Married to cheat?

[DreamerDiva]

I'm in deep thought over this one...

It's probably going to be a touchy subject but nonetheless I'm going to put it out here...

Does anyone else agree or feel that it is your spouses responsibility to ensure that all your sexual needs are met?

I've noticed in most marriages nowadays that this is one of the biggest reasons people decide to have affairs.

You find either a very sexually charged husband or wife whose needs aren't being met so they look for someone who can fulfill their desires.

It's not necessarily the best way I guess to handle it but in my case my husband is completely oblivious to my sexual nature and when he eventually does decide to initiate sex it's vanilla.

I also think obviously the way we are treated outside of that makes a huge difference. I fit example am a very attractive woman, I pride myself on looking good always but my husband fails no notice me. Oh plenty other men notice.... So I know I'm not just being vain.

I don't even feel guilty about hitting it up with other guys... I'm more pissed off because I feel like I'm here because of him.

My husband would more than likely be shocked and disapprove if he really knew what I was capable of. I guess im my own best kept secret.
Any input?

 

[Jada59]

I never depend on anyone to meet my sexual needs. *I* meet my sexual needs.

Don't get me wrong. Sex with a partner is a wonderful thing and it's beautiful when both can work together to make good things happen, but... I also know how to bring myself to orgasm, with or without a partner.

That being said, I believe marriage is not for me. I did get out of a very bad marriage about 1.5 years ago. So I may be a little gun shy. Turned out that he hated sex and found it to be disgusting, after marriage. Yes, we did have sex prior but after, he reserved it for making babies.

The bad thing there was not only did he hate me to my very core, but he made it impossible for me to leave. He finally filed on his own for divorce. Meanwhile, he had been cheating on me right and left. I didn't even care about that. I just wanted out. I don't personally believe in cheating. But I also don't know that I want a committed relationship again. Time will tell.

 

[Sam3501]

Cheating is a something you have too make your own decision about. But think about the consequences if you get caught. If you still love him you may lose him. Are there kids that may not understand why. If you have any kids they may lose respect for you. They may even cut off all contact with you.
To me cheating is a very selfish act. It is putting your needs above everyone else.
Have you actually talked to him about the problem? If he doesn't know there is a problem he can't try and fix it.

I'm just saying think of what it could cost you, and is it worth what it will cost.
Because chances are you will get caught.

 

[scootch00]

This is a tough situation, yes i think in a marriage there is give and take, and you need to work together. You have to give some things up that you do not want to, to make each other happy, but
I think if you really do not want to do something then you should not do it and you should make your spouse do it to a certain point.
It sounds like you are looking for attention, and there is nothing wrong with that, everyone wants and needs attention sometimes, and he should compliment you on your looks at times, it makes people feel good when that happens.
As for cheating and your situation I would have to agree with Sam3501, you need to think about the pros and cons about what can happen if you just go behind his back and cheat, but also think about what could happen if you don't. This is a sticky situation and you need to think long and hard about everything that can come about whatever choice you choose, like sam said how it would affect kids if you have them and anyone else as for family and friends.
The one thing I think you need to do without a question exactly what sam3501 said. That is to bring up your sexual frustration to him. Let him know how you feel about the lack of sex and the lack of attention. Then go from there, you never know what can happen, but you need to give him a chance to fix the problem. Again like sam said, he may not think there is a problem.

 

[anniebaby10]

A lot of my GFs cheat for the same reasons. Like them I found that when I got around 35 or so I became much more horny. Maybe because the kids were older and did not need so much attention or it was hormonal. For whatever reason I wanted to get fucked more often, with more intensity and in many different positions. My husband and I had a great sex life to begin with and he would make me cum like crazy but now I was more demanding. So I told him about my fantasies, new things I wanted to try and we even got on this site to explore "roll playing" from the stories. He loved it and our sex life got even better. No matter what I asked he delivered. Well, I have this fantasy of him sucking a cock and letting me watch that he won't do ( yet!!!!) but I will give him a break on that one. My GFs have just found their fantasies fulfilled outside their marriage. Some have gotten caught, others are pretty secretive and I find women are far better at hiding it than men. So they have their needs met and go on with their marriage. I do not judge but try asking first. Then if he will not be creative, go get it elsewhere. But protect yourself with condoms!!!

 

[tonydude]

......

 

[IVIaverick]

I guess you have to weigh how crucial sex is to your overall happiness. If it's more important than your marriage then I'd recommend being completely honest up front and taking the following steps:
1. Tell him what you want and spare no detail.
2. Tell him if he can't meet your needs, you want to have an open marriage so you can get what you want without going behind his back.
3. File for divorce.

Point #3 is why you have to decide if sex is more important than the marriage itself.

 

[IVIaverick]

I never depend on anyone to meet my sexual needs. *I* meet my sexual needs.

Don't get me wrong. Sex with a partner is a wonderful thing and it's beautiful when both can work together to make good things happen, but... I also know how to bring myself to orgasm, with or without a partner.

That being said, I believe marriage is not for me. I did get out of a very bad marriage about 1.5 years ago. So I may be a little gun shy. Turned out that he hated sex and found it to be disgusting, after marriage. Yes, we did have sex prior but after, he reserved it for making babies.

The bad thing there was not only did he hate me to my very core, but he made it impossible for me to leave. He finally filed on his own for divorce. Meanwhile, he had been cheating on me right and left. I didn't even care about that. I just wanted out. I don't personally believe in cheating. But I also don't know that I want a committed relationship again. Time will tell.

I hate to break it to you, and I'm not trying to be rude, but he didn't hate sex. He just wasn't physically attracted to you and he used that as his excuse. Glad you are done with that.

 

[freakyguy41]

My wife and I have only been married for nearly three years but, I've never been able to completely keep up with her... she just loves to fuck and repeatedly orgasm... and she so turns me on that I can't seem to ever fully satisfy her. She has seemingly been okay with our sex life until recently when she found my hidden stash of fantasy pics which included images of female dominance and cuckoldry. She wasn't upset... instead she questioned me about each one and actually thrilled to the idea of being more dominant over me and pushing me to be more submissive to her. My fantasies have now somewhat become her fantasies and she's saying that we should realize them so we never have to live with regrets. While the idea of sharing her is exciting, it's also scary to imagine her fucking an assertive, confident alpha male... but she has found I get extremely turned on by her pillow talk on the subject so she's even more determined than ever for us to try cuckoldry. She's even gone to the extent of buying and making me wear pastel colored panties like some of the cuckolds in the fantasy pics... and she physically teases me and feels my excitement as she pillow talks about what might happen and what it might be like for her and for me. She knows I could never bear to watch her fuck someone else so she teases that I would only be allowed to see the foreplay and then she'd take him into our bed and close the door so they could have their intimate privacy but I would surely hear everything... and just her description and assertive dominance puts my excitement over the top. I just don't know if i'm ready to turn fantasy into reality... but i'm beginning to believe it's now inevitable. She is truly a young trophy wife, so there are plenty of guys who hit on her even when I'm around. She's even picked out a guy who is a friend of other friends... she likes him and thinks he's hot and fun... I've been around him in the mens locker room and I think he's cocky and arrogant... but she's been using the thought of him in our pillow talk because she's found the thought of him intimidates me and drives me into my wanted state of submission...

 

[Beachaged]

I don’t think it is anyone’s responsibility to make sure I am sexually satisfied. I also don’t think you can make someone into something they are not. A spouse who does not have a high sex drive can’t be told to get a higher sex drive. It doesn’t work that way. I also think people change over time. They evolve. My sex drive seems to be to be higher than it was years ago. My wife’s is lower. I don’t blame her for that nor do I think she is to blame. We are different people today from when we first met. We have evolved in other ways too not just sex. That doesn’t make either of us bad people. But yes it does leave me in a dilemma of what to do. I’m not alone judging by the sexless marriage thread. But to blame my spouse seems wrong.

 

[Mister_Discreet]

Yes, I think its common. We haven't had sex in years (at least not with each other). She said,"It was never a big part of our relationship, it's not important to us'. Meaning, its not important to HER. She has let herself go a bit physically. People drift sometimes. I have friends that I meet for intellectual conversation that my wife can't give me. Some people do it with physical needs too.

 

[guns444]

My wife is a very plain and vanilla person sexually,no desire to explore or play. Most times she doesn't even want to have sex at all,maybe once or twice a month. So there are definitely times I feel like I could and almost need to seek out someone, but I get scared to pull the trigger. If and it's a big if I could find the right person who is safe, discreet and trusting and willing to explore fantasies I might pull the trigger and try it.

 

[Specula]

I'm in deep thought over this one...

It's probably going to be a touchy subject but nonetheless I'm going to put it out here...

Does anyone else agree or feel that it is your spouses responsibility to ensure that all your sexual needs are met?

I've noticed in most marriages nowadays that this is one of the biggest reasons people decide to have affairs.

You find either a very sexually charged husband or wife whose needs aren't being met so they look for someone who can fulfill their desires.

It's not necessarily the best way I guess to handle it but in my case my husband is completely oblivious to my sexual nature and when he eventually does decide to initiate sex it's vanilla.

I also think obviously the way we are treated outside of that makes a huge difference. I fit example am a very attractive woman, I pride myself on looking good always but my husband fails no notice me. Oh plenty other men notice.... So I know I'm not just being vain.

I don't even feel guilty about hitting it up with other guys... I'm more pissed off because I feel like I'm here because of him.

My husband would more than likely be shocked and disapprove if he really knew what I was capable of. I guess im my own best kept secret.
Any input?

I think you have a right to see that your needs are met. I think spouses also need to accept this fact. But spouses also have a right to know about it. If the partnership is not strong enough to accept it, then separation is the only way to go. Just cheating is a kind of sleazy solution, and does not honor the partner.

 

[69Massagingman]

I'm in deep thought over this one...

It's probably going to be a touchy subject but nonetheless I'm going to put it out here...

Does anyone else agree or feel that it is your spouses responsibility to ensure that all your sexual needs are met?

I've noticed in most marriages nowadays that this is one of the biggest reasons people decide to have affairs.

You find either a very sexually charged husband or wife whose needs aren't being met so they look for someone who can fulfill their desires.

It's not necessarily the best way I guess to handle it but in my case my husband is completely oblivious to my sexual nature and when he eventually does decide to initiate sex it's vanilla.

I also think obviously the way we are treated outside of that makes a huge difference. I fit example am a very attractive woman, I pride myself on looking good always but my husband fails no notice me. Oh plenty other men notice.... So I know I'm not just being vain.

I don't even feel guilty about hitting it up with other guys... I'm more pissed off because I feel like I'm here because of him.

My husband would more than likely be shocked and disapprove if he really knew what I was capable of. I guess im my own best kept secret.
Any input?

Back in the day , when I was going through a divorce I came up with this joke. Nobody seems to appreciate like I do but I'm damn proud.

How do you know you are having trouble in your marriage...…..your married!

Maybe I'm nit picking semantics here but.... I don't think it should ever be a responsibility. You should just want to rock their fucking world all the time.

Life is too short to be unhappy. As I sit here unhappy.

I can't speak for anyone else but I feel like It is always deeper than just sex, How I feel about someone as a whole affects how I want to be with them sexually.

Right now I'm juggling multiple woman, I'm not lying to anyone or promising anything but I'm still breaking hearts. I'm looking for that woman that I can give everything to. The problem is that it needs to come natural. The whole you have to work on it is bullshit. When it's right you know it and its all right.

Good luck! you do what you have to do. You are only as trapped as you believe you are.

 

[WillJ8787]

boundaries and feeling safe

I don't even feel guilty about hitting it up with other guys... I'm more pissed off because I feel like I'm here because of him.

My husband would more than likely be shocked and disapprove if he really knew what I was capable of. I guess im my own best kept secret.
Any input?

I felt this way for about 5 years of my 20 year marriage. The last five. I was so pissed off that my ex was clueless. I kid you not, she would talk about work during sex which was teaching 7th graders. How does one stay hard and interested when this happens?

What led me to divorce is your second line here, "more likely be shocked and disapprove." My ex was like this and was very judgmental about anything not within her world of approval. I had to learn that good sex with her would never be possible because I would never feel safe to be myself sexually with here without being judged or slammed for what I like. So I divorced and have gone on to have many compatible sexual relationships with many very different women. I am so thankful I did this before becoming too old to be able to do it and to enjoy it. I made a very good decision moving toward living my life how I want to live it. No regrets! I hope you can find what works for you.

Try not to be so hard on yourself if you are doing that...what you feel and want is ok...its more than ok...your entitled to ask for what you want and also to try and get it. No one should feel like a prisoner in a marriage!

Will

 

[allnightguy]

After much (years!) thought about this topic I really feel strongly that the idea of 2 people meeting each others' needs, sexual and spiritual, for a whole life is a lie. Our society propagates the lie by most people pretending to live happily under the system, but a lot of people quietly find ways to fulfill their needs discreetly while putting on the act of happy monogamy. I think an ideal, honest, healthy world would be more of a principal-partner situation with openly acknowledged extra relationships. There are books that back this up.

To my disappointment, though, my wife who is very progressive and free-thinking in most respects shoots the idea down whenever I try to bring up the topic. I think it's insecurity showing through, fear of losing stability. I really feel having affairs would actually strengthen our marriage, by lessening the pressure on my wife to be everything at all times. But the way my life is structured there are very few opportunities to meet women who are not already part of our social world, so this has all stayed in the theoretical realm so far.

 

[Shelly2inme]

Do you love him?

If you love your husband, but are disappointed in your sex life, cheating is not the answer.

By cheating you will feel guilty and live with a dark secret. That is not good for you or him.

If you don't love him and you are sexually involved with other men I think you should tell him and end the marriage.

But if you love him and want to keep the marriage why not be honest with him and explain that you want to be a hotwife. Talk to him about it and read about the topic and watch some videos. You might be surprised at how many men love having a hotwife.

I love my husband and we have always had a good sex life. But he realized that I need more sex and am capable of more sex then he is. So rather than limit my sexual pleasure to his sexual capacity he wanted me to enjoy sex with other men.

We have been married 20 years and 4 years ago we agreed to experiment with the so called "hotwife" concept.

Before we got into this I never would have imagined that my husband would enjoy watching me fuck other guys. I never would have dreamed that he would be turned on knowing I am having one on one sex with a guy when he is not there. But he does love it and I love it to. So, why not at least talk to him about it.

Sorry for your frustration. If you have any questions feel free to PM me.

 

[kdxdave]

is chatting cheating?

good afternoon,
I don't know if you consider chatting on here cheating or not since there is no real physical contact but that doesn't mean arrangements cant be made.
I also enjoy the excitement of chatting with other women since my wife is also very vanilla and I have to initiate sex nearly all the time if I want anything. I have lots of fantasies that I would like do but I know she isn't interested. It also appears to me that the women on the erotic chat seem to be fake and I don't know how I would communicate with you other than this forum which I have never used.

 

[KinkyColby]

I'm in deep thought over this one...

It's probably going to be a touchy subject but nonetheless I'm going to put it out here...

Does anyone else agree or feel that it is your spouses responsibility to ensure that all your sexual needs are met?

I've noticed in most marriages nowadays that this is one of the biggest reasons people decide to have affairs.

You find either a very sexually charged husband or wife whose needs aren't being met so they look for someone who can fulfill their desires.

It's not necessarily the best way I guess to handle it but in my case my husband is completely oblivious to my sexual nature and when he eventually does decide to initiate sex it's vanilla.

I also think obviously the way we are treated outside of that makes a huge difference. I fit example am a very attractive woman, I pride myself on looking good always but my husband fails no notice me. Oh plenty other men notice.... So I know I'm not just being vain.

I don't even feel guilty about hitting it up with other guys... I'm more pissed off because I feel like I'm here because of him.

My husband would more than likely be shocked and disapprove if he really knew what I was capable of. I guess im my own best kept secret.
Any input?

It can only be a spouses job to fulfill sexual desires that you have made them aware of (and potentially followed up with conversations about what that desire is for you, why, and what the boundaries would be if there is mutual interest).

You said "...when he does decide to initiate, it is vanilla". Does he always initiate? If so, why? And if not, have you ever tried to incorporate new elements when you initiate?

Even if it is not the greatest relationship, you probably have something invested. Before throwing it away or assuming the current state is all there will ever be, make sure you are really as far apart as it seems.

If he ever did notice you, and generally cares about you, he MIGHT surprise you. Or not, but at least then you KNOW.

I wish you luck in finding a happy place one way or another.

Feel free to PM if you want. I am on the other side of a picture (minus the cheating part) and I was very surprised at my wife's openness to discuss and try to understand, even if she was not into something.

 

[Wifestories81]

I'm in deep thought over this one...

It's probably going to be a touchy subject but nonetheless I'm going to put it out here...

Does anyone else agree or feel that it is your spouses responsibility to ensure that all your sexual needs are met?

I've noticed in most marriages nowadays that this is one of the biggest reasons people decide to have affairs.

You find either a very sexually charged husband or wife whose needs aren't being met so they look for someone who can fulfill their desires.

It's not necessarily the best way I guess to handle it but in my case my husband is completely oblivious to my sexual nature and when he eventually does decide to initiate sex it's vanilla.

I also think obviously the way we are treated outside of that makes a huge difference. I fit example am a very attractive woman, I pride myself on looking good always but my husband fails no notice me. Oh plenty other men notice.... So I know I'm not just being vain.

I don't even feel guilty about hitting it up with other guys... I'm more pissed off because I feel like I'm here because of him.

My husband would more than likely be shocked and disapprove if he really knew what I was capable of. I guess im my own best kept secret.
Any input?

That's pretty much been my experience. I'm very sexual and when we aren't connected, and those needs aren't met, that's when I find myself straying. It's good to know in my late 30's I can still turn the ladies heads.

 

[StarGazer58]

You get one go through life so you got to do what needs to be done to meet your needs. Don't get to the end of your life and look back with regrets that you did not do something that you really wanted.

 

[ontariobob57]

Long Term Marriage

I have been married 35 years now-- she is my soulmate -- but we have the same problem-- her interest in sex in minimal--we have what I call "duty" sex--this is where I get the impression she is doing it as her duty as a wife. She does not enjoy it--has many limits--do not touch boobs--pussy with fingers cock only-- never oral either way--but will fuck --get it up get it in get t done. So straying has started happening --online only-- I can understand men and women in this same situation and why they stray-- the marriage is amazing otherwise-- we just need a little more. I figure, if we could get all the women whos needs are not met and all the guys whos needs are not met, and introduce them to each other--we would have a lot of happy people around. That being said--anyone want to chat or play online -- say hi --cant miss a chance --lol

 

[guns4444]

Your last statement is SO true. If my wife knew I was here and the kinks and fantasies I have she would lose her mind! I'm on the side of extremely horny husband with a closet of kinks and a very vanilla, conservative, and not real sexual wife. I of course find myself here and recently on FetLife, but am not sure I can take the next step the guilt gets to me at times even being on these sites.

 

[Specula]

I never depend on anyone to meet my sexual needs. *I* meet my sexual needs.

Don't get me wrong. Sex with a partner is a wonderful thing and it's beautiful when both can work together to make good things happen, but... I also know how to bring myself to orgasm, with or without a partner.

That being said, I believe marriage is not for me. I did get out of a very bad marriage about 1.5 years ago. So I may be a little gun shy. Turned out that he hated sex and found it to be disgusting, after marriage. Yes, we did have sex prior but after, he reserved it for making babies.

The bad thing there was not only did he hate me to my very core, but he made it impossible for me to leave. He finally filed on his own for divorce. Meanwhile, he had been cheating on me right and left. I didn't even care about that. I just wanted out. I don't personally believe in cheating. But I also don't know that I want a committed relationship again. Time will tell.

the spouses responsibility to ensure that all your sexual needs are met?

Absolutely, I entirely agree, and it might be worth making wholly explicit, when any kind of knot is to be tied!!

 

[Specula]

I'm in deep thought over this one...

It's probably going to be a touchy subject but nonetheless I'm going to put it out here...

Does anyone else agree or feel that it is your spouses responsibility to ensure that all your sexual needs are met?

I've noticed in most marriages nowadays that this is one of the biggest reasons people decide to have affairs.

You find either a very sexually charged husband or wife whose needs aren't being met so they look for someone who can fulfill their desires.

It's not necessarily the best way I guess to handle it but in my case my husband is completely oblivious to my sexual nature and when he eventually does decide to initiate sex it's vanilla.

I also think obviously the way we are treated outside of that makes a huge difference. I fit example am a very attractive woman, I pride myself on looking good always but my husband fails no notice me. Oh plenty other men notice.... So I know I'm not just being vain.

I don't even feel guilty about hitting it up with other guys... I'm more pissed off because I feel like I'm here because of him.

My husband would more than likely be shocked and disapprove if he really knew what I was capable of. I guess im my own best kept secret.
Any input?

No doubt in my mind. It IS the spouses responsibility to ensure that all your sexual needs are met. t deserves to be in every contract, whenever any knot is being tied!