More Feedback Pleeeeeeeeeeease!!!!!!!!!!!!

[rckplsky]

I've been wanting more feedback for my stories! I have almost twenty stories and I want more public comments and votes for them. I welcome all forms of feedback, both positive and negative! Both anonymous and unanonymous! Call me names if you want! Ironically I love being called a fag! My favorite stories that I've written are: Blackout ch. 2-3, Crystal Pegs ch. 3, Graduated Buttplugs, and Immersion Therapy! A few of them are expoitive, but I like to write that way! And if you have yahoo messenger hit me up, and I'll suck on my dildo for you!!!!!! My screen name is ordnance_man!!!!!!!! Anyways, here's a link to my stories:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=808525&page=submissions

I hope to hear from you soon!!!!!

rckplsky

 

[writelove]

I can't exactly understand why you would love to be called a fag. I don't like being called any kind of name that implies lack of respect.

I read your latest story Anaya's Car Wash.

Regarding your story, I frankly struggled with it and rather than leave it at that, let me explain why.

First, most of it was in present tense. There is nothing wrong with that. It is just not my favorite tense. Yet you started out in past tense and then switched to present. That probably more than anything immediately made me question what you were writing.

The following conversation is probably the way you would talk in real life to a friend. However, in a story it isn't that interesting. A story is generally about something that has suddenly changed in someone's life. It is not about saying high and what's up. It is about reacting to conflict or a problem. I don't see that here and frankly was losing interest.

"Hello," he says.

"Um," I begin, "it's me Anaya."

"Oh," he starts, "what's up?"

"I was wondering if you were ready to wash my car," I ask.

"Sure," he replies, "I'll meet you in the parking lot."

"Cool," I reply, "I've already moved by the back of my apartment by the hose."

"Okay," he says, "I'll be there in a minute."

"Bye," I say as I close my flip phone.

The rest of the story was more of the same. I simply could not care about any of the characters. For example the following continues in this sort of traditions.

"I'm back," I say as he keeps scrubbing away at the hood.

"Cool," he says while he continues the scrubbing.

"So," I start as I walk up to him, "how's the car coming along?"

"Good," he says as he looks into the windshield noticing me, "did you change?"

"Just for you," I smirk as he keeps cleaning the car.

"Oh," he says again as I grab his belt loops.

"Just for you," I whisper into his ear as I try to push his head down.

You need to have something happening in the story. This will allow you to have conversation that has power because the characters are reacting to the conflict or change.

This is the essence of a story -- the plot. The other key ingredient is to know your characters and let the reader know this as well. Short little words like cool, good, just for you, oh, just for you -- they won't excite anyone.

 

[vixenblack]

Blackout for sure. I think thats the best I read so far.