May I have a little input?

[intrigued]

Because you guys have such wonderful minds, I'd like to ask you to think about this and let me know if you can come up with any ideas or advice. I am really questioning alot of things, and I could use some help.

I have made alot of changes in my life in the last year, and yet, I am in limbo. It is time to take the real steps, and get on with my life. I have focused so much on just me, on what I have been experiencing inside, trying to heal and get myself strong again, and at peace inside. I have done that, and now I need to move ahead, but...I have no idea how to.

I am 41, I have only a high school diploma, I am separated, and I have 2 children, 5 and 13. I have been a stay at home Mom for the past 9 years. I have no real skills that are exceptional. What I did the most of before becoming a stay at home mom was secretarial and receptionist work, though I have also done bartending, resturaunt managerial work, and I have also been an assistant personnel director, as well as an assistant counselor at a residential treatment center for children. (I caught a few breaks.)
I am told I have good people/communication skills, and that my writing holds promise. I have one hobby that moves me, and that is my line of soaps and bath products that I sell in consignment shops, though I have not really put alot of effort into it in the last 6 months or so. I am ready to again, but it is a long way from being (financially) anything more than a hobby. However, I do see potential there of becoming a small business, operated from my home.

I was just talking to a friend that believes in me in a very big way, and is encouraging me to stretch my mind and try to find a way to pull all this together, the writing and the soap making. In my mind, I would love to freelance with my writing, but I am entirely clueless as to how one starts this process? i don't even have a particular genre in mind, the closest I can see is just contributing articles to magazines, etc, maybe a "features" writer? Maybe also, a few short stories here and there? I just don't know how one gets started, and I am most certain I would need more schooling, but since I am not even employed, money is a big issue. And this brings me to something else. My ex has been paying everything at both homes, his and mine. He is ready for me to work, now that my daughter is in school, and yes, I am ready to also. But an aside to this is that he is telling me that he does not think he should ever have to pay child support or alimony since he sees the children so much, and has supported us during the separation. Yes, I realize I need legal advice, but how do I get a lawyer without a means to pay a lawyer? He is beginning to really stress me with his threats, and I am to the point of seeking work at Walmart or McDonalds, which isnt going to get me anywhere...see, with so little current skills, and it being so long since I have worked, its almost impossible to compile a resume of anything compelling.
I want to do something meaningful with my time and with my life. I realize I am once again in a desperate situation, which now neccitates (did I spell that right?) desperate actions, and I so hate that. Also, my hours to work are so limited, they are limited to the hours that my children are in school.
With all they have gone through in the fallout of this marriage, I need them and they need me. They are so "toted around, back and forth " all the time, that I feel if I give any more time to others (for them to keep them for me) while I work at night etc, I am going to lose a part of them, and that breaks my heart.
I want to be with them. I want to work at home, I want to do something grand for once in my life, instead of just getting by, just doing meaningless/nothing stuff that never challenges, much less satisfies something inside.

I'm asking alot, huh? I have so little going for me.

Thank you...I know this is alot, but I have alot on me, and am really starting to feel quite lost. I'm a strong one, I just need a little direction.

Thank you so much.

 

[calypso_21]

I'm not going to get into the child support aspect here...I have opinions but I would rather do that in pm or over the phone.

I, however, can tell you a bit about freelancing to get you going. If your area is anything like mine there are probably a good number of smaller newspapers around. They are more often than not looking for freelance reporters. It can't hurt to contact them. If you have any questions about it hun feel free to pm me. I will see what I can do to help you.

 

[CoolidgEffect]

Romantic Soaps by Intrigued.

Each specially scented soap comes with a short poem or prose to convey to that certain someone they are unique and loved.


(Collect them all)

 

[intrigued]

I'm not going to get into the child support aspect here...I have opinions but I would rather do that in pm or over the phone.

I, however, can tell you a bit about freelancing to get you going. If your area is anything like mine there are probably a good number of smaller newspapers around. They are more often than not looking for freelance reporters. It can't hurt to contact them. If you have any questions about it hun feel free to pm me. I will see what I can do to help you.

Thank you Caly, I would love any info you may offer me. It just occured to me that you are in much the same shoes, and I could really use your advice.

I will PM you now.

Please...keep your thoughts coming? I need to get my daughter from school in a moment, but I'll be back soon.

 

[calypso_21]

Thank you Caly, I would love any info you may offer me. It just occured to me that you are in much the same shoes, and I could really use your advice.

I'm always available to you hun.

 

[RosevilleCAguy]

Romantic Soaps by Intrigued.

Each specially scented soap comes with a short poem or prose to convey to that certain someone they are unique and loved.


(Collect them all)

I suspect you have a winner here.

You could even make it slightly "naughty" In my section of Cali, they have upscale adult shops that specialize in things of this nature.

One piece of advice I can give is do not et a ceiling for yourself, set goals, but realize that you can exceed them.

Best of luck, you seem like a sweetheart.

 

[Suzi]

Intrigued....

Number one...Tell your husband that regardless of how much time he spends with the children, he is legally required to pay child support. You could find out if there is a Legal Aid in your area to find out if you can get representation concerning this, since you are no/low-income. Your priority is your children, not him.

Number two....Granted you have had some experience in office, restaurant, and human resource. You have a gift for writing and for creating something useful...something that could be marketed. You also have a support system in your friends. Why not get a secretarial job, do some freelance on the side...collect enough capital into a private acct., and perhaps start a mail order business? Obviously you would need some simple fliers with a message like what Coolidge did...Start small, then as you build the list, maybe expand out...? Just an idea!

 

[intrigued]

Romantic Soaps by Intrigued.

Each specially scented soap comes with a short poem or prose to convey to that certain someone they are unique and loved.


(Collect them all)

Wow!!! I am so impressed! Thank you dear, thank you!!!

 

[peachykeen]

Ms Intrigued says, "I have so little going for me."

Someone else read that and tell me if I need to get new glasses or what.

 

[Skibum]

As long as you have minor children, and they live with you, you are entittled to child support. Just because their dad spends time with them does not exempt him from child support.

 

[horny_giraffe]

First of all, that just sounds overwhelming--to me, and possibly to you. Might I suggest that you first break it down into smaller problems?

1. Unfortunately, 90% of life is about logistics. Even the wealthy billionaires who start to ignore this fact soon lose their wealth. Join the club.

2. Dreaming big can be a smart move, psychologically speaking. Sometimes, the hope of pursuing a dream is valuable in itself--even if the skeptic in you says that you don't have a prayer.

3. Ever hear of an economic principle called Ricardo's law of comparative advantage?


Let's put it in the form of a story: Suppose there is a grandmother, and she can knit a fine sweater. It takes her 10 hours to knit a sweater. Unfortunately, she's too weak to shovel the snow off her driveway in the winter.

Her granddaughter can knit, too. In fact, she can knit a lot faster than Gramma. She can knit a fine sweater in 3 hours. She can also shovel Gramma's driveway in about an hour.

Gramma says to the granddaughter, "Let me knit you a fine sweater, and you can shovel my driveway."

The granddaughter takes off her mittens and does the math:
1 hour to shovel the driveway = 1 sweater OR 3 hours to knit her own sweater. The best bet? She should shovel Gramma's driveway. Gramma get's her driveway shovelled, and everybody's happy. Ok, maybe Gramma is exploited a little bit.

The thing is, even if one is not good at much of anything, they still can be a meaningful part of society. Somebody has to take the garbage to the dump, right?

The thing is to figure out what you are best at, not what you are better than everyone else at. Notice, in my example, that although the granddaughter was faster at knitting, her personal best was shovelling the driveway. So it's her advantage to do what she is best at, not what she is better than other people at doing.

I don't know if that means anything to you--but it's a story that comforts me when I'm feeling particularly useless.

 

[takingchances42]

Whatever you do, don't sell yourself short. If you don't believe in yourself, nobody else will either. It sounds like you are rejecting yourself for jobs, without even trying for them.

The soap and freelancing work each sound like they have some good possibilities. But, I wouldn't count on either of them to be supporting you by Christmas, or even next summer. It takes time to build those kinds of things...

You are an intelligent and beautiful woman, inside and out, and a lot of businesses would be lucky to have you. Don't assume that someplace won't hire you. Look at the jobs you want, that you think you have the skills and talents to do -- whether it is reflected on your recent resume or not. Then go out and apply for them. Don't even think about doing something like Walmart or McDonalds -- until you've been turned down fifty or a hundred times. I don't think you'll ever get there, you will have a good job long before then. Just be proud of who you are, and what you have to offer, go out there and get those interviews, and you can find a good job and find it soon...

While you're doing that, work on the soaps and the freelance work. Build them and have them going... and hopefully when they reach the place they can support you, you will be able to do that full-time.

Just my opinion...

 

[intrigued]

OKOK, I am so out the door to get my KooKoo, but i will be back to address the other two replies...you guys are great, thank you!

 

[Weird Harold]

I am told I have good people/communication skills, and that my writing holds promise. I have one hobby that moves me, and that is my line of soaps and bath products that I sell in consignment shops, though I have not really put alot of effort into it in the last 6 months or so. I am ready to again, but it is a long way from being (financially) anything more than a hobby. However, I do see potential there of becoming a small business, operated from my home.

... Also, my hours to work are so limited, they are limited to the hours that my children are in school.

My daughter makes a "living wage" as an "Avon Lady." She has the flexibility to deal with school, gymnastics, Dance class, and soccer practice although she also puts a lot of time and effort into advertising and sales. Avon sales would tie in with your hobby as well.

There are other companies that use independent sales agents -- Tupperware and Amway -- that could be the solution you're looking for. Of course, success at any of these depends on how much effort you put into it and, to some extent, whwther they've over-recruited in your area.

Somewhere on www.Avon.com you'll find a link that will put a recruiter in contact with you if you're interested.

 

[peachykeen]

OK any of you who read Ms. Intrigued's post in the "stripping for your man' thread...

I'm thinking a litlle basket of bath products, attractively packaged with red satin, maybe that long string of pearls she mentioned, and that set of instructions tucked in...

Would make a hell of a valentines gift... or birthday... or christmas.. or Friday...

I'll take 5.

 

[Guest]

WOW!!!

intrigued, first of all i really admire you for what you are doing, raising your children by yourself , what a challange, second of all i know you are very talanted, if writing is what you what to do ,i dont know alot about that but there has to be ways of finding out, and maybe there is a chance you could take a few classes on the collage level to find out some things and i am sure there are goverment grants that are available to help in that area, sometimes it seems like life is not fair but set some goals and work toward them, as i know you will and i hope the very best for you, and yes i would buy your books!!!

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Romantic Soaps by Intrigued.

Each specially scented soap comes with a short poem or prose to convey to that certain someone they are unique and loved.


(Collect them all)

Exactly what I was thinking.
Maybe take a course, or buy a book in aromatherapy. You can tell people the benefits of your soaps, and the extra thought that you put into your soaps with a poem or story will make an incredible gift. Perhaps begin collecting your poetry and prose together, and create a website (I would also create a website for your soaps). Maybe sell some on EBay?

My dad is going through the same thing as you, Intrigued. He is a teacher, and has been one for the last 28 years. 4th grade. Now he and mom are separating. Dad might lose his job (for various reasons not linked with the marriage ending). So he asked me for some help. My dad loves to arrange flowers. He is an artist. He is an amazing cook, and has worked in hotel management WAYYYYYYY back when. My dad is wonderful with children and old people. He's very patient.

Just seriously gather your skills together, and make yourself sound good. I'd be glad to help you if you like, I seem to be good at helping people realize their gifts, and how to best exploit them.

 

[MissTaken]

I am in a limbo such as yourself, intrigued.

Money is tight.
My job is temporary. As much as I love it, I can't make a living.

However, it is an exciting time. It is a time for self discovery and finally, believing the sky is the limit. Look inside yourself and make things happen. Now is the time to find your inner peace and what makes you happy.

Also, there are many grants available to new small business owners. You might want to check out some of the free money that is available.

 

[Parklife]

Sounds like a lot on your plate intrigued but I agree with the above poster who suggested breaking things up into smaller problems. (they at least don't seem so overwhelming that way)

My sister never went to college so that my parents could send me there. She has two children 6 & 9 and is divorced from a man who doesn't always pay the support he's supposed to. She used to work in a book store but felt that took too much time from her kids (odd hours, weekends, etc.). So, she up and quit the security of the job. She looked for customer service work over the phone. She's now working for J. Hancock in their automotive insurance division. She works a straight 9-5 shift and only works one saturday a month. Lots more time for the kids, they trained her to do the work and she makes enough to live. There may be similar opportunities where you are for this kind of work that, while not glamorous, pays the bills and allows for other important things.

My mother is going back to work after 12 years and is trying to work in store set-up for Sears or Kohl's or some store like that. She has no computer skills and was afraid she'd never find work but thinks this job would be perfect. She'd go in after my niece and nephew went to school and work only till the afternoon. Won't provide the income to support a family but gain, just more ideas.

Finally, with writing, done as a side job or freelance, I'm not sure how much extra schooling you might need but if you write well, you write well. The only thing school would add is a piece of paper saying you graduated. You may be able to do without that by submitting your work to literary magazines, poetry 'zines, etc... They publish books about places, ways, hows of sending your work to various places for purchase/publishment.

Find something for now to help pay the bills. I'm sure there are legal services for someone without the income to pay. And always remember that you can work on your hobby and supplement any income you do have. Sounds like some great ideas above. I know a girl that lives in Canada and a few times a year she makes homemade soaps, lip balms, lotions, etc.. using aromatherapy oils and sells them during holiday times. She's not going to be a millionaire anytime soon but she's doing quite well with it.

Park~

 

[intrigued]

I suspect you have a winner here.

You could even make it slightly "naughty" In my section of Cali, they have upscale adult shops that specialize in things of this nature.

One piece of advice I can give is do not et a ceiling for yourself, set goals, but realize that you can exceed them.

Best of luck, you seem like a sweetheart.

I think its a winner, too.

I have been thinking about this while I was gone, and I would like to ask you to elaborate on naughty, do you mean in verse, or in appearance?

My mind then went to designing molds, and also to the possibility of carving each one so that it is unique....oh, how my mind is buzzing!

Thank you, I appreciate each of your comments.

suzi...Yes, there is legal aid here, but for some reason I did not realize that I could use it in a divorce case. Thank you for the push in the right direction....

When you say mail order, you mean taking it online? The only problem with that is that because I have no credit in my own name (there again, no income) I would not be able to be approved for a merchants account to accept credit card payments from customers, and thats what online shopping is based on. Maybe in time, though...

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, its much appreciated.


LOL peachy, you have me just beaming!! Wow...a strippers bath basket, complete with instructions on how to strip for your man...hmm...maybe I better go edit that post out before someone swipes my instructions?

I absolutely love it!!! Thank you...its just perfect!


BRB....

 

[Carp]

e-bay

100,000 people in the US make their living by selling products on e-bay. It gives you access to a huge market at a relatively low entry cost. I believe that it would be worth the effort to try selling your soaps there. If it fails, what have you lost?

This may not be the best way to market your products, but it doesn't have to be the best, it just has to work.

I'm going to check quick to see what is there and report back. Carp like to smell good too.

 

[Carp]

e-bay

Well, my quick look found abut 28 pages of specialty soaps on e-bay. Someone must be doing ok at it. Take a look.

 

[intrigued]

As long as you have minor children, and they live with you, you are entittled to child support. Just because their dad spends time with them does not exempt him from child support.

At the time he made that statement, it was during the summer, and we each had the kids 50/50. Now that they are in school, he has them every weekend. This is such a tricky thing...but I agree, because number one, no matter what, I will have them more than him, and number two, the man makes more money than i will ever make, there is simply no comparison, and he is her father, plain and simple. (Only one child is from our marriage.)

His line of thinking is that he will always take care of her financially, when she is with him... and therefore, he should not have to pay. And then theres alimony. I have never been one to be money hungry, and really, the alimony is not a big deal to me. Its just a simple fact that I stayed home for 9 years, and it was our decision together....and when you weigh my skills and my ability to support 2 children on my own, compared to his, well, no matter what, it is going to be much harder on me.
Its just the fact that he is being so nasty about it that is stunning me, and making me even consider the alimony. However, I will probably not pursue it, because he once told me that he did a little online research and realized that I could very well end up with most of his check. I don't want that. Thats just not me.
However, I do want my children comfortable, and with their most basic needs met. Thats all....

 

[lilminx]

Intrigued, I have not read all of the replies, so forgive me if someone has already suggested this: I know that some banks are willing to give loans to women and minorities to start small businesses. Why don't you take advantage of it and apply for one? If your soaps are something that you really enjoy, you should do it on a larger scale. Talk with someone who can help you, and see if the idea of taking out a loan to start a business is feasible.

 

[intrigued]

First of all, that just sounds overwhelming--to me, and possibly to you. Might I suggest that you first break it down into smaller problems?

1. Unfortunately, 90% of life is about logistics. Even the wealthy billionaires who start to ignore this fact soon lose their wealth. Join the club.

2. Dreaming big can be a smart move, psychologically speaking. Sometimes, the hope of pursuing a dream is valuable in itself--even if the skeptic in you says that you don't have a prayer.

3. Ever hear of an economic principle called Ricardo's law of comparative advantage?


Let's put it in the form of a story: Suppose there is a grandmother, and she can knit a fine sweater. It takes her 10 hours to knit a sweater. Unfortunately, she's too weak to shovel the snow off her driveway in the winter.

Her granddaughter can knit, too. In fact, she can knit a lot faster than Gramma. She can knit a fine sweater in 3 hours. She can also shovel Gramma's driveway in about an hour.

Gramma says to the granddaughter, "Let me knit you a fine sweater, and you can shovel my driveway."

The granddaughter takes off her mittens and does the math:
1 hour to shovel the driveway = 1 sweater OR 3 hours to knit her own sweater. The best bet? She should shovel Gramma's driveway. Gramma get's her driveway shovelled, and everybody's happy. Ok, maybe Gramma is exploited a little bit.

The thing is, even if one is not good at much of anything, they still can be a meaningful part of society. Somebody has to take the garbage to the dump, right?

The thing is to figure out what you are best at, not what you are better than everyone else at. Notice, in my example, that although the granddaughter was faster at knitting, her personal best was shovelling the driveway. So it's her advantage to do what she is best at, not what she is better than other people at doing.

I don't know if that means anything to you--but it's a story that comforts me when I'm feeling particularly useless.

Thank you for reminding me of why I am so busy admiring you lately.
What a beautiful story.

Actually, I have never dreamed a day in my life of anything more than the love of a man, and to have our children. This is my first taste of something grand, well, other than motherhood.

You guys are making me realize so much about myself. I WANT TO WRITE.

If you ever need reminding that you are so very useful, please remember this day, the day you helped me to dream.