male problems...help

[liquidtension]

don't really know where to start with this one...im 21 and have been in relationships continually for the last 4 years. my concern now that im single is that i am having issues getting/maintaining an erection and this is really worrying me. usually with new girls im nervous at first (maybe?) and so i have issues, and the thought of using a condom = complete loss of sensation/boner death...but i realize that i need to use them now. theres a girl im really into now and things just became sexual the other day - however i was not able to get it up and stay hard enough even to put a condom on. its like my head wants me to follow through and im turned on and everything but the mechanical side wont work...very very frustrating. several years ago i went on antidepressants (SSRIs) but went off them due to sexual side effects and i guess im worried i never really recovered? i take wellbutrin now and in my last relationship i didnt have problems having intercourse and my sex drive was boosted some. does anyone have any advice or tips? as for my physical health, im in very good physical shape but dont necessarily eat the healthiest food. i dont smoke cigarettes but have smoked pot 1 - 2 times a day for the last 4 years or so - i realize this may be a problem but none of my friends who have the same consumption rate report any similar issues? help, this is driving me crazy and is horribly embarrassing...

 

[M's girl]

Your problem is not uncommon. Welcome to Lit, by the way.

I have seen a couple of threads dealing with this kind of problem and some good feed back was given. I suggest you check out the Blank Manual where topics are categorized. If you have more questions after that, please come back to your thread.

This is not to discourage you, it's just that so much has been said about this (and other subjects too) that you might wanna check out first!

 

[human_male]

Just in case, trying coming off the pot for a month or so to see if that makes any difference. Don't believe what your mates say about it either.

I think these problems are very common but no one admits to them. You only have to look at the sales of Viagra to see lots of men have problems. Maybe you're just not quite ready to have sex with that particular person yet. Maybe you're not quite comfortable enough. If you put the brakes on now though she'll wonder what's going on. Just take your time, and try taking the focus off your penis and penetration and concentrate on pleasing her and see how you go. Go talk to a doctor if things don't improve.

 

[TBKahuna123]

this sounds like a text book case of a self fulfilling prophesy. You think you'll have problems, you get nervous, and then you have problems. Beent here done that. Of course you might want to get checked out to be sure, but at your age, chances are it's totally a mental thing.

My advice is to relax and not worry about losing your erection. As you said, it's in your head now, and the way to beat it is probably to get it out of your head. You worry about it now because you aren't as confident as you were while in your relationship. Nerves can and DO cause ED problems.

It sounds cliche, but just relax and go with it. I really think that's the answer to your problem.

 

[wicked woman]

I think I've read here about masturbating with a condom on to get used to the feeling. Have you tried that?

 

[rydia57]

Believe me it is all in your head. I dated a guy a few years ago, suffered from soem depression and was on wellbutrin too. The only thing that stopped him from having erections is when he consumed too much alcohol, or when he felt incredibly nervous. When it was the nervousness, he'd smoke a joint and everything turned out for the best! The only bad thing is... well smoking does give you a low sperm count, he's trying to stop that. But otherwise he's peachy. You should just try to get used to the condoms again, stop worrying about the whole thing. When and if you find you can relax with the new gf, you'll feel better and so will mr. happy!

 

[liquidtension]

thanks for all the words of encouragement - i too know that it should be mostly a mental thing...just worries me that i dont have the rock hard erections that i used to when i was much younger...any one had this problem and gotten rid of it? i dont want to be taking boner pills at 21...

 

[rydia57]

You don't need boner pills, you need confidence. Just don't worry about it and go for it. Relax, have a good time and don't think about it for now. When you're really relaxed together you won't have to worry about it. Or like some of the others said ask her to help stimulate you. Nibble on your ear, kiss all over you, stuff like that. Whatever helps to arouse you. It'll relax you turn you on, be cool!

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

thanks for all the words of encouragement - i too know that it should be mostly a mental thing...just worries me that i dont have the rock hard erections that i used to when i was much younger...any one had this problem and gotten rid of it? i dont want to be taking boner pills at 21...

Rydia hit the nail square on the head, guy. Your hard-on is between your ears not hanging between your legs. Why you are ready it will work just fine. At 21 being alone for the first time is a tough pill on your ego and confidence. You don't need another pill to make it hard, just a little time to heal and get your head straight.

JJ

 

[liquidtension]

could the fact that i watched a LOT of porn when younger ( 14 - 17ish) have anything to do with it? i just dont feel like im stimulated visually that much - and this girl has tried to get me going by kissing, etc...i just dont get why i dont work - i guess ill just try to not worry about it. i feel like i have a lack of sensitivity maybe down there from masturbating too much when younger - am i totally fucked or is there hope?

 

[human_male]

could the fact that i watched a LOT of porn when younger ( 14 - 17ish) have anything to do with it?

Fuck I hope not.

 

[Eilan]

am i totally fucked or is there hope?

If you keep obsessing about it like this, then, yeah, you're totally fucked.

You've gotten some good advice on this thread.

 

[midwestyankee]

I don't mean to sound harsh (in fact a good bit of the motivation behind this is tongue in cheek) but you could just forget about sex for a while and leave more opportunities for us older guys who have mastered our nerves.

 

[PowerLifter84]

I'm in the same boat as you so you have to find what makes you hard and go with it.

For me, when I'm going down on a girl or being in control of the foreplay, I'm REALLY turned on but when things are turned around and the girl starts going down on me, I can go limp pretty quick. The fix? I like to 69. This way, I'm pleasing her and she's pleasing me, thus it's easier to stay hard. On the other side, sometimes they enjoy it too much and start forgetting that they were pleasing you, LOL.

I've also noticed that I am turned on more by indirect stimulation to my dick rather than direct (ie. a girl kissing and licking my neck and ears makes me harder than if she were liking my dick).

I don't have as much of a problem staying erect during foreplay now but when we start to have sex, within 2-3 minutes, I'll begin losing my erection. A lot of girls seem to like to rock back and forth but since I have little sensation there, that doesn't do a whole lot for me. I feel more when they slide up and down.

Everything seems to be a learning process so take it one thrust at a time. I always heard my friends say they could stay hard for a long time and I felt 'weird' because I couldn't, let alone not orgasm.


Good luck.

 

[human_male]

Can you get erect if you stimulate your penis directly? If so then just do that, just keep jerking off while you're doing stuff to her. She might like it too.

I think you should talk to her about it too, you'd probably feel better. And unless she's either stupid or insensitive she'll tell you it's not a big deal.

Failing that, you could go out with a girl with an enormous vagina then you wouldn't have to worry about being hard. You just sort of dangle it inside.

 

[phoenix1224]

Firstly, smoking pot has been known to increase estrogen levels in men (a definite libido killer)... Which may be a contributing factor.

Secondly, ALL men eventually have erection issues from time to time... Nothing to worry about.

Thirdly, the more you worry about it, the longer you'll have these issues.

Lastly, despite how the media portrays us men, we eventually reach a point where need to feel an emotional connection too (if it's not there, sometimes we experience "technical difficulties")... Just look at it as you evolving to a more mature emotional state.

 

[M's girl]

I don't mean to sound harsh (in fact a good bit of the motivation behind this is tongue in cheek) but you could just forget about sex for a while and leave more opportunities for us older guys who have mastered our nerves.

When did I last say I like(d) you so much?

 

[midwestyankee]

When did I last say I like(d) you so much?

Just now. Thank you.

 

[M's girl]

Just now. Thank you.

You're welcome!

 

[liquidtension]

good news...kind of

so...havent blazed one since monday afternoon, its now thurs morning...and managed to get erect enough to have sex with her last night - at first w/out a condom (shes on the ring and were both disease free) - when i put the condom on i lost it pretty quick though. at least shes very open and understanding about it saying its not a big deal. i think that as time goes on and i get more comfortable with her it will pass and get better...i hope. (PS i cant feel ANYTHING with a condom on, even with lube...ugh)