Man U love dearly or your Child(rens) best interest?

[SierraSky]

If you had to choose between your children and their biological father (or in Angelique's case a man that you love dearly) what would you do?

The question is of such serious nature that I'm not usre how to deal with it. Unfortunately, Angelique has been in a similar but different kind of situation, as some of you know. As her best friend, I know how torn she was in trying to choose what was in the best intrest of her children, and xander, but I support her decision and know she battled with herself prior to coming to her conclusion.

Here is my senerio:

The man I recently married is not my childrens father. Their biological father shouldn't even be called a father.. a sperm donor would be more appropriate name for him. In the 6 years that my children have been alive, he has not been involved with them. Recently, he has taken interest in wanting to be a part of their life, but has decided that i should move 3000 miles away.

He has hired an atty to make me do this and has a great chance of winning, considering he is paying child support and wants to be so called (dad) now. The problem is my husband who I recently married has stepped in to be the father figure and has been more of a father to my children then their own father for the last five years. They know him as dad and feel that this could really disrupt my childrens life immensely what do you all think I should do? What can I do legally? Any and all advice is welcome, as I am at a complete loss here?

Thanks all
Sierra

 

[KillerMuffin]

Get a lawyer yesterday sweetie. He doesn't have much of a case, child support or not, to get you to move. I don't think thats possible legally. He has had nothing to do with his children except in a fiduciary sense. Get a lawyer. Fast. You can't afford not to.

 

[wolfie69]

Hey Sky..... like KM said get a good lawyer....(oxy-moron there) The guy paying support has not been involved.... prove it and the court will back you....

 

[Bigdog]

If the biological father has hired an attorney I suggest you do the same. He can't make you move, but depending on your existing support agreement he can make you provide reasonable access to the children. The courts really support father rights these days.

One avenue that may be available to you is having your new husband adopt the children. There is a adoption method called Petition for Abandonment that may apply to your state. Basically, after 5 years of no contact between him and the kids it can be construed as abandonment. I don't know all the facts about this method or anything about Ohio law so don't cast my words into stone.

As a source of basic legal info, try http://www.nolopress.com. I have gotten facts from the website as well as purchased books from them.

Give it your best shot, the children will be better for it.

 

[Weird Harold]

Having been in the situation of being too far from my children to excercise my visitation rights, I suspect that this is a ploy on his part to get his child support dropped or reduced.

Whether it succeeds or not depends on a) how the child support and/or vistitation order reads, and b) how much better your lawyer is than his.

In my case, Visitation was worded such that I was responsible for any expense invoved in seeing my kids, but I could see them anytime with 24 hours notice. No nonsense like two hours every third Wednesday and all day every seventh Sunday.

You will definitely need a lawyer to unravel the implications of the wording and/or come up with some counteroffer.

The one thing you don't have to worry about, is that you will have to move. (Unless you've got an incredibly screwed up support/vistation order.)

 

[CW]

Any man,,,

Any male can be a father,,, it takes a great man to be a dad, and a very special man to be a dad w/o the father title.

If your children have accepted your husband as a dad figure and he is putting forth the effort for the kids,,, then by ALL means seek some legal assistance. I do believe that your kids father, like so many other replaced fathers, is running off of his feelings of lost ownership and control, AND feels that YOU have to pay his price,,, I have never seen a more possive lot (in general terms ) than replaced fathers tend to be,,, and generally they make the most gawd awful demands and then get pissed when you just don't see things their way. So, out come the threats of court action,,, Well, I for one believe that he is suffering a massive case of cranial-rectous ( he has his head up his ass in other words )

ASAP!!!!! please consult someone for some legal assistance.

 

[OUTSIDER]

You could fuck him up by offering him visitaion right's, I mean if all he is realy after is a reduction in child support then calling his bluff might work but if he realy does want to see the kid's then you have to ask yourself would letting this jerk have supervised visit's be worth it , either way get yourself some leagal help and make sure the lawyer is a real mean SOB.

Best of luck from OUTSIDER.

 

[Juliangel]

Like everyone else has said hire a lawyer.

Two things that may help ease your mind a little.

1. You said it had been 6 years, this means the children should be in school by now. A child's psychological well being in an established environment is more important than an adults wish to suddenly become involved with the child and wants the child uprooted from that envirnment to be involved with them.

2. There are cases where the biological parent is ordered to pay support and are not allowed to even see the children. (This happened to my cousin thankfully for her kids.) If he were actively involved and then moved out of state that would be one things but he lives out of state and wants to become involved, he needs to make the effort.

 

[Naked Hunny]

If we are handing out legal advice please help me too..

My daughters father has never seen her and refuses to supply me with enough information for me to go to Domestic Relations to get child support. At domestics they refuse to help me since i dont have more information than his name and current phone number. They said i need at least a social security number so they can do a search for an address. How stupid is that they wont even help me.. What can i do? Im an extremely struggling single mother who needs that little bit of help from child support.

 

[CW]

Naked Hunny

You may want to try one of the nonprofit groups such as ACES

http://srd.yahoo.com/drst/14847796/*http://www.childsupport-ACES.org/

This group was actually able to help my sister, though I am not sure of all of the details.

Good luck !!

 

[Guest]

Even if said sperm donor gets visitations or something, it doesn't mean you have to live where he does. Divorced (or broken up) couples doesn't always live near one another. I've been on both sides of this now seeing as how I have a son from a "sperm donor" only, and many of my male friends are divorced with children. When your children were born, was said sperm donor there? Did he sign the birth certificate? You see, I'm lucky, in a way. My sperm donor denied paternity after my baby was born. That means he will never have any legal rights to the child. If the same thing happened with you, then you have nothing to worry about with the ex. And your current husband could even adopt your children if you wanted...

~Dr Tiggs~
http://smilecwm.tripod.com/sd3/lise.gif

 

[SierraSky]

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR RESPONSES!!!

I have hired an atty and you all are right, all he wanted was to have his child support payment reduced and he figured that he could get it reduced by attempting to be a part of my childrens life.

The best news is: My husband can adopt the kids in 5 months. We have to be married for six months before the Ohio court system will do anything. Unfortunately, it does cost a pretty penny. But my husband says it worth it. That way my ex wont have any rights. He is considered a abandon parent. In Ohio if you don't see your talk to your children for a year or more it is considered abandonment. Just like you all said. So thanks again for all the advices.

Sierra

 

[FlamingoBlue]

Make sure that your lawyer....

is familiar with the area of family law. This is not a slam dunk, as others may feel. You have a good et of facts, but a lawyer unfamiliar with the law can be a greater danger to you than "lost dad". This IS about your child's best interests and not dad. You will likely find that the judge will allow dad to re-enter your child's life, on a limited/ supervised basis , with more liberal parenting time to folow. That is the reality of the situation, particularly if he has been paying support, regularly. Like it or not. That's what the Judge is likely to do.

Here's a suggestion.This may be a ploy to eliminate support. First, see if your current husband is willing to adopt your daughter. If so, have your lawyer contact dad's lawyer and see if he would agree to terminate his parental rights in exchange for eliminating child support. If not, get a referral to a child psychologist who can evaluate the potential harm that dad could have on your daughter if he was allowed access to her. Also, consider what might happen if dad decides to move to your town. Those things do happen.

Good luck.

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