Male Insecurities?

[brazenblaze]

I noticed something tonight while cleaning out my lit. email box that struck me as funny. (strange funny, not ha ha funny)

Society constantly harps about a woman's physical appearance. We women are constantly self-conscious of our appearance and males are repeatedly bashed for being "shallow" in regards to appearances.

One would think the internet would ease this somewhat, It has for me.

But, I noticed tonight while reading emails in my box, how self-conscious men on the net seem to be about their appearance. (almost to the point of fear)

A few of my internet "friends" over the past few weeks have mentioned swapping pictures. So, I directed them to were they could find my picture here at Lit, and awaited theirs.

Today in my email box were 15 (yes that many) messages with pictures from people on the net. Every single message contained something like this: "here's my picture, hope you like it." "understand I've changed since that picture was taken" "I'm more in shape now" "if you are disappointed, I'll understand" "probably not what you expected, huh?"

It would be laughable if it weren't so sad.
Here are my questions (finally):

1. If you men are that unsure of yourself, why offer the picture?
2. In an internet "relationship" do you really believe it matters what you look like?
3. Do you honestly believe women are that shallow?
4. Do you really believe a woman will stop emailing you if your looks don't measure up?
5. Is not the internet "relationship" built more on who you are not what you look like? duh!!
6. Or is the whole thing a ploy for a little "ego" stroking?

Okay, that's enough....I now return you to your regularly scheduled broadcasting.

 

[Closet Desire]

It's a male thing...

I have to admit being terribly self-conscious of how I look even though I look a 100 lbs better than I did ten years ago (blush).

CD-able fell hopeless head-over-heels in love with me when I looked like the Michelin man. She's always been this petite, curvacious, and gorgeous creature. It taught me a real lesson about women. It also inspired me to care more about myself. I guess you could say I'm a changed man.

I don't look at pictures that have been posted on this board. Frankly, I'm not interested in how people on here look...just what their minds look like.

 

[brazenblaze]

Re: It's a male thing...

I have to admit being terribly self-conscious of how I look even though I look a 100 lbs better than I did ten years ago (blush).

CD-able fell hopeless head-over-heels in love with me when I looked like the Michelin man. She's always been this petite, curvacious, and gorgeous creature. It taught me a real lesson about women. It also inspired me to care more about myself. I guess you could say I'm a changed man.

I don't look at pictures that have been posted on this board. Frankly, I'm not interested in how people on here look...just what their minds look like.

That's what I mean, who cares how a person looks on the outside as long as you like what you see on the inside.
(RL or the net).

I don't go searching for pics either, don't really care how anyone looks to be honest. That is why the whole thing is so funny to me. If you make an issue out of wanting to exchange pictures, shouldn't you be a bit more comfortable with yourself and not require so much validation?

 

[Juspar Emvan]

It's ego stroking

Like you said BB. It has been said that a way to a mans heart is trough his stomach, it has also been said that it's trough his dick.

In my experience, I feel bad about myself most of the time and the woman I love is the one that makes me feel special. ie. strokes my ego and tells me I'm bigger, faster, leaner, smarter than who ever I may be comparing my self with at that time.

It's also probably unconsious.

It is also the big male secret as to why "Behind every succesful man ther is a strong woman." But women don't need guys behind them so much. To be succesful, one must act succesful. To act succesful, one must feel succesful (yes it does happen in that order, don't argue.) And most men need to be stroked to feel that way. That is your power - to build up or destroy, either is quite within the power of any woman.

 

[Cheyenne]

It would be laughable if it weren't so sad.
Here are my questions (finally):

1. If you men are that unsure of yourself, why offer the picture?
2. In an internet "relationship" do you really believe it matters what you look like?
3. Do you honestly believe women are that shallow?
4. Do you really believe a woman will stop emailing you if your looks don't measure up?
5. Is not the internet "relationship" built more on who you are not what you look like? duh!!
6. Or is the whole thing a ploy for a little "ego" stroking?

Not a guy, but I'll answer anyway.

1. Because someone has asked to see your face, usually, after having spoken to you for awhile. At that point, it almosts seems rude not to send it, like you're trying to hide.
2. Depends on where you want the internet "relationship" to go. Email friends? Cybersex? In general, I agree. Looks don't matter at all to an online relationship.
3. Not any more shallow than men can be.
4. Yes, it is possible. I've had it happen to me several times where I have sent my picture and not matched exactly what the person was expecting. Never heard from them again. It was devastating the first time it happened. Now I am used to it. I think. Still hurts though when it happens.
5. Yes, it is.
6. Depends. Face pic? Just trying to survive and get through it. Body part pic? Certainly an element of ego "stroking" (pun intended) involved.

 

[brazenblaze]

1. If you men are that unsure of yourself, why offer the picture?

[/B]

Not a guy, but I'll answer anyway.

1. Because someone has asked to see your face, usually, after having spoken to you for awhile. At that point, it almosts seems rude not to send it, like you're trying to hide.
[/B][/QUOTE]

I would understand that, the "funny" part to me, is I don't ask ever! They offer! (repeatedly)

 

[Weird Harold]

I would understand that, the "funny" part to me, is I don't ask ever! They offer! (repeatedly)

This isn't an offer.

http://www.literotica.com/storyxs/amateurpics/har040500/har040500.shtml

You'll note that I also am one who is self-deprecating in that I chose these seven photos because they each had something more worthy of viewing than me.

In my case, it's because while I know intellectually that I'm not ugly, I also know with absolute certainty that I'm no contender for Mr Universe either. Besides, if I tell you I'm ugly, it doesn't hurt as much if you agree with me.

There is supposed to be a caption on the picture of me with Eeyore that says "I'm the one in the hat."

 

[Guest]

I have a different point of view....

 

[KillerMuffin]

My opinion on the matter is that, unfortunately these things matter. People want to be with people they find attractive. More importantly, people want to be thought attractive by those they are interested in. I get unsolicited pictures of penises in my inbox all the time, I'd rather I didn't get them because no matter what they look like, I have to question the motive for sending me a pic of your penis. Solicited pics are different.

Most of us are self-deprecating, that false humility thing. I know I am. But in pictures, it's the face that captures my attention, not the rest of it. The expression, the animation, what the eyes are doing. I know for a fact that physical imperfections can be overlooked, missed altogether, because of a persons attitude.

Self-esteem can kill ya. Bad self-esteem leads to things like drugs, overeating, suicide, booze. People try to get their self-worth from others far too often, rather than from themselves. They just never realize that what makes them unattractive, unliveable isn't their physical self, it's that desperate neediness that makes them cling to whoever is making them feel good about themselves for the short period of time they get that. One of the few truths in psychobabble is that no one will love you until you love yourself.

My didn't I degenerate? Sorry about that.

 

[CelestialBody]

 

[Stormy]

Rocky Springs.............

........... I gotta say that when Rocky sent me his pic, he was unsure if I would find him attractive. This boggled my mind and I started looking for flaws. There are none. His home is a modest one in the background but, Oh My God!!! This man is georgeous....
Now, his appearance wouldn't have mattered to me...he had already got my attention through his threads. But, damn!!! This guy has definitely got himself a body to die for!

 

[brazenblaze]

First let me apoligize for being long winded. *smile*

Indy: If it is a "flirting" type relationship, I've found that most people give a brief description of themselves to feed the fantasy. I'm not talking about people that you've had one or two conversations with, these are people you've email for months. You've shared all sorts of information with, yet when they send you a picture, it is like a little boy asking for approval. Maybe it is just me or maybe I had way to much time on my hands last night, but it made me curious, How such self-assured men could melt once they exposed their physical appearance.

Stormy: "looking for flaws". See that is part of my point. NO ONE who has sent me a picture looked much different than how I had pictured them. Yet when they display that much self-doubt I start looking for the flaws. I don't usually find any or not any as bad as they seem to think. It is still amazing to me, that grown men with so much going for them still require that validation.

KM: I agree with that 100%, hence my questions. I believe that people are much deeper than what the eyes alone can see, and never form an opinion based upon physical appearance. Hell, if I did, hubby and I wouldn't be together, and he is the most wonderful man on the planet. IMHO. If you love yourself and recognize your own value, the rest is just wrapping paper.

I guess I'll continue to "not get" the whole thing and just continue to validate those that I care about. Maybe, someday they will feel as good about themselves as I feel about them. *stroke* *stroke* *stroke*

Blaze

 

[Juspar Emvan]

Indy_Dark

Um, Indy, are you like . . . actually another of my alter egos?



Words that cut to the bone man. I know you.

 

[Siren]

When Wolfy sent me his pictures he was very insecure

 

[Guest]

 

[Countess DeWinter]

I would honestly rather get to know someone first before being swayed by a pretty face. (It does go both ways...there's some very lovely wrapping around large stinking piles of shit, too)
I've met some people here, talked with them, flirted, IM'd and so on. At some point, I find myself wanting to see their face. Not so I can decide whether or not to continue the relationship, but because the fantasy face I've constructed just isn't enough. I wanted the real thing.



Oh. I've NEVER been disappointed.

 

[SimplySouthern]

Do appearances really matter? I suppose again that depends on the type of relationship you have going on.

Would I personally ever stop talking to someone because of their appearance? Not in a million years. As a general rule, I don't ask nor do I care about people's looks. I am interested in their thoughts.

I have dated men that were to die for in the looks department...but no brains whatsoever. Did it last? Not for one second. Men who aren't intelligent generally fail to keep my attention. Basically, lust will only get you so far, after that you have to have the brains to keep someone entertained otherwise.

Anyone who would break off a friendship becuase you didn't look as "appealing" to them as they imagined you is no friend at all. I would say that you are better off without that type of person in your life.

Unsolicited pictures of male anatomy? No thank you. Solicited ones. Yummy indeed. Thank You

 

[Guest]

Works both ways Countess

 

[brazenblaze]

One thing I think we all agree on...(if I may twist Muffs thought) Those that are comfortable with themselves are more easily loved. Agreed?

AGREED!

I've never been disappointed either.

 

[Comshaw]

1. If you men are that unsure of yourself, why offer the picture?
I never offer. The only time I send a picture to anybody is if it is asked for, or is a mutual exchange. And never any "body part". Mine works fine, but if a woman is only interested in what my willie (loved that term in "The Full Monty")looks like I'm not sure I want to converse with her. Like K.M. I'm more interested in the face, the eyes. You can tell a lot by looking at the laugh lines on someone's face, the way they hold their mouth and the set of their jaw. Also see #6.

2. In an internet "relationship" do you really believe it matters what you look like?
Yes it does matter. Not so much what others look like, but so I can put a face to the voice. Do I judge other's by their looks? Unfortunately, as much as I try not to, I'm sure it creeps into my thinking. But most times I'm able to keep such thoughts a bay. As the old saying goes,"If you live in a glass house..."
3. Do you honestly believe women are that shallow?
As said earlier in this thread, not any more then men are. Some judge others solely on their physical looks. I can usually tell how shallow some people are after a short email conversation. Those usually only last one or two mailings. I don't cotton to such things and usually end up telling them something they don't want to hear. Like about the wart I have on my nose or the 45 degree bend I have in my 5" willie.
4. Do you really believe a woman will stop emailing you if your looks don't measure up?
Some have. Because they were looking for a Brad Pitt clone. Sorry, I'm more like Alfred E. Newman, "Waht, me worry?"
5. Is not the internet "relationship" built more on who you are not what you look like? duh!!
Is any other relationship built on what you look like and not who or what you are? I don't have any relationships built solely on the other persons looks. And i don't really want any. Damn but that would be a boring and shallow relationship.
6. Or is the whole thing a ploy for a little "ego" stroking?
To be absolutely honest, yes some of it is. Whom among us can't stand, or doesn't want a little ego stroke from time to time? I do. You?
I think your questions are great. They go to the core of who we are. Want to know more about yourself? Try this link;
http://www.keirsey.com/ and take the Keirsey personality sorter test. I did and it shocked me. I could have sworn I was nothing like the explanation, but when I read it to my wife she almost fell off her chair laughing. According to her, it sounded exactly like me.
WhoWaaa, I'm out of here!
Comshaw