Mistresses, A Submissive W/ A Question, Please?

[bisouthernbelle]

Dear Mistresses of Literotica,

I am BiSouthernBelle, or Belle if you like, and I am coming to you as a submissive who has just come out of a very toxic relationship with a Miss, as she preferred me to call her. To be respectful I will leave this Miss unnamed. I feel like she epitomized the Bon Jovi song, "You Give Love A Bad Name".

Until a couple of weeks ago when the Miss started introducing D/s into our friendship, I did not know too much about it. I was honest with the Miss that I was quite a novice, but I really wanted to learn. I asked her to teach me, and I thought things were going okay. I felt like she had been seducing me and leading me towards this goal of her becoming my Miss. She is a prominent author on Literotica, again unnamed to be respectful. I really liked when she called me pet. I was very interested in learning, though I know I made some mistakes just out of not being familiar with submissive etiquette. I told her I was sorry and willing to learn and grow from her tutelage.

Suddenly,( I honestly don't know what I did wrong, and she won't tell me) she just dumped me and told me she did not want to be my Miss any more. I asked what I did, and she was very vague. She basically told me she despised me and never wanted to talk to me again. What I felt was it was all about the game to her. As soon as she knew she had me, she was gone.

I don't get this, as I am a loyal person, and don't like to play games with people's emotions.

I actually want to learn as a submissive, and maybe be a pet to some other woman in the future.

I would just like to have an open conversation with another Mistress or another submissive who knows more about D/s and can answer my questions, please?

Sincerely,
Belle

 

[Blue]

_____

 

[cookiecat]

It sounds a bit confusing. Were you in a relationship prior to the D/s being introduced? All of this is online?

 

[Farawyn]

Belle...I don't know.
I would maybe take the part about the "prominent Lit author" out of your post, as she sounds as if she is well established in this community.
Yes, this is the internet and "anonymous", but I'm a little worried for you. You sound kind of in over your head.

I'm sorry you are hurting.

 

[CutieMouse]

Power-based relationships (BDSM, D/s, M/s, etc) tend to be so individual and so personalized (online and off), that IMO it is rarely a good idea to "learn how to..." from only one source.

Forums such as BDSM Talk and Cafe, or the Novices & Newbies group on FetLife.com offer a myriad of views, philosophies, experiences and advice. If you feel comfortable doing so, I'm sure you'll get a multitude of answers to any questions you may have.

 

[Ldy_Sea]

Belle if you would like to chat in private please PM me. I would be happy to discuss BDSM with you and be a sounding board for you.

 

[Zagreus_D]

I'm not a mistress... but I play one in the bedroom from time to time.

It's important to think of BDSM not merely in terms of what it is (a diverse assortment of emotional, sexual, forays into pain and pleasure, surrender and control), but what it should be for you (an opportunity to explore your sexual desires and fears in a safe and supportive environment.)

At its worst Domination can be little more than bullying in the bedroom, and most bullies don't know how to keep their behaviors exclusively in the bedroom. When Domination is motivated from a place of insecurity, used as a means of avoiding vulnerability and intimacy the effects can be very damaging especially for inexperienced submissives who are likely to internalize blame when their Dom is unsatisfied or mean.

Responsible Doms understand that their role is not merely the boss in bed, they are also the caretaker and protector of their Sub. There is nothing quite like being able to submit entirely to a Dom that you trust... every twist of the metaphorical knife becomes sublime, fear melts away, it becomes transformative...

I had the wonderful experience of being introduced to BDSM by an amazing Dom-Trans-Daddy... not perfect... I too have felt the cold sting of sub-drop... but I've also felt the magic of Domination done right, so I can tell the difference. It's made me a better sub, a better Dom... and I think a better person.

Remember that Doms, despite all of their apparent power and mystique are really just people too. When they aren't happy, healthy and emotionally available they are likely to pass that negativity along to others, and no one is more likely to suffer than their loyal sub. But at the end of the day whatever role we choose to play in the bedroom, we are responsible to ourselves for the relationships we choose to cultivate, and no one should be held more accountable for our own well being than ourselves.

My best advice to you. Choose to cultivate relationships that liberate you to be the slave or master that you long to be, and move away from relationships that trap you into being little more than a prop or toy for someone else's head game. (Believe it or not, Doms can fall into this kind of trap too) Everyone slips and makes mistakes, but trust requires communication and consideration from all parties, in BDSM just as in all relationships.