in your own fears, issues and always hoping you'll meet someone better. If you look at starting (and keeping!) relationships as a challenge you CAN overcome with time and effort, you'll no doubt find people who hold your interest.

Or do you want to stay in your box and be a virgin and alone forever, all because it's kinda hard to go on subsequent dates and face your fears?

 

[HNC]

Yeah, you need to suck it up and step out of your comfort zone. Start looking for solutions, instead of irrelevant problems, like you having different first languages (clearly it's not much of an issue for you to speak English, since you communicate perfectly fine here). With practice, it should get easier to find the motivation to get out of your comfortable little box, but you're never going to know unless you really push yourself to step out of it, over and over.

Finding special people and keeping relationships going take effort. That's reality. While you might meet someone everything feels natural with right from the start, you probably won't because you're so absorbed in your own fears, issues and always hoping you'll meet someone better. If you look at starting (and keeping!) relationships as a challenge you CAN overcome with time and effort, you'll no doubt find people who hold your interest.

Or do you want to stay in your box and be a virgin and alone forever, all because it's kinda hard to go on subsequent dates and face your fears?

First of all I would like to thank you SweetErika for your help, it's not the first time you give me great advice.

You just confirmed what I was thinking. I do have a problem with making the effort to meet someone. I guess I always thought it would be 100% natural when I met someone. But now I guess I will have to make the effort to actually find someone.

When I wrote the thread, I was thinking SweetErika might come here and give me advice so I posted. SweetErika, you have no idea how appreciated your feedback is.

 

[Fun4UsHere]

at least her first language isn't Klingon.

 

[HowMayIPleaseU]

I agree that the language issue is irrelevant, since you are obviously sufficiently proficient in English. If you're not interested in enough in her to have a second date, then cut your losses and move on. It's not the end of the world. No one should have to "force" themselves to go out on a date with a person. If you aren't excited and desirous of seeing her again then it is not likely to be any less awkward for you.

That said, though, yes, it does seem like you need to stretch your boundaries a bit and meet more people.

 

[shykittyme]

I agree that the language issue is irrelevant, since you are obviously sufficiently proficient in English. If you're not interested in enough in her to have a second date, then cut your losses and move on. It's not the end of the world. No one should have to "force" themselves to go out on a date with a person. If you aren't excited and desirous of seeing her again then it is not likely to be any less awkward for you.

That said, though, yes, it does seem like you need to stretch your boundaries a bit and meet more people.

Exactly. I might add that it's hardly fair to this person who is so "into you" to reluctantly go on a half-hearted, half-assed date with them, and have them expecting possibly more from a relationship with you than you are obviously not wanting to give.

I think you should get off your duff, get out of your box that you are so comfortable in, and try meeting someone that you may be able to enjoy a relationship with. If not, than you hardly have any reason to complain. And as for sex, yeah it's great, yes you're missing something wonderful, but again - if you're not willing to invest the time into a relationship, to getting to know someone, even for that reason, than see the above.

 

[wehstar]

I think you know the answers to all your questions about this already don't you? What you are really after is some people to support you through the process of changing your ways?