More on Date Rape

[Zamdrist]

I've never been raped, it's an astronomical impossibilty. I wouldn't struggle.

Anywho.

First. Rape is horrible, of course, no matter which way you slice it. I am of the mind that if you've been raped, call it rape regardless of the consequences that led to the rape.

That being said...

I suspect that somone who goes out of their way to clairfy: I was Date Raped, as opposed to just: I was raped is trying to say something:

"I really wasn't looking to have sex, I really didn't want to have sex with this guy. I got carried away and was scared if I said 'No' he might get mad, might get viloent. I regretted it all afterwards."

Examples:

A gal that get's drunk at a frat party gets taken advantage of in her drunken state. This is not 'Date Rape'. This is rape.

I struggle to come up with other examples.

If you're on a 'Date' and the guy makes a 'The Move' you protest, he ignores you and in turn rapes you.

This is not 'Date Rape'. This is rape.

My point? If you were raped, do yourself a favor and drop off the 'Date' part. If it was something else...well, look inward.

I may be way off base here, but, I'm asking a quuestion somewhere in my post. I'm not judging anyone. Just trying to intice intelligent conversation concerning a topic.

 

[Guest]

 

[Starfish]

I thought this was going to be where we can all poke fun at that internal sphincter licking creep, daterape.

Well, if it wasn't supposed to be for that..... IT IS NOW!

Die, douche bag! Die. Stop spreading your syphilis around unwantedly, you former sheep fucking, weak assed pussy.

Look, it is not your fault that all of the sheep decided to oust you from the herd. You can't help it if you suck in bed. Right?


Maybe you can try cattle next time. I hear that if you make them mad, they just trample you.

Sounds like a plan to me.

 

[Guest]

Interesting topic.

Yes I was raped once.

No it wasn't *date rape*

But if it had been, I still wouldn't have called it *date rape* which in my opinion dilutes the seriousness of this crime.

This type of violation of a woman has such damaging results to the psyche, I still don't talk about the details to just anyone.

My rape happened over 25 years ago.

Moon

 

[Zamdrist]

Re: Re: More on Date Rape

Not where it is a stranger situation and all. I dunno, its just what they call it

Yeah. I see that. It's stupid though. I guess it's used to soften the edges of the terrible experience?

 

[Starfish]

Re: Re: Re: More on Date Rape

Yeah. I see that. It's stupid though. I guess it's used to soften the edges of the terrible experience?

It doesn't soften shit. Lotion softens things. It just properly labels it for what it is.... betrayal by someone who is supposed to be trustworthy.

 

[Zamdrist]

Well, if it wasn't supposed to be for that..... IT IS NOW!

Bah! Don't waste your time on such an insignificant bug. Your time is more valued than that Starfish!

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Re: More on Date Rape

Yeah. I see that. It's stupid though. I guess it's used to soften the edges of the terrible experience?

Actually, mine was treated as though it were a *date rape*. I knew the guy, and though I didn't invite the situation, he said I did. It was my word against his.

And no, Starfish, it doesn't soften the results to victim.....just to those that are passing out judgements. Adds *blame* to the victim.

Moon

 

[Zamdrist]

Re: Re: Re: Re: More on Date Rape

.....just to those that are passing out judgements. Adds *blame* to the victim.

Moon

A good reason to not use the term: Date Rape. Call it for what it was, is.

I think there is a certain amount of implied trust between a woman and a man, who are strangers. The man is expected to not touch the woman unless touch is wanted. And she'll let you know, usually in no uncertain terms.

So, if you look at it like that. Rape is always a betrayal of trust.

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Re: More on Date Rape

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Re: Re: More on Date Rape

Can you believe that when you are married. it is not taken seriously. Police never did anything once I reported it but treat me like an Idiot.

This is rape too. I'm not confused by this. Rape is rape is rape is rape. I don't care if he was your husband. If you say no, what part of *no* don't you understand?

I'm sorry you went through this. No woman should. In my opinion, you were violated just as much as I was.

(hugs) to you, sister. It wasn't your fault.

Moon

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: More on Date Rape

In my opinion, you were violated just as much as I was.Moon

Actually, I need to re-iterate here.....you were violated MORE than I was, cause you still had to sleep with the guy.

I hope you aren't with him anymore. This senerio makes me shudder.

Moon

 

[Allexus_TN]

Re: Re: Re: Re: More on Date Rape

I have one even more confusing.....I was never "dateraped" or raped by any stranger, but my ex husband would force himself on me. He said it was never rape because I struggled, but never screamed, OF COURSE NOT> I had kids sleeping in the next room. Can you believe that when you are married. it is not taken seriously. Police never did anything once I reported it but treat me like an Idiot.

My husband has done this on one occasion. He says it wasn't rape because I didn't scream. I put up a fight, and I said no. Several times no. Rape is rape when you don't want intercourse.

As for date rape...yes that term is used when someone you know (like a date) rapes you. In my early rape, it was someone I knew, but I was 14 and he was 32...not date rape there.

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: More on Date Rape

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: More on Date Rape

but the abandonment issue will always be here.

Glad to know you aren't with him.....sorry your kids have to suffer cause of who HE is.

We all make wrong choices and bad judgements sometimes. The guilt feels worse when we participate in others personal effects.

Your children are better off without his influence.....even if it feels bad for you now. Don't let the guilt eat at you, have faith in human nature. Trust me when I say this, and I know it's only temporary soothing. When your kids grow up and are emotionally available for the whole truth, they will forgive any blame they may feel as a child.

I have my own reasons for knowing this. My son is 24, and we are very close. He came from a broken home.....I left his dad cause he was very bad for me. But in the end, what I did was best. I knew this then, but had so many doubts for so many years. I'm sure that's where you are.

It's a tough choice.

May the Goddess bless you.

Moon

 

[c.fey]

*sigh*

Rape IS rape is rape.....but the date in front of it says, it was with someome I knew, not a stranger who jumped me from out of the bushes. Husbands forcing their wives...been through that hell too, there isn't even a word for it....
So anyway, we kick it and we talk about it and we move on and we teach our daughters how to be STRONG!

Blessings all ~ fey

 

[Guest]

Re: *sigh*

Husbands forcing their wives...been through that hell too, there isn't even a word for it....

I have to disagree with you on this one. The word is rape. Giving it a name gives it substance that can be grasped. The violation can never be understood by those that have not experienced it, but without a verbalization, they cannot begin to grasp the concept. The beginner of this thread is one who would like to comprehend. I commend his attempt of this task

So anyway, we kick it and we talk about it and we move on and we teach our daughters how to be STRONG!

Blessings all ~ fey

Yes, we teach our daughters how to defend against this, as best we can. Unfortunately, the best teaching will never completely prevent it from happening to them all.

Moon

 

[CarolineOh]

It seems to me that the point of using the term Date Rape is so that young women will understand that just because you know someone, trust them, maybe even love them, if they force themselves on you, it is rape, and that the fact that a guy may have taken you out, bought you dinner, or drinks, or whatever, he does not gain the right to do to you as he wishes. Using "Date Rape" is not supposed to soften or mitigate what happened, or blame the victim (although I'm sure it is sometimes used that way) but to expand our concept of what constitutes rape.
I have never been raped, thank God. My heart goes out to those who have.

 

[c.fey]

Re: Re: *sigh*

I have to disagree with you on this one. The word is rape. Giving it a name gives it substance that can be grasped. The violation can never be understood by those that have not experienced it, but without a verbalization, they cannot begin to grasp the concept. The beginner of this thread is one who would like to comprehend. I commend his attempt of this task


Um, I meant there isn't a word for the hell of it, yes, it is rape, but there isn't a word for the agony of it.

 

[Allexus_TN]

Re: Re: *sigh*

I have to disagree with you on this one. The word is rape. Giving it a name gives it substance that can be grasped. The violation can never be understood by those that have not experienced it, but without a verbalization, they cannot begin to grasp the concept. The beginner of this thread is one who would like to comprehend. I commend his attempt of this task

Moon

Having a word for it does not always give what happened any substance. My husband raped me in October. I still can't grasp it.

 

[Cheyenne]

I have never been raped, thank God. My heart goes out to those who have.

Amen. A rape would easily be my worst nightmare. I think that is typical of many women.

 

[Laurel]

Actually, my worst nightmare is having someone cut open my stomach, pull my intestines out before my eyes, and set them on fire.

But rape is a close #2.

 

[christophe]

Actually, my worst nightmare is having someone cut open my stomach, pull my intestines



Hey this is right up my alley....but we usually put ya to sleep first

 

[kiwiwolf]

I thought this was going to be where we can all poke fun at that internal sphincter licking creep, daterape.

Well, if it wasn't supposed to be for that..... IT IS NOW!

Die, douche bag! Die. Stop spreading your syphilis around unwantedly, you former sheep fucking, weak assed pussy.

Look, it is not your fault that all of the sheep decided to oust you from the herd. You can't help it if you suck in bed. Right?


Maybe you can try cattle next time. I hear that if you make them mad, they just trample you.

Sounds like a plan to me.

My God Starfish... you have a way with words lady that leaves me gobsmacked. Would you consider taking me on as your loyal dedicated apprentice?

I worship at the altar of your insult database...



Well said... I couldn't have put it better given 3 hours and a script...

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Re: *sigh*

Having a word for it does not always give what happened any substance. My husband raped me in October. I still can't grasp it.

You are not understanding my point. Not having a word gives it less substance.

I'm really sorry you've been through so much. I'm an advocate for anti-violence/rape. There is a madness to my theory.

If a thought or feeling is floating around in your head without a word for you to grasp on to, how can you ever try to nail it down to the grave it deserves? The word is *only* a tool. A tool in which your human mind can comprehend, and perhaps share with another.

It's that unexplainable contact with another that *does* understand that helps aid in self healing, and self worth. Without a word, communicating is impossible. Therefore, so would your healing.

Moon