Men are like ...

[Isabella Thorne]

Men are like ….Laxatives. They irritate the shit out of you.

Men are like......Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.

Men are like.....Vacations. They never seem to be long enough.

Men are like.....Bank Machines. Once they withdraw they lose interest.

Men are like.....Weather. Nothing can be done to change either one of them.

Men are like.....Cement. After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.

Men are like.....Chocolate. Sweet, smooth, and usually headed right for your hips.

Men are like.....Coffee. The best ones are rich, warm, and keep you up all night.

Men are like.....Commercials. You can't believe a word they say.

Men are like.....Department Stores. Their clothes should always be half off.

Men are like.....Government bonds. They take so long to mature.

Men are like.....Horoscopes. Always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

Men are like.....Lawn Mowers. If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.

Men are like.....Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like.....Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Men are like.....Snowstorms. You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long they'll last.
________________________
I know what boys want
I know what boys like
~The Waitresses~

 

[Guest]

You are truly talented!

 

[Rosebud]

Hi Izzy... http://www.tigerswebdesign.com/tiger/animatedgifs/wink.gif. how are you my sexy canadian you?

[Edited by Rosebud on 11-14-2000 at 07:20 AM]

 

[Silverlily]

Men are like.....Government bonds. They take so long to mature.

Sing it sister! Mine's about on my last nerve.

 

[Juliangel]

When it comes to men jokes I have LOTS Here is another.

CHRISTMAS GIFT IDEAS

Christmas is just around the corner so here are some gift ideas for those special men in your life! Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.

Rule #1:
When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

Rule #2:
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. Bye-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.

Rule #3:
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

Rule #4:
Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.

Rule #5:
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

Rule #6:
Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey or beer.

Rule #7:
Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.

Rule #8:
Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why.

Rule #9:
Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over.

Rule #10:
Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sear's Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.

Rule #11:
Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"

Rule #12:
If in Minnesota, tickets to a Vikings game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.

Rule #13:
Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker.

Rule #14:
It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

Rule #15:
Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manilla rope. No one knows why.

 

[Silverlily]

Rule #10:
Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sear's Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.

I swear you all are reading my mind today. We HAVE car parts for cars we don't own. It's always, "But we might have a insert make and model someday!" or "This carburator for a insert make and model is hard to find!".

And to think this is the man that gives me grief for owning more than one pair of black pumps.

 

[Friendly Dragon]

Rule #1:
When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.
[/B]

A British comedian called Jack Dee has the answer to this one.

Men like drills, because secretly they think they're GUNS.

Of course, I've never looked in a mirror while holding a drill across my chest in the classic James Bond style when I think no one's looking, but I understand other men may have...

 

[Isabella Thorne]

... and Women?

Rule #15:
Rope. Men love rope. No one knows why.

ohhhhhhhh Juliangel dear .... I know why .... and I LOVE men who love rope ... lol .... I get all tied up in knots just thinking bout it ... ha ha ...

Hey Rose-buddy .... I love your sexy wink, darling ...

yikes bout the hubby L'il Kitty ... boys will be boys ...

and ummmm Miss Lucious ... I would feel too damn guilty if you thought I made that joke up ... I found it in my email ... but I kinda "spruced" it up a bit ... lol ...

I'd love to hear some ideas of what "Women are like" ...
____________________________
Women are like ... highway signs. Watch out for "Curves Ahead".
Women are like ... potato chips. One is never enough.

 

[Magic Merlin]

Sing it sister! Mine's about on my last nerve.

Here little Kitty, let me sooth that last nerve for you. Purrrfecto!

 

[Mackdaddy_74]

Re: ... and Women?

I'd love to hear some ideas of what "Women are like" ...
____________________________
Women are like ... highway signs. Watch out for "Curves Ahead".
Women are like ... potato chips. One is never enough.

First one that came to mind.......
Women are like Timex watches......they take a licking and keep on ticking.

 

[Dirk13]

yeah so...is there a problem wit men, you might not be able to live with out us, but heck babe, you can't live with out us, but you might not stand us, still ya need us, you can go lez, thats fine with me, makes good porn he he he, but anyways, it ain't like tha real thing, he he he, and anyways, older i get the harder i am, and i last as long as coffee does

 

[Isabella Thorne]

Love is like ... Oxygen

ohhhhh Dirk dear ... you are absolutely right ... I could never live without men ... at least I would never want to ...

and um ... "go lez"??? lol ... well geez we can share, can't we?

Mackdaddy ... I hope when you said "take a licking" that tongues were involved ...
____________________________
ah Miss Lucious ... you can be the Lit "Flavor of the Month" ... always the best ice cream in the house ... and always the most original flavor .. especially made for adventurous ice cream slurpers.

 

[Cheyenne]

For those of you still shopping, check out the list of Christmas gifts for men above from Juliangel.

 

[SpecialK]

One more forgotten one...

Men are like..... linoleum. Lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for years.



K

 

[Roll-One]

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

<grins, shakes his head and walks away>

 

[scylis]

HEY!!

you forgot to mention DUCT TAPE!!

we love DUCT TAPE.. keeps us away from welding and using hot glue guns, both of which can be serious health hazzards in the hands of the wrong person (never ourselves, b/c we're EXPERTS at EVERYTHING... we're talking about all the OTHER GUYS)..

it can be used for basically everything! ran out of screws to hold those shelves up? DUCT TAPE!! the fender of your car fall off? DUCT TAPE!! need something to hold together that homemade, nuclear-powered, atom-smashing cyclotron you're trying to build? DUCT TAPE!!! NASA even makes it essential equipment on every space shuttle mission, even!! what saved the crew of Apollo 13? DUCT TAPE!!!

hehehe

nothing says love like a giant roll of duct tape! women are clueless as to why..

 

[Cheyenne]

Duct tape

hee hee- I actually DID give 2 rolls of duct tape to my brother-in-law for Christmas last year (needed something small to round up to the $ limit we set for each person.) He isn't one of my favorite people in the world, and he is generally clueless about any kind of repairs. I thought duct tape was perfect. He was clueless as to why.

 

[naudiz]

Re: HEY!!

nothing says love like a giant roll of duct tape! women are clueless as to why..

Not all women, scylis. I can find a lot of uses for duct tape. Duct tape finds its way into my stories every once in awhile. Good stuff, duct tape. That sound it makes when you tear it off the roll? Sends a shiver down my spine.

 

[fgarvb1]

my wife says "give him enough rope and he can tie down the world". no she will not...but i had a couple of lady freinds one time..if i ever finish writing the stories.!!

duct tape is handy.

i was invited NOT to come back to boy scouts one time;somthing to do with the scout master's son,his tent,and
the iced over pond at a camp-out...like one person can move
a tent...hope the smart ass little bastard froze his balls off.

 

[TonyG]

Originally posted by Kitten Eyes
I swear you all are reading my mind today. We HAVE car parts for cars we don't own. It's always, "But we might have a insert make and model someday!" or "This carburator for a insert make and model is hard to find!".

And to think this is the man that gives me grief for owning more than one pair of black pumps.

I have to admit ladies that this thread is pretty funny but Kitten Eyes...I can never understand the concept of owning so many pairs of the same color and style of shoe. Every year at the beginning of spring all of the females in my house go out and buy several pairs of the same shoes already in their closets. I don't give them any grief but I just shake my head in disbelief.