Married people, a question of affairs!

[Michael1]

If this was a previous topic I have not seen it. Moral issues aside, if I may, allow me to ask you about affairs.

Various studies show that a high percentage of the population is having sex with people other than their spouses.

What is your opinion on them. Have you had one and if so how did you manage it, geographically and emotionally? Were you discovered, is it still going on or how did it end? Was it worth having and/or would you do it again?

Are you considering having one but are afraid? If so, of what specifically?

Can a person have a sexual affair and keep it totally secret, and separate, from your home life?

If you have not had one, what do you know of friends that did?

Could your spouse be having one, and you are not? What would your opinion be of discovering he/she was having sex without you?

Thanks for contributing!

 

[lovetoread]

Okay would this be like in real life or in the cyber world? Or is it considered cheating to do it online,as long as you never meet?

 

[ub6ibfine]

hmmmmm

I was going with this married woman. You know
same ol story marriage gone bad. She cant afford
tha house bills an kids so she stays with him. But
constanly is cheating on him. We fell in love...
...well I did anyway an she claimed she did. We
didnt hide it that good. She would spend tha night
here like 3 to 6 days a week an wouldnt come home
untill 6 in the morning before he went to work.
I even stayed at her house a couple of times. We
were alwayz together. An I seen it as a relationship
just like any else. She was my girl. But in reality she
wasnt. She was cheating on her man for her own
sick reasons. Its not just cause she cant pay the bills.
If your not the one cheating I dont feel its worth getting
into a relationship. An its not worth killen the otha guy
or him 86'n you out either. Because her mind is warped.
If she can give her vows to this man before God an
everyone else. An say she wants him to be the one the
rest of her life but she can jump in bed with someone else.
She has a bad problem with lying an deciving people. So
the only way to go if your going to do it is just get into it
for tha fuck of it...

 

[Michael1]

lovetoread, I was referring to real life but you do bring up an interesting question. Is it cheating when it remains in the cyber-world? Legally no. But, morally it probably runs right up there near cheating since your heart, or your emotion, leaves your partner for another even if only temporarily. Not that I think that is wrong, because I do not, but perhaps it answers your question.

How far might you go?

(I know, I am pinning you down but if I didn't care I wouldn't ask *s*)

 

[portal65]

Let me get this straight.
If I'm sprawled on the couch watching the Dallas Cowboys and I'm having sexual fantasies about the Cheerleaders, I'm not cheating on my wife. Heather Lockyear strolls accross the screen and I get a hard on. Thats OK? But if I'm exchanging email or ICQ's with a woman I've never met and most likely never will, and we talk about mutual masturbation I cheating on my wife?

I'm kinda confused here.....

portal65

 

[Michael1]

portal,,,you're not corresponding with the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders not Heather Locklear are you? You're not pouring out your emotions to them are you? You're not discussing, and acting upon, sexually fantasies with them are you? You're not doing this without revealing it to your wife are you?

Thats the main, but arguable, difference.

 

[Guest]

cheating

I too am confused. I chat with women, exchange pics and have mutual masturbation online. In my mind I know its cheating. I have no justification for it. Its not right, but until my wife and i resolve our problems it is what I have to do to keep my sanity!

 

[Nicodemus]

Depends on how you classify a monogamous relationship. If you base it just on physical then fantasizing about someone else is okay. But for some people even thinking of another is wrong.

I think what was being addressed with the whole cyber line of reasoning is that most commited 2 person relationships are based on not only sharing the physical but the emotional, mental, and spiritual. So if you are sharing sexual fantasies/thoughts with someone other than your spouse/girlfriend then that could be seen as being unfaithful. Personally I see no problem with sharing these thoughts with someone else. Some times sharing our most intimate desires can be hardest when it is with the one we 'love'. The fear of rejection is actually heightened since this is a person you are commited to and their opinion of you matters more than most.

I mean really, what do you care if some impersonnal cyber name across the country thinks you are twisted for wanting to be violated anally, while wearing a zebra suit and flying helmet, with motor oil spread on your chest and cheez wiz in your hair and your woman/man's privates in your face (just a random thought there, not a personal experiecnce).

I don't think cheating should be done just on a whim. If you are with someone they can be hurt by your act. At the same time I will admit that if you have tried to talk to your other half and things are not changing and you want out but can't get out or are just unhappy, then, if you can be discrete about it it really is your business. Life is to short to walk around not trying to experience it to the fullest. That, if nothing else is something I have taken from the September 11th tragedy.

Sorry if this is long or disjointed, just getting my thoughts out there. I am going through this kind of situation and fall into the tried repeatedly, talked about it, stated I want to move on in as amicable a way as possible category, so it hit kind of close to home. Cheers all...........

 

[ShamelessFlirt]

In my humble opinion

I bet this is going to be one long thread.

Here goes, in my opinion it's not cheating until there's physical contact. So I'm contradicting my story, "not cheating". But I digress.

Thinking about someone else during sex happens all the time. The proverbial calling out of the wrong name? Thank God it never happened to me, but then I'm lucky I remember the last time I had sex with someone else ...lol

If you cheat in your mind, do you cheat in your heart?
Is calling that person on the phone acting on those feelings?

I guess it's all tied to your intentions. Would you leave your so called love for the person you're having sex with? What are you looking for?

Can you love someone, and have sex with someone else? That would certainly call into question the degree you loved that person, wouldn't it. But acting on those feelings short of actual physical contact? Where's the harm? Do you expect to censor someone's mind? It can't be helped.

Ever watch porno with your lover? Do you do it to get ideas for new positions? Or is there another aspect of it which turns you on?

Now if you take it to the next level, and actually met someone and then have sex. Sorry Mr. Clinton, even just a blowjob, I feel that's cheating. Is it honorable? Is it even honest (to yourself or your spouse)? I'm not going to decide. I feel it all depends on what you're looking for (your intentions).

Personally, I'm not happy in my present situation. I've said as much to her (long story I won't go into). So far, I haven't physically cheated. I have in the too distant past had phone sex. My intentions were to fulfil a desire which wasn't being fulfilled at home. But there's more to it than that.

To meet, fall in love? Is that cheating? I guess that depends on your intentions. Are you cheating on yourself if you're not in love with your spouse? Cheating her out of happiness?? Who's to say.

But innocent fantasy, even when acted out on the phone isn't cheating to me. Depending on your intentions.

 

[lovetoread]

This is for in Real Life, I am not getting into the cyber relationships...


Have you had one and if so how did you manage it, geographically and emotionally? Were you discovered, is it still going on or how did it end? Was it worth having and/or would you do it again?

Nope never had one.

Are you considering having one but are afraid? If so, of what specifically?

Not at the moment.

Can a person have a sexual affair and keep it totally secret, and separate, from your home life?

No I dont think so,you can try to keep it quiet,but somehow,it will come out.

If you have not had one, what do you know of friends that did?

I live vicariously through them...<JOKE!> I dont know of anyone that was close to me that has had one.

Could your spouse be having one, and you are not? What would your opinion be of discovering he/she was having sex without you?

Possibly,he works many jobs and is away alot. I dont think I want to think about the second question.

Thanks for contributing!

No problem,kind sir....

 

[Jellybeangirl]

on having an affair...

in my younger years, i was very judgemental and couldn't understand how anyone could have an affair if you're in love with someone..you exchange vows and pledge yourself to another..it's all wonderfully cozy and heartwarming...

but now i see how easy it is to grow apart, have different dreams, different longings than the one you're with...it's kind of sad..you start looking for a connection...for a little happiness...wondering if those little interludes will be enough..

I'm still on the fence.

 

[lovetoread]

lovetoread, How far might you go?

I dunno, what are you offering?

<joking...couldnt help it....I am a sucker for bad lines>

 

[Michael1]

I dunno, what are you offering?

Lovetoread,,,for you, it's ladies choice.

What may I offer to my sweet southern belle?

 

[lovetoread]

Lovetoread,,,for you, it's ladies choice.

What may I offer to my sweet southern belle?

Oh goodness the possibilities....hmmm let me think about it and get back to ya.....

 

[SexyChele]

Well, I'm not married, but I had an affair with a married man. At first it was wonder, fun, the most romantic adventure I've ever lived. But it soured when I came to a couple of realizations:

1. He really had no intention of leaving his wife - though he bitched about her all the time.

2. My friends, especially married friends, completely ostracized me.

3. He became very possesive of me - everywhere I went he had to know with who, where, and what time I would be back. When I decided to start dating other (single) men, he went off on me.

The spouse usually finds out. They may not acknowledge the affair, or admit to it, but they know. And many times children are brought in as pawns in the game. (this happened with me) I've noticed that a lot of times people who enter into affairs are really only seeking out self-gratificaton. They pay lip service to caring about their kids, but by virtue of the fact that they are with another person, breaking a promise made to another, displays the type of values they are not teaching their children.

On cyber relationships. Hmmm.....I would say that if two people are just exchanging innocent conversation, even a little mild flirting, then no, no cheating. This is usually things you would do in front of your spouse. However, sharing emotional bonds is different. I've noticed that men look at this differently than women, though. Men will state that it's not cheating unless the physical is involved. Women are more likely to state that it's cheating if the emotions are involved. It's just the way we are wired, guys.

I've had a couple of cyber-relationships with men who told me they were either single or divorced, only to find out they were married. The "relationship" was ended abruptly by moi.

I was sucessful in bringing ultimate pain to another woman once in my life. I won't do it again.

 

[petrel]

I've had a relationship with a married man too sexy chele;
and to be honest it was exciting, passionate and thrilling but going nowhere fast from the first day. in the end it was deply unsatisfying.
re cheating
i have spent along time talking this issue over with my partner and we have certain rules , flirting and a quick kiss (real life) isn't cheating though if it becomes a habit with another person you need to look at that, other physical contact is not allowed.
Online anything goes when it is pure anonymous chat. I have one or two friends who i mail fairly regularly and with them or anyone who i start to exchenge information and intimacy about my 'real life' it becomes more like real life and things sould be a little mroe restrained - the most important part is honesty. My partner knows that i get turned on by online chat and sex, it helps me to work through some of the inhibitions i have and it gives us explosive sex.
Hope this helps

 

[tn_8tiv]

I am married and currently having an affair with a beautiful married woman, much younger than myself. Why...I really believe each individual has needs that can't be fulfilled by a single person. I still treat my wife with the greatest of love and we still have great conversations. But, our sex life has become boring. I know it sounds trite, but we all need the thrill of conquest to remain vital.

As far as misleading my lover, I could never do that. She understands my position and I hers. I can't say that someday we won't share more than we do now...but we enjoy each other's company when we can. It's great to have a good friend and a lover to fill that void when marriage becomes too familiar.

 

[johnhalliwell]

Married life

I got married in June 2001 and split with my wife earlier this year. My wife and I had sex 3 times in that time and I had affairs with 4 other women in the final 3 months... not a lot of time I know...

But it's not just guys - I have also had relationships with 2 married women..

The split had nothing to do with the affairs because she never found out (positive, as we're going through a divorce now) but the alterative was sex with an ironing board. (I relate sex with selfish women who think sex is about lying flat on their backs like having sex with an ironing board).

I have since found love with a wonderfully sexy woman who is 10 years older than me and now the ironing board is strictly for shirts.

Funnily enough since the age of 20 I have mostly been with older women, except for the one I married who was ...well only 3 months older...but I myself look about 35.

JH. (28)

 

[juicylips]

Interesting question...

.

 

[Nicodemus]

Cassidy,

As always a voice of reason.....

I think that puts this whole thread in perspective. We come here to, in many cases, to find something we are looking for. For some it may be expressing ideas/desires that we can't at home. For other it may be as simple as trying to learn more or just better understand their own desires.

N

 

[juicylips]

.

 

[Nicodemus]

Cassidy,

Reason for the others....Simply captivating for me............

Never think you are anything less than captivating for me.

Nic,

 

[juicylips]

.

 

[MacCortz]

Cheating on the Net?

lovetoread, I was referring to real life but you do bring up an interesting question. Is it cheating when it remains in the cyber-world? Legally no. But, morally it probably runs right up there near cheating since your heart, or your emotion, leaves your partner for another even if only temporarily. Not that I think that is wrong, because I do not, but perhaps it answers your question.

How far might you go?

(I know, I am pinning you down but if I didn't care I wouldn't ask *s*)

A strange proposition, is it cheating in the cyber-world? Was it cheating with a magazine, was it cheating with a book, was it cheating with a vidio or was it cheating with a look?

The cyber world is generally just a very current story (novel or story) that most often is not as well written because you don't edit and rewrite it. The novel or lit story can be arousing as can a chat or email or what. What is being suggested is that the cyber sex world is morally wrong, but whre does it stop, at the lit stories, a novel, a movie ......

Those that wish to censor freedom of speech shall draw lines that none of us could keep. Our writers, our speakers, our movie makers soon all would be gone.

Don't imprison my imagination!

 

[lovetoread]

Re: Cheating on the Net?

Don't imprison my imagination!

Okay, I am a bit confused. You are saying that if you keep to the web,its not cheating?