Men are from Mars...

[Cheyenne]

One of those things I find emailed to me as a member of an email list- I don't know the author, but thought it was fairly accurate.
It is a translation for men of what women mean when they give various comments:


FINE

This is the word women use at the end of any argument that they feel they are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES

This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that
your football game is going to last before you take out the
trash, so women feel that it's an even trade.

NOTHING

This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing"
is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting
to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing"
usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and
end with the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows)

This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset
over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".

GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows)

This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't
care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few
minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to
you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH

This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal
statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she
thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is
wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over
"Nothing".

SOFT SIGH

Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one
of the few things that some men actually understand. She is
content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will
stay content.

OH

This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example;"Oh, let
me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were
doing last night". If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do
not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is
"Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but
do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days."Oh" as the
lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a
lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get
raised eyebrows "Go ahead" followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.

THAT'S OKAY

This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can
say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long
and hard before paying you retributions for whatever it is that
you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine"
and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead". At
some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned,
you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO

This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you
the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have
for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair
chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a
"That's Okay".

THANKS

A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT

This is much different than "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks
A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that
you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by
the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the
"Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing".

 

[scylis]

*freezes in place and holds breath*

 

[roosterboy]

I saw this a couple of days ago. . .

I found it pretty damned accurate.


-- Rooster