Mistress
Lit's Original Mistress
- Joined
- Feb 17, 2001
- Posts
- 13,167
Driving A Hard Bargain
An airline reservation agent took a call from a man who wanted to book a flight for two but wasn't happy with the price of $59 per ticket. "I want the $49 fare I saw advertised," he insisted, saying he would accept a flight at any time.
She managed to find two seats on a 6 a.m. flight. "I'll take it," he said, then worried his wife might not like the early hour.
She warned there was a $25 fee per person if he changed the reservation.
"Oh, that's no problem," he said dismissively. "What's fifty bucks?"
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Can't Win Dept.
For the second time in a row, I was forced to impose on the woman with whom I carpooled to our children's soccer practices. I phoned and explained that my husband had the car again, so I wouldn't be able to take my turn.
A few minutes before she was due to pick up my son, my husband showed up. Since it was too late for me to call and say I could drive after all, I asked my husband to hide the car in the garage and to stay inside. I also explained to my son that he shouldn't mention anything about his father's whereabouts.
Unfortunately, my husband forgot and was in front of our house chatting with a friend when my carpool partner arrived. When my son returned from practice, I asked him if she had noticed.
"Yes," he replied, "she asked me which of the two men in front of the house was my father. But don't worry. I told her I didn't know."
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Sporstcaster Bloopers
"Its a great advantage to be able to hurdle with both legs"
"And here's Moses Kiptanui, the 19-year-old Kenyan, who turned 20 a few weeks ago."
"The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical."
Jimmy Hill: "Don't sit on the fence Terry. What chance do you think Germany has of getting through?
Terry Venables: "I think it's 50-50."
"There is Brendan Foster, by himself, with 20,000 people."
"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
"There have been injuries and deaths in boxing, but none of them serious."
"The Queen's Park Oval, exactly as its name suggests, is absolutely round."
"Watch the time. It gives you an indication of how fast they are running."
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You Might Be a Bachelor If...
You can clean engine parts in the bathtub without someone yelling at you.
You buy a really big trashcan for the kitchen so you don't have to take it out as often.
You amuse yourself by lobbing beer cans so that they bounce off the wall before hitting aforementioned trash can.
It takes you ten minutes every six months to buy new clothes (Let's see, I'm out of jeans, white T-shirts, black T-shirts, and socks...).
You don't feel compelled to wear underwear unless you have a date that night.
Your car gets waxed more often than the toilet gets cleaned.
You belch and fart in public without apologizing.
You turn your socks and underwear inside out so you can wear them twice as long.
You have the pizza place on speed dial.
Instead of cleaning for guests, you just keep the lights low.
Paper towels double as dishes.
BEER is the freshest item in the fridge.
Beer is the ONLY item in the fridge.
You never listen to your messages when a female is around.
Your entire house is trashed except for your entertainment center, which you lovingly polish every day.
If anything needs to be cooked longer than five minutes, it is a waste of time.
The last time you cleaned the house was when you moved in.
A dress shirt is "fine" if it only has one or two wrinkles in it.
You don't feel guilty about leaving the lid up.
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More ........
An airline reservation agent took a call from a man who wanted to book a flight for two but wasn't happy with the price of $59 per ticket. "I want the $49 fare I saw advertised," he insisted, saying he would accept a flight at any time.
She managed to find two seats on a 6 a.m. flight. "I'll take it," he said, then worried his wife might not like the early hour.
She warned there was a $25 fee per person if he changed the reservation.
"Oh, that's no problem," he said dismissively. "What's fifty bucks?"
----------------
Can't Win Dept.
For the second time in a row, I was forced to impose on the woman with whom I carpooled to our children's soccer practices. I phoned and explained that my husband had the car again, so I wouldn't be able to take my turn.
A few minutes before she was due to pick up my son, my husband showed up. Since it was too late for me to call and say I could drive after all, I asked my husband to hide the car in the garage and to stay inside. I also explained to my son that he shouldn't mention anything about his father's whereabouts.
Unfortunately, my husband forgot and was in front of our house chatting with a friend when my carpool partner arrived. When my son returned from practice, I asked him if she had noticed.
"Yes," he replied, "she asked me which of the two men in front of the house was my father. But don't worry. I told her I didn't know."
-----------------
Sporstcaster Bloopers
"Its a great advantage to be able to hurdle with both legs"
"And here's Moses Kiptanui, the 19-year-old Kenyan, who turned 20 a few weeks ago."
"The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical."
Jimmy Hill: "Don't sit on the fence Terry. What chance do you think Germany has of getting through?
Terry Venables: "I think it's 50-50."
"There is Brendan Foster, by himself, with 20,000 people."
"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
"There have been injuries and deaths in boxing, but none of them serious."
"The Queen's Park Oval, exactly as its name suggests, is absolutely round."
"Watch the time. It gives you an indication of how fast they are running."
----------------
You Might Be a Bachelor If...
You can clean engine parts in the bathtub without someone yelling at you.
You buy a really big trashcan for the kitchen so you don't have to take it out as often.
You amuse yourself by lobbing beer cans so that they bounce off the wall before hitting aforementioned trash can.
It takes you ten minutes every six months to buy new clothes (Let's see, I'm out of jeans, white T-shirts, black T-shirts, and socks...).
You don't feel compelled to wear underwear unless you have a date that night.
Your car gets waxed more often than the toilet gets cleaned.
You belch and fart in public without apologizing.
You turn your socks and underwear inside out so you can wear them twice as long.
You have the pizza place on speed dial.
Instead of cleaning for guests, you just keep the lights low.
Paper towels double as dishes.
BEER is the freshest item in the fridge.
Beer is the ONLY item in the fridge.
You never listen to your messages when a female is around.
Your entire house is trashed except for your entertainment center, which you lovingly polish every day.
If anything needs to be cooked longer than five minutes, it is a waste of time.
The last time you cleaned the house was when you moved in.
A dress shirt is "fine" if it only has one or two wrinkles in it.
You don't feel guilty about leaving the lid up.
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More ........
