Monogamy? Healthy or Natural?

[Hensatri]

So we obviously live in a world where monogamy is the expectation, and it is ingrained that cheating is just about the worst kind of betrayal possible, but open relationships are taboo.

Obviously long-term monogamy is the exception, not the rule. The longer a relationship endures, the closer to a probability of 1:1 is becomes that one or both participants will engage in some for, of sex play with outside parties. However, it is often the case that these indecreetions are not due to a lack of love, or even sexual disinterest, but simply due to the unrelenting fact that there is a big broad world full of interesting ans attractive people that we might fancy a shag with.

So here is the question: Is long term monogamy even healthy? Physiologically or from a relationship perspective? It could be argued that the only reason social mores around monogamy exist is because of the traditional importance of heredity and blood lines, and being able to ensure your offspring were certainly your own.

However, in the modern world, the act of sex (between informed and safe participants) is almost completely divorced from procreation, and our advances grant us the ability to ascertain heredity if we wish, and all of this goes along side a shift in the definition of "family" away from being necessarily linked to blood.

I can think of many many cons to monogamy, are there any pros at all?

 

[blobfish]

Well, I have a monogamy walking stick that belonged to my grandfather, and it's holding up fine.

 

[Hensatri]

Please excuse type-Os, that was written on my phone.

 

[Bert Notorius]

30 years next may for me and msN.
and the sex is better than ever.
my people mate for life.

 

[Bert Notorius]

Please excuse type-Os, that was written on my phone.

it's ok. we all just thought you're an idiot.

 

[blobfish]

Please excuse type-Os, that was written on my phone.

Is that a generic brand of Alpha-Bits?

 

[LiFeNdEaTh]

whatever is good.

 

[Bert Notorius]

Is that a generic brand of Alpha-Bits?

universal donors.

 

[warrior queen]

Are you looking for permission to fuck around, or are you seriously interested in a discussion with no ulterior motive?
Coz, yanno, we get a LOT of people here who simply want another fuck.

 

[Hensatri]

No, no ulterior motive. I've been reading "Sex and God" lately, and there is a section dedicated to the rise of a strictly monogamous west, and the impulses behind establishing monogamy as a standard.

 

[bronzeage]

...
I can think of many many cons to monogamy, are there any pros at all?

It all depends upon with whom you choose to be monogamous.

Choose wisely and it is a very nice thing. Choose poorly and you will have an unpleasant experience.

The real question is, why would anyone choose to be monogamous with you?

 

[renard_ruse]

Interesting points raised, though I'm not sure where or how to begin to address them all.

At a high level, without commenting on the specifics of some of the points you raise which I don't agree with, I believe that longterm monogamy is not natural but its not a question of "heathy." Sex itself is never a question of "healthy" or not, nobody dies without sex.

My main feeling on "cheating" is that in most cases its not justification for ending an otherwise good relationship particularly one as serious as a marriage and especially when a couple has children. You have to look at the worse evil, and divorce is one of the worst social evils there is, its only justified in rare cases such as abuse (and by that I include verbal or emotional abuse). A mere physical fling with someone else is not justification for divorce, and in fact, the occasional fling is probably the best thing for a marriage after many years to prevent boredom among the partners.

 

[warrior queen]

No, no ulterior motive. I've been reading "Sex and God" lately, and there is a section dedicated to the rise of a strictly monogamous west, and the impulses behind establishing monogamy as a standard.

Ok, well then I will give you a view of my situation.
My man and I class ourselves as monogomous..... but we also allow other people into our relationship.
Our view of monogomy is very clear. We have complete trust in eachother, total communication and a love that seems bottomless.
But! We also have people who join us, either jointly or separately, for sex.
This is NOT an open relationship, because we have a hard-and-fast rule that we agree must never be broken.... and that rule is that we must both agree before any encounter.
My man works away, and I might get the urge to meet up with my girlfriend, but if I cannot contact my man to let him know, then it does not happen. Same for him (although he has never had a liason without me, as he prefers me to be there.)
Monogomy, to us, is an emotional thing, rather than physical. It is all about our emotional commitment.

 

[renard_ruse]

No, no ulterior motive. I've been reading "Sex and God" lately, and there is a section dedicated to the rise of a strictly monogamous west, and the impulses behind establishing monogamy as a standard.

Sounds like New Age liberal mumbo jumbo. I'd be wary of any book with such a title.

 

[Bert Notorius]

Ok, well then I will give you a view of my situation.
My man and I class ourselves as monogomous..... but we also allow other people into our relationship.
Our view of monogomy is very clear. We have complete trust in eachother, total communication and a love that seems bottomless.
But! We also have people who join us, either jointly or separately, for sex.
This is NOT an open relationship, because we have a hard-and-fast rule that we agree must never be broken.... and that rule is that we must both agree before any encounter.
My man works away, and I might get the urge to meet up with my girlfriend, but if I cannot contact my man to let him know, then it does not happen. Same for him (although he has never had a liason without me, as he prefers me to be there.)
Monogomy, to us, is an emotional thing, rather than physical. It is all about our emotional commitment.

of course after telling you that he's banging every moll south of the equator.

 

[warrior queen]

of course after telling you that he's banging every moll south of the equator.

It's a little sad that your mind would instantly go there.
I know absolutely that he is not doing anything of the sort. His kink is seeing me with someone else

 

[Bert Notorius]

It's a little sad that your mind would instantly go there.
I know absolutely that he is not doing anything of the sort. His kink is seeing me with someone else

rule #1.) all men lie about sex.
rule #2.) see rule #1.

or seeing his other women with someone else.

 

[warrior queen]

rule #1.) all men lie about sex.
rule #2.) see rule #1.

or seeing his other women with someone else.

Nope, not ALL men.
I'm a super-lucky woman

 

[Bert Notorius]

Nope, not ALL men.
I'm a super-lucky woman

all men .

 

[Hensatri]

Warrior Queen: I've heard of this before. I tend to agree that the emotional monogamy is far more important than the physical monogamy. I grow wary of those situations where a slavish devotion to physical monogamy may abuse emotional monogamy.

Reynard: I'm not talking about physical health. Nobody (except a female ferret) is going to die without sex, but obviously sexuality is a big part of mental and emotional health, and being sexually unsatisfied, or sexually gluttonous, can be very damaging to those aspects of health, which are just as important as physical health to living a good and fulfilling life.

AND, I will avoid calling your literature conservative claptrap if you will avoid calling mine liberal propaganda, unless of course literature becomes the topic of conversation.

Bert Notorious: All men lie about sex? Or all people? Are women somehow excluded from the universal sexual dishonesty clause?

 

[renard_ruse]

Renard: I'm not talking about physical health. Nobody (except a female ferret) is going to die without sex, but obviously sexuality is a big part of mental and emotional health, and being sexually unsatisfied, or sexually gluttonous, can be very damaging to those aspects of health, which are just as important as physical health to living a good and fulfilling life...

Plenty of people don't have sex either voluntarily or involuntarily and are perfectly fine. Its a want, not a need. Some people have a strong desire to go skydiving, but ultimately its a physical activity that one can find substitutes for just like one can for sex.

 

[renard_ruse]

...AND, I will avoid calling your literature conservative claptrap if you will avoid calling mine liberal propaganda, unless of course literature becomes the topic of conversation...

No, I won't because liberal propaganda is not the same thing. They have been cranking out this ridiculous non-sense since the early 1970s.

 

[Bert Notorius]

Bert Notorious: All men lie about sex? Or all people? Are women somehow excluded from the universal sexual dishonesty clause?

that's notorius, Henassholetri.

 

[Hensatri]

Reynard: Ok, let me try to get a good sense of exactly what you are claiming about sexuality, so I don't respond to claims you aren't making.

Do you agree that sexuality, generally speaking (obviously there is some small portion of the population exempt from every rule), is an important part of the self and has a large influence on mental and emotional fulfillment and/or soundness?

And WTF do dates have to do with whether liberal or conservative shit smells better? They have been doing what since the 70s? Publishing books you don't agree with? Longer than that I'd imagine. I was saying that whether or not my godless heathen book is a fine literary achievement, or claptrap, is not the subject of this discussion, and so if you'll kindly avoid berating my literature of choice I will return the favor, unless you wish to start a separate discussion about that, where I will gladly participate.

Notorious: What? I was asking if your "lie about sex" claim extends to women?