Married men who have cheated and stayed married...why?

[Cirrus]

Obviously if you can't reveal your identity post as unregged. I'm hoping I get some replies to this one. I'm not involved with a married man now, but I have been. These weren't one night stands, they were actual "affairs".

The thing I'm wondering, is every single married man I've seen wanted to stay married. That's fine by me, and I never, and would never, do anything to out him to his wife. I know what an affair is, and I know I'm the other woman. I just don't know why this is.

Is he just an ass that wants to have his cake and eat it too? Does he genuinely still have feelings for his wife, but yet have feelings for the other person he's seeing as well? Is he just bored with his marriage but yet doesn't want to leave the security of it? Not gettin' any at home?

Guys, if you've done it and wanted to stay married, why? Women, if you've ever had a guy tell you why, what was his reason?

 

[MorgaineLaFay]

I shouldn't be answering this. I haven't even had my first cup of coffee up to my lips yet. But I tend to get tired of the pattern to men bashing. Not saying that you are bashing at all my dear... Plenty of women have affairs as well. I personally believe sex equals something different for both sexes.

 

[Megameg]

My dad had an affair, and he was GOING to leave my mom, but then he clued in to the fact that we, his children, were going to have nothing to do with him if he did, so he stayed (it helped that the other woman dumped him when he refused to buy her a car). His reasons were that he wanted his kids to stay in his life and he realized that he wasn't going to find anyone else (except my mom) to put up with his bullshit for free.

I'm sure that each man has his individual reason for cheating on a wife he'll never leave, and I'm sure the ones you listed are very popular ones.

You could probably add these - they:
- Don't want to do child support or alimony
- Don't want to lose 1/2 the assets.
- Still care what their mommies think
- Are too chicken to take the plunge
- Realize they are just having a mid-life crisis that will pass.
- Just like to sink it into somebody different now and then - no big whup.

Meg

 

[Skibum]

I got out of a marriage that had gone bad, and two of my three kids cut me off completely. I am happy in my current relationship, but I really miss my kids. That might be one reason some men stay in bad marriages.

 

[JazzManJim]

There have been perhaps a gazillion studies that have pretty conclusively shown that men, in the vast majority, have affairs because of some lack of physical attention from their wives. They're quite happy with them otherwise, except in the physical realm.

So it's not awfully surprising that, of the married men you know who have had affairs, they don't want to leave their wives. It's pretty par for the course.

 

[Megameg]

I got out of a marriage that had gone bad, and two of my three kids cut me off completely. I am happy in my current relationship, but I really miss my kids. That might be one reason some men stay in bad marriages.

I want to add that if my dad had ended his marriage to my mom BEFORE he had the affair, I would not have bad feelings toward him. Their marriage sucked then, and it still sucks.

But he treated her very badly during the affair - told her he was leaving because he couldn't stand to be with her anymore. It was only later that the (2 year) affair came out. THIS is why I still can barely stand the sight of him even now.

I know this isn't really on topic, but I wanted to make it clear that it was the affair, not the leaving, that I found so intolerable.

Meg

 

[pORn!?..wORd!]

i'm the type that would get married n' still play mind games...

 

[MorgaineLaFay]

i'm the type that would get married n' still play mind games...

I'd like to introduce Mr La Fay ....

 

[pORn!?..wORd!]

I'd like to introduce Mr La Fay ....

thank you !

 

[Hamletmaschine]

A couple of answers by guys smarter than me

Hogamous, higamous, men are polygamous.
Higamous, hogamous, women are monogamous.

~William James

There are two kinds of women: those men want to marry, and those men want to fuck.

~Somerset Maugham (paraphrased)

 

[Guest]

 

[bluemuse]

Something like 50% of married men ADMIT to cheating or having affairs. 30% of married women are unfaithful.

Does anyone have any theories as to why this is?



bluemuse

 

[plasticman33]

Something like 50% of married men ADMIT to cheating or having affairs. 30% of married women are unfaithful.

Does anyone have any theories as to why this is?



bluemuse

Only 30% of married women, really?? I noticed for men you put 'ADMIT' did that apply to the womens stat?

I admit I have, but, only once in an 18 year marriage.

 

[Calamity Jane]

Re: A couple of answers by guys smarter than me

[BThere are two kinds of women: those men want to marry, and those men want to fuck.

~Somerset Maugham (paraphrased) [/B]

I know this is off topic, but someone once told me, while breaking up with me after a 5 month relationship in order to marry his long time girl friend... "You're not the type of woman men marry, you're the type they cheat on their wives with." I never quite figured that one out.

I'm guessing that the reasons men stay in marriages after cheating are much the same as the reasons men who have never cheated stay in bad relationships. Sometimes staying is easier than not.

 

[Aphrodisiac]

Women, if you've ever had a guy tell you why, what was his reason?

I have a very close friend, he has been married for over 20 yrs. He recently told me that he met this woman and after some time, they became intimate. I did not judge him or tell him anything negative. *that is simply not my thing*

Anyways, he said that he found himself falling in love with this woman. She made him laugh , made him feel loved, and made him feel alive. He told her that he was married & never lied to her about his married life.

I asked him if he would be leaving his wife or what was to become of all this ... he said that he still loved his wife yet the love he felt for this other woman felt different. He could not really explain to me the difference. But he did say that the main reason that he would not leave his wife, even though they had a distance between them was because of his children. He did not want to be separated from his children and he did not want to fail in their eyes.

 

[Guest]

 

[huskie]

Something like 50% of married men ADMIT to cheating or having affairs. 30% of married women are unfaithful.

Does anyone have any theories as to why this is?



bluemuse

They DO NOT have a marraige like Marksgirl. Wich to me is extremely rear.

I just cheated on my wife. For some reason I don't feel bad about it. I still love my wife and don't want to divorce her. Yet we (or I) have had problems in bed (and some out) with her for years. We talked and argued about the problems to no advail. She basicly says it her way or no way........ The other girl came along, so I chose my wifes option of No Way.

 

[bluntforcemama]

There are plenty of women out there who cheat, and their husbands are still their husbands. It isn't strictly men who cheat.

 

[bluemuse]

Only 30% of married women, really?? I noticed for men you put 'ADMIT' did that apply to the womens stat?

I admit I have, but, only once in an 18 year marriage.

I should have included the "Admit" with the women's stats as well......I guess I'm a little biased....

bluemuse

 

[TWB]

Something like 50% of married men ADMIT to cheating or having affairs. 30% of married women are unfaithful.

Does anyone have any theories as to why this is?



bluemuse

I find it interesting that you capitalized "ADMIT" when talking about men, and stated that 30% of women have affairs with great authority. Is it not true that 30% of women ADMIT affairs, and that that number may be drastically understated? It may be that women are less likely to truthfully answer.

Who is having affairs with all these married men??? Many married women, I would imagine. My theory is that there are alot of bogus statistics out there.

 

[bluemuse]

I find it interesting that you capitalized "ADMIT" when talking about men, and stated that 30% of women have affairs with great authority. Is it not true that 30% of women ADMIT affairs, and that that number may be drastically understated? It may be that women are less likely to truthfully answer.

Who is having affairs with all these married men??? Many married women, I would imagine. My theory is that there are alot of bogus statistics out there.

That was not an intentional slight. It's true that both men and women are equally likely to to not answer that question truthfully.......did that make sense?

But what about why such large percentages of married persons stray? That is the question that fascinates me.



bluemuse

 

[Guest]

 

[Skibum]

My marriage lasted 20 years, and for the last year I had one foot out of the door. I never cheated on her while we were together. That would have been dishonest. Legally we are still marred, but living on opposite sides of the country. We would be divorced by now, but we both moved while the divorce case was in progress, and the court dismissed the case because we had both left the court's jurisdiction.

 

[Guest]

I had a 2 1/2 year affair. We were both married at the time. I wanted more, but she wouldn't let me leave my wife because of my kids. Thats' why it ended.

 

[mikeyg]

Women have affairs

My last girl friend was married when we were "seeing" each other. She never had affair other than me. I think I may have only been the second man she's ever had sex with. Before me she never had oral sex, thought it was too dirty. I worked my magic on her goregous pussy and she left her husband. She wanted to get married but I wasn't ready for that.
I had sex with another married woman before her, she was a nympho. She had to have sex at least once a day, if not more.
My wife had an affair not that long ago, I led her into it though. We have always had the fantasy with another man to satisfy her. This guy came started flirting with her while I was overseas and she asked him if he wanted to have a threesome. They had sex three times, which I didn't know about until later after I returned. To make a long story short we never had the threesome with him because I got jealous. We stil want the threesome, just not get too involved a one time experience.

Mikey