male led relationships

[Patchouli]

what's your take on male led relationships?

i put this in the bdsm forum because of the domestic discipline aspect of many male led relationships. i hope i didn't put this in the wrong place.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Personally? I think it's bullshit. Many men are capable of leading a relationship -- but that has nothing to do with their sex.

In fact I'd say any relationship skills men have are in despite their XY chromosomes.

But that's solely, and only, my take. YMMV.

 

[Patchouli]

Personally? I think it's bullshit. Many men are capable of leading a relationship -- but that has nothing to do with their sex.

In fact I'd say any relationship skills men have are in despite their XY chromosomes.

But that's solely, and only, my take. YMMV.

personally, i think that other than relationships based on religious strictures, male led relationships are usually about kink even if the people aren't consciously aware of it. and...of course, there's nothing wrong with that .

i don't know. i'm curious though about what everyone thinks.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think there are more choices to base relationship choices on than kink or religion. Some get so overwhelmed by their desire to be in a D/s relationship they begin to compartmentalise everyone into either Dominant or submissive roles when in reality they may have no interest in either role or anything kink related. As to gender denoting who should or will lead a relationship, I think it depends on the individual and their partner/s, and choices, more so than their gender.

Catalina

 

[Patchouli]

obviously there are female led relationships too. i've just been reading a bunch of stuff about taken in hand relationships. after poking around for a while, i couldn't help but notice that most of the people fell into 2 camps, the religious and the ones who got off on it.

i figured i'd bring it up here and see if anyone had thoughts on it. it's an intriguing concept for someone who is on the submissive side of things. i just don't feel that men have any inherent right to lead. that's where i get prickly about it.

 

[the captians wench]

*sigh*

We can talk via PM if you like, though I don't particularly identify as "taken in hand", but I won't comment here on the subject.

 

[KoPilot]

I get easily overwhelmed, so as it stands for me right now, my relationship framework is "you do what you're good at, and I do what I'm good at". It just so happens that what S is currently better at is more leadershiply things, even the very small ones. But me? I'm a bit better at the obsessive micromanaging:

"Honey, I cleaned underneath the refrigerator today and rearranged the living room because the loveseat by the TV gets that awful light in the afternoon, and makes it impossible to sit there without closing the window... Did I mention that I also reorganized the DVD collection by theatrical release date? I remember you mentioning that you had an interest in what won oscars in what years, so I thought it would give you a better idea of came out when... for context?"

In conclusion, my relationship both very much is and very much isn't. All I know is that I don't lead, really. I just kind of... do my weird things that I do. It's a very twisted kind of egalitarianism.

 

[Chiara_searches]

When I was starting to sort things out for myself, I read about taken in hand and domestic discipline. Too much of it struck me as justification for spousal abuse of a sort. I mean, being disciplined (and not in a fun way) for putting the credit card away on the wrong side of the drawer? Seriously?

If it's something both partners enjoy, then good. But a few of the different blogs I read came across almost as if the female partner had to be convinced it was the right choice for "them" as a couple. Convincing someone comes too close to manipulation for my choice.

In my very limited experience, one does not have to be in a male led relationship to be sexually submissive. Recently I've been pondering a quote from Anais Nin that's in someone's signature and which someone just posted elsewhere:

“I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.” ~A. Nin

This is where I would like my search to end up: with a man that understands I'm strong, courageous, can stand on my own two feet, but sexually I simply want to give myself over to someone who deserves it. For me, that's not just any man; he has to have some moral foundations that match my own and understand that dominating me sexually does not mean the rest of our relationship is disparate. In fact, the sexual side is balanced in a yin and yang fashion; and the rest of the relationship (the daily grind stuff) should be balanced by approaching it as equals, sharing in the task.

But to each his or her own. There are people who want to be completely submissive in all aspects of their lives. As long as it's a choice made with full knowledge and not forced upon them, I think "more power to you" and hope they find something fulfilling.

 

[Patchouli]

When I was starting to sort things out for myself, I read about taken in hand and domestic discipline. Too much of it struck me as justification for spousal abuse of a sort. I mean, being disciplined (and not in a fun way) for putting the credit card away on the wrong side of the drawer? Seriously?

If it's something both partners enjoy, then good. But a few of the different blogs I read came across almost as if the female partner had to be convinced it was the right choice for "them" as a couple. Convincing someone comes too close to manipulation for my choice.

In my very limited experience, one does not have to be in a male led relationship to be sexually submissive. Recently I've been pondering a quote from Anais Nin that's in someone's signature and which someone just posted elsewhere:

“I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.” ~A. Nin

This is where I would like my search to end up: with a man that understands I'm strong, courageous, can stand on my own two feet, but sexually I simply want to give myself over to someone who deserves it. For me, that's not just any man; he has to have some moral foundations that match my own and understand that dominating me sexually does not mean the rest of our relationship is disparate. In fact, the sexual side is balanced in a yin and yang fashion; and the rest of the relationship (the daily grind stuff) should be balanced by approaching it as equals, sharing in the task.

But to each his or her own. There are people who want to be completely submissive in all aspects of their lives. As long as it's a choice made with full knowledge and not forced upon them, I think "more power to you" and hope they find something fulfilling.

i love that quote too.

i think that's what i want to, but i recognize that the balance of power had shifted in our relationship to lie with me. and i'm not comfortable with that. it makes him unhappy and me worried and nervous all the time. i'm checking into options for relationship re-invigoration.

 

[Stella_Omega]

i love that quote too.

i think that's what i want to, but i recognize that the balance of power had shifted in our relationship to lie with me. and i'm not comfortable with that. it makes him unhappy and me worried and nervous all the time. i'm checking into options for relationship re-invigoration.

Ah. That's a slightly different thing, don't you think? It isn't that you want THE MAN to lead the relationship because he's THE MAN and that's the RIGHT WAY OF THE NATURAL WORLD, it's that you want your partner to lead because you think he and you would be happier that way.

You'd be more comfy in the roles the world has pre-instilled in you both, perhaps.

 

[intothewoods]

I'm in a male led relationship, and it's not because I think all men should be the leader in (or out of!) their relationships. It just works for us.

 

[sereneone4u]

When I was starting to sort things out for myself, I read about taken in hand and domestic discipline. Too much of it struck me as justification for spousal abuse of a sort. I mean, being disciplined (and not in a fun way) for putting the credit card away on the wrong side of the drawer? Seriously?

If it's something both partners enjoy, then good. But a few of the different blogs I read came across almost as if the female partner had to be convinced it was the right choice for "them" as a couple. Convincing someone comes too close to manipulation for my choice.

In my very limited experience, one does not have to be in a male led relationship to be sexually submissive. Recently I've been pondering a quote from Anais Nin that's in someone's signature and which someone just posted elsewhere:

“I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.” ~A. Nin

This is where I would like my search to end up: with a man that understands I'm strong, courageous, can stand on my own two feet, but sexually I simply want to give myself over to someone who deserves it. For me, that's not just any man; he has to have some moral foundations that match my own and understand that dominating me sexually does not mean the rest of our relationship is disparate. In fact, the sexual side is balanced in a yin and yang fashion; and the rest of the relationship (the daily grind stuff) should be balanced by approaching it as equals, sharing in the task.

But to each his or her own. There are people who want to be completely submissive in all aspects of their lives. As long as it's a choice made with full knowledge and not forced upon them, I think "more power to you" and hope they find something fulfilling.

You said it better than I could say it myself.

 

[CurvAppeal]

You said it better than I could say it myself.

I hope my relationship is the male led relationship because I would fail if I was in-charge lol. I would be the better house wife than anything, although I do love working. =) But keeping a house spotless is my specialty haha and re arranging things.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I hope my relationship is the male led relationship because I would fail if I was in-charge lol. I would be the better house wife than anything, although I do love working. =) But keeping a house spotless is my specialty haha and re arranging things.

I think... I need a wife.

 

[CurvAppeal]

I think... I need a wife.

lololololol. I think.... I'm available?

 

[Stella_Omega]

lololololol. I think.... I'm available?

You might be led, but you wouldn't be male led.

 

[Chiara_searches]

You said it better than I could say it myself.

Thank you...and thank you for having the quotes in your signature line! They got me thinking.

 

[Overlydriven]

I forget that I am not writing in a short conversation, my preferred method of communication.

 

[Overlydriven]

sorry again for the formatting

 

[BiBunny]

subversion

You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means.

sub·vert   
[suhb-vurt]
–verb (used with object)
1.
to overthrow (something established or existing).
2.
to cause the downfall, ruin, or destruction of.
3.
to undermine the principles of; corrupt.

Perhaps you meant the third, fifth, and/or seventh definitions of this word:

sub·or·di·nate   
[adj., n. suh-bawr-dn-it; v. suh-bawr-dn-eyt] Show IPA
adjective, noun, verb, -nat·ed, -nat·ing.
–adjective
1.
placed in or belonging to a lower order or rank.
2.
of less importance; secondary.
3.
subject to or under the authority of a superior.
4.
subservient or inferior.
5.
subject; dependent.
6.
Grammar . a.
acting as a modifier, as when I finished, which is subordinate to They were glad in They were glad when I finished.
b.
noting or pertaining to a subordinating conjunction.
a.
acting as a modifier, as when I finished, which is subordinate to They were glad in They were glad when I finished.
b.
noting or pertaining to a subordinating conjunction.
7.
Obsolete . submissive.

 

[Overlydriven]

apologies for block formatting.

 

[Overlydriven]

apologies for formatting.

 

[CurvAppeal]

I'm officially annoyed.

 

[Stella_Omega]

oh pleeeese I am begging: if you want people to read all of that, seperate some of it into paragraphs. You make my eyes bleed.

 

[laceNlthrgrrl]

Strictly to the OP, so I don't get too tangential:

I'm female, prefer men for long-term relationships, and submissive. Ergo, a male-led relationship is just dandy for me. While I can most certainly take responsibility for my own life (I was successful and single for 3 years between the past two relationships), I like having someone in charge. Especially, I should say, but not limited to "in bed." I also enjoy being a pleaser-type in almost any situation.

We don't do 'domestic discipline' per se. I'm generally "good" so it would be boring as hell. I love bondage and pain-type play for the fun of it. For me I guess it's more of a reward than a punishment.

I just love skewing the curve.