Male low sex drive?

[HereAgain714]

My partner has a low sex drive and I'm trying to understand/accept that this is where we are. We are in our 30's and both fit/healthy. However, he's chronically stressed and on medications that are known to affect libido. Getting physically aroused is easy for him and he shows a clear interest in me, but emotionally/mentally he doesn't feel the interest in sex. We usually have sex a few times per week but I notice the more we try, the less he seems to be into it or I think it stresses him out to perform.

If I say anything about his stress or medications, he gets defensive and says I need to stop getting my hopes up that this will change. He has expressed in counseling that he's feeling a lot of shame... I'm struggling with what to do and how to approach things. Any advice?

*I do love him and I don't want to change our situation. I just want to improve our sexual connection and I'm curious about other thoughts out there from men/women that have made this work for them.

 

[PrettynPetite]

Sent you a DM. Sorry to hear that. I'm on the same boat. I hope it's just a phase of life for them, and i try to focus on bringing more relaxation, joy into everyday life.

 

[Gator66]

Has he had his testosterone levels checked? It wouldn't be a bad idea to talk to a doctor and get a simple blood test. Even if the results are in normal range, at least you have a baseline. If he were to get a test, it is important that the blood draw occur first thing in the morning, as soon after waking as possible.

BTW, does he wake up with an erection?

 

[HereAgain714]

Has he had his testosterone levels checked? It wouldn't be a bad idea to talk to a doctor and get a simple blood test. Even if the results are in normal range, at least you have a baseline. If he were to get a test, it is important that the blood draw occur first thing in the morning, as soon after waking as possible.

BTW, does he wake up with an erection?

Yes, he had his levels checked and everything seemed to be normal. Low testosterone runs in his family but so far he seems to be okay. Thankfully he's been open to keeping an eye on that. He does wake up with an erection but still no mental interest in anything.

 

[Noor]

Yes, he had his levels checked and everything seemed to be normal. Low testosterone runs in his family but so far he seems to be okay. Thankfully he's been open to keeping an eye on that. He does wake up with an erection but still no mental interest in anything.

I’d suspect his meds.

 

[geoff0833]

Maybe worth a read. I just googled it and chose the first one so you may want to look a bit wider. Good luck.

https://www.smsna.org/patients/did-you-know/what-is-sensate-focus-and-how-does-it-work

 

[HereAgain714]

Maybe worth a read. I just googled it and chose the first one so you may want to look a bit wider. Good luck.

https://www.smsna.org/patients/did-you-know/what-is-sensate-focus-and-how-does-it-work

Oh, I like this concept! Thank you for the suggestion.

 

[Shaglus_Ziegler]

Yes, he had his levels checked and everything seemed to be normal. Low testosterone runs in his family but so far he seems to be okay. Thankfully he's been open to keeping an eye on that. He does wake up with an erection but still no mental interest in anything.

Maybe he’s gay?

 

[flameinsidesoul]

As a man who works with others on these kinds of intimate blocks, and has also lived through stress-related shutdown myself, I’ll say this, Stress + shame + meds can be a brutal combo. It’s like driving with the brakes on. Your body might react, your mind might want to but something invisible holds you back. And then the shame compounds, because now sex isn’t connection. it feels like pressure, like proving something you’re afraid you can’t. From what you said, it sounds like your partner wants to be close to you, but is struggling with performance anxiety or even a kind of emotional fatigue. and it’s hard for you, because your desire for him doesn’t feel met with the same emotional charge in return.

I would suggest, Get curious together. If and when he’s open, ask how he experiences closeness. What helps him feel safe, desired, unpressured? Sometimes the conversation isn’t about libido at all, it’s about identity, masculinity, even unresolved grief.

You’re not alone in this, and this isn’t the end of desire. It’s just a quieter season, one that might hold even deeper intimacy if you walk through it hand in hand.

 

[live4thebj]

My female fiancé lost hers. She doesn’t have kinks to turn her on. When I am not horny a good movie or story will always do it for me. In short if a person has a fetish that usually helps.

 

[Shaglus_Ziegler]

My partner has a low sex drive and I'm trying to understand/accept that this is where we are. We are in our 30's and both fit/healthy. However, he's chronically stressed and on medications that are known to affect libido. Getting physically aroused is easy for him and he shows a clear interest in me, but emotionally/mentally he doesn't feel the interest in sex. We usually have sex a few times per week but I notice the more we try, the less he seems to be into it or I think it stresses him out to perform.

If I say anything about his stress or medications, he gets defensive and says I need to stop getting my hopes up that this will change. He has expressed in counseling that he's feeling a lot of shame... I'm struggling with what to do and how to approach things. Any advice?

*I do love him and I don't want to change our situation. I just want to improve our sexual connection and I'm curious about other thoughts out there from men/women that have made this work for them.

Medications are doing more harm than good to so many. Exercise, real food, nature and strong communication. Good luck!

 

[PrettynPetite]

Maybe worth a read. I just googled it and chose the first one so you may want to look a bit wider. Good luck.

https://www.smsna.org/patients/did-you-know/what-is-sensate-focus-and-how-does-it-work

Wow. Only read a few paragraphs and already looks something that is doable. Thank you for sharing.