moralistic question.....

[Jade]

How to put this....

For starters.. this is NOT meant to be a joke thread.....

I recently sent a rather um... "risky" picture of myself to a male friend of mine.... and admittedly I wanted him to like it (I had thought of submitting it here, and my husband had said it would be okay, but now no way); I wanted him to think it was good, however I don't think that he did and he didn't react the way I would have wanted him to.

Anyway, I mean, well, I guess what I want to know is, was it wrong for me to want him to like it? After all, I feel rather guilty for feeling bad about this really ... it is rather silly isn't it? Should I have never sent a picture like that to a friend?

Honestly, the more I am looking at this picture, the more I think it looks ugly and makes me look fat and it makes me think more and more about how when you meet someone online how disappointing reality can be when all you know of them is "fantasy" .. and what the mind can create goes far beyond what any normal human can live up to.
(well, except supermodels like LL and Endlessly)

UGH, I wish I could take it back and just kept the damn picture to myself!

Thanks for listening, anyone.
I guess it just feels so vulnerable knowing someone has seen a picture of you like that.... (sigh)....

I just want to know if anyone thinks that what I did or how I feel was wrong... just a general consensus would be nice.

So hard to know what the masses think about any given issue these days it seems (eg: the death penalty thread). In fact I don't really know why it matters to me so much what others think. All I am doing by asking is making it easier to judge myself based on societal ideals of what is right or wrong but, I somehow care all the same.

Okay, I will stop my rambling for now, thanks everyone.

 

[Thumper]

It is not "wrong" for you to want the person you sent it to to like it...

Just look at the opposite to see my point...would you want them to not like it?

Don't let this person have such a negative effect on your self esteem....from the picture I have seen you are a beautiful woman...and that goes for what's on the inside too.

 

[Nicole]

Well Jade I have heard from numerous sources that you are drop dead gorgeous.

It is not wrong for you to be so worried about this at all ... the whole reason I won't send my man a nude pic of me (and god help me if he sees this). As you say we have this fantasy of what the person looks like, and you wonder if you life up to that fantasy, hell Jade that's normal. But he is probably thinking the same thing you know ... "Oh my god, look how beautiful this woamn is ... What would she want with me?"

Have you asked him straight out what he thought of the pic???

Jade look if it helps at all we all (Men and Women) go through this at some stage babe. Chin up and be happy as we all know you can be. Love ya babe.

 

[Rand al'Thor]

I don't think you did anything wrong by sending the picture or expecting a positive reaction.

From my experience role-playing on boards (because we really are role-playing, in a way), I always want to keep the fantasy there. Your picture just broke the fantasy, and sometimes that can be a very good thing... You can get to know a person much better or make a "friend" when the fantasy is gone. Of course, on the flip side, breaking the fantasy can kind of mess things up, as you seem to think happened. Whether it was because you're looks were not what he expected (unlikely) or because the lack of fantasy made everything less exciting, doesn't matter. Sometimes those things can go well and sometimes they won't.

The fact that you sent a picture at all shows a lot about your self-esteem. I don't think I could send anyone on the 'net any kind of picture of me... One because I don't consider myself very attractive, and two, because I'm a really shy person.

I think what you did was brave, and don't let a negative response screw with that...

Rand al'Thor
The Dragon Reborn

 

[Magic Merlin]

Jade,

I wouldn't worry about your friends reaction. He just may have been so intimidated by your picture that he truly thought he wasn't worthy of you.

I've only seen your profile picture and that is absolutely "gorgeous". And from the person I've come to know on here I would say you are a truly beautiful woman.

So, don't let it bother you to much.

Besides, if you really resemble Sandra Bullock in any way at all, you can have my heart any time

MM

 

[Bushido71XS]

It is not "wrong" for you to want the person you sent it to to like it...

Just look at the opposite to see my point...would you want them to not like it?

Don't let this person have such a negative effect on your self esteem....from the picture I have seen you are a beautiful woman...and that goes for what's on the inside too.

I agree with Thumper, Jade, and if he gives you any grief on it, I'll kick his ass.

 

[Jeff726]

I don't think it is wrong for you to want your friend to like it at all. I mean my best friend has a really pretty lady and I told him that and he doesn't mind one bit. However some people are different. I know I wouldn't mind it if I had a gf and she sent in a pic to everyone on Lit. It's just fantasy anyways.

Jade I think you're a very sweet lady and if he can't like you as a friend, what would looks matter anyways?

(((((Jade)))))


Luv Ya,

Jeff

 

[Sue]

Why on earth...

should anyone feel bad about...
1)sending a pic
2)wanting it to be acknowledged
3)preferably in a nice way?

I only send pics to one person...hmmm, haven't for a while... ;-) My hubby also said it was fine to put them on the net, but I'm not THAT comfortable with myself. Much better stuff out there to see.

I once knew in 'real' life the person I send the pics to...but he'd never seen that part of me. Literally. Quite a while ago, so I was really hesitant.

Point is, he didn't quite respond the way I would have liked either. But I responded quite nicely to having them taken and thinking about him looking at them. ;-)

That's all that counts...at least for me.

 

[Svedish_Chef]

OK Jade I am going to be the cruel bastard I can be at times... I am very careful on who I say is attractive. Beautiful is a completely different word as some of the beautiful women here know... you included.
Basically if someone weighs more than me I am not attracted to them (I weigh 147) and I am very picky... I also don't consider myself attractive, so maybe it is just me being pessimistic.

I have also sent a picture that some would consider risque but the people who recieved seemed to like it but I still wish I could just take it back all the same.

Ok enough of serious my heads hurting

Da chef

PS Love ya babe

 

[Dreamer1]

Jade,
You are a beautiful person inside and out. You were not wrong to send the picture or hope he would like it. If he was/is your friend, he should love the picture no matter what his impression of your physical looks (which are stunning) might be. There is also nothing wrong with asking the opinion of the BB on this subject or any other. You are a very sensitive person who cares a great deal about others and others care about you as well. All I can say is pick your friends carefully but don't stop trusting because of one perceived negative reaction. You have too much to give to others.

BTW, I will still let you judge mine before submission!

 

[Fallen Angel]

Jade it all sounds like good advice from the others.

It is akin to writing. I write a chapter and work on it and it seems fine. I come back in a few days and wonder why I wrote this line or that paragraph. I work on it some more and finally send it in and feel good about it. Time passes and it shows up on the list. I read it again and wonder how could I have sent in such shabby writing. Did the story change or just my point of view? When writing it, the highlights and good sections are what push me on, keeping me excited about doing it. When it is out there for others to see I suddenly seem to look at only the mistakes and wish I could take it back.

The picture is fine, it is the mindset that has changed.

A very beautiful lady from here sent me a photo. When I first got it I fear I insulted her by asking if it was really her. I didn't think anyone sent their real pictures over the net. She assured me that it was so I stuck my foot even farther in my mouth and asked for more pictures. To the sweet thing that thought enough of me to send the first picture, I still have it and it brightens my day each time I look at it. (I hope she reads this)

So Jade that man might not be able to talk right around his foot or he may just be an idiot. If the idea of taking the picture and sending it made you feel sexy and good about yourself then that is what counts.

 

[Lajo]

Well Jade, you know how I feel about you. The pic I saw here at Literotica is sensual and erotic and beautiful. I, for one, would be extremely flattered if you (or a good friend) sent me a picture like that. Although, a little heads up might be appropriate.

And no, it is not wrong for you to hope the viewer would like the picture. But also realize, whether they like it or not, you are a beautiful lady...and their opinion should not lower your self esteem.

Lajo

 

[Guest]

An explanation

Jade,

I ordinarily wouldn't air this in a public forum like this, but I feel bad that you were hurt by anything I might have written or failed to write. For all of you who responded, here is my e-mail in response to her pic:

DAMN, WOMAN!

You trying to entice me over here with that? hehehe
(if you are, it's working).

Loved the pic. You got any with that movie star butt?

Are you submitting that to Lit? The only problem I see is the darkness of the photo. You might want to take another one since you can't see much definition in that one... too many shadows. Maybe I'm being too picky.

The problem's definitely not with the model.

Even reading it now, I still think my e-mail is highly complimentary. The reason I suggested you shouldn't submit that particualr photo was because of the darkness and shadow that obscured some of your lovely "curves". If you're gonna strike a risque pose and have thousands of people looking at you, don't you want to look your best? You know that I have something of a type A personality with a perfectionistic streak and I guess I sometimes impose it on others without realizing it. It's just if it was me, I wouldn't want to submit such a picture if it was less than perfect...

Then too, I'll also admit that part of me would rather you not post such a racy pic. I have a wee jealous streak and I like the idea that I'm one of the priveleged handful to ever gaze on your beautifully sculpted form. I hope you'll forgive my slight possessiveness and take it for what it is:

the highest form of flattery.

 

[ShyGuy68]

Ifrom the picture I have seen you are a beautiful woman...and that goes for what's on the inside too.

Hey Jade.

I agree with Thumper 100% here! And you probably know that already!

You are a very good looking woman, and you don't look fat at all!!!!!

ShyGuy

 

[Roland Gilliad]

uhm...in order to give you an honest awanser i will have to see the um....evidence....or the picture....

:looks around the room like a dirty old man::

 

[Hecate]

Pictures - isn't it fun??

Well - it is a quite interesting topic you got started Jade .. and being one of the posters quite down the line I have read the answer you got to it and hell - I can't see anything wrong with it *s* ... although I have to disagree with this friend of yours *winking over to the friend* we sure would want to get a glimpse at that pic of lovely Jade - just for verifying purposes in regards to darkness and such of course *g*

And then I read this reply of someone saying he had asked if it was really the person sending the pic on the pic ... nowwwwww, that does sound darn familiar! I finally got the guts to send a pic to a friend - and it was just a portrait shot, noting naughty - and well, the answer I got was a sad smily icon and something along the line that since I semingly wanted to just make fun of him he starts to doubt there was any frindship really involved ... can you imagine how I felt till I finally had worked out he didn't think it was ME in that pic? Of course I had chosen one I figured I looked really good - but hey, don't we all? .. and are we all supposed to be lying about our looks? I tried to keep his hopes low to be honest - but that wasn't seemingly too good an idea either ..

Anyway - after I sorted that problem out I ran into another very special person on the net lately and guess what - he did talk me into becoming more daring with pictures .. and I refused flat out! NEVER ever was I going to take and way less show/send/publish any pic that was even as "normal" as me wearing a bikini on a beach laying in the sun!

*you can take that smirk off your face .. yes YOU .. and those other few priviledged people who in the meantime I did grace or scare to death with some of those pics this person inspired me to take*

I am far from having any "naughty" pics of me in circulation or visible for public, but the feeling I got when I saw myself for the first time with the eyes of a "stranger", seeing my body deliciously displayed on my computer screen ... WOW!!! I do think though that I have come to like myself in that respect due to the GREAT and supportive responses those pics got from the beginning and the encouragement to become more and more daring.

*hug* Jade - don't STOP taking those pics - for your own pleasure. If they make you feel half as deliciously naughty as they make me feel ... just that is worth it!!

... and well, if at any point you feel happy enough about them and yourself to share them, by all means DO!(I think you know know where to turn for appreciative looks when reading up and down this thread.

But for the time being - just have them for yourself, your hubby - and this special friend who, from all I can tell, was very appreciative after all *winks*

 

[Jade]

You know, here I thought I was going to start an "argumentative" type thread where people could argue my fate and evilness (like a Salem witch trial haha) and instead all I got were compliments (haha and some threats to my poor friend who saw the picture!)

You people never cease to amaze me, honestly!
Goodness what you did for my self esteem!


Hmmm, one by one:

THUMPER: That was really sweet, thank you. You made a good point,... no I wouldn't send it wanting someone 'not' to like it.


NICOLE:

I would like to know who these sources are so that I can recommend some optometrists!

Glad I wasn't the only one concerned about whether or not I could live up to a fantasy.
However, haha I don't think he would be thinking what you said ... but I am completely flattered that you said that!!!


NO I couldn't talk to him completely straight out about it,... I was too embarrassed. (sp?).. can you believe I nearly won a spelling bee in elem. school? LOL



RAND:

Yes, my picture broke the fantasy alright!


And oh Rand you should TRY sending a picture... send one to me!

Seriously... thanks.


MAJIC MERLIN:


OH YOU wonderful wonderful man! HAHA I don't think he was intimidated in the least! But you saying that was amazingly sweet and made me feel sooo good!

HAHA, if only those Sandra Bullock comments were true... those people I think, needed help for ummm some sort of delusional disorder!

xxoo to you Merlin.


BUSHIDO:

OH, Bushido, you are like a knight in shining armor! You are so awesome... will you teach me some self-defense?



JEFF:

You are such a sweetie Jeff and so pure of heart.
Like a refreshing breath of air... (sigh ahhhhhh).
(((((Jeff)))))))
Thanks.



SUE:


Thank you so much for your response. It really helped to know that someone else has felt the way that I have.

I wish it mattered less to me what he thought.
You sound like a strong woman, and I admire you.


CHEF:

So it is about weight then?
(sigh)... I mean, I DO weigh less than you, but often times people don't look like they weigh what they weight, ... bone structure plays such a huge role!

People always guess my weight to be less than it is, except once, and that was only b/c they guy lifted weights and lifted me to guess! So, what if she has large breasts (just go wtih me on this one okay?) and weighs the same as you but looks like she weighs less? Would you still find her unattractive?
Sorry Chef you know I luv ya but this is a sensitive issue for me b/c when people have never seen me and I tell them my height and weight, they sometimes assume I am bigger than I am based solely on that and what they have come to believe women are supposed to believe. All of my life since around age 13, I so desperately wanted a smaller bone structure like Laurel or Latina, but to no avail, I am just cursed I guess. I hate it, it makes me feel masculine. I hate that if I weighed the amount they weigh I would probably be hospitalized. I want to be light, I want to be tiny, but I can't genetically alter myself.
You have every right to your opinions and tastes, but I just wanted to point out that there are so many icnredibly beautiful and amazing women you will miss out on if you discard them based on their mass.
I go to school on this college campus in the deep south where it is so hot that you are forced to wear outfits that display your body and therefore the great majority of the women here are extremely small, supermodel small. It can be so discouraging.

Anyway, be attracted to whatever you are attracted to... but gosh don't base it on a number.

And there is nothing wrong with the way you look btw... you look wonderful!

Oh, and I want to see those "risque" pics!



DREAMER:


You always know what to say don't you.

I am not as beautiful of a person as I would like to be, but you are such a sweet friend to accept me for my imperfections.

I am amazed that you picked up so much on my personality. I guess you really have been listening to me (or reading, as the case may be...).

I would love to help you with your pics before submission... honored in fact!


FALLEN ANGEL:

OMG, I very much know how you feel about the writing!!
I always feel that way. I notice tons of mistakes after mine are out there and I just hate that! I thought I was the only one!
I hope that lady reads this too, btw!

Well, I thought it would make me feel good to send it but it didn't.



LAJO:


I will consider the "heads up" thing (haha).



I am glad that you think I am beautiful at least!
Thanks Lajo!




"FRIEND":


I am soooo chagrined!
I did NOT expect you to read this thread!!!

Why did you put "curves" in quotes... ?
It was not the email that I felt bad about.. .it was just that conversation we had later on about the pic over AIM that this thread is mostly based on.

I never thought about the jealousy thing being a factor, even slightly... I just was trying to understand why you didn't think I should post it on lit and you said that I could look better. But I don't know how to look better unless I were to become anorexic, alter my genetic make-up, "wear" make-up, and have reconstructive surgery. So when you said that, I felt sort of hopeless, like, well, this is what I look like, and it's not good enough.

I know I can't please everyone, but I (now I see how selfish it was) wanted you to like the pic and to think it was worthy of submission, even though I agree with you that it isn't. My husband is a horrible photographer, really.
But no matter how the picture is taken, the woman in it, was still me.



SHYGUY:


(Shyguy has actually seen the pic)...
Thanks shyguy, I remember your response, and you are so sweet. Also, thanks for helping me shrink that file!



ROLAND:


haha I will think on that ... real hard ...


BTW: where did you get your quote?



HECTATE:

HAHA, yet another person who would like to be a "photography" critique eh? hehe


A normal pic for you is laying out in the sun in a bikini? Wow you must have a nice body!
I wear bikinis in the sun but I don't think I have many pics of that!


Yes, you are right, the pic did feel naughty to take... and admittedly, I enjoyed posing for it...

THanks for the hug... it felt great!


Thanks to all who responded.

 

[~justin]

see, Jade? everybody loves you! you've got nothing to worry about, as everyone else who's posted so far has already said.

*hugs Jade*

 

[Thor's Hammer]

Jade: One man's opinion. It is definitely not wrong to share a picture (risque or not) with a friend. It a way of giving part of yourself. The only thing wrong would be if your friend shared it with others.....that is something I NEVER do.....

 

[Sue]

Come a little closer...

SUE:

Thank you so much for your response. It really helped to know that someone else has felt the way that I have.

I wish it mattered less to me what he thought.
You sound like a strong woman, and I admire you.

I'll tell you a little secret. It matters very much to me what he thinks. But he's never going to tell me, so I have to just live with it.

 

[Svedish_Chef]

OK Jade...... forgive a bit

I have thought about this a lot since reading your post... however this does not mean it will come out properly.

I am not that hung up on weight, it is a ballpark figure and I did say basically not completly. I have fallen in love with people heavier than me and yes made love to them... notice the word love in there. I will not discard them based on their mass. I just wont think that they are attractive. I know I don't have a big boned structure and therefore have I spose an advantage in the weight ranks.

Say she had big breasts and weighs the same as me and looks like she weighs less. Ok, given that I am not into breasts... I just have probably an impossibly high standard for myself and therefore the rest of the world.
I can niether genetically alter myself in being attracted to women larger than me... there are exceptions sure but that is the way I am built for better or for worse and I can live with that.

I am going to visit during my travels next year a guy who weighs over 100kg and refuses to let me see a picture... do I mind that he is that heavy, obviously not. Do I like him less, of course not and I know that he loves me in a way that I will never love him, why? Because I am not hardwired to be attracted to heavy people and he knows he is well past my attractiveness mark in general.

I know there are the so called heroin chic girls... I agree to that they are too small and should be given a good feed.

Oh shit longest post ever...

Love isn't a number so dont think anything associated is either

Jade I look good in tight jeans and that is it... attractive never.

Da chef

 

[Laurel]

Amazing!

I think that's the longest Chef post in history, and an excellent one at that.

 

[Svedish_Chef]

Ta babe love you too

It took a long time to do so I hope it read well.

Da chef

 

[Docgtvt]

i too have sent risque' photos to friends. while i may not be the image of a greek god, who among us is?
the image of yourself is an extension of your soul. put it forth so that others may determine your inner beauty. if they don't care for it, thats their problem.
jade, you can send me a pic anytime!




"yes i am a pirate, 200 years too late. i've made enough money to buy miami but i pissed it away so fast"

 

[Docgtvt]

i just noticed something....


hoooorayyy!!!! i'm no longer a virgin!
jade, i'm glad that this happend on your thread and on a serious topic.




when love evolves from the eternal void,
there is no point counting seconds.
for time is just an attempt
to divide my love for you.
and that just can't
be
done.