Men and women

[Debbie]

We are completely different in so many ways... thank goodness


I'm Glad I'm A Man

I'm Glad I'm A Man, You Better Believe,
I Don't Live Off Of Yogurt, Diet Coke, Or Cottage Cheese;
I Don't Bitch To My Girlfriends About The Size Of My Breasts,
I Can Get Where I Want To - North, South, East Or West;
I Don't Get Wasted After Only 2 Beers,
And When I Do Drink I Don't End Up In Tears;
I Won't Spend Hours Deciding What To Wear,
I Spend 5 Minutes Max Fixing My Hair;
And I Don't Go Around Checking My Reflection,
In Everything Shiny Window From Every Direction;
I Don't Whine In Public And Make Us Leave Early,
And When You Ask Why Get All Bitter And Surly;
I'm Glad I'm A Man, I'm So Glad I Could Sing,
I Don't Have To Sit Around Waiting For That Ring!
I Don't Gossip About Friends Or Stab Them In The Back,
I Don't Carry Our Differences Into The Sack;
I'll Never Go Psycho And Threaten To Kill You,
Or Think Every Guy Out There's Trying To Steal You;
I'm Rational, Reasonable, And Logical Too,
I Know What The Time Is And I Know What To Do;
And I Honestly Think Its A Privilege For Me,
To Have These Two Balls And Stand When I Pee;
I Live To Watch Sports And Play All Sorts Of Ball,
It's More Fun Than Dealing With Women After All;
I Won't Cry If You Say It's Not Going To Work,
I Won't Remain Bitter And Call You A Jerk!
Feel Free To Use Me For Immediate Pleasure,
I Won't Assume It's Permanent By Any Measure;
Yes, I'm So Very Glad I'm A Man, You See,
I'm Glad I'm Not Capable Of Child Delivery;
I Don't Get All Bitchy Every 28 Days,
I'm Glad That My Gender Gets Me A Much Bigger Raise;
I'm A Man By Chance And I'm Thankful It's True,
I'm So Glad I'm A Man And Not A Woman Like You!


And Now The Rebuttal...I'm Glad I'm A Woman

I'm glad I'm a woman, yes I am, yes I am,
I don't live off of Budweiser, Beer Nuts and Spam;
I don't brag to my buddies about my erections,
I won't drive to Hell before I ask for directions;
I don't get wasted at parties, and act like a clown,
And I know how to put that damned toilet seat down;
I won't grab your hooters, I won't pinch your butt,
My belt buckle's not hidden beneath my beer gut;
And I don't go around "re-adjusting" my crotch,
Or yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch;
I don't belch in public, I don't scratch my behind,
I'm a woman you see-I'm just not that kind!
I'm glad I'm a woman, I'm so glad I could sing,
I don't have body hair like shag carpeting;
It doesn't grow from my ears or cover my back,
When I lean over you can't see 3 inches of crack;
And what's on my head doesn't leave with my comb,
I'll never buy a toupee to cover my dome;
Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side,
I'm a woman, you know-I've got far too much pride!
And I honestly think its a privilege for me,
To have these two boobs and squat when I pee;
I don't live to play golf and shoot basketball,
I don't swagger and spit like a Neanderthal;
I won't tell you my wife just does not understand,
Or stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band;
Or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep,
Then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep;
Yes, I'm so very glad I'm a woman, you see,
Forget all about that old penis envy;
I don't long for male bonding, I don't cruise for chicks,
Join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick;
I'm a woman by chance and I'm thankful, it's true,
I'm so glad I'm a woman and not a man like you!

 

[Debbie]

Communication is so important in a relationship.
listening properly helps to keep relationships together.


BILL AND MONICA??????
APPARENTLY THE WHOLE THING WAS A MISUNDERSTANDING.
THEY WERE ALL AT A GALA DINNER AND THE FOOD WAS REALLY BAD ,
SO BILL TURNS TO MONICA AND SAYS "MONICA !! SACK MY COOK"

 

[Debbie]

Groan was she blonde or were his instructions confusing? It's ok I'm a blonde too...

A women desperately looking for work goes into Erwin. The Personal Manager
goes over her resume and explains to her that he regrets he has nothing worthy
of her. The woman answers that she really needs work and will take almost
anything. The Personal Manager hums and haws and finally says he does have a
low skill job on the "Tickle Me Elmo" line and nothing else. The woman
happily excepts. He takes her down to the line and explains her duties and
that she should be in for 8:00 AM the next day.

The next day at 8:45 there's a knock at the Personal Manager's door. The
"Tickle Me Elmo" line manager comes in and starts ranting about the woman just
hired. After
screaming for 15 minutes about how badly backed up the assembly line is the
Personal Manager suggested he show him the problem.

Together they head down to the line and sure enough Elmos are backed up from
here to kingdom come. Right at the end of the line is the woman just hired,
she has pulled over a roll of the material used for the Elmos and has a big
bag of marbles. They both watch as she cuts a little piece of fabric and
takes 2 marbles and starts sowing them between Elmo's legs.

The personal managers starts to kill himself laughing and finally after 20
minutes of rolling around he pulls himself together and walks over to the new
employee and says: "I'm sorry, I guess you misunderstood me yesterday. What I
wanted you to do was give Elmo two test tickles."

 

[Debbie]

THINGS GIRLS THINK GUYS SHOULD KNOW:
1. Don't ever lie to us, we always find out.
2. We don't enjoy talking dirty to you as much as you enjoy listening.
3. Don't say you understand when you don't.
4. Girls are petty, get over it.
5. You don't have PMS; don't act like you know what it's like.
6. Saying something sweet might get you off the hook;
doing something sweet will always get you off the hook.
7. If you talk about having a big dick, we know you don't.
8. Size does matter.
9. We don't like it when you act like Mr. Big; we like
it when you are Mr. Big.
10. A system in your car only impresses your homeboys.
11. No matter what you say, your ex-girlfriend is a hoe.
12. It's good to be sensitive, sometimes.
13. If you did something wrong or even if you didn't, apologize.
14. Be spontaneous, dinner and a movie won't always cut it.
15. We are self-conscious by nature, we can't help it.
16. We are drama queens.
17. Hugs and kisses must be given at all times.
18. Don't make bets about us, we always find out.
19. Shave - no matter how cool you think it looks, we hate it.
20. Don't compare our breasts with Pamela Anderson's,
hers are fake.
21. We are beautiful, but make-up helps.
22. We will always think we are fat so humor us and
tell us we aren't.
23. You can shoot hoops, score a goal, knock down big fat guys, and
hit a little baseball with a stick so why the hell can't you piss in
the toilet and not on it??
24. Most importantly - we are always right so don't forget it.

 

[Natalie Nessus]

lol Where do you get this stuff?