Married and no sex life?

[bigbreastsluvr]

I wish my wife liked having sex more often. For her, once a week is plenty. Sometimes we go 2 or 3 weeks with no sex. Sometimes I wonder if I didn't initiate the sex, if we would ever have it at all... (which I really don't understand because I always make sure she cums each time too and I know she enjoys it when she orgasms).
Why is it the guy who always has to make the first move?

She doesn't like having sex in the evening or night because she says she can't sleep afterwards. Therefore having sex during the work week is totally out of the question. Thus she will only consider it on the weekends and usually on only one day (either Saturday or Sunday morning) but only if her back doesn't hurt or she was able to sleep well the night before.

Also, she only is intested in having sex when we are in bed... no where else.

There's been many a weekend where the only sex that has occured has been between me and my hand. .... and this is tough for me because I tend to masturbate on a daily basis (at least a couple of times a day). I have a really high sex drive. I'd way rather be fucking than masturbating!

 

[ivantheterrible]

i feel for you. as many know i am divorcing after 16 years of marriage. one reason is her laziness and being a packrat.
the other was the sex. when we had it, it was GREAT. early in the marriage, well for years, she never acted like she wanted sex except for once a week. no matter what i did, how i did it, or said. and there was a couple of times i went without for a year. and she bitched about me wanting fuck someone else. go figure.
she didn't get her groove on until the last 2 years of our marriage, but it wasn't enough to keep me with her.
what made me think really hard about her mental sexuality was how i could write erotic poetry or stories and she could never keep up, or add much. she admitted she just didn't have the imagination. sex begins in the brain.
our marriage was awkward for the entire 16 years. i got tired of asking in fear of being shot down and having to masturbate, yet again. and she was too chicken shit to ask.
don't wait for your wife to get her groove on. ask her to open up, be honest, try something. if not, leave her. you don't want to wait 14 years and then realize that you love her, but don't really like her.

 

[bobmuff987]

i to have no sex in the week and certain weekends. this resulted in me flirting with woman so much that i don't know i'm doing anymore (Flirting). no oral sex too. the question is how can we change all this.

 

[badbeth]

Try making yourself irresistable to her in everything that doesn't involve sex, and she might reconsider. We ladies work backwards to guys - a relationship isn't an excuse to have sex, oh no, for us sex is only worth it if it is part of a viable relationship (youthful indiscretions aside). If you want her to open up her doors, you're going to have to pave the way to her door with some dedication to taking care of her while showing sensitivity to her feelings. Unless she's a frigid bitch, that should get her thighs apart. Taking your time there to ensure that she can enjoy the experience instead of just satisfying yourself will help keep her thighs spread for you in the future. Here's a clue - if you are doing foreplay right, you should be able to kiss her, undress her, and slowly bring her to an orgasm in no less than thirty minutes but probably no more than an hour, but in your current condition I would recommend that you don't even take your own pants off until she has had an orgasm. If you do it right and bring her up to orgasm slowly, she'll practically tear the pants off you. If you rush it, you're going to be waiting for a month again. I hope that helps.

 

[bobmuff987]

Try making yourself irresistable to her in everything that doesn't involve sex, and she might reconsider. We ladies work backwards to guys - a relationship isn't an excuse to have sex, oh no, for us sex is only worth it if it is part of a viable relationship (youthful indiscretions aside). If you want her to open up her doors, you're going to have to pave the way to her door with some dedication to taking care of her while showing sensitivity to her feelings. Unless she's a frigid bitch, that should get her thighs apart. Taking your time there to ensure that she can enjoy the experience instead of just satisfying yourself will help keep her thighs spread for you in the future. Here's a clue - if you are doing foreplay right, you should be able to kiss her, undress her, and slowly bring her to an orgasm in no less than thirty minutes but probably no more than an hour, but in your current condition I would recommend that you don't even take your own pants off until she has had an orgasm. If you do it right and bring her up to orgasm slowly, she'll practically tear the pants off you. If you rush it, you're going to be waiting for a month again. I hope that helps.

Thanks dear - will try soon.

 

[bobmuff987]

I know just how you feel... I spent a lot of years in a relationship that was wonderful - right up to the point that we entered the bedroom. He was loving, attentive (sometimes), funny and caring but once we started to get intimate, a switch went off in his head and its was a cuddle and 'night!'. For years I questioned, talked, begged (I'm not joking), cajoled, bought underwear etc. His only response - 'I'm too tired'!

So, I gave up!!

Perhaps the question you have to ask yourself is... is the rest of the relationship good enough to carry you through the lack of sex? If the answer is definitive, either one way or another, then you know what you have to do! If you are staying, then badbeth is right and you need to remember how to flirt with your wife, to woo her again. If the answer to the question is maybe, then again, follow badbeth's advise until you can answer the question firmly!!

We women are odd creatures - she may not even know that her actions (or lack of) are any cause for concern. She may think that you have the perfect relationship. Or it maybe that her lack of libido is symptomatic of deeper issues.

At the end of the day, you probably know your wife better than anyone... talk to her! We women actually love to talk!!

Good luck - if its not too intrusive, let us know how it goes??

BB

working on it now, don't know how long it will take, but working on it

thanks for the advice - will keep you up to date!

LIT GIRLS are GREAT

 

[brahms]

Try making yourself irresistable to her in everything that doesn't involve sex, and she might reconsider. We ladies work backwards to guys - a relationship isn't an excuse to have sex, oh no, for us sex is only worth it if it is part of a viable relationship (youthful indiscretions aside). If you want her to open up her doors, you're going to have to pave the way to her door with some dedication to taking care of her while showing sensitivity to her feelings. Unless she's a frigid bitch, that should get her thighs apart. Taking your time there to ensure that she can enjoy the experience instead of just satisfying yourself will help keep her thighs spread for you in the future. Here's a clue - if you are doing foreplay right, you should be able to kiss her, undress her, and slowly bring her to an orgasm in no less than thirty minutes but probably no more than an hour, but in your current condition I would recommend that you don't even take your own pants off until she has had an orgasm. If you do it right and bring her up to orgasm slowly, she'll practically tear the pants off you. If you rush it, you're going to be waiting for a month again. I hope that helps.

Badbeth, thanks for your excellent advice which I've emailed my wife. She can't tell me how to modify my lovemaking, but in reading your post a lightbulb went on in my head: maybe my old impatience still rules. I've gotta try to change my fucking habit.

 

[jeepman6]

I spent 20 plus years in a marriage that turns out to be a total waste of time. The first few years were fantastic. She was adventuresome and wanted it all the time. I was working 2 sometimes 3 jobs so she could stay home and raise our children. She claimed to have lost the drive she once had even though I was always ready and willing despite the number of days or hours I worked. It was only after our divorce I found out she had been fucking around. I was paying for day care so she could go fuck around. I was always there for her whenever she needed and for whatever she wanted and she did this? Dude do what you have to do. Many couples are not compatible in one form or another sex being the most often. I'm not saying run but I am saying if you are having your needs met, you've talked about it and all else fails then maybe the two of you just truly weren't meant to be together.

 

[hiiyah777]

I wish my wife liked having sex more often. For her, once a week is plenty. Sometimes we go 2 or 3 weeks with no sex. Sometimes I wonder if I didn't initiate the sex, if we would ever have it at all... (which I really don't understand because I always make sure she cums each time too and I know she enjoys it when she orgasms).
Why is it the guy who always has to make the first move?

She doesn't like having sex in the evening or night because she says she can't sleep afterwards. Therefore having sex during the work week is totally out of the question. Thus she will only consider it on the weekends and usually on only one day (either Saturday or Sunday morning) but only if her back doesn't hurt or she was able to sleep well the night before.

Also, she only is intested in having sex when we are in bed... no where else.

There's been many a weekend where the only sex that has occured has been between me and my hand. .... and this is tough for me because I tend to masturbate on a daily basis (at least a couple of times a day). I have a really high sex drive. I'd way rather be fucking than masturbating!

Oh my god, are we married to the same woman? I swear, I echo your sentiments VERBATIM! My wife is exactly the same way, and it drives me absolutely crazy. I want to have sex like 5 times a day (I'd settle for every other day) but it sounds like we have identical sex lives.

Life's not fair.

 

[Stevelance]

Man i thought I was the only one with this issue. Mine has a lot to due with kids always around and with the yougest being a girl and still in the bed it is very hard to even think about sex. Wifey does not seem to understand that a seven year old daughter in the bed does not strike much of a chord when it comes to getting in the mood. I have learned over the years to block out my own sex drive till the time is right. Hear lately I think I may have over did the mental thing and just shut down all together. Don't feel bad at least you can touch rub and spoon I got a seven year old daugther who is still in my bed.

 

[FilthyAngel]

My last long term relationship was pretty much the same. We'd get into bed and cuddle up, but as soon as I started making any advances he'd say he was tired, had to be up early and turn over and go to sleep.

We eventually planned a weekend where we'd both make lots of effort, I was to cook us a nice meal, I'd put on my sexiest underwear, make up, the lot. He took one look at me and told me he "couldn't do this any more", he'd "tried to feel like that" about me but it just wasn't there and he dumped me. I later found out he spent that night with a woman from his work and now he's living with her.

Sometimes the lack of sex life is a symptom of something much deeper. In my case it was because he was far more interested in his colleague than he was in me. It's my gain though. I might not be in a relationship now, but at least I'm not getting 2nd best - and I'd far rather wait for the right man who does have a sex drive to match mine than waste time with a guy who can't be bothered to make love to me

 

[Stevelance]

thats good that he left now you can find a true love I would not and do not have a desire but just for my wife and I can't understand why a guy would do a woman like that.

 

[sexlover66]

Well I have been where you are my friend...I wish I knew somethign to tell you that would help out in anyway, but women are so different on many levels(sex being one of them) that it is hard to tell you what may or may not work for you and your wife. Try Beth's advice....have you tried bringing her to this site and showing her all the pleasures of life that can be had with a full adn open sexual life?
I wish you all of the best my friend.....

 

[petite34c]

How about seperated from your spouse and sex?
Can not have real sex when they are half a world away.

 

[bigbreastsluvr]

Man i thought I was the only one with this issue. Mine has a lot to due with kids always around and with the yougest being a girl and still in the bed it is very hard to even think about sex. Wifey does not seem to understand that a seven year old daughter in the bed does not strike much of a chord when it comes to getting in the mood. I have learned over the years to block out my own sex drive till the time is right. Hear lately I think I may have over did the mental thing and just shut down all together. Don't feel bad at least you can touch rub and spoon I got a seven year old daugther who is still in my bed.

Boy oh boy... you are in worse shape than I am. Why on earth do you let a 7 year old girl sleep with you and your wife? I think its high time she got her own bed in her own room. As a matter of fact ... its WAY past that time. IMO

 

[bigbreastsluvr]

Try making yourself irresistable to her in everything that doesn't involve sex, and she might reconsider. We ladies work backwards to guys - a relationship isn't an excuse to have sex, oh no, for us sex is only worth it if it is part of a viable relationship (youthful indiscretions aside). If you want her to open up her doors, you're going to have to pave the way to her door with some dedication to taking care of her while showing sensitivity to her feelings. Unless she's a frigid bitch, that should get her thighs apart. Taking your time there to ensure that she can enjoy the experience instead of just satisfying yourself will help keep her thighs spread for you in the future. Here's a clue - if you are doing foreplay right, you should be able to kiss her, undress her, and slowly bring her to an orgasm in no less than thirty minutes but probably no more than an hour, but in your current condition I would recommend that you don't even take your own pants off until she has had an orgasm. If you do it right and bring her up to orgasm slowly, she'll practically tear the pants off you. If you rush it, you're going to be waiting for a month again. I hope that helps.

Thanks for the advice... I'll give it a try.

 

[Stevelance]

Well the wife has had a bad child hood with her mother and father and has drawn the conclusion that kids first husband last. Kinda puts me in a bad position. She said that she will start trying to sleep in her own room when she becomes of age I guess a teen and that just takes all the wind out of my sails and everything else. I figure that if we had some sort of sex drive she would see things my way " We need Time in our own bed for a change" For me just to touch her would be a treat but now To touch would mean activation of the sex drive which is not a good thing with a 7 year old in the bed.My mind just does not function in that situation. She feels the same way I just can't understand why I have to wait another 5 or 6 years before we can be like normal people in the bed. I just say forget about any closeness I thought closeness started from the bedroom and then branched out into other areas of life maybe I am wrong. Until then I just go Numb and wait.

 

[bart2]

Well the wife has had a bad child hood with her mother and father and has drawn the conclusion that kids first husband last. Kinda puts me in a bad position. She said that she will start trying to sleep in her own room when she becomes of age I guess a teen and that just takes all the wind out of my sails and everything else. I figure that if we had some sort of sex drive she would see things my way " We need Time in our own bed for a change" For me just to touch her would be a treat but now To touch would mean activation of the sex drive which is not a good thing with a 7 year old in the bed.My mind just does not function in that situation. She feels the same way I just can't understand why I have to wait another 5 or 6 years before we can be like normal people in the bed. I just say forget about any closeness I thought closeness started from the bedroom and then branched out into other areas of life maybe I am wrong. Until then I just go Numb and wait.

what I would do,get another woman,,but for you,,,maybe offer the kid some money to stay in her own room & bed !!! then find out if the wife is using her to stay away from sex!!!,,then decide!!!stay ,,work on the relationship,or get out!!!,,good luck!!

 

[Ray Roberts]

Lost Oppertunity

I note quite a few guys with concerns over their lack of partners sex drive, I thought I had it made on that score, now I'm back in the pack and reduced to writing posts on a common topic. Take a look at my Lost Oppertunity thread it may be comforting to those in the same boat.

 

[lemmesee]

If she won't do it with you, then do it yourself....or get a new wife!

 

[HowMayIPleaseU]

Why is it the guy who always has to make the first move?

Although by Lit standards it is less common, it is *not* always the guy who has to make the first move nor is it always the girl who doesn't have a sex drive. My husband lost interest years ago...

 

[texharley]

I wish my wife liked having sex more often. For her, once a week is plenty. Sometimes we go 2 or 3 weeks with no sex. Sometimes I wonder if I didn't initiate the sex, if we would ever have it at all... (which I really don't understand because I always make sure she cums each time too and I know she enjoys it when she orgasms).
Why is it the guy who always has to make the first move?

She doesn't like having sex in the evening or night because she says she can't sleep afterwards. Therefore having sex during the work week is totally out of the question. Thus she will only consider it on the weekends and usually on only one day (either Saturday or Sunday morning) but only if her back doesn't hurt or she was able to sleep well the night before.

Also, she only is intested in having sex when we are in bed... no where else.

There's been many a weekend where the only sex that has occured has been between me and my hand. .... and this is tough for me because I tend to masturbate on a daily basis (at least a couple of times a day). I have a really high sex drive. I'd way rather be fucking than masturbating!

Being in a sexless mariage is rough. My first wife would make me beg for sex then yeall at me telling me I was a bad husband because I forced her to have sex. I never forced anyone to do anything but then she wonders why I divorced her after 19 years of that kind of a marriage. My first wife went years without having an orgasm or so I thought then I caught her masturbatiing to a picture of a C&W star shortly after yelling at me and saying she did not need sex.

My wife now loves sex. About twice a week is about all I can expect simply due to her work schedual. I too am highly sexed and even thoug this wife tries to make sure I am sexually satisfaied I do masturbate daily except for the two days I know we will have sex. But even when she surprises me and has sex on a different day my masturbating does not hinder that.

 

[ejls]

Although by Lit standards it is less common, it is *not* always the guy who has to make the first move nor is it always the girl who doesn't have a sex drive. My husband lost interest years ago...

Amen. My husband not only lost the capability of making love 10 years ago, but doesn't want any kind of physical relationship at all

 

[DAA08]

I will not complain here about my wife and the fact that our sex life is pretty much non existant. What I will say is that when I first met her the sex was pretty good and had potential, and it seems as if after we got married things went down hill quickly. Personal habits are one thing that drive me crazy, I don't expect her to change who she is, but I want the woman I dated and married back.

I will not beg her for sex, and I will not force myself on her, it is not worth the grief. What I do want and really feel I need is physical affection, seeing as I am not getting the minimum I think I am do as the provider and husband, should I find that somewhere else and get my needs met by someone will to meet those needs then the guilt is not on my shoulders because I truly feel I have made reasonable efforts to let her know and show her what I want.

Would I actively seek a cheating realtionship or a series of such realtionships? Doubtful, but should one arise I would find it difficult to turn down. A starving man will eat the food placed in front of him. The severity of the starvation and the quality of the "food" will determine which food the man eats.

I would if I had my druthers, choose quality over quantity.

So here we have it from my point of view, several women here have seen the pics I have posted, so I am pretty sure it is not my looks that keep my wife from enjoying what she has.
D.

 

[ima6uldv8]

I will not complain here about my wife and the fact that our sex life is pretty much non existant. What I will say is that when I first met her the sex was pretty good and had potential, and it seems as if after we got married things went down hill quickly. Personal habits are one thing that drive me crazy, I don't expect her to change who she is, but I want the woman I dated and married back.

I will not beg her for sex, and I will not force myself on her, it is not worth the grief. What I do want and really feel I need is physical affection, seeing as I am not getting the minimum I think I am do as the provider and husband, should I find that somewhere else and get my needs met by someone will to meet those needs then the guilt is not on my shoulders because I truly feel I have made reasonable efforts to let her know and show her what I want.

Would I actively seek a cheating realtionship or a series of such realtionships? Doubtful, but should one arise I would find it difficult to turn down. A starving man will eat the food placed in front of him. The severity of the starvation and the quality of the "food" will determine which food the man eats.

I would if I had my druthers, choose quality over quantity.

So here we have it from my point of view, several women here have seen the pics I have posted, so I am pretty sure it is not my looks that keep my wife from enjoying what she has.
D.

It's not your looks or your mind