Men? Listen up!

[carsonshepherd]

I thought I'd just do them quietly for a surprise while you were off writing and drinking the beer I brought you.

Shanglan

I'd propose to you, but... well.... you know. There are issues

But I will pledge my undying devotion at least....

 

[CharleyH]

I'd propose to you, but... well.... you know. There are issues

But I will pledge my undying devotion at least....

OH SHE said men you guys.

 

[Sunnie]

My 18-year-old brother is a complete ass to his girlfriend.

I've actually seen him compare her prom pictures, one from last year and one from this year, and say to her, "You've gained a lot of weight. You should probably work on that."

 

[Liar]

I used to date a girl who as a bit of a stick figure. (making us the butt of every Laurel and Hardy joke our friends could think of ). I tried to lose pounds, she tried to gain them. But sometimes, my brain went on auto pilot when she asked "Does my ass look bigger to you?" and I replied with the standard male "No, not that I can see." Wrong answer.

 

[elsol]

Five questions that make him wish he was dead.

Do I look fat in this?

Does my ass look bigger to you?

Do you think I've put on some weight?

Do you think I need to go on a diet?

Do I look fat in this?

Sincerely,
ElSol

ps. Yes, it's there twice for a reason.

 

[elsol]

Actually... on the 'Have you gained weight...' question.

I know from experience there's a worse version of this question because at young age I made the mistake of asking it.

Are you pregnant?

Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[Liar]

The Best A Man Can Get by John O'Farrell is a periodically hilarious book about a man, and the web of typical male dilemmas he gets tangled up in.

One episode describes him sitting on the London subway, pondering wether or not to give up his seat to a woman that he can't decide wether she's just big, or a few months pregnant. If she is pregnant, he's being a polite gentleman and not an egoistic male pig. If it turns out she isn't, that would be the equvavlent of saying "My god, what a whale you are!"

Desicions, desicions.

Good book. Read it.

 

[Brinnie]

Great thread, why didn't I think of it.

 

[Willow Rain]

so... "your new haircut makes you look fat and butch" is probably not the way to a woman's heart? Hmmmm.... *ponders*

I am personally reeling at the idea that there is a haircut out there that has the potential to make your ass look fat.

Very distressing, too early in the morning for such evil things to consider.


;P

 

[Willow Rain]

Get both

I'm going to prefice this with saying I am very frugal and I come from a very frugal family. To be blunt, we are cheap and financially conservative. Maybe has something to do with me being a double capricorn. Like at petting zoo's my parents wouldn't put out the fifty cents for a cup of corn. So I'm not really used to feelings of abundance, wealth and decadance. My husband who is also fiscally conservative, will work that abundance angle with me and turn me into girly goo.

Examples:

1. Looking at braclets on clearance, little five dollar bits of costume dinkus. I am holding two trying to decide which I want more. He kisses my shoulder and says, "Get both." Then when I am goonily smiling with my little bracelet hoard of two, he reaches over and takes another one that I had been touching and looking at and puts that one in my hands too. Makes me all a goo and mush. Makes me feel spoiled and pampered, feels extravagant, even though the actual cost is small. It's about his intent. His pleasure in seeing me have little things that please me. Things I don't even need.

2. petting zoos/sea world He will buy me pellet food or fish until I tire of feeding the damn creatures. This makes me happy like a two year old. I dance around and totally have the best time. At the fair, I do my personal best to fatten the lammas and will spend as much as three or four dollars on llama food before I tire of the game. On my own, without encouragement, I feel guilty about wasting money on this. He laughs at me a lot but likes watching me have so much fun at it. I will come back all glittery eyed and happy and he will prompt, "Want more?" It sounds silly and small but is very powerful and potent for me. It's about abunndance, and having that visceral feeling of abundance, and that someone thinks you are worth what is random extravagance. The fish at sea world might have gone twenty or thirty bucks the first time we went. I fed everything I could and had a major blast. I still remember it fondly. We were in our early twenties and I was totally shocked that he was willing to waste the money we both had worked hard for just for pure momentary pleasure, that wasn't even his own. I also happen to love the words, "want more?" for other reasons. When I am panting and flushed from an orgasm and he is just toying with me, rocking and playing with my body. He uses the same words to ask me if I want to come again. Ahhh, lush extravagance... such a pleasure.

so....

"get both."

and

"want more?"

are ones I would add to the magic list.

 

[carsonshepherd]

My 18-year-old brother is a complete ass to his girlfriend.

I've actually seen him compare her prom pictures, one from last year and one from this year, and say to her, "You've gained a lot of weight. You should probably work on that."

he's a prick. he should probably work on that.

 

[NoJo]

My 18-year-old brother is a complete ass to his girlfriend.

I've actually seen him compare her prom pictures, one from last year and one from this year, and say to her, "You've gained a lot of weight. You should probably work on that."

Shit. I misread that as "porn pictures". In any case, what Carson said.

 

[carsonshepherd]

Hi Joe

 

[NoJo]

Hi carson. I'm a prick. You should work on that.

 

[carsonshepherd]

 

[Guest]

Actually... on the 'Have you gained weight...' question.

I know from experience there's a worse version of this question because at young age I made the mistake of asking it.

Are you pregnant?

Sincerely,
ElSol

Actually, to be perfectly safe, no one should ever assume any female person is pregnant unless they can actually see a child emerging from said female person.

It's the only way to be sure.

 

[Guest]

Hi carson. I'm a prick. You should work on that.

If carson is going to work on Joe's prick, I wanna watch.

And take vids.

Seriously.

 

[Guest]

Actually, to be perfectly safe, no one should ever assume any female person is pregnant unless they can actually see a child emerging from said female person.

It's the only way to be sure.

Even if she's laying there panting, and screaming. It might not be labor--she just might be coming.

 

[Guest]

Even if she's laying there panting, and screaming. It might not be labor--she just might be coming.

Or she might just be mad that someone assumed she was pregnant.

 

[Sunnie]

If carson is going to work on Joe's prick, I wanna watch.

And take vids.

Seriously.

Ooh, can I direct?