Men vs. Women: Bedroom or Lifestyle?

[Wild_Honey_66]

I am curious, in your experience, does there seem to be a preference for one type of D/s over another among the kinksters that you know? Does there seem to be any correlation between gender and preference? Or possibly between their preference and which side of the slash they identify with?

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Untrained]

My biggest fantasy is to be a 24/7 submissive for a month to try it out. I'm new to all of this but nothing sounds better than a strong woman owning me.
I think a lot of men like being submissive and don't know about that side do to cultural norm.

 

[Primalex]

I am curious, in your experience, does there seem to be a preference for one type of D/s over another among the kinksters that you know? Does there seem to be any correlation between gender and preference? Or possibly between their preference and which side of the slash they identify with?

The only correlation I suspect exists is that brats prefer the bedroom-only version (with bedroom being any room). I don't rule out a 24/7 submissive brat personality, but I guess it's a rather conflicted role like a shy extrovert.


I rather wonder about:
How many rollergirls identify as (bedroom) brat?

 

[MastersDelight]

I would enjoy 24/7, unfortunately life gets in the way and we have young kids so it's just not possible. We still try to keep the dynamic alive in other ways outside the bedroom. Texts while he's at work, orders about my clothing (not all the time that would be tedious lol), rules about masturbation etc. I wear my day collar if I leave the house without him. I don't wear it at home since babies like to yank and break delicate chains . I think he would get burned out if we did a true 24/7. He's naturally laid back, and assumes a more dominant air when we play or if I act a little bratty. I think it would be hard for him to maintain that all the time, where as I naturally desire to please him.

 

[CutieMouse]

When you say "lifestyle" (some use the term 24/7), what exactly does that mean? I'm not a "lifestyle mother", but I am a mother. When I was married, I wasn't "lifestyle married", but I was a wife. Personality traits, interests, hobbies, etc are part of my "lifestyle" (I suppose), but I may go months between certain things just because I'm too busy to sew or paint or study XYZ subject.

My lover has the option of exercising a lot of control. He isn't interested in doing so (because, adulting). However, the fact remains that he has the final say - even if the final say is delegating decisions to me. Some people would consider that to fall under the umbrella of "lifestyle" (because, relationship); others might feel the relationship is bedroom-only (because I'm not naked in chains 24/7, we don't participate in the local scene, etc).

It really does depend on ones definition of "lifestyle".

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I come from a background in which 24/7 relational submission was the cultural norm; it was only when I came to Lit that I learned that some people practiced it exclusively in the bedroom. My version of 24/7 is more about an attitude of willingness to submit - in all things, at all times. It does not mean that my life is being micro-managed. For those who desire 24/7, D/s must be practical, must be flexible, must be a way of supporting our partners in love and understanding of who they are - strengths, weaknesses, needs and desires. When D/s feels like a burden rather than the release that I believe it was meant to be, then adjustments need to be made before someone's spirit is crushed and the relationship damaged beyond repair.

I like the idea of the D/s element in my relationship being fluid in nature, something that I have access to at any time, something whose intensity is able to be dialed up or down according to circumstance, rather than something with a switch to be flipped 'on' or 'off.'

So I'm in the 24/7 camp, obvs.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

It really does depend on ones definition of "lifestyle".

Yes, this. I came back because I realized that 'lifestyle' means a lot of different things to different people here, and I figured I should elaborate on my definition. I missed your post earlier because I started mine two hours before I posted it (because, mothering. ).

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Ugh. I never feel able to express myself well or accurately here.

Please feel free to carry on without me.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Honey, come on, explain where I am getting it wrong. You know I wouldn't be doing it purposefully to you.


I want to talk to you.

It's not you, it's me

I know I am overly-sensitive about it, it's best if I take a break and try to regroup.

Thank you

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Monica_112]

I like the posturing for power most.I enjoy the wordless negotiation when it's up for grabs. I don't 24/7 though it's mainly sexual. I find it interesting how much more fluid younger people are.

I'm most attracted to men who are sexually dominant and have the potential to switch than out and out subs but I like women who submit. Can't say why. Just do.

I've had transient vanilla happiness too

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Ah, Elle, you are so gracious.

My boat is easily rocked on this subject, I suppose because my years of experience were exactly what D/s shouldn't look like, and there is a part of me that doesn't want to trust, doesn't want to believe, doesn't want to try again. But I am determined not to throw the baby out with the bathwater, and to keep at it until I find a healthy, balanced approach. If I am defensive in the meantime, I do apologize.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]