Meeting Master for the first time?

[doll_parts85]

nevermind.

 

[Moonlit]

I could tell you what training is to me and mine but it would be different for you.

My advice to you: ask him the questions you have asked here.

 

[CutieMouse]

You've agreed to be "His", but don't know what being his/being trained means, exactly? This is such a personal thing, that the best person to ask would be him; however, "training" generally means teaching you what he expects/how he prefers you to behave/what the "rules" are so to speak...

 

[graceanne]

Not to mention you need to remember to have a safe call and all those things set up if you are only now meeting him.

 

[WriterDom]

Not to mention you need to remember to have a safe call and all those things set up if you are only now meeting him.

All a safe call is good for is to tell the police where to find your body.

But I'm sure all will go well.

 

[Sub_female]

Hi Doll,

When i chose to fully accept my dom he gave me a questionnaire. It sound real officy like i know but it was perfect to put to sleep all those questions i had like yours. Basically sub rates what they like, will agree to do and absolutely hate of pretty much everything of bdsm context. So before training begins dom knows what his subs borders are and where to begin the journey. Of the things i said no way to all of them i now enjoy, my dom was able to begin my training with what i knew i'd enjoy and gradually mix in everything about bdsm life. its a great starting point to training. The first training was nerveracking for me but it was amazing. Its one of those hold your breath and do it experiences and when you next take a breath you'll be addicted. If you want the questionnaire or want to ask anything else feel free to pm me. I wish you the best in your new path of life x

 

[July06]

if your this nervious you should really talk to him about it. communication is key, and with this hanging over you i'ed hesitate. talk to him. that is most important

 

[Cheshire D]

All a safe call is good for is to tell the police where to find your body.

But I'm sure all will go well.

I'd think it be good for telling the cops where to start looking for a body. Not necessarily finding it. Holy cupcakes that was depressing to type.

I agree with sub_female. Those questionaires are a beautiful thing. We've got some in the Library, I think. They're great for opening up communications. G'luck in your meeting.

http://forums.randi.org/images/smilies/mazeguyanimals/lion.gif

 

[graceanne]

All a safe call is good for is to tell the police where to find your body.

But I'm sure all will go well.

If I were to die, I'd like for the police to find my body so I could have a decent burial, and my family wouldn't spend the rest of their lives wondering what happened.

 

[FurryFury]

Many online Doms (and subs for that matter) are full of shit. One of the ways to tell if they are full of shit is do they communicate with you and let you communicate with them or do they play at being mysterious? If, when you ask a question, they refuse to discuss it, tell you that you are being presumptuous and so on, this usually means they are trying to control you without giving any real information about themselves or their plans. That in turn usually means they are NOT who and what they claim to be and they are making the shit up as they go along.

Each D/s relationship is different. Like any relationship it should be made up of a good fit. What you hope to get from the relationship should be something you can discuss and find is within your reach in his view and vice versa. A BDSM interest inventory for BOTH of you can be very helpful in spotting the places you both are in agreement and the places you both are not.

Your limits, both hard and soft and his should be discussed along with the above inventory before you meet. This will aide you both a great deal unless one of you is a fake bull shit artist.

When you first meet this person, if you do, you should do so in a public place with someone who knows where and when you are going to be there. That person doesn't have to know about the BDSM aspect at all. What they do need to know is who you plan to meet, when you will call in and what to do if you don't ie contact the authorities.

You should not plan on playing, fucking or going to a remote place, hotel room, even a dark alley or his buddies house on a first meeting. You should arrive on your own and leave on your own and not be isolated.

If you decide to play, scene, or have sex, preferably on another day or visit, you should have proper protection from disease, pregnancy and also, safe word(s) should be in place. Again a safety call should be arranged IMO because you've still never been alone with him and people can show a great facade only to change when alone.

These are my opinions off the top of my head and probably only starts to scratch the surface of important things to consider.

Fury

 

[lil_slave_rose]

If I were to die, I'd like for the police to find my body so I could have a decent burial, and my family wouldn't spend the rest of their lives wondering what happened.

i agree, and it's not necessarily just that but maybe the safe call could also SAVE a life....to say it's just a way for the cops to know where to find your body is silly to me. i think safe calls are a great idea and i've been one for a friend of mine before and shes' not even in the BDSM lifestyle, she was meeting a man online that she'd never met face to face before. she called me, wanted out of the date, and she faked that there was an emergency with me and she had to go...LOL..it wasn't that He was scaring her, just that she didn't like Him...*shrugs* i don't see what it hurts to have one in place....

 

[HottieMama]

i completely agree with FurryFury on all of her points.

Perhaps this is based on knowledge i have of you from other forums on Lit...but PLEASE make sure you are doing this for the right reasons...NOT just to "have" someone.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I've been seeing Master online/cam/phone for a while...but now we're going to meet in real life at the end of June...I'm a bit nervous...I don't know what to expect...He said we'll discuss starting training while He is here...I don't exactly know what that means. I want to start training more than anything...I want to be His...but I don't know what to expect...Can anyone give me a heads up what exactly is training all about?

i'm concerned with the fact that you are 'His' already, but yet have no clue as to what 'training' will include for you. if you have been with your Master for a 'while' online, i would think that these are things you would have already chatted about? maybe i'm wrong, but i know for me, Master and i have been together for almost 4 years, 3 of those years were Online/phone only and we discussed all of the things that would be expected of me, the rules, what training would include, etc...

what training is depends solely on what your Master wants from you, and the questions you asked here are questions you should be asking Him. if He will not allow those questions then i'd say that's a pretty big RED flag....as He should be open to chat with you about anything involving your relationship and 'training' ...be careful and good luck

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Miss DP have you overcome the agoraphobia ?

 

[Taja_Deveraux]

I've been seeing Master online/cam/phone for a while...but now we're going to meet in real life at the end of June...I'm a bit nervous...I don't know what to expect...He said we'll discuss starting training while He is here...I don't exactly know what that means. I want to start training more than anything...I want to be His...but I don't know what to expect...Can anyone give me a heads up what exactly is training all about?

If he is your Master-to-be then he should have been discussing these things with you already. Answering your questions and concerns, getting to know you and giving you an opportunity to know him. The fact that he is unwilling to discuss these things with you is disturbing, to me. It seems you're in the getting to know you phase and he isn't really giving you an opportunity to do that.

ASAP, you should ask him what to expect. The very next time you speak with him. And I would advise you not to be his until it's all hammered out and you've reached an agreement. Just because he's the Dom it doesn't mean you don't have a right to know what you might be getting into. Like any relationship.

Good luck.

 

[WriterDom]

When you first meet this person, if you do, you should do so in a public place with someone who knows where and when you are going to be there. That person doesn't have to know about the BDSM aspect at all. What they do need to know is who you plan to meet, when you will call in and what to do if you don't ie contact the authorities.

You should not plan on playing, fucking or going to a remote place, hotel room, even a dark alley or his buddies house on a first meeting. You should arrive on your own and leave on your own and not be isolated.


Fury

In a perfect world, yes. But is that really realistic for people who are not local to each other, and have been talking for a couple of months?

Why the secrecy? Who would want to enter into a relationship not knowing what the hell training was. Training for Al Qaeda? Who the hell knows if you don't.

 

[Etoile]

Three things.

1. BDSM checklists are great tools for beginners. Don't wait for him to give you one, search Google for 'bdsm checklist' and fill it out yourself. Even if you don't show it to him, it's good for figuring out your own thoughts.
2. Set up a safe call. Don't listen to WD, he's just being cynical. A safe call means that you pre-arrange with a friend that you will call them at a specified time to let them know how things are going. Some people include saying a special phrase with this, so that if the guy IS a psycho and he's watching you make the call, you can say that innocent phrase to communicate to your friend that something is wrong. This applies to anytime you meet someone face to face for the first time, even if it's not a Master-type relationship.
3. I think what's missing in this thread so far is clarification of "training" vs. other types of interaction such as sex and sceneing. Yes, the two of you need to discuss things like being tied up, how hard he should beat you, is it okay to leave marks, are you okay with sex on the first date, etc. Knowing how hard you want to be "forced" is also essential. Are you just going to have some kinky, freaky sex? Or is it okay for him to fuck your ass without warning or lube?
   
   All of these things are scenes and sex. But training is something different, and in my opinion the dominant gets to decide what that includes. Maybe he wants to train you in orgasm control, so that you can only come when he gives you permission. Maybe he wants to train you to shed your human inhibitions and become a pony or a puppy. Maybe he wants to train you in how he likes his blowjobs so you'll be an expert. All of these take time, repeated sessions of training, and possibly homework since you're living separately.

Just my three-and-a-half cents.

 

[WriterDom]

Nothing wrong with safe calls in theory. Anything you can do to make yourself safer is good. Like the Evil one says, trust no one.

Asking for references is a good idea as well. And see how he reacts to it.

 

[graceanne]

i agree, and it's not necessarily just that but maybe the safe call could also SAVE a life....to say it's just a way for the cops to know where to find your body is silly to me. i think safe calls are a great idea and i've been one for a friend of mine before and shes' not even in the BDSM lifestyle, she was meeting a man online that she'd never met face to face before. she called me, wanted out of the date, and she faked that there was an emergency with me and she had to go...LOL..it wasn't that He was scaring her, just that she didn't like Him...*shrugs* i don't see what it hurts to have one in place....

I've done that for my sister and a friend of mi ne. When they have first dates with guys, they always have me call about 9 or 10. Since I normally have their kids, I hve a good excuse. If things are going well they tell the dates the real reason I called, if not they tell the date that someone's puking (or something similar) and they have to go home.

 

[FurryFury]

In a perfect world, yes. But is that really realistic for people who are not local to each other, and have been talking for a couple of months?

Why the secrecy? Who would want to enter into a relationship not knowing what the hell training was. Training for Al Qaeda? Who the hell knows if you don't.

I actually think it's realistic and essential to make it clear to both parties that sex and scening will NOT occur on the first meeting. I've thought of meeting with my online Master many times and I wouldn't do it unless this was clear upfront. The pressure and expectation would be too much for me to handle. It's enough to simply meeting and see if everything seems to be above board and that the chemistry is there in person.

Now if they are not local to one another and s/he is visiting a long distance, after the first meeting for coffee or lunch, I can see arranging on the same visit some play or not depending on the connection and interest. Just because the chemistry is there online doesn't mean it will be there in person. That second meeting could be the same day but in any case safety should be a prime consideration.

The secrecy is wrong IMO. It's a red flag. She should already have some answers to these questions if she has consented to be "his" otherwise she has no idea WTF she is consenting to. In that case we are back to the bullshit Dom and/or sub thing there.

If you meant secrecy in relation to the parties arriving by themselves and departing by themselves that too is a safety thing. It's just common sense.

Someone who is not what they have represented themselves to be after traveling to see you expecting easy sex at the least could make themselves even more trouble if you must rely on them to get home, if they know your home address and so on.

Otherwise, if you have been smart, and they get all stalker like you change your phone number and e-mail. He has little or no trail to follow. He can't threaten you with getting you fired at work by using the photos or vid sessions you foolishly did for him. He can't threaten you with your family and all that.

Hopefully he is what he says he is and doesn't expect something intimate to happen. Sure he hopes and does she. Hopefully she is what she has represented herself to be. Now we are talking about in a perfect world . . .

Fury

 

[doll_parts85]

We're staying at a hotel room while He's here b/c my bed isn't big enough for two people...

I'll call my mom a few times to check in...and give her his address and cell phone number...just in case...

 

[doll_parts85]

Miss DP have you overcome the agoraphobia ?

no...its a work in progress...

 

[FurryFury]

If he is your Master-to-be then he should have been discussing these things with you already. Answering your questions and concerns, getting to know you and giving you an opportunity to know him. The fact that he is unwilling to discuss these things with you is disturbing, to me. It seems you're in the getting to know you phase and he isn't really giving you an opportunity to do that.

ASAP, you should ask him what to expect. The very next time you speak with him. And I would advise you not to be his until it's all hammered out and you've reached an agreement. Just because he's the Dom it doesn't mean you don't have a right to know what you might be getting into. Like any relationship.

Good luck.

Exactly!

*nods*

Fury

 

[FurryFury]

Miss DP have you overcome the agoraphobia ?

GREAT question Ms. Rebecca.

Fury

 

[FurryFury]

i completely agree with FurryFury on all of her points.

Perhaps this is based on knowledge i have of you from other forums on Lit...but PLEASE make sure you are doing this for the right reasons...NOT just to "have" someone.

Great advice.

IMO, everyone should live own thier own for a while to aide them in getting to know themselves (which will later come in handy when finding a partner) and how the real world works. Contemplating moving from your parents house to a PYL's house with no exploration time on your own in between is courting future disaster. I speak from experience.

Fury