rae121452
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jul 18, 2017
- Posts
- 6,727
bitch has been trying to get me to go to church with her for the longest. and, i mean, who in their right mind even gets out of bed on a sunday? besides that, down there in those hollers they handle snakes and talk in tongues and shit like that and i ain't going nowhere where they consider snakes a fashion accessory! anyway, ever since she got released from betty ford...oops, i mean the hospital, she's been talking about this new more informal worship group she joined. claimed that it was a fun bunch who met for services on wednesday night. okay, she also said they had meals afterwards and i've sat through many a sermon just to get to the church supper afterward, they have good shit at those things, and being down in ky. i was sure they'd have fried chicken, mac and cheese, greens, home made cornbread...yum!
well, being the kind and caring person that i am, i drove for hours down to bugfuck, kentucky or wherever the hell it is she's holed up. first miss thing had to show me her new shoes-there was a comatose geriatric patient in the bed next to her's and bitch stole the old bags shoes on her way out. for some reason she things velcro fastenings are a thing. i told her stealing the shoes was pretty lowdown but she said the old bag was probably dying anyway, so she wouldn't miss them. i do have to give her points for practicality.
then she had to show off her new hairdo which she considers cutting edge. honey, anyone who gets their head shaved in patches for ect can get the same hairdo for free, she thought she was fooling me saying she had it done at a salon in new york.
finally, when it got dark, she said it was time to get ready to go. she dragged out some old caftans that looked like they were made out of burlap and said we had to wear them, sans undies. and it's fucking cold in those mountains. hell, i ain't got much left down there to begin with, what i did have shriveled up to the size of a grain of rice. and the hood on that thing did nothing to cut the draft and now i have a sinus infection.
so, off we go traipsing through the woods in the middle of the night, getting the shit smacked out of us by underbrush until we come to a clearing...on a cliff...with a bonfire burning and a goat tied to a stake. there were a bunch of other people, too, all dressed in those ratty robes. and let me tell you, i almost peed. they looked like the extras from 'deliverance' who weren't attractive enough to play psychotic inbred hill folk. i couldn't even tell who was what, some of the women had more facial hair than the men. but, at least i got to warm up my twosies at the bonfire.
then, they started drumming. and chanting. and i was still nursing my hangover from the night before and i didn't see any picnic tables set up buffet style anywhere. miss candi started doing some kind of hokey-pokey steps that were more hokey than pokey, all the time spewing some gibberish. i slapped her but she said she was possessed and speaking in ancient aramaic and to stop cramping her style. and besides that, some of that crowd was definitely giving me the 'deliverance' glad eye and my days of squealing like a pig are LONG over. so i snuck away.
i almost killed myself crawling through the brush back to candi's but i made it. bitch had left her house unlocked cause she's already hocked anything worth stealing, so at least i was able to retrieve my clothes. and take a piss in her vodka bottle, i wonder if she'll notice. AND, i stole that hooded cloak she made me wear. i just recently found a bedazzler at the thrift store. some glitter and sequins on that robe and i can wear it for an evening coat when i go out on the town. i just wonder if they ate that goat?
well, being the kind and caring person that i am, i drove for hours down to bugfuck, kentucky or wherever the hell it is she's holed up. first miss thing had to show me her new shoes-there was a comatose geriatric patient in the bed next to her's and bitch stole the old bags shoes on her way out. for some reason she things velcro fastenings are a thing. i told her stealing the shoes was pretty lowdown but she said the old bag was probably dying anyway, so she wouldn't miss them. i do have to give her points for practicality.
then she had to show off her new hairdo which she considers cutting edge. honey, anyone who gets their head shaved in patches for ect can get the same hairdo for free, she thought she was fooling me saying she had it done at a salon in new york.
finally, when it got dark, she said it was time to get ready to go. she dragged out some old caftans that looked like they were made out of burlap and said we had to wear them, sans undies. and it's fucking cold in those mountains. hell, i ain't got much left down there to begin with, what i did have shriveled up to the size of a grain of rice. and the hood on that thing did nothing to cut the draft and now i have a sinus infection.
so, off we go traipsing through the woods in the middle of the night, getting the shit smacked out of us by underbrush until we come to a clearing...on a cliff...with a bonfire burning and a goat tied to a stake. there were a bunch of other people, too, all dressed in those ratty robes. and let me tell you, i almost peed. they looked like the extras from 'deliverance' who weren't attractive enough to play psychotic inbred hill folk. i couldn't even tell who was what, some of the women had more facial hair than the men. but, at least i got to warm up my twosies at the bonfire.
then, they started drumming. and chanting. and i was still nursing my hangover from the night before and i didn't see any picnic tables set up buffet style anywhere. miss candi started doing some kind of hokey-pokey steps that were more hokey than pokey, all the time spewing some gibberish. i slapped her but she said she was possessed and speaking in ancient aramaic and to stop cramping her style. and besides that, some of that crowd was definitely giving me the 'deliverance' glad eye and my days of squealing like a pig are LONG over. so i snuck away.
i almost killed myself crawling through the brush back to candi's but i made it. bitch had left her house unlocked cause she's already hocked anything worth stealing, so at least i was able to retrieve my clothes. and take a piss in her vodka bottle, i wonder if she'll notice. AND, i stole that hooded cloak she made me wear. i just recently found a bedazzler at the thrift store. some glitter and sequins on that robe and i can wear it for an evening coat when i go out on the town. i just wonder if they ate that goat?
