markings... how do you explain?

[Impish]

/////

 

[Desdemona]

Well it's official. Impish has marks. And she loves them almost as much as the spanking itself. Her delima? I get waxed monthly. To further complicate things, my dominant has implied that he will enjoy marking me before my next trip. How do I explain?

How do you deal with explaining your bdsm marks? What about when you go to the doctor, a girls weekend away and changing in the same room?

I just grin and refer to them as kinky souveniers. It's pretty rare for someone to see me with my clothes off that doesn't already know about my lifestyle.

 

[lark sparrow]

Unless you are fairly certain you have a kink-friendly doctor, I would caution you against being extensively marked before a scheduled check up (emergencies are different, of course, but phsyicians do have an obligation to report evidence that they may believe stems from abuse).

The rest is a personal call. I've not run into a problem with marks as they are usually in areas that are not for general public consumption. Enjoy your marks and good luck!

 

[niteshade]

Well it's official. Impish has marks. And she loves them almost as much as the spanking itself. Her delima? I get waxed monthly. To further complicate things, my dominant has implied that he will enjoy marking me before my next trip. How do I explain?

How do you deal with explaining your bdsm marks? What about when you go to the doctor, a girls weekend away and changing in the same room?

Congrats Impish. I can't answer your question though, cause the only marks I have yet to receive are bite marks... those I hope are low enough on my neck to be under my shirt. If not, I use large quantities of make up and glare at him until they fade. I work for a bank... it is just not kosher to have a huge purple bruise in the shape of someone's mouth on my neck. Though, winter is coming, and I will soon be able to break out the turtle necks.

 

[ownedsubgal]

this is really a decision best made by the Dominant (or you if you are not owned)...some people are highly "private" and so go to any lengths to hide/disguise any marks that may be on their body, and feel the need to make up stories about the marks if someone happens to ask about them, even if the someone is merely a friend seeing you undress (and not a doctor, who can by law in most places press charges).

i've never had a problem with a medical doctor questioning any marks/injuries. most likely because doctors are so overbooked and hurried these days that in a 5 minute long visit, most aren't going to ask about anything that doesn't have to do with the purpose of the visit. however i have had a bit of issues with explaining marks to psychologists, as well as to the police on one odd occasion. i simply refused to answer any questions along that line. Daddy was there, but as most of the vanilla world recognizes him as my Father only, and they assumed i was being abused by a mate, he was never suspected. lucky for us.

as for non-professionals...friends/acquaintances and such who may see my bruises, or notice that i'm limping around or something, i always just smile and keep quiet when they ask. there are a few non-lifestylers i know who are more "old fashioned" than most, and to them i can freely admit that my Master beat me 2 days ago, and that's why the marks.

but i never try to hide my marks...i never wear make-up, and having marks doesn't affect the way i dress on a particular day. but i don't do anything to draw attention to them either. and most of the time, no one notices (or no one cares, which is just as good).

 

[NYCgirl26]

How does one find a kink-friendly Doctor? Sorry just curious not trying to hijack

 

[lark sparrow]

http://www.bannon.com/kap/doctor.htm

or do an Internet search like this one: http://search.yahoo.com/search?p=kink-friendly+doctor&sp=1&ei=UTF-8&fr=fp-top

 

[James G 5]

We've discussed Drs and marks in other threads. In general, the best thing is just to be honest and say "Dr, before the exam, you should know I am in to certain forms of kinky sex play, and as a result I have certain marks on my body. They are consensual and have nothing to do with any form of abuse. If you have an issue with this, I can seek another physician."
As for your waxer, wink at her and say "Boyfriend got a little rough, DAMN was it good!" and give her a and a
She might just be jealous

 

[Quint]

To my friends I say "I ran into a doorknob." They get it.

Haven't had experience with doctors before, but I think James has the right of it. There are listings of kink-aware professionals, as lark sparrow shared.

 

[incubus_dark]

Why do you need to explain the marks at all? Why care whether or not your beautician sees them? Why care what they think? If they ask, why feel obligated to answer? If you intend to provide an answer, "none of your business", would seem to fit the bill. Disembling and creating stories that explain said marks away as accidents would seem to me to be pointless; most people will be aware that you are lying. And too, disembling is likely to be contrary to your master's desires when he purposefully marked you prior to your waxing: It is more likely that he would preffer you to tell the truth and enjoy the embarresment and humiliation of doing so, but you'd best ask him for explicit instructions.

As for doctors, the same more or less implies: "none of your business", would seem the most appropriate answer, especially as it has the merit of truth. Should the doctor then proceed to inform the police and cause assorted nuisancess, your most appropriate course of action would be to report said doctor to the AMA or it's equivalent, followed by a civil suit if you are feeling letigious; since you'd already informed them that it was none of their business and they then proceeded to make discriminatory assumptions with annoying and onerous ramifications for yourself and your master.

Most of the problems people have with various forms of sexual discrimination arrise from other people's inability to mind their own business. They'll never learn to mind their own business while they feel that they get mileage from being nosy; usually in the form of vicarious thrills and a source of new gossip. To break them of this habit one need only refrain from gratifying their curiosity.

 

[s'lara]

Well, "mind your business" doesn't necessarily squash the curiosity or the nosiness. While i think this response is appropriate for those who are out to feed their "drama" dosage for the month, i think it inappropriate for those genuinely concerned for your welfare. The dismissal just might fuel the fire so to speak, and then the rumors would be rampant before long.

i don't think anyone should have to come up with creative excuses for the way they live their lives if it is outside the definition of "normal." i also think people who are sincere in their concern should be given a little more courtesy. To each their own in how they handle explanations to people not kink aware

lara

 

[ownedsubgal]

We've discussed Drs and marks in other threads. In general, the best thing is just to be honest and say "Dr, before the exam, you should know I am in to certain forms of kinky sex play, and as a result I have certain marks on my body. They are consensual and have nothing to do with any form of abuse. If you have an issue with this, I can seek another physician."
As for your waxer, wink at her and say "Boyfriend got a little rough, DAMN was it good!" and give her a and a
She might just be jealous

but what if your marks are not from "kinky sex"? i've found that doctors and such aren't likely to raise any eyebrows over a red bum with a few welts (that just screams kinky sex), however bruises on other parts of the body are not understood so well. usually when i have marks, it's not from anything done during sex, but from either a physical punishment or just a plain old Daddy-needs-to-vent beating. when i had to spend time in the hospital last year, the psychs and police there looked at my back, thighs and arms covered with large greenish-blue bruises, very obviously from being punched, and had i answered "oh my Mate and i are just into kinky sex", they probably would have sent me away to the looney bin right then and there.

but if your marks are simply from some sort of sex play, i would say it's usually safe to admit that. but if not, imo it's better to stay silent if you can rather than make something up.

 

[James G 5]

but what if your marks are not from "kinky sex"? i've found that doctors and such aren't likely to raise any eyebrows over a red bum with a few welts (that just screams kinky sex), however bruises on other parts of the body are not understood so well. usually when i have marks, it's not from anything done during sex, but from either a physical punishment or just a plain old Daddy-needs-to-vent beating. when i had to spend time in the hospital last year, the psychs and police there looked at my back, thighs and arms covered with large greenish-blue bruises, very obviously from being punched, and had i answered "oh my Mate and i are just into kinky sex", they probably would have sent me away to the looney bin right then and there.

but if your marks are simply from some sort of sex play, i would say it's usually safe to admit that. but if not, imo it's better to stay silent if you can rather than make something up.

This can cause issues, especially in some places (like Massachusets where physical striking in consensual SM play is specifically illegal), or where the marks are outside of what would be "normal" SM play
But even fairly severe marks SHOULD be explained to your Dr IF POSSIBLE as "kinky sex"...Most med pros are aware of the existence of the BDSM community, and if s/he says "these bruises don't look like kinky sex" say "We are in to BDSM" and explain as needed
In many parts of the US simply standing mute will be WORSE for you, as would saying "It's none of your business" (as incubus suggested), since the Drs are required BY LAW to violate privelege to report signs of serious abuse, which can lead to tedious investigations
Abuse victims often lie to cover it up or simply stand mute, so doing either can make it appear more likely that you are being abused and cause more problems
If the Dr has a problem with it, by all means seek another

With anyone BUT the Dr, "It's none of your business" is PERFECTLY acceptable UNLESS you want to brag, or your Master does

 

[ownedsubgal]

This can cause issues, especially in some places (like Massachusets where physical striking in consensual SM play is specifically illegal), or where the marks are outside of what would be "normal" SM play
But even fairly severe marks SHOULD be explained to your Dr IF POSSIBLE as "kinky sex"...Most med pros are aware of the existence of the BDSM community, and if s/he says "these bruises don't look like kinky sex" say "We are in to BDSM" and explain as needed
In many parts of the US simply standing mute will be WORSE for you, as would saying "It's none of your business" (as incubus suggested), since the Drs are required BY LAW to violate privelege to report signs of serious abuse, which can lead to tedious investigations
Abuse victims often lie to cover it up or simply stand mute, so doing either can make it appear more likely that you are being abused and cause more problems
If the Dr has a problem with it, by all means seek another

With anyone BUT the Dr, "It's none of your business" is PERFECTLY acceptable UNLESS you want to brag, or your Master does

staying mute with the professionals has worked for us so far, and considering the extremely hairy situations we've been in before (having the police called on us/him; a mental health related physical 'mishap' that caused me to spend several weeks in the hospital; just to name a couple), i would say that's a pretty safe solution. also i must admit, i cannot stand the idea of lying about who i am, or lying about my Master. i am so proud of us, so proud of who we are and the way we live. i am ashamed of nothing. so to explain away some marks from a beating as "kinky sex" would for me, be akin to slapping my Master in the face. that's aside from the fact that i rarely have any marks that could possibly be attributed to anything sexual.

my advice to anyone found in the unfortunate situation of being questioned by police or medical professionals, is above all else to stay calm and collected. if the submissive is crying in distress (which is only natural, when you fear your Master will be sent to prison), or if the Dominant is showing obvious signs of anger, then you will only appear to be all they think you are. but if you both stay level-headed and relaxed (at least on the outside), speaking clearly and intelligently, staying on the "this is all just a big misunderstanding" route, then chances are they'll back off. that has been our experience, anyway.

 

[James G 5]

staying mute with the professionals has worked for us so far, and considering the extremely hairy situations we've been in before (having the police called on us/him; a mental health related physical 'mishap' that caused me to spend several weeks in the hospital; just to name a couple), i would say that's a pretty safe solution. also i must admit, i cannot stand the idea of lying about who i am, or lying about my Master. i am so proud of us, so proud of who we are and the way we live. i am ashamed of nothing. so to explain away some marks from a beating as "kinky sex" would for me, be akin to slapping my Master in the face. that's aside from the fact that i rarely have any marks that could possibly be attributed to anything sexual.

my advice to anyone found in the unfortunate situation of being questioned by police or medical professionals, is above all else to stay calm and collected. if the submissive is crying in distress (which is only natural, when you fear your Master will be sent to prison), or if the Dominant is showing obvious signs of anger, then you will only appear to be all they think you are. but if you both stay level-headed and relaxed (at least on the outside), speaking clearly and intelligently, staying on the "this is all just a big misunderstanding" route, then chances are they'll back off. that has been our experience, anyway.

Obviously the incidence of being in a hospital situation with marks from a severe heavy beating is MUCH different than that of the one the original poster found herself in, which is the situation I was initially addressing
Also, I cannot remember if you reside in the US...in many juristictions here, standing mute in such a case and ONLY ended up with an investigation and threat of prison or a few weeks in the hospital is getting off lightly

 

[incubus'_sub]

I am proud of my marks and the general public may think what it likes.

Presenting for surgery last year, with highly visible whip marks & bruises, and being aware of Dr's legal obligations, I simply looked at the marks, looked the Dr in the eye & said " I lead an interesting life !"

When I returned for my suture removal, quite nervous (hell, it hurts). my staid, conservative surgeon had a twinkle in his eye and a whole different manner. I was on the table, he carefully washed the site (lower leg), then stopped, looked me in the eye & said "I could tell you this won't hurt,.... but you know I'd lie". He then teased/ tormented me with full descriptions of the many sutures, how long it would take, how painful it may be etc whilst he completed the procedure. He was never inappropriate in any way, he just acknowledged my submission by revealing his dominance to me. Fascinating. I learned that "we" are everywhere, in all walks of life.

This experience had an interesting effect on me. I am proud to be my Master's sub, proud to show my marks to the world. I do wish & truly enjoy to be recognised for what I am by those strangers who may know & understand the meaning of my marks. I will be forthright & proud about them to those who may worry about me, to ease their concern. The ignorant masses who are no part of my life can go to hell.

 

[ownedsubgal]

I am proud of my marks and the general public may think what it likes.

Presenting for surgery last year, with highly visible whip marks & bruises, and being aware of Dr's legal obligations, I simply looked at the marks, looked the Dr in the eye & said " I lead an interesting life !"

When I returned for my suture removal, quite nervous (hell, it hurts). my staid, conservative surgeon had a twinkle in his eye and a whole different manner. I was on the table, he carefully washed the site (lower leg), then stopped, looked me in the eye & said "I could tell you this won't hurt,.... but you know I'd lie". He then teased/ tormented me with full descriptions of the many sutures, how long it would take, how painful it may be etc whilst he completed the procedure. He was never inappropriate in any way, he just acknowledged my submission by revealing his dominance to me. Fascinating. I learned that "we" are everywhere, in all walks of life.

This experience had an interesting effect on me. I am proud to be my Master's sub, proud to show my marks to the world. I do wish & truly enjoy to be recognised for what I am by those strangers who may know & understand the meaning of my marks. I will be forthright & proud about them to those who may worry about me, to ease their concern. The ignorant masses who are no part of my life can go to hell.

that is beautiful.


James, yes i am in the u.s. the incident with the police and the incident with the hospital stay had nothing to do with my Master beating me, but once in those situations my marks were noticed and became issues. i don't think we were particularly lucky, my Master was just smart. He told me privately what to say and what not to say. i was not completely silent, i simply didn't try to explain the bruises or injuries to my body. it's a situation my Master had been in before with a past relationship, so he pretty much knows the ropes on handling nosey vanilla authorities.

 

[Netzach]

You are lucky to have run into a kinked surgeon.

The masses may be ignorant and stupid or not, but they generally get trained in on abuse in a way that benefits the masses. Bottom line....There are probably more women silently getting non-con beaten by partners out there, (male and female partners) than there are heavy recreational masochists. I wish it weren't true, but I think it may be.

Personally, I don't resent the inconvenience of having to think twice before getting masochistic before my doctors visit, or getting medieval on my maso girlfriends' asses. (I don't think guys would deal with the same scrutiny. Sports are a good excuse, too, any number of things could be attributed to my saying "I'm a rugby dyke" or a guy saying he works out or whatever.)

I don't mind that if a doctor thinks some woman is having the shit beaten out of her he has to report it. Sacrelige, I know. I feel very lucky, very very privileged that I've been able to agree to my beatings in this life, for the most part, and if my minor inconvenience can be someone else's life saved, well, so be it.

 

[Mr Blonde]

I don't know where you live but doctors are required by law in some areas to report certain signs of physical abuse. They open themselves up to liability if they don't do it. The lady giving you a Brazilian waxing will not care if you give her a nice tip, but trained professionals have too much at stake to treat obvious signs of "abuse" lightly. Saying something like "my daddy was mad at me" or "my master needed to beat me" would result in legal problems and the need to retain legal counsel. LOL

Regardless, I think James' advice ("Dr, before the exam, you should know I am in to certain forms of kinky sex play...") was very good and the list of kink-aware professionals also sounds like a plan! And as others have said, it is up to you to decide with which friends you wish to confide details of your private life.

But as a practical matter, I always just take it easy if a submissive has an upcoming medical appointment. Different parts of your body bruise differently than others, too. Some areas are less visible than others; one time I used the soles of a woman's feet so no marks would be observable.

Congratuations on starting your relationship, Impish.

 

[Etoile]

Like some of the posters above, I too am proud of my relationship with Daddy and would not want to explain away the marks. (I wouldn't mind saying "kinky sex" because that takes less explanation - people frequently realize that much more may be included in that, and immediately after realize they don't want to know any more and leave it alone.) Regarding waxers (Brazilian or otherwise - I disrobe for bikini as well), I don't even usually talk with them much. I also have an autoimmune disorder called chronic urticaria which leaves me with hives 24/7 (for four years now), so I am used to explaining marks to my waxers. ("It's allergies" is generally enough.) As for doctors, I have no shame (!) and would tell them what was going on.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Like some of the posters above, I too am proud of my relationship with Daddy and would not want to explain away the marks. (I wouldn't mind saying "kinky sex" because that takes less explanation - people frequently realize that much more may be included in that, and immediately after realize they don't want to know any more and leave it alone.) Regarding waxers (Brazilian or otherwise - I disrobe for bikini as well), I don't even usually talk with them much. I also have an autoimmune disorder called chronic urticaria which leaves me with hives 24/7 (for four years now), so I am used to explaining marks to my waxers. ("It's allergies" is generally enough.) As for doctors, I have no shame (!) and would tell them what was going on.

Etoile, let's say you had a fresh crop of very noticeable marks that were not at all sex related...would you still tell a doctor what caused them? knowing that they are often required by the law (and where you and i live, they are) to report signs of abuse and will likely call the police?

 

[James G 5]

Etoile, let's say you had a fresh crop of very noticeable marks that were not at all sex related...would you still tell a doctor what caused them? knowing that they are often required by the law (and where you and i live, they are) to report signs of abuse and will likely call the police?

As I said, you can explain it as "BDSM play, all consensual" rather than "kinky sex"
Unless you're in Massachusets where that's still illegal, that will salve most doctor's concerns
Prior notification will generally work, little surprises Dr's
This is not just for people I know in to BDSM who've gone in with "odd" or extreme marks
But for those who do body modification as well
And in some cases, male subs I know have gone in saying "I'm in the SCA" or "I do martial arts"
*shrug*
In most cases honesty is less dangerous than dishonesty or silence
And I will say again as I mentioned before that your situation is probably less than 1/2 of 1% of the population and is CERTAINLY more extreme than the original poster's...for MOST people the advice to be open & up front would work better.

 

[ownedsubgal]

As I said, you can explain it as "BDSM play, all consensual" rather than "kinky sex"
Unless you're in Massachusets where that's still illegal, that will salve most doctor's concerns
Prior notification will generally work, little surprises Dr's
This is not just for people I know in to BDSM who've gone in with "odd" or extreme marks
But for those who do body modification as well
And in some cases, male subs I know have gone in saying "I'm in the SCA" or "I do martial arts"
*shrug*
In most cases honesty is less dangerous than dishonesty or silence
And I will say again as I mentioned before that your situation is probably less than 1/2 of 1% of the population and is CERTAINLY more extreme than the original poster's...for MOST people the advice to be open & up front would work better. [/] QUOTE

i agree with that James. since most in this lifestyle who give and receive marks give and receive them from something either sexual or related to some kind of bdsm play, then being honest and upfront about it in situations where marks may have to be explained is the best route to go. although if you live in a very conservative right-wing kind of area, i'm not sure how well the "bdsm play" explaination would fly, but i guess one could give it a try...*shrug*

still, situations like mine and my Master's are not as rare as you seem to believe, it's just not a part of the popular (politically correct) D/s and bdsm worlds of today. so, people like us need to know how to handle ourselves in such situations just like everyone else, and the kinky sex or bdsm play explainations just wouldn't go over, and would be lies to boot.

 

[Etoile]

Etoile, let's say you had a fresh crop of very noticeable marks that were not at all sex related...would you still tell a doctor what caused them? knowing that they are often required by the law (and where you and i live, they are) to report signs of abuse and will likely call the police?

I would call them "kinky sex" marks even if they were not actually from something sexual. If they were inflicted by my dominant, it doesn't matter if it was sexual or not. The doctor doesn't really need to know anything more than "kinky sex" - that phrase should beenough to indicate that it's part of a consensual personal relationship. Anything additional is not really the doctor's business, but if pressed further, I would take care to indicate that the relationship was consensual and that no abuse was involved.

 

[Avery_Chisholm]

ITA with desdemona