Masturbation and logistics

[PennLady]

http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_facto..._women_masturbate_but_overlooks_the_real.html

There's an app for everything, including helping women masturbate.

 

[Stella_Omega]

hey, whatever works.

As the article points out, though what many women really need is a time portal app, to give them enough time alone to get used to jilling in the first place.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

<Read this in a crotchety old geezer voice>When I was that age all I needed was my hand. We didn't have no fancy pants intrawebs and cell phones. I had to fap to printed material or VHS tapes! Damn kids these days.

 

[lovecraft68]

people now need a program to tell them how to masturbate.

Every time I say people cannot possibly get any more reliant on technology something like this pops up.

But what gets me is the picture and the caption.

If lover boy isn't getting you off, start letting him go to bed without getting off and tell him me first or nothing for you.

He'll come around.

Wait, should I make that into an app so people can understand it?

 

[Stella_Omega]

Ah ha!

And it's just now occurred to me that a hella lotta men will buy this, as a fantasy assist when they are wearing those girly, lacy, underthings. That's the intended market, betcha anything.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

Ah ha!

And it's just now occurred to me that a hella lotta men will buy this, as a fantasy assist when they are wearing those girly, lacy, underthings. That's the intended market, betcha anything.

Thanks to that visual I won't be fapping anytime soon.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Thanks to that visual I won't be fapping anytime soon.

There's an app for that...

 

[PennLady]

people now need a program to tell them how to masturbate.

Haha but you are missing the point, or at least part of it.

Yes, there should be more communication between people when it comes to sex and what they enjoy and what gets them off. The point is that it simply isn't as physically easy, a lot of the time, for a woman to jill off like a man jacks off. And it probably takes a bit longer, so you don't really have the option to disappear into the bathroom while your toddler is running around and get a quick bit of release.

A lot of people are not as familiar or knowledgeable about their bodies as they -- we -- should be, and there are a lot of reasons for it. The clitoris isn't as prominent as a dick, so yeah, it may take longer to figure out what works. And my sex ed classes didn't go into any detail on this point, at all, not even to tell you that the clitoris was there, never mind what it did.

So yes, some people might need instruction on this point and I see nothing wrong with getting a little help and education.

 

[LucyH]

One thing I find odd about this article is the idea that you have to be alone to masturbate. I mean, yeah, not when the kids are around, but when you're in bed with your partner, why not?

 

[PennLady]

One thing I find odd about this article is the idea that you have to be alone to masturbate. I mean, yeah, not when the kids are around, but when you're in bed with your partner, why not?

What I inferred there was that a lot of women don't do it, for example after sex where they haven't had an orgasm (or perhaps enough of them), because they don't want to upset their partner.

And because men orgasm a lot quicker during sex—and some of them are still unwilling to admit that their female partners aren’t coming along with them—it can be awkward for women to get caught engaging in some furtive postcoital activity. The same women who profess to be sexually dissatisfied with their partners are also unlikely to be in the position to start a frank conversation about needing some private time.

 

[emap]

I think the worst part was simply, women who are unsatisfied are unlikely to find themselves in a position to talk frankly with their partner.

So yeah, why the fuck not? Unless you have a studio apartment with your husband and three kids you will be alone with him and then it's a simple matter of turning to him and saying something like baby I love you but you suck in bed in a bad way.

Why is that hard??? Yes fine I didn't put it well but still, most men after putting a ring on your finger will care if you get off or need to jill just to be happy with the sex. What the world needs is more Dr. Ruth. Schools really need to remember church and state separate then actually teach fucking sex because mom sure as hell isn't helping much if there is an app to jill with.

 

[Stella_Omega]

One thing I find odd about this article is the idea that you have to be alone to masturbate. I mean, yeah, not when the kids are around, but when you're in bed with your partner, why not?

I do not masturbate when anyone is around, never did. Why not? Because masturbation is a solo activity, for me and me alone-- too private to share.

And I can tell you that trying to get your partner to come up to the mark sexually-- when he doesn't want to deal with it? Is much more work than many of us are capable of doing, taking persistence and communication skills that people simply do not have, not even women.

 

[PennLady]

Why is that hard??? Yes fine I didn't put it well but still, most men after putting a ring on your finger will care if you get off or need to jill just to be happy with the sex. What the world needs is more Dr. Ruth. Schools really need to remember church and state separate then actually teach fucking sex because mom sure as hell isn't helping much if there is an app to jill with.

It's hard because for all the porn and erotica out there, people still find it difficult to talk to their partners about sex. I'm guessing there are tons of reasons -- they don't know what they want, they don't know how to say it even if they do, they don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, they're embarrassed, and on and on. So no, they don't say, honey, I need you to do X or Y because what we're doing doesn't work for me.

And no, moms don't always help a lot, but remember that our moms (I'm 43 and my mom is 66) were brought up in times when even less was said about sex. I never had a "talk" about sex; when I asked about babies, I got a Time-Life book that explained it, and in high school I watched Nova's "Miracle of Life."

I do not masturbate when anyone is around, never did. Why not? Because masturbation is a solo activity, for me and me alone-- too private to share.

And I can tell you that trying to get your partner to come up to the mark sexually-- when he doesn't want to deal with it? Is much more work than many of us are capable of doing, taking persistence and communication skills that people simply do not have, not even women.

Yep, definitely this. A lot of people don't mind getting off in front of their partners, and I'm sure many people enjoy watching their partners pleasure themselves, but for a lot of us, masturbation is a solo thing. And even if you have the communication skills, if your partner doesn't, or doesn't listen, it's even more frustrating.

 

[BuckyDuckman]

And no, moms don't always help a lot,

My wife's mother once had "the talk" with her. Her advice to her daughter? "Sometimes your husband will want to do that thing to you" (she couldn't say the word "sex") "Just lay there and wait, it won't take long." Then she paused and added, "Though I understand some women enjoy that sort of thing these days."

I love her addition. At least she was trying.

As for women getting off with their partners, aside from ignorance about how their bodies work, where do expectations come into play? I'm always surprised when I see an article explaining a woman's clit and informing the woman about the difference between clitoris orgasms vs. vaginal orgasms. Even setting aside those mechanics, do some women have a false expectation about how and when an orgasm is supposed to happen? Dumb questions?

 

[PennLady]

My wife's mother once had "the talk" with her. Her advice to her daughter? "Sometimes your husband will want to do that thing to you" (she couldn't say the word "sex") "Just lay there and wait, it won't take long." Then she paused and added, "Though I understand some women enjoy that sort of thing these days."

I love her addition. At least she was trying.

As for women getting off with their partners, aside from ignorance about how their bodies work, where do expectations come into play? I'm always surprised when I see an article explaining a woman's clit and informing the woman about the difference between clitoris orgasms vs. vaginal orgasms. Even setting aside those mechanics, do some women have a false expectation about how and when an orgasm is supposed to happen? Dumb questions?

Yes, that was a nice addition.

I would bet some women have false expectations, or perhaps incorrect ones, formed by everything from porn to erotica to what their friends say. I think those of us that read, write and post here are more familiar with the sexual organs and potential of the body, but not everyone else is. It's easy to forget that.

To be honest, I didn't know there was a difference in those orgasms and I'd have to go read about them.

 

[Dyslexicea]

I do not masturbate when anyone is around, never did. Why not? Because masturbation is a solo activity, for me and me alone-- too private to share.

Yep, definitely this. A lot of people don't mind getting off in front of their partners, and I'm sure many people enjoy watching their partners pleasure themselves, but for a lot of us, masturbation is a solo thing.

We do at times masturbate for each other but it's not at all the same thing, it's still partnered sex it's a lead up to more. In truth I don't really think of it as masturbation. I need time to myself. I need, at times, to fulfill my own needs, not worry about my partner's needs just my own needs. The truth is some of my most intense orgasms have come while masturbating.

It is nice living with someone who knows I need my alone time, just as I know she needs hers.

As far as the app, I don't need it but I do have an app which turns my phone into a vibrator.

 

[MrPezman]

Two Words: Nancy Friday

As a guy, I was always wondering why masturbation was always such a problem for some girls. I asked my mom, because she's a kick-ass mom to whom I can ask such candid questions, and she let me borrow her copy of My Secret Garden, by Nancy Friday. Holy shit, did it explain a lot! I also read Beyond My Control, by the same author. I'd suggest reading pretty much anything by her, because it fucking blew my mind how rough some women have it when it comes to that. Not to mention that she includes actual fantasies of actual women who write her, and many of those fantasies are quite steamy!

 

[MrPezman]

Oh, and btw...

Forgot to say earlier, but I consider a woman who can successfully masturbate in front of me is a woman who is not afraid of her own body, and so extremely sexy!

 

[Stella_Omega]

Forgot to say earlier, but I consider a woman who can successfully masturbate in front of me is a woman who is not afraid of her own body, and so extremely sexy!

I know exactly what you mean to say, but really what is so exciting is that she's not afraid of you. Which is to your credit!

 

[damppanties]

I was thinking about this thread last night and perhaps the difference between men and women masturbating could also be attributed to men's insistent hard-ons when aroused vs. not that insistent a bodily change for women. I mean, apart from getting wet and sensitive, there's isn't much women's bodies tell them. It might be easier to back off from than a man's penis shouting out to him that it needs release.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I was thinking about this thread last night and perhaps the difference between men and women masturbating could also be attributed to men's insistent hard-ons when aroused vs. not that insistent a bodily change for women. I mean, apart from getting wet and sensitive, there's isn't much women's bodies tell them. It might be easier to back off from than a man's penis shouting out to him that it needs release.

I never bothered to back off from my clit's demands back in my exceedingly hormone-rich salad days.

Most men can back off from their dicks. If they don't it's because they don't see a reason to. In our culture there are a few more reasons for women to not acknowledge their sexual impulses then there are for men.

 

[MrPezman]

I know exactly what you mean to say, but really what is so exciting is that she's not afraid of you. Which is to your credit!

Still, I haven't personally met anyone like that. Most of the girls I went out with as a teenager were terrified of masturbating in front of me, and I go back that far because I got married at 19. Even my ex-wife wouldn't do that. For her issues I blame Christianity. For the others, I just blame their parents for not being open and honest without turning it into such a bad thing that the girls were unable to enjoy their own bodies. I can't even tell you what I would do if I had a vagina, but I'm sure you can guess.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Still, I haven't personally met anyone like that. Most of the girls I went out with as a teenager were terrified of masturbating in front of me, and I go back that far because I got married at 19. Even my ex-wife wouldn't do that. For her issues I blame Christianity. For the others, I just blame their parents for not being open and honest without turning it into such a bad thing that the girls were unable to enjoy their own bodies. I can't even tell you what I would do if I had a vagina, but I'm sure you can guess.

Haha oh yes I can! I have one, but not a dick, and what I really want-- is one of each. hey, if you're gonna wish for a pony, you might as well wish for a pony on the moon...

But I have a questions-- were you and these girls fucking? I mean, would they do other things with you even though they wouldn't jill in front of you?

 

[BuckyDuckman]

Haha oh yes I can! I have one, but not a dick, and what I really want-- is one of each. hey, if you're gonna wish for a pony, you might as well wish for a pony on the moon...

A) Me too! (wanting one of each)
B) Never heard the "pony on the moon" before and love it; but I keep thinking, "Yeah, but then I need a spaceship to ride it and a spacesuit... and how would I feed it...?" Damn literal mind.

Forgot to say earlier, but I consider a woman who can successfully masturbate in front of me is a woman who is not afraid of her own body, and so extremely sexy!

When I first read this, it got me thinking: I understand his idea, but it seems like a damn high bar for any person to reach. I get it, I do. If you're that comfortable with your body that you're willing to display one of your most intimate moments with your partner - you're a special person, regardless of gender. But still... And I half expected MrPezman to get slammed for suggesting it.

But I have a questions-- were you and these girls fucking? I mean, would they do other things with you even though they wouldn't jill in front of you?

After reading the Hite Report on Female Sexuality - at the ripe old age of 16 (yeah, I was an oddball, but I desperately wanted to understand these strange creatures known collectively as "women.") - I came away with several live shaping opinions about female sexuality:
1) Women were as sexual as men, or, at least COULD be.
2) Women get some damn jacked up advice and pressures put on them about sex that guys don't get.
3) Women can often wind-up rather jacked up about sex in general and quite often don't even know or understand their own bodies.
4) If a woman doesn't know how to masturbate, they needed to learn how to it.

It's funny now thinking how life shaping those ideas have been for me. I've been pro-women and pro-women's sexuality since forever - coming of age in the middle of the women's rights movement, equal pay for equal work, the Pill, abortion, abortion rights, etc.

I had two girlfriends in my teens who claim they had never experienced an orgasm until I had given them one - and it startled the hell out of them the first few times it happened. They didn't know what it was or understand how I had made it happen. (As if I had done anything! LOL!) And I remember their disbelief when I suggested they could do it themselves and should try (because that's what that scholarly book I read had told me). I remember their shame/confusion/fear when they discovered they could and how they weren't sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing that they could do it themselves.

One of them was intimidated by being able to do it herself and didn't want to after deciding she could. "I don't understand why I should do it if you can do it for me." At the time, I didn't have a good answer, aside from the obvious. "Okay, then let me do it for you."

The other woman expressed similar shame about doing it herself, but admitted she was better at doing it to herself than I was at making it happen. (Come on, I'm really good at giving myself orgasms, I get that!) The compromise was for her to jill herself while we kissed and made out. She liked that a lot. That was the best of both worlds for her; having the interaction from me and better orgasms she could give herself. The funny part? I was never allowed to watch her doing it. I had to kiss her with my eyes closed and wasn't allowed to peek at her touching herself. Crazy fun, frustrating times.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Good stuff, Mister Duckman. I am ever and always interested in anecdotes like these-- sometimes they follow the norm, sometimes go against, but always worth hearing about...