Male, 24, Average-athletic build, asian looking for near-age sub or submissive or TiH

AndrewKay

Experienced
Joined
May 29, 2007
Posts
72
I think the title says it all. But here is some more info. I am not looking for 24/7. I feel instinctually comfortable with being a dominant male, and my main interest is not merely in short-term BDSM thrills. At this point actually, I am more interested in a gentle, strong, loving relationship that involves a one-sided power differential (out of intellegent decision and trust). I don't even want to use the words servitude or submissive here because they don't precisely fit what I am looking for. For a thorough positive description (rather than what i am not seeking), you can find out, via use of the search engine, more about taken in hand.

I truely believe in trust and respect. That said a 'submissive' would have to be willing to be spanked lovingly for the sake of harmony, and also for the sake of satisying the inner needs of both partners. I am not looking for vanilla. Can explore other BDSM, but to reiterate I am mainly looking for exploration into trying TiH (it would have to be built slowly). Short-term thrills off BDSM are a minor concern. I wouldn't have any qualms and would feel comfortable tying, spanking, milking, humiliation, etc. so do not let my youth and de-emphasization of BDSM deter you. I simply want to make clear that I don't need a one-dimensional BDSM kink addict who does not care much about who I am or who she herself is. These things may come in time if they should. In the end, what I seek in the long-run, is for the both of us to grow and to gain some new insight into who we are.

Just as growth within the relationship is important, I also think growth of both partners as a unit in the rest of the world is as important. I don't believe in either the dominant partner or the submissive partner becoming totally dependent or socially isolated, so if you want to get lost in a world of total need, please look elsewhere. I would expect to guide, introduce, and in general open up new doors for my potential 'submissive' lady.

So a little about me. Currently, I'm working on a PhD in engineering. I'm primarily attracted to the opposite: someone with artistic or musical talent. Outside my PhD work, I have time for a serious relationship, but not enough time for a 24/7 slave. I would prefer a woman with very clear desires, not just in terms of what she wants in a man, but what she wants out of life and out of a career. I also appreciate people in general who are committed to learning throughout their lives. As for age, it is not a huge factor, but I would prefer someone within 7 years of my own (24).

In terms of physical excercise, I am an amateur fighter. If I did not have passions in the engineering world, my second choice profession would be to be a pro fighter of some sort. I prefer someone who also excercises on a regular basis.

Although I am looking for a 'submitting' lady, I do not equate this sort of 'submissiveness' to inner-weakness. I am confident that there is a lady out there that is both smart, strong within, but has a need to both cede power, as well as the need to feel protected by a man. I am heavily into symbolism, so symbolic accessories such as collars, or symbolic actions such as kneeling, are of interest to me.

Even if you don't match all the criteria above, PM if you are curious. We can even chat online (though I think excessive online small talk can kill chemistry that might otherwise present itself spontaneously in a face-to-face encounter). The above is merely a description of an ideal match, a person who may or may not exist in this small literotica realm. There is no way a short personal could be used perfectly to predict how a match would work out. Especially, because what I desire in many ways does not perfectly fit in any certain category. One thing I will not comprimise on is spanking once in a relationship (not just in the bedroom but for being disobedient). If I were to just be 'dominant' in the bedroom or by nature and attitude alone, I could simply put an ad up in the vanilla personals.



PM me if this interests you.
 
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Light bulb moment

Andy I have to thank you for bringing this site to my attention. It really really left me with that
"I am not alone" feeling. I LOVE sexual power play. I need it. I thirst for it, but honestly a lot of the D/S standard labels did not seem to apply to me. I love a strong, dominant man that is still caring and loving (kinda like the daddy dom dynamic), but I also have a strong, determined personality. Playing the "bratty daughter" to a daddy dom just didn't seem like it would suit me for very long or be particularly fair to a daddy. I wasn't comfortable thinking of myself as a "switch." I would rather the man be in control MOST of the time (from what I gather about TIH the man is always in "control" correct?????). On that rare occassion I would get the chance to sexually dominate, the pleasure would be in knowing HE is a dominant and that at any moment the tables can turn- in essence a dangerous game. Taming a kitten is no challenge. I want to ride the tiger....and then let the tiger ride me until I scream.

When I read this from TIH:

"Who says that if you want a dominant man, you have to suppress your dominant side and be submissive?!"

I almost cried.

This idea of what the author states as D/D rather than D/S has definitely struck a chord with me.

Best of luck on your search and I will certainly read up more about TIH.
 
TiH

You're welcome. TiH is in general an agreement made to satisfy the needs of both partners to have a power-differential relationship. However, unlike a master-slave, or master-pet, or daddy-girl relationship, there is usually a lack of this aspect of objectification, condescension, or exploitation. A master-slave, master-pet, or daddy-girl relationship also does not have to have these elements but in most cases they do, and the terminology clearly does not exclude ideas such as having a sub clean the house, walking the sub outdoors on all fours to urinate outdoors, or treating the sub as a brat or uninformed baby. If these things are what people seek, I do not object at all-- I simply think for myself and for many TiH partners, these elements would not be selected to be major elements in a relationship.

In my opinion, consensual objectification/exploitation (even an agreement to be exploited is a type of exploitation, though obviously not at all the same as illegal or non-consensual slavery/exploitation) has added psychological risks for both partners as the sub can plunge into depression and low self-esteem, or a dom can lose control or develop a insatiable power-lust. Can I see myself as taking slaves on a walk on all fours, and giving them assignments they must comply to because I conceive of them as slave? I could possibly play this role, but I would rather not go down this path because it is simply not the type of partner/person I want to be or become. These same risks (power-lust, excessive ego, depression, etc.) may be carried in all relationships, but I think there is an added risk when either in wording or in practice there are elements of dehumanization. In the end it is up to the two people entering an adult relationship to decide this. It simply doesn't have long-term appeal to me though I must admit certain things do have some immediate appeal.

I think in general, TiH partners would not like the concept of seeing the other partner as an 'owned property' or seeing them as a girl needing supervision. I also think TiH relationships do not necessarily equate power difference to inequality. Sure there is unbalanced (unequal) power in an overt sense, but in terms of inner-power and intellect, there is definately a sense of equality and equal mutual respect. A dominant partner in a TiH relationship would generally not want to break her partner down or break her in for the sake of deepening a dependency (though you have exceptions to anything).

Part of it is semantics, but part of it is, in my opinion a crucial conceptual line that the partners want to draw to say the relationship is not just about power for power's sake for the dominant partner, and is not about exploitation. It is more about a conscious decision to redistribute power for the sake of harmony, love, and satisying the needs of two partners who seek two different things. Nonetheless, I do not judge anyone else's decision as consenting adults to have whatever relationship they want to have. Clearly also, there are D/S relationships that closely resemble TiH as there are a lot of conceptual overlaps amongst various power-differential relationship.

My main opinion of it all is that people should not be confined by labels though they may associate more closely to one type of relationship than another. Just as in any other relationship, I think people in power-differential relationships should enter them having an idea of what they know they want or need, the things they are open to, and the things that they know they do not want. Partners should be able to take ideas and practices from any category of relationships that appeal to them and work for them.

Thank you for your wishes. It seems to me there are very few viewers when a male advertises to talk to a 'sub' in the personals. (I put sub in quotations because I generally don't like the terms dom/Dom and sub in relation to what I am looking for, though I use them on occasion only for a lack of a better match).
 
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Change in situation since initial posting: Have on-off sub who is too far to be too serious. Also she has shown interest in experimenting with 3rd person.

To be honest, situation can be dropped as we have both agreed that months apart and reality will make mutual exclusivity impossible. We have agreed that anything outside of our casual relation now is OK, even if we decide to draw the line to become friends at some point (though there will undoubtedly be some pain).

So I am open-minded. I prefer TiH (taken in hand) or D/D type 'potentially serious' relationship, but if things remain casual, I am open to that as well. Everything else remains the same as the first post. Fidelity to me means keeping to an agreement of what both partners expect in terms of meeting others. Open, serious, casual, long-term, short-term-- I will see as things go
 
filled

Closed ad (for now).

I have found someone who ironically volunteered submission from a vanilla acquaintance, but not in any BDSM-structured way. Actually someone from a vanilla social network has shown interest in me, and I was only talking to her as a friend out of not wanting any vanilla relationship.

She started apologizing for something petty, and asked for some tasks to complete for "being bad". As far as I know she knows nothing of D/s or D/D so this may be difficult, but for now I am going to give it a try. I will feel out if this is a one time thing or she has an instinctual submissivenesss. As I date her and introduce D/s, and TiH dynamics, I will ask her what she thinks about these sorts of things.

Thanks for reading.
:)
 
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