Marriage

[justashygirl]

If you're married, do you regret getting married? Why?

If you're not married, do you want to be, and why? Are you afraid of the commitment at all?

 

[funkyguytonight]

Married.. I don't regret it at all. I love having a deep bond with my wife that cant be replicated with strangers / friends / fuck buddies etc.

 

[SCcouple1990]

If you're married, do you regret getting married? Why?

If you're not married, do you want to be, and why? Are you afraid of the commitment at all?

Very happily married, I do regret that we didn't get married sooner.

 

[paul__2345]

I am happily married in every way except since the kids sex is way wy lower in priorities

 

[Mustang_Mama_44]

Yes. I am married and yes I regret it every day of my life.

 

[Felix_Jones]

I will not be getting married. Mostly because I understand the binding seriousness of contracts.

 

[_Hawkmoon_]

Not married. Not afraid of commitment. Very much would like to be married. Have had a few LTR's but they didn't work out.

 

[ridinghood]

If you're married, do you regret getting married? Why?

If you're not married, do you want to be, and why? Are you afraid of the commitment at all?

It really bugs me that people who are not married get labelled as being 'afraid of commitment' ...

 

[greeneyedguy001]

Nope, not married. You don't need to get married to show a commitment to someone. It's the way you treat and love one another that shows your commitment.

 

[alittlecrazy1]

Married. Mixed feelings about it. Love the intimacy but the sex evaporated. Also, miss that excitement of someone new and making out

 

[justashygirl]

It really bugs me that people who are not married get labelled as being 'afraid of commitment' ...

I didn't mean it that way. It was a separate question in itself. I know plenty of people who are not married and are in no way afraid of commitment.

 

[Kveldulf]

I happily wed my spouse, and I remain happily married. However, I know many people for whom neither of those represent the truth of their reality.

In my view, the mistake too many people make is believing that a marriage means commitment, and that commitment necessitates a marriage. Unfortunately, a marriage does not ipso facto create an emotional and/or intimate commitment where one does not exist prior to the marriage. Nor does a marriage ensure the continuation of such a commitment if one existed when the marriage was solemnized. What a marriage does, as Felix_Jones mentions above, is create a binding legal contract between the parties of the marriage.

The issue with such is that the marriage contract would be, if entered into by the parties absent a government structure in place to create the marriage, vague to a degree sufficient to render it nearly unenforceable. It is a contract which has no explicit terms other than financial responsibility; no recitation of expected performance or remedies if such is not rendered; no possible legal recourse to require expected performance or provide either party the expected benefit of the bargain under the contract, save in terms of financial obligations; and no ability for the parties to dissolve it without approval from the judicial system.

In short, it is a bad deal. When I was actively practicing law, had a client come to me seeking advice on a contract with the same terms (or lack there of) regarding performance, the same financial obligations, the same opportunity costs, and the same onerous process for termination as is involved in marriage, I would have told them not to sign it until the terms were more specified and a reasonable termination clause was included.

And yet, every day people all across the western world enter into this exact type of contract based not on a reasoned cost/benefit analysis, but based on love, hope, loneliness, desperation, necessity, etc. What's more, the social stigma (even reduced as it is now) and legal process (and cost thereof), as well as the emotional costs to families, actively discourage the dissolution of these contracts even when the parties are no longer interested in performing under them.

I took all this into consideration when I decided to marry. My now-wife and I already had a commitment that was both emotional and sexual, so ensuring one was not our rationale for marrying. We wed because the cost/benefit analysis was weighted toward marriage in our circumstance. But, that was based on our specific situation; the analysis will not be the same foe everyone. Further, I would go so far as to say that I think the cost/benefit analysis, if done well, would preclude most people from marrying at all, and at the least may preclude specific marriages.

In my time on Lit, I have read many posts on how unhappy people are in their marriages, as well as reading posts detailing 'unfaithful' activities. I have also read condemnation of those types of activities. While I would not be unfaithful to my wife, that is because I love her, not because of the existence of the marriage. Further, I can see a situation in which I might think differently were I to be in a marriage where I did not have the benefits of love, friendship, physical intimacy, etc. I have great sympathy for those who are trying to find some measure of happiness when the marriage in which they are bound is not the marriage for which they contracted, and escaping when said marriage has deleterious familial, financial, and social consequences.

 

[annabel_lee]

If you're not married, do you want to be, and why? Are you afraid of the commitment at all?

Not married, but maybe someday. At this point, I'm kind of disillusioned with the whole idea. Not afraid of commitment.

 

[Technoreader]

If you're married, do you regret getting married? Why?

If you're not married, do you want to be, and why? Are you afraid of the commitment at all?

Not married. When I was in my 20's and early 30's I wasnt interested in being married. Sometimes I think I even sabotaged relationships to avoid it? I'm not sure about that though. I don't think I intentionally did, but maybe sunconsciously I was? Now as I get a bit older, relationships seem to be harder to find, or can be more complicated.

Would I change the past? I don't think so. But I do think it would have been easier to get married younger.

 

[Decoi]

Soonish

Going to be married soon, not afraid of it. Wish I'd had sex with other women, though.

 

[Mercury_Maniac]

I used to think someday I would possibly get married, but after my trust has been broken time and time again I gave up on the concept.

 

[Cubantripod]

Depends. I love my wife and I love spending time with her but the sex has dropped. It is the subject of fights but it hasn't improved. Also when I hot chick flirts with me and I wis I could pursue it. Before I would pursue it til I fucked the shit out of her.

 

[igoliquid]

I'm married and I don't regret it at all. That said with all other people I've been very afraid of commitment.

 

[cosmic264]

Married and wish I wasn't. We lived together for 8 yrs and everything was great.
On the wedding day it started. she got her ring and contract and has from that day shone no respect for me or anything I say. Has no interest in sex, hell I didn't even get laid on the wedding night! Although sex was great before the ring.
I made a commitment and will stick to it and she knows it and that is the rub she knows it also. Now I know why there was so much " I really want to be married" while we lived together. Shoulda stayed that way.

 

[IARainman]

Married and don't regret it. I do wish the sex was better and believe it can be again. There have been times it's great, but way too much time it's been dismal.

 

[Kat_Ambrose]

Not married. Maybe some day.

 

[allstarhockeynut]

I am married and love every minute of it, its been 10 years, 2 kids and plenty of sex, we have made it a priority to make time for each other and the closeness comes with that, even with kids we still find time to pursue our pleasure, just last week we went 5 nights in a row, man was that good, haven't regretted it

 

[Cat_Stark]

Married to a very kind and loving man. I don't regret marrying him at all.

 

[coati]

I happily wed my spouse, and I remain happily married. However, I know many people for whom neither of those represent the truth of their reality.

In short, it is a bad deal. When I was actively practicing law, had a client come to me seeking advice on a contract with the same terms (or lack there of) regarding performance, the same financial obligations, the same opportunity costs, and the same onerous process for termination as is involved in marriage, I would have told them not to sign it until the terms were more specified and a reasonable termination clause was included.

And yet, every day people all across the western world enter into this exact type of contract based not on a reasoned cost/benefit analysis, but based on love, hope, loneliness, desperation, necessity, etc.

I was married for many years, but had no clue about the "terms of the contract" until my now ex-wife served me with divorce papers. There is no disclosure of these terms when you get a marriage license. These terms vary from state to state, and when you move to a new state, there is no disclosure of the change in terms.

I express my commitment to my current S.O. with love, respect, and affection, not with a contract.

 

[LadyVer]

If you're married, do you regret getting married? Why?

If you're not married, do you want to be, and why? Are you afraid of the commitment at all?

I was married once. I thought he was my best friend. And then the gaslighting started, among other things. So, I regret marrying him. The one thing I don't regret, though, are the kids we had. Maybe if I hadn't had fertility problems, we could have overcome some of our issues... but I doubt it. He chose the Superbowl over being available after a 40-hour delivery from hell, and if everything didn't go his way, it was hell.

I don't want to marry again. Relationships are hard, whether you're married, or living with someone. I'd just like someone to be around for friendship, fun, and support, and not all the time. I'm an introvert who needs space, and at my age, I don't see commitment as necessarily a good thing.