Man's Destiny!

[Lonesomepoet]

The fires are seen across the chasm,
as the fog lifts into the sky.

Nevermore will the people sing and dance,
and no more the birds will fly.

Man has made his worthless bed,
that sinks into this pit.

He strives to make things better,
but now must lie in it.

~ Lonesomepoet
February 21, 2005

 

[wildsweetone]

welcome back Lonesomepoet. hope you stay awhile.

have you submitted any poetry into Litland yet? do you want some help figuring out how to do it or are you okay?

 

[Lonesomepoet]

Thank You!

welcome back Lonesomepoet. hope you stay awhile.

have you submitted any poetry into Litland yet? do you want some help figuring out how to do it or are you okay?

Thank you, Wildsweetone, for I can always count on you for an encouraging word. I have had 32 people review this poem, and you are "the only one" to respond, which tells me that people freak out at poems like this, don't want to face reality, or deal with what might be looming in our future. It's sad, really! Their heads are buried in the sands of liberalism, and they cannot comprehend that our world could be changed dramatically, soon, if something is not done to stop it!

Sincerely,
Lonesomepoet

 

[TheRainMan]

. . . I have had 32 people review this poem, and you are "the only one" to respond, which tells me that people freak out at poems like this, don't want to face reality, or deal with what might be looming in our future. It's sad, really! Their heads are buried in the sands of liberalism, and they cannot comprehend that our world could be changed dramatically, soon, if something is not done to stop it!

that's quite an assumption!

it's certainly not why i chose not to respond when i read it.

and welcome back, by the way, which i should have said, even if i thought it best not to say anything else.

 

[Sara Crewe]

I have had 32 people review this poem, and you are "the only one" to respond, which tells me that people freak out at poems like this, don't want to face reality, or deal with what might be looming in our future. It's sad, really! Their heads are buried in the sands of liberalism, and they cannot comprehend that our world could be changed dramatically, soon, if something is not done to stop it!

Sincerely,
Lonesomepoet

I would not normally respond to your poem but since you made assumptions about me as a reader I feel justified in openly commenting on your 'poem' honestly. My comments are in red.

The fires are seen across the chasm,
as the fog lifts into the sky.

Fire is an over-used metaphor, so is chasm, so is fog and so is the sky.

Nevermore will the people sing and dance,
and no more the birds will fly.

Singing is an over-used metaphor, so is dancing and so are flying birds.

Man has made his worthless bed,
that sinks into this pit.

An unmade bed is an over-used metaphor and so is the image of a ‘sinking pit’

He strives to make things better,
but now must lie in it.

The line, ‘strives to make things better’ tells the reader nothing beyond general platitude. You have 'told' your story through cliches when your point or story should be shown or revealed, not told, through interesting and unique language choices. That's kinda the whole point of poetry so to jump on your cliche train, you missed the boat and your poem was boring and that's the reason why I would not normally have responded to it. If the language of a poem does not do it's job to lure, capture and entertain than the message of that poem is irrelevant because nobody will read it.

 

[wildsweetone]

Thank you, Wildsweetone, for I can always count on you for an encouraging word. I have had 32 people review this poem, and you are "the only one" to respond, which tells me that people freak out at poems like this, don't want to face reality, or deal with what might be looming in our future. It's sad, really! Their heads are buried in the sands of liberalism, and they cannot comprehend that our world could be changed dramatically, soon, if something is not done to stop it!

Sincerely,
Lonesomepoet

well, that's one way of getting responses.

i think i would have done it slightly differently though.

 

[champagne1982]

I looked at this thread because of the names attached to the replies. In all honesty, you posted a vanity thread and failed to ask for critique or review, therefore you didn't get any responses.

I have nothing useful to add apart from my observation that for a poet who writes for himself, you are pretty judgemental of the audience you seem to disregard.

Keep writing and try to stay happy with what it is all about.

 

[Lonesomepoet]

An Agenda!

I would not normally respond to your poem but since you made assumptions about me as a reader I feel justified in openly commenting on your 'poem' honestly. My comments are in red.

The fires are seen across the chasm,
as the fog lifts into the sky.

Fire is an over-used metaphor, so is chasm, so is fog and so is the sky.

Nevermore will the people sing and dance,
and no more the birds will fly.

Singing is an over-used metaphor, so is dancing and so are flying birds.

Wow, Sara, you really had it out to attack my poem. You see, I am not here to have my poems "critiqued," for critiques go into my left ear and out my right one at the speed of light, because I write for the pure enjoyment of poetry, not to be critiqued by someone who obviously was "on a mission" to attack my poetry "form," which is entirely from the heart, and does not worry about rhyme and meter, or supposed over-used metaphors, and supposed this, and supposed that, for it's not about "the poetry" to some of you guys, but about "the rules." You need to read annaswirls thread for "poet's roll-call." For in there I "plainly wrote" that my poetry "is not" up for critique, because I write from the heart, therefore allow "no one" to even suggest to me changing anything about my poem/poetry. I simply offer my poetry for people to consider, not to "attack and judge."

I pity some of you poets who lift yourselves up so high on your soap boxes that I really don't see how you enjoy poetry at all, but rather enjoy looking down your noses at those of us who honestly enjoy poetry (from the heart). You stand there with your rhyme and meter book in the one hand, and your metaphor book in the other, breathing out your opinions, which are purely based upon your "high and holy" rule books. Poetry is about human emotion, not about rules, not about rhyming perfectly, or about being one beat off on the meter rule/bar, God forbid! No, poetry is about touching the human heart and spirit, and the only way to do that is to toss the rule books into the wind, and out to the dogs, so that the human heart might be the rule in the production of any poetic piece.

Sincerely,
Lonesomepoet

P.S. Before I am judged again, I put this response in the middle of your response on purpose!

Man has made his worthless bed,
that sinks into this pit.

An unmade bed is an over-used metaphor and so is the image of a ‘sinking pit’

He strives to make things better,
but now must lie in it.

The line, ‘strives to make things better’ tells the reader nothing beyond general platitude. You have 'told' your story through cliches when your point or story should be shown or revealed, not told, through interesting and unique language choices. That's kinda the whole point of poetry so to jump on your cliche train, you missed the boat and your poem was boring and that's the reason why I would not normally have responded to it. If the language of a poem does not do it's job to lure, capture and entertain than the message of that poem is irrelevant because nobody will read it.

P.S.S. Once again, I put my response in the middle, on purpose!

 

[champagne1982]

Thank you, Wildsweetone, for I can always count on you for an encouraging word. I have had 32 people review this poem, and you are "the only one" to respond, which tells me that people freak out at poems like this, don't want to face reality, or deal with what might be looming in our future. It's sad, really! Their heads are buried in the sands of liberalism, and they cannot comprehend that our world could be changed dramatically, soon, if something is not done to stop it!

Sincerely,
Lonesomepoet

If you weren't posting for review or critique why did you reply to WSO's comment in this manner?

It would seem to me that if you paint with such a wide brush, you should be ready to have some bleeding from the edges.

PS: The formatting inside the quote is mine.

 

[Lonesomepoet]

Political Correctness!

well, that's one way of getting responses.

i think i would have done it slightly differently though.

Hi, Wildsweetone,

Well, I understand what you are saying, but, I have never worried about "political correctness," but "freedom of speech." I say what I think, because in the society of today, and its way of thinking, I have come to the conclusion that "political correctness" is a mental disorder, for if a person is not allowed to voice their disapproval of anything, then we would all be in a prison, much like "Cold War Communism." Don't you think?

 

[TheRainMan]

. . . critiques go into my left ear and out my right one at the speed of light . . .

and that's why the next poem you write will probably be as poor as this one.

the fact that your poem is 'from your heart' doesn't make it interesting to someone who's reading it.

Sara's suggestions are on the money. whether you heed them or not is up to you . . . but yes, you DID invite critique, with this ludicrous statement:

I have had 32 people review this poem, and you are "the only one" to respond, which tells me that people freak out at poems like this, don't want to face reality, or deal with what might be looming in our future. It's sad, really! Their heads are buried in the sands of liberalism, and they cannot comprehend that our world could be changed dramatically, soon, if something is not done to stop it!.

what a crock of shit.

 

[Sara Crewe]

P.S.S. Once again, I put my response in the middle, on purpose!

You critiqued readers for not having the courage to respond to your poem. I told you specifically why I, a reader, did not respond to your poem. I have no agenda. I just answered your inflammatory post. If you had not posted your criticism of readers I would never have responded to your post because I don't normally read vanity threads.

As for your response to me, for someone who does not like being judged you do a fine job of judging everyone else. Hmm, what's the word for that? Oh, yes...a hypocrite.

If you didn't want anyone to judge you or your writing than maybe you shouldn't have judged or made assumptions about why readers were not responding to your words. As soon as you made those assumptions you asked for a response. You're like a kid who acted all tough knocking at a closed door and then peed your pants when someone actually opened it and gave you what you supposedly wanted, a response. Oh, but you didnt want a response. You wanted someone to tell you that your writing was great and oh, so wise. Sorry, but I don't do bullshit.

Good luck with the rose-coloured glasses, hope your world stays pink. You can keep the pity...I don't need it, my dear. I also won't bother you on your thread anymore so don't bother answering me. If you do, I guess we'll know that this was never about the poetry.

 

[Lonesomepoet]

Response vs. Critique

If you weren't posting for review or critique why did you reply to WSO's comment in this manner?

It would seem to me that if you paint with such a wide brush, you should be ready to have some bleeding from the edges.

PS: The formatting inside the quote is mine.

Oh, woe is me! I am not opposed to people offering their opinions of the subject matter of my poetry. I am opposed to people tearing it apart, line by line, and saying it's poorly written because it does not measure up to their rule books. And, like I wrote in the poet's roll-call thread, I simply put my poetry out for their consideration, and if they don't like it, then that is their business. In other words, it's like standing before your high school Lit. teacher and being humiliated in front of the whole class, and told that your poetry is not worthy. Well, I don't listen to people who slam the worthiness of my poetry, for their opinion means absolutely "zero" to me.

This reminds me of the story of Pat Benatar (famous Rock singer). Well, she went to college to become an opera singer I believe. Anyway, she was told by her instructors that she did not have the voice to be a singer, and advised her to abandon her dream as a singer. This enraged Pat so much that she walked right out of that office and became one of the greatest, female Rock-N-Roll singers of all time! Her critics would disagree, but I think her bank account is a hell of an amount larger than that of her critics'.

The moral of this story is a wonderful observation by Mark Twain.

"Keep away from people who belittle your ambitions. Small
people always do that, but the really great make you feel
that you, too, can become great."
~ Mark Twain

~ Lonesomepoet

 

[Liar]

I have had 32 people review this poem, and you are "the only one" to respond, which tells me that people freak out at poems like this, don't want to face reality, or deal with what might be looming in our future. It's sad, really! Their heads are buried in the sands of liberalism, and they cannot comprehend that our world could be changed dramatically, soon, if something is not done to stop it!

I'm so sorry that I didn't reply immediately with an insightful and appropriate essay about the environmental and socipolitical tangents of human civilization. But frankly, I had a life to live.

Despite of what you may think, I doubt that you have managed to stun anybody into silence. Your poem is a non-threatening, non-controversial, very politically correct, and overbearingly moralizing piece of poetry. Pleasant enough to read, but nothing that made me stop and think.

Because no, that message ain't no revolution, it's not challenging any commonly held world views. I agree to some extent with it. But then again, so does eveyone else I know.

In the words of my shrink: "You need a burbon and a good lay. Take that, and if you're still angry at the world, call me tomorrow."

 

[Lonesomepoet]

Bourbon.

I'm so sorry that I didn't reply immediately with an insightful and appropriate essay about the environmental and socipolitical tangents of human civilization. But frankly, I had a life to live.

Despite of what you may think, I doubt that you have managed to stun anybody into silence. Your poem is a non-threatening, non-controversial, very politically correct, and overbearingly moralizing piece of poetry. Pleasant enough to read, but nothing that made me stop and think.

Because no, that message ain't no revolution, it's not challenging any commonly held world views. I agree to some extent with it. But then again, so does eveyone else I know.

In the words of my shrink: "You need a burbon and a good lay. Take that, and if you're still angry at the world, call me tomorrow."

I'm sorry to hear that you need a "shrink." I've never had one, and never will. Bourbon gets me through the rough times just fine, and as far as a good lay is concerned, well, my hand will do, because the person you're laying usually ends up trying to control you in the long run.

~ Lonesomepoet

 

[Tzara]

You see, I am not here to have my poems "critiqued," for critiques go into my left ear and out my right one at the speed of light, because I write for the pure enjoyment of poetry, not to be critiqued by someone who obviously was "on a mission" to attack my poetry "form," which is entirely from the heart, and does not worry about rhyme and meter, or supposed over-used metaphors, and supposed this, and supposed that, for it's not about "the poetry" to some of you guys, but about "the rules." You need to read annaswirls thread for "poet's roll-call." For in there I "plainly wrote" that my poetry "is not" up for critique, because I write from the heart, therefore allow "no one" to even suggest to me changing anything about my poem/poetry. I simply offer my poetry for people to consider, not to "attack and judge."

I am always puzzled by people who want to post a poem--particularly on a thread of its own--who write "from the heart" and who do not "allow [anyone] to even suggest to [them] changing anything about [their] poem/poetry," yet who expect to receive a lot of responses to the poem. You aren't the first to do this, nor will you be the last. What kind of response were you looking to get? You've plainly said that no one else's opinion matters to you, so why would someone respond, regardless of whether they thought it was wonderful or that it sucked? What would be the point?

 

[Liar]

I'm sorry to hear that you need a "shrink." I've never had one, and never will. Bourbon gets me through the rough times just fine, and as far as a good lay is concerned, well, my hand will do, because the person you're laying usually ends up trying to control you in the long run.

Each to his own. A burbon and a wank then.

And if you still want to feel like the lonesome rebel poet in an imagined world of enemies and ignorance, let me know, and I'll turn my attention elsewhere.

But if you wanna talk poetry and stuff, this is a pretty nice place for it.

Cheers.

 

[champagne1982]

Oh, woe is me! I am not opposed to people offering their opinions of the subject matter of my poetry. I am opposed to people tearing it apart, line by line, and saying it's poorly written because it does not measure up to their rule books. And, like I wrote in the poet's roll-call thread, I simply put my poetry out for their consideration, and if they don't like it, then that is their business. In other words, it's like standing before your high school Lit. teacher and being humiliated in front of the whole class, and told that your poetry is not worthy. Well, I don't listen to people who slam the worthiness of my poetry, for their opinion means absolutely "zero" to me.

This reminds me of the story of Pat Benatar (famous Rock singer). Well, she went to college to become an opera singer I believe. Anyway, she was told by her instructors that she did not have the voice to be a singer, and advised her to abandon her dream as a singer. This enraged Pat so much that she walked right out of that office and became one of the greatest, female Rock-N-Roll singers of all time! Her critics would disagree, but I think her bank account is a hell of an amount larger than that of her critics'.

The moral of this story is a wonderful observation by Mark Twain.

"Keep away from people who belittle your ambitions. Small
people always do that, but the really great make you feel
that you, too, can become great."
~ Mark Twain

~ Lonesomepoet

That's totally, fucking irrelevant to what I was posting about.

It's good to see that the quality of high school lit teachers isn't diminished by this society which generally derides anyone who makes adolescents and teens feel anything less than a star.

Pat Benawho? I'm teasing, of course I've heard her recordings. But what has she done lately?

I would have commented on the subject matter of your poem if you'd posted a request for such a discussion. Instead, you remarked that you HAD 32 people review it without comment and honestly, I don't know what you expected them to say.

A conversation usually begins with more than a poem full of worn out cliches. In the future I suggest you post on a chit chat board rather than a board where most people either lurk on or use to write, discuss and learn about poetry, rather than the issues of the day.

PS: Unless those issues of the day are about poetry.

 

[WickedEve]

the fact that your poem is 'from your heart' doesn't make it interesting to someone who's reading it.

So true, yet many novice poets don't yet realize it.

Have I told you lately how smart and talented you are?

 

[MyNecroticSnail]

what a crock of shit.

I thought I was direct. Aren't you afraid someone will call you jealous?

HERE IT IS FOLKS-I'M JEALOUS OF...

The RainMan

with reservations

 

[TheRainMan]

So true, yet many novice poets don't yet realize it.

Have I told you lately how smart and talented you are?

aw, shucks . . .

you're making me all blushy.

 

[TheRainMan]

I thought I was direct. Aren't you afraid someone will call you jealous?

HERE IT IS FOLKS-I'M JEALOUS OF...

The RainMan

with reservations

i tried to be nice.

some people just insist on painting bullseyes on their chests.

 

[Sara Crewe]

i tried to be nice.

some people just insist on painting bullseyes on their chests.

I am pretty sure it was painted on his ass not his chest.

 

[TheRainMan]

I am pretty sure it was painted on his ass not his chest.

hey, you. be . . . nice

 

[Lonesomepoet]

Ego's!

I am pretty sure it was painted on his ass not his chest.

Sara is so fucking worried about her ego! Anyway, I am so sick and tired of people's ego's! I will continue to write my poetry, and the rhyme & meter stupid, inbred mother F'er's can suck my dick. Bye, Sara, and all the others! Please don't answer this message, for I will have the last word, with much maliciousness. Don't answer this, for I always get the las word. Bye! No one answer, or else!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!