Married BiCurious Men - What would it take?

[whosyerguy]

I have been reading a lot of posts in a lot of threads both on this site and others. There are a lot of bi-curious guys out there who are married who are fantasizing a lot but frustrated that you can't actually do anything about it. I am one of you.

My own feelings are that I would love to experiment if I wasn't so afraid of messing up things - marriage, jobs, etc.

What sorts of things would have to be in place for you to feel relaxed enough to actually act on your curiosity?

I am not looking for fantasies here, but real tangible conditions that would have to be met for feeling safe and secure enough to play.

I have some ideas and will follow up in a bit but I wanted to throw the question out there (and some other places too - so please don't be irritated if you see my same question elsewhere)

 

[Nightfall72]

I would enough time for the person not to be a stranger, for me to be comfortable around them, and for them to be D&D free.

 

[oneblueye]

hey...

I have been reading a lot of posts in a lot of threads both on this site and others. There are a lot of bi-curious guys out there who are married who are fantasizing a lot but frustrated that you can't actually do anything about it. I am one of you.

My own feelings are that I would love to experiment if I wasn't so afraid of messing up things - marriage, jobs, etc.

What sorts of things would have to be in place for you to feel relaxed enough to actually act on your curiosity?

I am not looking for fantasies here, but real tangible conditions that would have to be met for feeling safe and secure enough to play.

I have some ideas and will follow up in a bit but I wanted to throw the question out there (and some other places too - so please don't be irritated if you see my same question elsewhere)

with the state of technology today, we have the ability to see into ALMOST ANY situation---, so if anyone is making it a point of looking at WHAT you do, what can you do, (?) to keep you 'safe' from prying eyes and gossipers?
Not much that I can see... good luck in your search.

 

[MatureSensualBottom]

I was like you until about 10 years ago...curious but scared of exploring. I joined a couple of gay/bi hook-up sites and eventually plucked up the courage to meet a guy, he was gay. We met a couple of times at a bar and just chatted. I wasn’t attracted to him, but he gave me good advise. One of which was to try a bath house to see if I liked it and I could do as much or as little as I wanted in a relatively safe environment.

 

[CuriousGuyVa]

Get to know each other very well with similar interests so there are no surprises or BS, and completely safe, clean and discreet

 

[whosyerguy]

Thanks for the answers I have gotten so far but I got feedback elsewhere and makes me realize my question is a bit misleading. . . let me try to explain a bit better.

I read so many posts about guys longing for contact with other guys be it sexual or other something else (more poorly characterized "male bonding" where guys "hang out nude" (HON)) and yet there is clearly something holding them back from doing obvious things like going to overtly gay/bisexual sites and posting a straight forward personal.

So - my question is - what is the holdup? Fear of extramarital affairs and the damage it would cause? STDs? Desire to have this relationship with someone they have other connection to (i.e. friendship)? Lack of acceptance for a single guy at a nudist location (several groups about nude guys with non-nude spouses)? Fear for personal safety from a wacko (i.e. Jeffery Dahmer)? I think all of these thing play into the answer - but I am just sort of morbidly curious about what makes us guys tick.

I also am personally bi-curious as well but - for me - that doesn't trump my desire to not hurt my wife (which such actions surely would) ... but it also makes me curious what is holding back others?

 

[Dirty940]

For me it's the disease factor. If I could know for sure that I would not catch anything then it would be very easy. I have a strong desire to be with another man but the chance of std is really holding me back.

 

[Cockseeker]

For me it was hurting my wife and the fear I would love it. I was curious along time too but I did meet a man that was in a sexless marriage too. We hooked up and I love totally submitting to a man and now I want it more. The fear now is getting caught.

 

[Chefofthefuture]

Bi

I am Bi, was curious for a long time, then finally took the plunge. It did take some time, as I am married, but all is well on both fronts and I am annoying both with gusto. It is not as bad as you think.

 

[Silvery65]

I just turned 65 and up until 4 years ago when my wife passed away I had never had a curiosity after the normal teen years of jerking off together. I joined AFF and hooked up one night with a guy who gave me a great blow job but he said he had a medical condition that prevented him from getting a hard on even though he said I did a great job on him. I have since gotten remarried and now again I am becoming almost obsessed with exploring again. Just afraid of STD and getting caught.

 

[devoutmalesub]

I think the D+D Free is a big one, anonymity is another but I really don’t want to cheat on my wife. I’ve been pretty honest w her and she hasn’t rejected me, but she also isn’t giving me license to go give bjs or get plowed up the ass.

Cocklust so bad.

 

[blowit]

I think the D+D Free is a big one, anonymity is another but I really don’t want to cheat on my wife. I’ve been pretty honest w her and she hasn’t rejected me, but she also isn’t giving me license to go give bjs or get plowed up the ass.

Cocklust so bad.

You and I are in the same boat. I don't have consent although she has mine to realise her own bi curiosity. Strange old world

 

[MrLonely1]

I travel allot, so for me it would be to find someone away from my home area, get to know the person enough to not think I'm getting scammed or an STD..or both. Then set a date to meet on neutral ground. If we are both still interested, then onto a hotel for fun.

I have been discussing this setup with a lady who was interested in pegging, and I hope to be able to pull that off this year. We set the rules, now just need to set the date. Really would like to do similar with a guy though to fulfill the M/M fantasy, or better yet M/M/M.

 

[Lost_Yonder]

It is interesting to read and reflect on these concerns, so many of them shared. My own bi-curiosities have been brewing for a few years. I was very reluctant to pursue them though and i couldn't quite understand why. I have had a number of affairs with women in the past, so it was the cheating part. It wasn't disease, as that same concern arose with a couple of the women I ended up hooking up with in my more loose phase. For me I realized that as much as I was turned on by a bi-encounter, quite honestly, I don't really enjoy or find myself attracted to men. I don't have male friends I really hang out with, the few times I do, I don't really enjoy it, compared to spending time with women.

Ultimately, what got me over the hump, was actually the nature of my fantasy - somehow I found it more comforting, if you will, if a woman was to be participating as well. I've yet to connect with just a guy as now I feel less the need for such dalliances - though still love the idea of connecting with a couple...

 

[mtsnowrider]

I have been reading a lot of posts in a lot of threads both on this site and others. There are a lot of bi-curious guys out there who are married who are fantasizing a lot but frustrated that you can't actually do anything about it. I am one of you.

My own feelings are that I would love to experiment if I wasn't so afraid of messing up things - marriage, jobs, etc.

What sorts of things would have to be in place for you to feel relaxed enough to actually act on your curiosity?

I am not looking for fantasies here, but real tangible conditions that would have to be met for feeling safe and secure enough to play.

I have some ideas and will follow up in a bit but I wanted to throw the question out there (and some other places too - so please don't be irritated if you see my same question elsewhere)

I'd have to be attracted to him.
We'd have to meet in a public place to talk and get to know each other enough to feel safe and comfortable.
He'd have to host or have somewhere could go.
If we began a sexual relationship we'd have to agree to be exclusive, and honest if we weren't

 

[dango_dog]

Getting a STD is a list topper for me. I like to have a friend with benefits be your best friend who you get naked with.

 

[yukonnights]

For me, the only way is 1) no cheating on anyone be it wives, BF's, Gf's etc. That's just poison waiting to kill. 2) no casual hook-ups and time enough together to see if there's some basic mutual friendship/attraction. 3) STD tests are easy to get, take no chances that my life could be ruined by a stupid lust driven mistake with someone.

I have free rein to pursue this, and I have to say; It's still not easy finding the right person very often (Although, this has a lot to do with location). Add in all the complications of wives and fears of being outed...I think it best to just accept it as something that's not likely to happen. Perhaps it's like wanting that new Tesla so bad it hurts, even though the Corvette in the garage is really pretty nice. A good reminder is; Will my actions hurt someone else or me?

 

[likinperkyalot]

I made the plunge several times. Only sucking and being sucked. The end of CL personals had put a stop to my activities. One time I went to a video booth place cold and enjoyed a nice black cock to suck on. I stumbled on this site a few months ago and posted a few times but no luck yet. One of my favorites was an older white man who I visited at his house. It was summer. I walked up to his porch and he was sitting on the swing smoking in a pair of loose gym shorts. He told me to sit beside him on the swing while he finished his cigarette. He told me to put my hand down his shorts and play with his cock. I fondled and stroked him while he finished. We went in his front room. It was summer and he left the front door open. He told me to get on my knees and he stripped naked and stood in front of me. He had a nice long cut cock and balloons that hung down. I massaged his ball's while sucking and choking on his cock. He held my head and fucked my mouth. He came a lot, I couldn't swallow all of it. I gagged. It was really hot. I'd do it again.

 

[Chefofthefuture]

With the end of craigslist, came the start of Doublelist.c o m

 

[Teecee15]

Fantasy

Realistically, my desires will most likely remain a fantasy....its stds, a lack of discretion and the whole cheating thing holding me back.

Maybe pegging is the way to go. Not even sure if she would want to do that!

 

[jamin1122]

Opportunity

Besides discrete and clean I think a comfortable opportune situation. Seems not so easy unfortunately. Bicurious male here

 

[whosyerguy]

Answers so far

Thanks to everyone for their responses so far. I appreciate people indulging my little study.

No real surprises in responses I have seen both here and other places I have posed this question so far.

Most answers involved assurance of discretion (protecting reputation and family) and assurance of lack disease. Also seen a desire to know the guy on some level beyond simply wanting anonymously screw around

One surprise is very few mentions of the physical attractiveness of the guy?

I will dig a bit deeper . . . is the desire to know the person purely to aid in the assurance of discretion and lack of disease . . . . or do you feel the need to have some connection with the guy beyond that?

(Or - is this desire to know the hookup a function of the type of person who might take the time to answer such a question on this forum - verses the type of guy would wouldn't ? Haha)

Thanks again,

 

[load69]

Realistically, my desires will most likely remain a fantasy....its stds, a lack of discretion and the whole cheating thing holding me back.

Maybe pegging is the way to go. Not even sure if she would want to do that!

He has it right on the mark...std, lack of discretion and the cheating thing. If I were not married, the chances of me finding a way to get a safe cock in my mouth would go way up.

 

[bscurious1]

It would take

Another like minded guy, not pushy. One who would hang out drink a few beers, maybe be in to motorcycles. Have a nice cut, cock, be trimmed or shaved.

 

[UncleJack58]

Thats A Fucking Hot Story!