Michelle Obama Beaten by President Obama Reports U.S. Secret Service

[Busybody]

Michelle Obama Beaten by President Obama Reports U.S. Secret Service






Sources in the U.S. Secret Service say the First Lady and President engaged in a knock down, drag out fist fight that left one agent with a bloody nose. The first round apparently started when an angry Mrs. Obama told her husband that trading deserter-traitor Sergeant Bergdahl for five Islamic terrorists had ruined her chances for a Senate run.




The president replied to his pissed off wife: "The Army made me angry at West Point when they gave me the silent treatment. The officer corps (which Obama pronounces as "corpse") hates me, so I did something that gave them a reason to REALLY detest me! And what can they do about it? Pull off a military putsch? That would be so 19th century!"




At this point, Mrs. Obama threw her Tom Collins (She was on her fifth) on President Obama who gave her a bitch slap to the face. An enraged and very physically fit Michelle Obama threw a hard right punch to the president's jaw in response.




At this point Secret Service agent and presidential bodyguard, the beefy John Francis McKenna of Montana, stepped between the two fighters and attempted to break up the battling duo; however, this altruistic act on the part of the normally non-interventionist Secret Service only earned another hard right into the Agent McKenna's rather large red nose and a K.O.




President Obama said, "Bitch, you just knocked out John Francis McKenna, my personal bodyguard! What the hell did Francis ever do to you?"




The president is reported to have ended the fight by knocking out Mrs. Obama with a blow to the head using the large gavel given to him by former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. This was in honor of the passage of his beloved Obamacare in 2010.




Remarked Secret Service Agent Tad Downs who had observed the fight from a safe distance,




"Damn, Mr. President, that bitch had some bad ass moves! I guess you had no option except to give her the curtain down with the big gavel!"




"Are they still alive?"




After checking the two inert bodies for a pulse, Agent Downs said, "They are just having a little cat nap, sir. Shall I call the paramedics?"




"Yes," replied the president who was looking at his jaw in a mirror, "Maybe they have something to get rid of this bruise."




After the paramedics treated the president for his injuries, they transported Agent McKenna and Michelle Obama to Walter Reed Army Hospital, where the First Lady told the shocked Army medical team that she gave the president a mean right hook to the jaw for trading traitor-deserter Bergdahl for five Taliban terrorists and then remarked,




"I bet I get a standing ovation at West Point when I give my speech there!"




Agent McKenna is reported to have retired from the Secret Service and is said to cruise on Friday night at the "Brokeback Mountain Bar" in downtown Bozeman, Montana.

 

[unregistered]

 

[Carnevil9]

If this story had an ounce of truth to it, I'd have to revise my oft-stated opinion that I've disagreed with everything he's ever done.

 

[RedAllan]

I so want this to be true, it really makes no difference to me but....

 

[Busybody]

Sounds a little suspect. I don't think Obama is tough enough to take her out in knock down drag out.

 

[Busybody]

Staffers at Martha’s Vineyard open up about Barack and Michelle’s marriage, and it’s ugly

By Joshua Riddle on June 23, 2014 in News & Politics

I don’t know what Obama has to be so bummed about. He has ruined this economy and done serious damage to our country, yet he still has his job. The IRS, NSA, Fast and Furious, the VA, Benghazi, Bergdahl, the list goes on and on.

From the Daily Caller:


President Obama and wife Michelle slept in separate bedrooms due to a marital fight during a first-term Martha’s Vineyard vacation, according to an excerpt from Ed Klein’s newly released book “Blood Feud.”

“They slept in their own bedrooms,” a Blue Heron Farm staffer told Klein for his expose on the Obamas’ relationship with Bill and Hillary Clinton, released Monday. “They both had stacks of books by their beds. The president was reading The Bayou Trilogy by Daniel Woodrell and Rodin’s Debutante by Ward Just. I don’t know if they visited each other’s bedroom at night, but I didn’t see any signs of that.”

“The president ate in bed,” the staffer added. “You had to change the sheets every day. He smoked cigarettes and didn’t try to hide it at all. And he snores. I heard him. He ate a lot of junk food, chips and stuff. He loved fudge and bought it from Murdick’s Fudge. It was a wonder that he stayed so thin.”

…

“In fact,” the staffer said, “I didn’t see much warmth between the president and the first lady at all. They almost seemed to avoid each other.”

“When the president was going on about something, Michelle would put on her earphones and listen to her iPod. She tuned him out.”

“And they didn’t do much together. Michelle went out with her friends to lunch or dinner,” Klein’s source claimed, “and he stayed at home or went to the gym to play basketball or had a game of golf.”

In all seriousness, this is pretty much what you’d expect. When you have two gigantic narcissists in one marriage, both people involved are going to be unhappy. They both feel all the attention and praise should be on them 100% of the time. Neither of them are willing to sacrifice or compromise, and that is what marriage is all about. You just have to feel sorry for their kids