Mental Health of subs and the Rights of Doms

[Liana26]

Very long story short... I went slightly insane last night. I don't know what came over me but something did. This has been happening on and off for about seven years now and Tyler (my Dom) knows this but last night was the first time he witnessed my instability. I think I really hurt him with everything I said in my state of mind. And now I have to go to a shrink. I've never been to one, but I've had a shrink-phobia since I was 11 and up until last night, I've told everyone that told me I needed professional help to kiss my ass. But this is Tyler. I can't tell him to kiss my ass. Not if I don't want him to beat it. So, I just want to know... does anyone think he's within his rights to make me go to a shrink, even though it's my biggest phobia, because he has my best interest as heart?

 

[luxey313]

Mental Health

I don't think that there is anything wrong with seeking professional help. It can be nice to be able to open and honest with someone who is not biased and has medically sound advice.
As someone who has had a great experience talking with someone before, I have 3 pieces of advice:

1. Research you therapist or psychiatrist. Decide what qualities you are looking for and do not be afraid to see someone else if you do not like them. It is all about you.
2. You will never achieve anything from this experience if you do not accept that this is not just his request/demand, that this is a journey you are willing to explore as well. If you do not be completely honest, there is no gain. If you do not want to go, but go simply to please your Dom, that is wrong to yourself, the doctor, and and your Master.
3. Decide if meds are a part of your treatment. Many doctors can try to shove meds and no discussion of emotions. I think that discussion with the decision of meds after sessions of patient and doctor exploration is key. Decide what road you want to take.

I understand that you have a phobia, but as a sub, you have so much innerstrength, it is going to be okay.
PM if you would like to talk further. Take care

 

[dolf]

i'm none to stable myself and i've been very harsh with people who try to bully me into shrink seeking....personally i don't really think that there is much a shrink could help me with and i feel stable in my instability unless there is some kind of crisis. i wouldn't for a casual Dom but if it was a serious i would obey.
xx

 

[LadyG]

You obviously know you have some problems, you 've admitted it.

The important thing is getting help or counselling. It's not really about D/s and rights.

 

[luxey313]

I agree with Dolf, not for a casual Dom, but for a man that knows you and has your best interests in mind. You should trust that he wants to help you help yourself, if that is the case.

 

[LadyG]

I agree with Dolf, not for a casual Dom, but for a man that knows you and has your best interests in mind. You should trust that he wants to help you help yourself, if that is the case.

I'm sorry, but why wouldn't you just do it for yourself?

 

[A Desert Rose]

I agree with LadyG.

You have already diagnosed yourself as insane. If that's the case and that's how you see yourself, you need to seek help. And you need to do so for yourself. Not because Someone 'commanded' you to do so.

Or not. You can always continue on as things are.

(sorry, edited for a typo... I'm typing without my contacts in.)

 

[luxey313]

I have done it for myself, in fact I am still a bit vanilla in having my first M. I also think of my M. as my closest confidant, and would listen to what they have to say.
I also am not afraid of doctors of any kind. As you'd note from my previous post, it is all about the patients needs. If she is not ready or willing, it is a waste of time.. no matter how many spakings she gets for not following his wishes

I had to edit a typo too- but I have my contacts on!

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'm sorry, but why wouldn't you just do it for yourself?

I think the issue is Liana has not come up with this option herself so is not initially in the position to have decided to do it for herself. That being said, if she feels trust in her Dominant, and she seems to, it may be the first step she needs to springboard herself into dealing with her issues for herself, but with the loving support of someone who is there for her no matter what. It is often easier to see the solution when you are not at the center of the problem which Tyler seems to be doing in demanding help be sought.

As far as it being a right of the Dominant, it depends on the relationship you have and the boundaries. In our relationship there would be no question it was his right though he would listen to my concerns and take them into account in a way he felt was in my best interest. It is not an easy step to take, and there is a need to research the therapist as already suggested and even if you think you have found one who is capabler, but in all honesty just does not seem to work for you, find another until you find the one who connects with you.

Catalina

 

[A Desert Rose]

I have done it for myself, in fact I am still a bit vanilla in having my first M. I also think of my M. as my closest confidant, and would listen to what they have to say.
I also am not afraid of doctors of any kind. As you'd not from my previous post, it is all about the patients needs. If she is not ready or willing, it is a waste of time.. no matter how many spakings she gets for not following his wishes

well she brought this up now, didn't she?

And she expects advice on a porn board regarding her self admitted "little insanity." What does she expect people to say to her?

Lots of hugs and kisses???

 

[LadyG]

She admitted she's has this problem for years. She is aware of it already.

Sorry, but if you know you already know, then it's up to you to make the decision to get help. No one else, Dom or not.

 

[luxey313]

I did not post the initial post, I was simply commenting on an open forum. Is that something that is innappropriate. I was trying to offer considerate advice to Liana- the original one who need the advice

 

[LadyG]

ADR and I were giving "our" opinions also.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I did not post the initial post, I was simply commenting on an open forum. Is that something that is innappropriate. I was trying to offer considerate advice to Liana- the original one who need the advice

No, it's not inappropriate any more than people posting opposing views.

You make a post... someone might comment on it. Or not.

 

[dolf]

a persons definition of a little insanity might be almost anything...i know dozens of healthy, sane people who say they are a little insane.

the majority of the population would label all of us crazy based on our sexual desires alone.

i think the question was a valid one...i would also be interested to know peoples opinions on being ordered to a doc or dentist for something they consider trivial or manageble???

also, it's easy for people to underestimate the power of phobias. my doc/hospital phobia has caused me to set my own bones (only fingers...i knew that they would heal ok and i was right) and tape up wounds that probably would have been stitched. i prefered the scars to the trauma of er!

xx

 

[Guest]

*sigh*
Speaking as someone who has been involved with, (and married to) the mentally unstable...
And I say this as a fairly conservative PYL.
*shrug* Don't worry 'bout your PYL, he really doesn't have a horse in this race... He can't..Other than as it may effect your relationship with him..Which it will.
You Think (know) you have a problem..It may not be constant ..But you see it as being a problem. And to some extent it adversly effects the quality of the life you want to lead (or you wouldn't be mentioning it here.).
So, you can go on living with it...Or you can try to do something about it..
But....Doing it because someone else tells you to..Is pretty counter productive.
Trite as it may sound, you really have to look for help because YOU want it.

Oh, and some of the folks who suffer from cyclic problems fall into the trap of "self medication".
If I can give you one piece of cogent advice ...Don't.

 

[luxey313]

I am sorry ADR and Lady G.- I am new to all of this. When I read your post, you quoted me and I thought that your response was directed at me as if I was the original post-er.
Please forgive the honest blondie mistake..

 

[LadyG]

I am sorry ADR and Lady G.- I am new to all of this. When I read your post, you quoted me and I thought that your response was directed at me as if I was the original post-er.
Please forgive the honest blondie mistake..

No problem! Just don't do it again.

 

[graceanne]

I think you should do it, Liana. First of all, you've told me that he loves you and just wants what's best for you. Also, I think that this is more of a power struggle you're having with him. If you're that afraid of shrinks, ask him to go with you to your appointments, at least until you're comfortable with your dr. It wouldn't be the first time a shrink has had significant others sit in on sessions, and if the dr has a problem with it, then you need to find someone else.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I am sorry ADR and Lady G.- I am new to all of this. When I read your post, you quoted me and I thought that your response was directed at me as if I was the original post-er.
Please forgive the honest blondie mistake..

I'm sorry you're blonde, but there's nothing to be forgiven for. ;-)

(that was a joke, by the way.... people just don't get it here, ya know? rolling my eyes.)

The bottom line here is she admits to a problem that she preceives that she has. She can do something about it or not. What more is there to say? Send her all your hugs, flowers and kisses. I'm sure that will rectify her precieved problem, since I really have no idea if she's insane or not.

I'm a nurse but I cannot diagnose over the internet. LMAO

 

[Guest]

Very long story short... I went slightly insane last night. I don't know what came over me but something did. This has been happening on and off for about seven years now and Tyler (my Dom) knows this but last night was the first time he witnessed my instability. I think I really hurt him with everything I said in my state of mind. And now I have to go to a shrink. I've never been to one, but I've had a shrink-phobia since I was 11 and up until last night, I've told everyone that told me I needed professional help to kiss my ass. But this is Tyler. I can't tell him to kiss my ass. Not if I don't want him to beat it. So, I just want to know... does anyone think he's within his rights to make me go to a shrink, even though it's my biggest phobia, because he has my best interest as heart?

Oh..One other thing..Insanity is VERY relative...So don't call yourself "insane".
My guess, and I would be willing to bet money on this one..Is that the Doc. will say one of two things.. Either that you have a stress related disorder..Or a chemical imbalance.
Just about damn near anything can cause the latter..Up to and including diet.
I will say this.
Yes, it would not hurt my feelings a bit to tell a pyl that she needed to go to a doctor.. If I put it in the form of an "order", you can be sure that it was probably right before the "There's the door, don't let it hit you in the ass.".

 

[Liana26]

Just an update... I decided to go, but under the condition that Tyler stays in the room with me. I know you're generally supposed to go in alone, but I really do have a phobia. Honestly, shrinks just freak the shit out of me. I don't trust them at all, not in the slightest.

I had a pretty nice revelation in the shower though. I tend to lose my mind when things are changing, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. My all-time mental low was when I FINALLY realized that my ex was abusing me. God, you didn't want to be near me during those two weeks.

But anyway... it might be considered counter productive, but basically, I am going for him. Well, no, not really for him. I'm going because I trust his judgement (even more than my own) and if he thinks this'll help then who knows, mabe it will. Besides, maybe I'll get a prescription for Valium and make a killing on sales (joke... no anti-drug trafiking lectures please).

dolf- you're the best. I too had to set a broken finger myself but that's because my mom told me to stop whining, it was fine. It doesn't really move right anymore...

EKVITKAR- you don't mean like the alcoholic self-medication, do you? Because I like my wine.

 

[graceanne]

I'm sorry you're blonde, but there's nothing to be forgiven for. ;-)

(that was a joke, by the way.... people just don't get it here, ya know? rolling my eyes.)

The bottom line here is she admits to a problem that she preceives that she has. She can do something about it or not. What more is there to say? Send her all your hugs, flowers and kisses. I'm sure that will rectify her precieved problem, since I really have no idea if she's insane or not.

I'm a nurse but I cannot diagnose over the internet. LMAO

I agree. And sometimes it's hard to make yourself take that necessary step to be healed. If she had a broken leg and was refusing to do into the emergancy room, everyone would be cheering on her dom for making her go. There's nothing to be ashamed in having problems. As Ekvikter said, it's one of two things, a stress related disorder or a chemical imbalance. Both things are fixable, but first you gotta make the first step of GOING TO THE DOCTOR.

 

[luxey313]

I'm sorry you're blonde, but there's nothing to be forgiven for. ;-)

(that was a joke, by the way.... people just don't get it here, ya know? rolling my eyes.)

The bottom line here is she admits to a problem that she preceives that she has. She can do something about it or not. What more is there to say? Send her all your hugs, flowers and kisses. I'm sure that will rectify her precieved problem, since I really have no idea if she's insane or not.

I'm a nurse but I cannot diagnose over the internet. LMAO

I got the joke thanks ADR :smirking:

 

[dolf]

*sigh*
Oh, and some of the folks who suffer from cyclic problems fall into the trap of "self medication".
If I can give you one piece of cogent advice ...Don't.

i guess it depends on the nature of the problem...

a mental illness of some sort and i would agree with you.

a trauma reaction...well counselling might help a person come to terms with things but there will most likely be problems that no amount of therapy will help. {no shrink will stop me getting nightmares the night after i drive past him and no shrink can take away the fear of being found...people might not like to see me distressed but it's a normal reaction} i self medicate at those times and it works for me.

it totally depends on what she meant when she said insane.
xx