Medical/Moral Ethics.....

[april-wine]

I just spent 4 hours with a man who looks exactly like my dad, but isn't my dad....At least not the dad I remember.....

July 11th he was taken to the hospital, we later found out that he had a grade 4 brain aneurysm...grade 5 being the worst.....
Without surgery he would have surely died, they only gave him 30% chance to make it through surgery....My family and I felt we had to give him the best chance we possibly could....But was it the best chance? I kept thinking all the way home what the hell have we done? Was it what was best for him?

I just don't know.........I just really don't know.......

 

[DannyBoyUK]

I would say you did the right thing - gave him a chance of a better life.

 

[patient1]

Please judge yourself by your good intentions. You & your family made a heartfelt decision with available information. It's not your fault.

 

[Shelby Lynn]

I know first hand the effects of aneurysms. My mom was diagnosed with cerebral anerysms. She had a total of 9. They were only able to surgically clip 6. One is a sitting time bomb on her spinal cord entrance to the brain.

The change in my Mom was profound after her two surgeries. They couldn't repair them all at one time. She had a minor stroke between the surgeries with no long lasting effects. Before surgery my Mom was surly and rude, mean spirited. Afterwards, she was nice to be around. She was greatful for her 2nd chance. It is amazing what a brush with death can do.

I want you to know that giving your loved ones a chance is the greatest gift. Modern medicine has advanced so much. If they hadn't operated on my mom, she would not be here today. I feel that I have been blessed with an additional 12 years that I wouldn't have had with her if the doctors and our family had decided not to proceed.

I know not every case turns out like ours did, but I hope that yours does. I know your heartache and your pain. I feel for you and wish you and your family all the love in the world.

Being there for your Dad is very important. He needs to know that he has reasons to stick around.

 

[Kymberley]

First of all, I am so sorry for your pain april-wine.

Second of all, without knowing before hand that this could have changed him, how can you possibly second guess your choice? I would have chosen the same thing.

All hopes were obvisouly for the best, that your father would be the man he has always been. Regardless of how he is now, he is still your father, and even if the love isn't evident, I believe that we never forget love, even if we can't make our brains function to show others how we feel about them.

His love is still there, just not in a way you can see it, just have faith that it is.

Daddy's girl stay that way forever, not even this will cause him to forget you.


*hugs*

 

[bluespoke]

Any chance is better than none.

Your anguish is understandable but how would you have felt if the surgeon had said 30% is too low I won't operate?

Five years ago I had surgery with only a 20% chance of survival. To say that I am grateful to the surgeon for taking the chance is an understatement.

You can only make decisions based on what you think will be best not what you fear might happen.

Any chance is better than none.

 

[april-wine]

My anguish is related to the fact, have we sentenced him to a lifetime of breathing machines.....Laying flat on his back......staring at the ceiling not even knowing what is happening around him.......

Maybe it's too early to think these thoughts.....

I just can't get em out of my head.................

 

[rubymyst]

despite advancement, medicine has only progressed so far. dont underestimate the force of the human spirit or the power of prayer.
what other choice did you have? would you have said no to an operation because there was only 30 % chance?
your family took a decision which will at least give him a chance to survive.
please dont lose hope.

 

[april-wine]

Thanks you guys......Me and dad.....One of my favourite pics....

 

[Ezarc]

*hugs april-wine*
There are no words to cure your sorrow, but I do offer a shoulder to lean on.
Take Care,
Ezarc

 

[SleepingWarrior]

Just look at it this way... a 30% chance is better than no chance at all. If your worried about him being left in a comatose state he can say he doesn't want to be left on life support if there is no chance of coming out of the comatose state.

 

[red_rose]

You and your father are in my prayers, April.

 

[Summery]

You have a PM, sweetie.

 

[freakygirl]

April-wine

3 years ago.. this coming November. I lost the mother I knew to a stroke. But I've grown to love the mother I have now.

It's never easy.. but.. sometimes we have to take a chance. I'm sure you are doing exactly what your father wants you to do.

*hugs*

you know where to find me if you need to talk

 

[Debbie]

april-wine, thank you for sharing the pic of your Dad and you.
Making any decision like this is so hard. I think most people would be thinking did we do the right thing?
I agree, a 30% chance is better than no chance at all.
I know you treasure every moment with him.
And this sounds so silly but when you see him next will you hug him from me? My Dad died when I was 8 and a bit.
I don't remember him much but there are tears in my eyes that you have your Dad and obviously love him very much.
Thinking of you and your family.

 

[sexy-girl]

*sigh* i saw this thread last night and typed out a reply but my internet stopped working anyway i managed to save it so here it is


*hugs* for april-wine ... i cant imagine what it must be like for you to go through this

but i think your dad needed you for this ... it obviously is terrible for you to have to make that choice and its made it very tough on you to have to watch him like this ... but your dads spent his life looking after you ... and this was the time he needed you to look after him ... to have to go through this tough period ... for him


you made the right choice im sure april and your dad now has a chance to fight and beable to hug you to thank you for making these tough choices ... and your not doing it alone you have friends here and someone that i know loves you very much ... from the things i've heard her say about you

 

[Guest]

 

[Guest]

Oh April, I've not been around so I missed this thread. You have my prayers. You have my shoulder and my ear. I'm thinking of you, love.