Microsoft word question

[A7inchPhildo]

I personally use F-1, he is the first of the 300/M series, built to serve. Yup what ever that means! I chose the tiny two legged assistant because he is relatively quiet, and keeps on smiling at the perverted suff I write.

 

[Guest]

I shut the annoying little wanker off. Seriously, he is!

I don't need his "whooshing" and popping up, to help me. The little tosser does my head in.

Lou

 

[A7inchPhildo]

What? You didn't think it was going to be a difficult serious question from the likes of me, did Ya?

 

[A7inchPhildo]

I shut the annoying little wanker off. Seriously, he is!

I don't need his "whooshing" and popping up, to help me. The little tosser does my head in.

Lou

I tried that but It was lonely with out the annoying little bugger.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Which one is the cute itty-bitty kitty-cat?

 

[Black Tulip]

Ahum,

Maybe you could think of something else to do instead of looking at

the annoying little wanker

Of course I turned it off. I know better than a silly program. Ha!

 

[Guest]

I tried that but It was lonely with out the annoying little bugger.

Awww. That's so cute.

*hugs*

Katie

 

[Liar]

Can I change that little paper clip wanker? I had no idea.

I guess I'm too much of a geek to notice such numdane things?

#L

 

[pop_54]

Hmmmmmmmm

Hmmmm never realised the paper clip had anything to wank.

I only turn it on when I'm stuck and have the half written page on screen for a long while, I like watching the cat get bored then fall asleep. I then switch it off when, A: I start writing again, or B: I get a life.

 

[NoJo]

Is it on or off now, pop?

 

[A7inchPhildo]

Which one is the cute itty-bitty kitty-cat?

That would be "Links" my little kitten!

Of course I turned it off. I know better than a silly program. Ha!

Well, you know dear I am not as skilled as you! Just thinking of all the red marks, oops! "Corections, I meant Corections!"

Awww. That's so cute.

Ok so I am really a softy! Besides like I say, it cracks me up when I write 'wet panties' and the little guy agrees with a smile.

I guess I'm too much of a geek to notice such numdane things?

I don't know if every version has mutiple assistants but if you right click on the assistant, it gives options and one says choose assistant. The first time I had to place the disk back in to load the multiple choices.

I am running 2003 version.

 

[pop_54]

Hmmmmmm

Is it on or off now, pop?

Off mate, I've got a life tonight

 

[NoJo]

I'm don't have one tonight: hiding from the wife and kids, who are all next door watching ER.

 

[pop_54]

Is it the wife and kids you're hiding from or ER.??

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Links Lover!!!

 

[lucky-E-leven]

BEWARE! Minor Thread Jacking

Sorry, on a thread about WORD I just couldn't resist!

Abbot & Costello Updated to 21st Century

ABBOT: Super Duper Computer Store... Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den, and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou
ABBOT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?
ABBOT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write
proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got?
ABBOT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office and it has windows! OK, let's just say, I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOT : The Word you get when you click the blue W.
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue w if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?
ABBOT: Yes, you want RealOne.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real one , maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!
ABBOT: RealOne.
COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2,3&4. Can I watch them?
ABBOT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great, with what?
ABBOT: RealOne.
COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?
ABBOT: You click the blue 1.
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOT: The blue 1.
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?
ABBOT: The blue 1 is RealOne and the blue W is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there's three words in office for windows!
ABBOT: No, just one. but it's the most popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.
COSTELLO: And that word is real one?
ABBOT: RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne isn't even part of Office.
COSTELLO: Stop! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping you have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled to my computer?
ABBOT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOT: Why not, they own it.

 

[The_old_man]

Since I am still using Word perfect (started with Rev1.1) I don't have any of those anoying pop-ups.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Abbott and Costello is a tough act to follow.

I always ignore that stupid little paper clip thing, except to curse and revile him. It really bugs me when I run Spell/Grammar check and he shows up telling me I have an error when I know damn well I haven't. Once in a while, however, I do have an error that isn't deliberate, so I put up with his smirking little ass.

I didn't vote because I consider it to be more an annoyance than an assistant.

 

[A7inchPhildo]

This is cool So far I have learned that Svenskaflicka and myself are either the only ones willing to admit we use the assistant and like it or she was just trying to make me feel good.

Pop admits to watching the pussy fall asleep but then turns it off or on like it was a light switch.

Sub Joe is so desperate for a life he is interested if Pop is on or off. (don't ask me I am just saying what I see)

Liar don't even know if there was other options, that is if that's the truth?

Of course the leading ladies don't need the little fella even for company.

The_old_man I am wondering either he has a virus or thinks the assistant is a pop-up. Either way I will humor him and think he might be ahead of all of us by not utilizing word.

Box was great, he came on like he knew better than the assistant, but then let us down easy with even he can make a mistake. So unofficial Box is a clipper man.

Then of course Lucky E leven I mean what can I say? I loved Abbot and Costello, so I guess Lucky just has far too much time on hand If you wrote it it was funny. If you found it man you need to get a life off the internet, but it was still funny.

Refer back to Joe and Pop for directions on finding a life.

Phildo

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Oh, I love the little kitty! It purrs, it scratches, it chases flies, it sleeps, it sleeps on its back, it wakes up, stretches, yawns, sharpen its claws, puts on glasses, stamp documents with a paw print, closes a squeaky drawer with its tail...

I love the company. And I love cats. I even pat it on the head with the arrow.

 

[damppanties]

I don't use it. Switched it off. Distracts me when I'm writing. I absolutely HAVE to read what pops up in the little box and then I lose my thoughts. So, it's off.

(Hi, Phil)

 

[oggbashan]

Wordstar 2000+

I use an ancient wordprocessor called Wordstar 2000+ when I want my writing to flow fast.

I have been using it since the late 1980s. It will run on a single floppy 360k on an IBM XT but is better with at least 10mb (not gb) hard drive.

It produces plain ASCII files that I can upload into anything and take up very little space. Almost everything I have ever written will fit on a couple of 3.5 inch floppies.

I can use it on any of my ancient computers. I know the keystrokes instinctively and I do not get blue screens of death or annoying Windows error messages. I can even run it with Windows ME.

It doesn't have pop-up assistants; doesn't ask silly questions except "Are you sure you want to delete this file?"; and it does what it is supposed to do - every time.

Og

 

[lucky-E-leven]

Then of course Lucky E leven I mean what can I say? I loved Abbot and Costello, so I guess Lucky just has far too much time on hand If you wrote it it was funny. If you found it man you need to get a life off the internet, but it was still funny.

Refer back to Joe and Pop for directions on finding a life.

Phildo

Morning Phil,

You know? They should make an alarm clock like you. If I could wake up to "GET A LIFE" blaring at me every morning, I might just be able to take the hint. At any rate, thanks for identifying my problem.

I also apprecite the two leads you gave, but it just so happens I have already consulted with Joe and Pop and they each have a very detailed and strenuous program worked out for me. Of course, I'm game for any and all suggestions they had but the miles between are a bitch and it looks as though I will be lifeless for just a bit longer.

I don't use the office assistant because most of the time when it pops up, it is trying to educte me on things as mundane as saving my document or how I can better use a set of parenthesis and while I may not have a life I am not an IDIOT! So I am among those who turn the pesky little bugger off even though turning things off is quite against my nature

Good morning to you dear, Phil! And thanks for the snap analylsis. My check is in the mail.

~lucky

(I like to think I'm creative, but I'm not that creative. It was sent to me by a friend, I enjoyed it and have been saving it in my inbox for a while. This just seemed the perfect opportunity to get rid of it.)

 

[Black Tulip]

Well, you know dear I am not as skilled as you! Just thinking of all the red marks, oops! "Corections, I meant Corrections!"

Who am I to disappoint you?

 

[Guest]

Good grief. I didn't look at this thread til now cos I thought it was a tech-y thing, but it's brought a couple larfs. I killed that Wizard a long time ago. The only assistants I have require batteries.

Perdita