Married Bi-Women/men

[44DDecker]

I'd be interested to hear peoples opinions on married bi people. Is it classed as cheating? My husband knows I am bi, and after a rocky start he has grown to understand it and support it. After a long time he even participated in a threesome with a g/f and I, and would like to do it again. Is it cheating if you DON'T tell your partner......and if that is the case, maybe that is why I don't think on it as cheating because he knows.

Also, is it classed as sitting on the fence? Should we make up our mind one way or another? I love my husband and know I would never leave him for a woman, yet.....I have this other side of me that loves being with a woman, and the connection that we get when we are together.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

 

[Elmer Keith]

I'm married and bi. My wife knows and has no problem. Me and another hitched guy go at it now and then. We all get along, normal, cook-outs and movies, etc. No swapping, but me and my buddy get together, almost enough. It's fun and I love my wife for understanding.

 

[muskokan]

I don't believe it's cheating as long as your spouse knows about it and is comfortable/okay with it. though sometimes it can be hard to tell how comfortable a person really is because they can say they are but really not be.


Anyway, I am more curious than actually *bi* but that is how I feel.

 

[College_geek]

You can be married and bi even if you don't have any same sex encounters during the marriage. It bothers me sometimes when I tell people that my boyfriend is bi and then they ask if he's been with a guy. When I say no, they say "oh, then he's not bi". If you're attracted to both sexes, isn't that what bisexual is supposed to be? I mean, if it was just two males or two females having sex, then there'd be a lot more bisexual people. There are plenty of men out there who have sex with other men and then swear that they're as straight as an arrow. Riiiight.

Anyway, if a bi person is in a marriage and still wants to have same sex encounters, as long as the spouse knows and is comfortable with it...I suppose it wouldn't be considered cheating. It really depends on the people involved in the marriage and what they believe.

 

[rakastuja]

If you have permission, its not cheating.
If you dont have, it is.

At least in my opinion you cheat with a person, not with a gender.

 

[Seduce]

At least in my opinion you cheat with a person, not with a gender.

I very much agree.

I am married and bisexual, and my husband knows that from the beginning of our relationship. He was quite thrilled when I told him.
The thing is that his kink is group sex (threesome, fourseome, plentysome ), and since I dont mind that either, me being bi is really a plus.

And he is delighted when we both go after the same woman

 

[T.H. Oughts]

I am bisexual and have been seeing a bisexual married woman for about 2 weeks now. Her and her husband came to visit last weekend. They are a lovely couple and he is happy to let her date another woman. They are comfortable and secure in their own relationship. If he joins her and I in the future I am not sure. Though I think he is very sexy and would not say no too a 3some. He has told her he does not mind if he joins her and I. They forsee me going out to dinner with the two of them and outings together....

I think it is only cheating if your partner does not know about it.

 

[wicked woman]

I think the cheating or not has been answered.

What about the fence sitting comment? Personally I've long since stopped thinking of sexuality as a black and white issue (heterosexual or homosexual). Personally I like the idea of a sexual continuum and we can be various places on the continuum and that place can change over time. If only being attracted and having sex with the opposite sex is at one end and only being attracted and having sex with the same sex is at the other end....then that permits to various degrees of being attracted to and having sex with various people. Personally I'm working at being well balanced.

 

[wicked woman]

It bothers me sometimes when I tell people that my boyfriend is bi and then they ask if he's been with a guy. When I say no, they say "oh, then he's not bi". If you're attracted to both sexes, isn't that what bisexual is supposed to be?

Interesting. I wonder if they're heterosexual but currently celibate if they think that alters the fact that they're hetero? Or if they're a virgin does that mean they could be homosexual even if they are attracted to the opposite sex only? You don't have to 'have' sex to know who you're attracted to....although sometimes having sex confirms/heightens that attraction.

 

[venuslvr69]

I'd be interested to hear peoples opinions on married bi people. Is it classed as cheating? My husband knows I am bi, and after a rocky start he has grown to understand it and support it. After a long time he even participated in a threesome with a g/f and I, and would like to do it again. Is it cheating if you DON'T tell your partner......and if that is the case, maybe that is why I don't think on it as cheating because he knows.

Also, is it classed as sitting on the fence? Should we make up our mind one way or another? I love my husband and know I would never leave him for a woman, yet.....I have this other side of me that loves being with a woman, and the connection that we get when we are together.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

I think cheating is classified by the intent rather than by the sex of the person you are intimate with. Are you trying to deceive or be dishonest? Are you being sneaky? What is your gut telling you?

If you are having sex with another person (male or female) and your husband is okay with it, I don't think that's cheating (especially if he watches or joins it). It doesn't mean he won't be okay with it later.

I don't think that being married and bi is sitting on the fence. I'm married and bi. I love my husband and I love having sex with him. I also enjoy women. My husband and I have a great time talking about my fantasies and girl-girl sex. What I'm trying to say is that being bi has created a whole new element in our sexual relationship. He loves that I'm so up for it with both males and females. It's not "fence sitting" it's being "well rounded."

 

[venuslvr69]

I very much agree.

I am married and bisexual, and my husband knows that from the beginning of our relationship. He was quite thrilled when I told him.
The thing is that his kink is group sex (threesome, fourseome, plentysome ), and since I dont mind that either, me being bi is really a plus.

And he is delighted when we both go after the same woman

I love your pics...so very very sexy!

We've discussed threesomes and swingers clubs and I can't wait to try both.

 

[Seduce]

I love your pics...so very very sexy!

We've discussed threesomes and swingers clubs and I can't wait to try both.

Thank you

I like swingers clubs, especially the small ones with regular clientele. I feel like having kinky private party with lots of friends there

 

[SweetErika]

To me, "fence sitting" means you can't decide. Well, I've decided I love men and women, so that label isn't applicable.

Unlike some of the other posters, my husband doesn't participate apart from supporting my relationships with others. He'd like to at least watch me with another woman, and I'm sure the chance will present itself someday, but understands my "no sex without love" requirement and his unwillingness to watch with another man decrease the odds significantly. I don't feel like anything I do with his support and open communication is cheating, and we both understand that HE sets the boundaries for my relationships. It's working out well for us so far.

 

[Samuelx]

My gf Indira knows that I am bi and she doesn't have a problem with it.

 

[fetishx]

My husband knows I am bi-curious, and is slowly growing more comfortable with it. However, he has not reached the point yet where he would actually participate in a threesome.

I would consider it cheating if I did it behind his back.

 

[44DDecker]

Thanks

Thanks to all for answering. It is pretty much how I expected......it is when you lie that it becomes cheating. Thanks for all your great experiences and sharing them with me

 

[LindaM]

If you trying to deceive or be dishonest with your spouse then it could be considered as cheating.

If you are having sex with another person and your spouse is okay and comfortable with it, I don't think that's cheating. My husband loves to watch us but has never joined us.

I'm married and bi, have always enjoyed other women . I love my husband very much and the sex we have together is wonderful. I currently have a very close friend, she is also married. We have been intimate with each other for over 10 years now, it is never seems to get old. My husband and I have talked about a possible 3some with her, or me with her and her husband, but to date nothing has come of it. She and I have discussed this for some time and I feel we would enjoy it if it happens. We have both seen each other's spouse when we are together, some packages are just larger than others. So, If your spouse knows and approves, it is not cheating in my mind.

 

[jmmitch80]

thoughts...

.....

 

[chrk1]

too many people think love and sex is one in the same. but i know two people can be together, love each other, and be good companions for each other and still have sex with other people. i won't rob my wife of quality time i spend with her to be with another man. but there is plenty of other time for that activity.

 

[revolution724]

I'd be interested to hear peoples opinions on married bi people. Is it classed as cheating?

This smacks of the assumption that just because you are bi, you are also poly.

It's just not true. There may be fewer monogamous bi people than bi-poly, but they certainly do exist. My girlfriend? ex? (whatever, we're on a break), for example, is bi, and she dates people one at a time.

Also, NOT being ok with having a non-exclusive relationship does not mean that you a.) love the other person any less; b.) are any less open-minded about other people's relationship choices; or c.) aren't understanding of your partner's needs/desires. I think it means that you have reasons to want and choose monogamy, and you're better off choosing a partner who also wants and chooses monogamy, whatever gender(s) he or she finds attractive.

At this point, I ask the question before getting too involved. I think there are more and less important factors on which people should be compatible, but mono vs. poly - NOT bi vs. straight/gay - ranks right up there.

 

[thedon96]

My wife and I enjoy a healthy sex life. We have not brought anyone into our bed yet. She knows and understands that I have a fascination of sucking another man in front of her as well as her wanting to watch me be anally taken. We have discussed this as bi-curious, bi-sexual or gay. Her conclusion is that I have a very high sex drive and a wild imagination, even though fantasy may become a reality soon and she is there to support it. We both believe sex is to be enjoyed no matter who is with who.

 

[The Dipsomaniac]

You can be married and bi even if you don't have any same sex encounters during the marriage. It bothers me sometimes when I tell people that my boyfriend is bi and then they ask if he's been with a guy. When I say no, they say "oh, then he's not bi". If you're attracted to both sexes, isn't that what bisexual is supposed to be? I mean, if it was just two males or two females having sex, then there'd be a lot more bisexual people. There are plenty of men out there who have sex with other men and then swear that they're as straight as an arrow. Riiiight.

Anyway, if a bi person is in a marriage and still wants to have same sex encounters, as long as the spouse knows and is comfortable with it...I suppose it wouldn't be considered cheating. It really depends on the people involved in the marriage and what they believe.

Maybe i'm misguided here, but my way of thinking of this, was that unless you've acted on it, your not it. Ie, your not gay, until you've had a gay experience.
Your not a murderer until you've killed anyone, even if you've thought about it (extreme example i know). Does anyone else agree or disagree with me on this idea? I'm curious to know myself...

 

[bi-blue]

Being bi does seem to complicate things......

I am a bi female who let my now husband know up front I was bi, but that really didn't matter at the time. I was and am 12 years later head over heals in love with him. We have gone through times of monogamy and times of an open marriage. There are pros and cons in each way you choose to live your marriage, but an open marriage for anyone (bi, gay, straight, etc.) is a very complicated interaction of all persons involved. Through time all relationships are very dynamic so you have to be sure that you talk often and extensively with your partner(s). Feelings change and insecurities wax and wane. Each person defines what cheating is just as you choose any other moral stance, you just have to make sure you and your partner are on the same page. From my past experience, absolute openness and honesty is the only way to make it work.

As far as sitting on the fence because I am bi.....I prefer to think of it at as equal opportunity. I tried to forget and live as if women didn't attract me, but I was just lying to myself. Some people attract me and some don't regardless of gender. The biggest detractant is complete and utter close-mindedness. (How do you know if you have never even considered it.) Sexually sometimes I want a good hard cock, and sometimes I want a soft, sweet pussy, and sometimes I just want to relieve some tension all by myself.

I agree though that semantically you probably are still curious until you experience it, but it's all just a label and we don't need more of them. I applaud the theory of a sexual spectrum with all of us falling somewhere on it and most of us somewhere on middle ground.

Sorry so windy; it just got me to thinking.

 

[freeflyer]

When I fell deeply in love with my now husband I "confessed" my feelings for and actions with other women. His response was, "You mean I'm going to marry a bi woman?" We had not really discussed marriage up to this point and I cannot tell you how wonderful his words were. He is not interested in participating and leaves it up to me. I have always been respectful of his feelings, as well as discreet and honest, and this has allowed us to flourish. We have a great sex life and every now and then I fulfill my fantasies with other like minded women. So far so good.