Managing finances: your preference

[daughter]

To those of you who are not married:

When you decide to build a single household, how will you manage your finances? Will one of you manage the money and expenses, share the responsibility, have a house account but separate individual resources? Why?

If you're married, what arrangements do you have? If you could change it, what would your preference be and why?

Has anyone tried one plan and later opted for something else?

Thanks.

Peace,

daughter

 

[White_Tigress_]

When I bought a house with my b/f in 1990, I decided not to get a joint banking account because we were not married. We split the bills according to our paychecks. I couldn't afford the mortgage, but I did pay 50% of the bills, bought the food, and provided the necessities for the house. When we had a child, I also provided for anything she needed.
Because we were not married, I didn't feel secure enough to let him have access to all of my money, which is why I kept a checking and savings account in my name...he did the same.

Now that I am married (not to that last guy), moved to a different state, started an entirely new life...things changed for me. We have a joint checking account, I pay the mortgage on the house we bought 2 1/2 yrs ago, and pay the bills that I started (like a loan I had from a few years back, orders, etc.)

It really would depend on your finacial situation to say what is right or wrong. If only one person is working, well....then it is up to that person to pay it all. If both are, then who can actually afford the larger bills and who can handle the misc stuff? It was something that both of us had to talk about and make sure they can be paid. If I told him not to worry, I'll take care of water, cable and electricity...along with mortgage, and he takes care of the rest (he needs to pay the ex-wife..which is why I handle the big expenses in our household).....then it would be a lie and we would be having no tv, no lights, and no showers....they would be shut off. I can't afford all those along with what Im taking on now.

sorry, im rambling...
What was the question??? lol

 

[MidnightAngel]

I manage the finances in our household; keep the checkbook, pay the bills, etc.. I have always had this role, with each of my marriages. I prefer it this way simply because it is what I am accustomed to. Our salaries are both direct deposit, so I'm able to keep a pretty good accounting of the money. My husband has his ATM card and his credit cards if he needs them -- I don't question his ATM withdrawals or his credit card purchases. This works very well for us, and I wouldn't change it.

In the beginning, we did try it the other way with my husband paying the bills, etc.. I wasn't comfortable with that because (as I said) I've always done it.

 

[Cheyenne]

Finance is what I do, it is my career.

I'm single, so the question doesn't come up for me. If it ever did, the answer would be that I would definitely take care of my own finances. I'd be happy to take care of my partner's finances, too. The one option that would never happen would be me turning over my finances to someone else.

 

[Calamity Jane]

I think my husband and I have done this every way it can be done. When we first got married, we had a joint account, I paid the bills and balanced the checkbook, and we each got a certain amount of $$ to get us through the week.

When we moved and he went back to school, I was working two jobs and he was attending classes. Since he was home more, he paid the bills and handled the checkbook.

When we were both working again, we still had the household account for bills, groceries, etc, and we each had seperate accounts. We'd agreed that a certain amount from each of our checks would go into the household account and the rest in to our seperate accounts. Neither of us questioned what the other purchased with their 'own' money.

We're back to a single account and whichever of us gets the mail writes out the checks for the bills that come in and they're mailed on Fridays. It works pretty well.

 

[alltherage]

My financial plan is to get through the month and not have more debt than I have now. My planning consists of putting aside enough money to cover the child support that rarely comes. Unfortunately, I don't have the resources to plan very far ahead. It is very stressful and the thought of money and the lack thereof colors my day often. I do manage to safe for the kids education and put off or simply don't get things that I would like for myself. I do not consider this a sacrafice. It is an obligation. One day, right after I win the lotery, I plan to invest in something sound and consistent and live merrily off the interest.

 

[Wiggles]

Well, we're not married, but apparently one more year and we're married in the eyes of the law.

This is how we do the financial stuff. He writes the checks for the rent, electricity, phone. I do the groceries, and pay half the rent.

It ends up being just about down the middle. We lead an uncomplicated sort of life.

 

[kotori]

We both have direct deposit to a single account. She holds the checkbook, pays the bills (from the single account). I quit smoking, don't drink, charge my gas, "debit" groceries--my only cash output in a typical week is for a few lotto tickets. Works for us. (Maybe I'm just lazy.)

 

[Cheyenne]

*bump*

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

I'd be happy to take care of my partner's finances, too.

If that means you would be my Sugar Mommy then send me an airline ticket and I will be on the next plane!

Seriously, if I were to enter into a relationship where this question would come up, I would want my partner to take care of her own finances and I would take of mine. I think being able to do that shows that you are an adult and I would only want to have a relationship with an adult. Also, I think it is important for a woman to have her own accounts for a number of reasons:

1) She gets her own credit rating.

2) She has something of her own, rather than the old tradition of handing everything over to the man.

3) If anything ever happens to the man then she is not left hanging with regards to finances.

How would I share expenses and ownership? That would depend on who was paying for what, but if she paid for half then she would own half. There are ways of owning various properties, whether they be real estate or automobiles, in joint partnership without being married.

I would want her to remain responsible for what debts she brought with her, and retain sole ownership of what assets she brought too. The same would go for me.

That may not seem very romantic, but the realities of life intrude and the possibility of a dissolution later cannot be denied. I would bring considerable assets to a relationship, most of which I want to eventually go to my daughter, with whom I have had a lifetime relationship. That would probably mean that I would need a pre-nuptual agreement, even for a live in lover (common law marriage laws apply).

 

[riff]

I have absolutely no idea! But I can tell you that I hate fucking with money.

 

[Calamity Jane]

I would bring considerable assets to a relationship, most of which I want to eventually go to my daughter, with whom I have had a lifetime relationship.

My husband brought 'considerable assets' to our marriage, via a trust fund. Granted, neither him, nor i 'earned' that money. However, almost every dime I earned two years ago when directly to paying taxes on it. So, if our relationship were to dissolve, wouldn't I have some right to that money, even though he brought it with him?

I brought a student loan debt into our marriage... and then worked two jobs to put him through school. Wouldn't he then have a responsibility to assist me in my education as well?

I don't understand how separate finances is 'more adult'.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

My husband brought 'considerable assets' to our marriage, via a trust fund. Granted, neither him, nor i 'earned' that money. However, almost every dime I earned two years ago when directly to paying taxes on it. So, if our relationship were to dissolve, wouldn't I have some right to that money, even though he brought it with him?

Well, there are always exceptions, but if they were his assets, and he wanted to keep them separate from marital assets, then he should have paid the taxes on them, or he should pay you back with interest.

By "considerable assets" I am talking stock that will one day probably be enough to retire on and then some. Today it's worth is about $20k, but I earned every cent of it, I paid taxes on the money to buy most of that stock, and if anything happens to me I want most of it to go to my daughter, not someone who just moved in with me two months ago, lives with me for another 2 years then decides she deserves half of everything I took 30 years of blood sweat and tears to earn. Same goes for my inheritance which will be about the same amount of money (and yes I feel I earned some of that money too as I worked some very long hard hours on the farm whose sale makes up a good portion of my inheritance).

I brought a student loan debt into our marriage... and then worked two jobs to put him through school. Wouldn't he then have a responsibility to assist me in my education as well?

Maybe - it depends on what the amounts were and on what you agreed to. But your situation is not my situation; I am almost 50 years old, I have worked for over 30 years, I have a child by a pervious marriage that is struggling with her finances and health (and wanting to start a family), and I want to retire.

I am not going to need to have anyone pay for my schooling or my taxes, or anything else for me - I am past all or most of that, and I can pay my own way and then some.

I have that stock that hopefully in a couple of years will help me retire. I worked for many years to be able to buy that stock, and I spent a considerable percentage of my savings to be able to buy it at a time I was unemployed, upping the risk factor. It was my money, my work and my risk - no-one else's.

Now if I were to start a relationship and it were to fail after a time period where the state law considers the relationship to be a common law marriage (about 2 years I think), those assets would be at risk if I didn't have a pre-nup.

I want to share my life with someone, and I would share the benefits of any wealth too, but I do not want to have someone come into my life, get pissed at me, or decide they want somebody else, and decide they are going to take half of my total wealth to boot just to spite me - or because some shark of a lawyer convinces her it is her due.

I know it seems to be unromantic to say that this could happen, but it does happen to people all the time, and precautions should be taken. With me, they would be taken.

I don't understand how separate finances is 'more adult'.

It depends on the people and the relationship, but when my ex-wife and I got split up, she had almost nothing financial setup, and didn't know how. She had to grow up real quick, get her own bank account, her own place to live and a job. All things she had not done before, that I had taken care of myself.

My mother and father have their own accounts, and they have joint accounts, as do my older brother and his wife. They use their own accounts for things they want, and joint accounts for things like paying bills on jointly owned property.

If I were in a relationship where we bought property together, then that is probably what I would do.