Making my boyfriend be more dominating

[Doomed_Dreamer]

I don't know if dominating is the word I'm looking for. But I'm 19, I only get to see my b/f about once a month becaue I go to college in a different state... love him to death, he makes me happy in everything else.

But He's never given me a good orgasm. He doesn't like to talk about sex and he's always saying I can try things. (Never HE can try things) We talked about blindfolds and handcuffs for fun and he said for me to use them on him. I bought oils and lotions and he didn't end up using them - I did. If this is his fantasy I'll fulfill it, but I want HIM to dominate me! What bout MY fantasies? I'm so sick of it all I almost want him to order me around and me be his slave. He never goes down on me and he cums VERY quickly. He never tries anything new and I just want him to go down on me ever once in a while to get me off (I've never had an orgasm during sex). What is a nice way to get him to lighten up? I give great oral, I know what he likes. Does this just mean he is selfish, or inexperienced? He said he's never met a girl like me...

 

[dark_y]

Maybe you should just flat out tell him what you want and talk about it(if he's that kinda guy).The way you tell it he seems rather timid and just wants to get it over with.You wouldn't have to ask me twice.......

 

[Doomed_Dreamer]

response to Dark_y

i'm afraid to just tell him how i feel cuz last time we had a problem with our relationship, he said it was cuz I made him nervous because all we did is have sex and drink. He thinks i'm using him for sex (but wouldn't I be ENJOYING it if I were?) Is there a way to subtly let him know? Or to put the idea in his head to do something new?

 

[Guest]

Okay, here's my take on the situation. If your boyfriend feels that all you ever do is have sex, then you need to first address that problem. I'm guessing that he feels the sex side of things is okay, but that the problem is that what you do outside of the bedroom isn't making him happy. And I can understand that if you don't see each other that often that one of the first things you wanna do is fuck, it may often be better to just put your lust aside and just go out and have fun doing stuff, besides sex, together. Believe me after abstaining from sex for a while, you may find him practicaly pinning you down and giving you a royal fucking anyway .

And on the sex side of things. One thing you might want to do is bargain with him. If he doesn't do something for you, you're not going to do anything for him. You may have to be dominant first; ordering him around and then letting your guard slip so he can take over. It sounds to me like he is selfish and inexperienced, but that can change. You just have to let him know and help him change. He probably doesn't know he's being selfish, so tell him.

Never be afraid to tell your boyfriend how you feel. If you can't, then something is really very wrong. If you have a problem, you need to talk about it and work it out, or else it's not going to go away and you'll both feel very sad and angry at each other.

Hope it helps...

 

[Easy Boy]

Whoa, Dreamer, back to square one. You don't need lotions and blindfolds, you need a guy who's willing to talk with you, in bed and out, find out what you like, and make a serious effort to please you. I think you know this--that line in your profile, about loving sex, but never being satisfied. You aren't getting what you need and deserve.

Is he selfish or inexperienced? Yes, absolutely. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, and guess inexperienced. And uptight. God, I remember 19, I was no great shakes in bed. You may need to hook up with a somewhat older man, someone who can help you get past your frustration, and _have_some_orgasms_during_sex_. Square one, for crying out loud.

And no, I'm not volunteering. (Read my profile.)

Good luck. Keep dreaming, and don't feel doomed!

 

[Doomed_Dreamer]

thanks for the responses. I've come to the conclusion he's an ass. hopefully on valentine's day we can have a talk about sex (its kind of hard to do so over the phone with a roommate in the room and his parents near the phone). he really isn't pleasing me in any aspect. i don't know why i want to stay with him love sucks. if you guys have any suggestions for ways to turn a guy on the most, let me know. i want to drive him wild so he'll know what hes gonna be missing...

 

[Easy Boy]

Living well is the best revenge, Dreamer. I suggest you avoid going out of your way to make him feel bad. Just end it, and get on with your life. And why wait for Valentines Day? You could maybe meet someone new by then, instead of spending any more energy on this guy. Just a thought, worth what you paid for it.

 

[dark_y]

Not so submissive now eh?Go get em!
Didn't I see you on the BG2 board at gamefaqs?

 

[Closet Desire]

Whoa...deja vu...

Of course, I don't know either of you so I'll just tell you my own experiences. I was married to another woman for over twenty years before I married CD-able. Until CD-able and I became lovers I never appreciated how important sexual compatibility is. With my first wife it was...well...sex. With CD-able it is spectacular. CD-able likes to be dominated sometimes, not always, but often. Her first husband wanted HER to dominate him. She hated it along with his shoe fetish and generally asinine behaviour.

Years later CD-able and I are still shooting off fireworks. Her ex married someone just like his mother.

You're so young (I'm 42) and have so many possibilities before you that perhaps you should consider that you and your boyfriend are not really compatible. He won't change and neither will you. Who we are sexually is as fundamental in many ways as our eye colour. It may not come out in the open until many years later, but deep down it is always there. My opinion is to take a risk on happiness and keep looking for what you need. That includes somebody who can talk openly about sex. Sex isn't nasty or dirty and you should be able to talk about what you like as easily as you talk about your favourite foods or films.

Happy hunting...

 

[dancinvixen]

I don't know if dominating is the word I'm looking for. But I'm 19, I only get to see my b/f about once a month becaue I go to college in a different state... love him to death, he makes me happy in everything else.

But He's never given me a good orgasm. He doesn't like to talk about sex and he's always saying I can try things. (Never HE can try things) We talked about blindfolds and handcuffs for fun and he said for me to use them on him. I bought oils and lotions and he didn't end up using them - I did. If this is his fantasy I'll fulfill it, but I want HIM to dominate me! What bout MY fantasies? I'm so sick of it all I almost want him to order me around and me be his slave. He never goes down on me and he cums VERY quickly. He never tries anything new and I just want him to go down on me ever once in a while to get me off (I've never had an orgasm during sex). What is a nice way to get him to lighten up? I give great oral, I know what he likes. Does this just mean he is selfish, or inexperienced? He said he's never met a girl like me...

Question, how old is your boyfriend??? I have found that most guys <no offense here guys, just a general statement of my knowledge>, under a certain age refuse to try new things. I dunno what it is. I do know that the best thing you can try, is next time, get one of your best girlfriends involved. <ok, this sounds wierd, but bear with me>. Talk to her about your problem, and ask for her help. The next time you and your bf are scheduled to get together, have her tie you down, and then go get your bf. When he comes in, you can always have her show him what you want. That way he doesn't really feel that you are the only nutty one. But of course <and here comes the bad news> your bf. may just be a submissive. Teehee, yummy. He may not know how to tell you.

 

[Doomed_Dreamer]

Dark_y...No I don't think I've ever seen you at the BG2 board (I don't even know what that is?) sorry..

Easy Boy, I'm not going to torment him just cuz he's bad in bed. Its also when he treats me like shit. If a girl had a dick I swear I'd become a lesbian

Closet Desire, I don't know what to really say. My boyfriend is weird? *L* I think it just embarrasses him, and I really agree with what Dancinvixen says, its probably his age (btw, he's 19). He's only been with the "missionary style" virgin kind of girl. (Not that I sleep around a lot!) Sex is such a great stress relief, I love it. Its not just about love, but its not just about lust either. And I know we are just 19...but I just can't imagine life w/o him...

I guess I'll try to get him to talk about things... he usuallytalks if I ask but I'm so sick of having to ask him all the time, I guess its too much to find a guy willing to let me know what he likes.

 

[Guest]

Ha ha, I'm sure nearly every guy here would love to tell you what they like. Even show you.

If you don't feel like giving up on this guy, then the best thing you can do is talk to him. In my brutal opinion, the guy is a dickhead who will eventually come to his senses as time goes on. But that could take years for him, so if you wanna speed it up, you need to talk to him about it. Unfortunately, you may come to the conclusion that he doesn't wanna change. And then the best thing you can do is to leave him; it's the only way you'll be happy in the long run and the only way he'll learn (if you tell him exactly why you're leaving).

Dreamer, you may love him, but you also need to feel loved. From what I can tell, you're not getting what you need, and so now you just need to move on. I can tell you for a fact that just because one guy you're with is a dud in bed, doesn't mean all of them are. I'm 19 aswell, and believe me, I'm willing to try anything to please the woman I'm with. Sigh... if only I could show you. Ah well, I'm sure a lucky guy will do that for you soon enough .

 

[Closet Desire]

I don't think he's weird...

...just different tastes.

It took me twenty years to realise even though I couldn't imagine life without someone I had been close to, someone who had given birth to my son, and someone whom I still like very much, but as it turns out, life was much better for both us without each other as lovers.

We get "comfortable" living day-to-day with what we know, with what we are familiar, even if it isn't ideal. This is one of the many reasons why women stay in abusive relationships and why men stay with women who don't love them anymore.

That's why I suggested taking the "risk" of being truly happy. It is a big risk when we abandon what we have for something better. One in the hand isn't always better than two in the bush...but it sure makes the people around you more comfortable.

Good luck.

 

[Doomed_Dreamer]

god why does everything have to be so difficult.
thanks foryour advice

 

[SteamyChik]

It's frustrating to want to experiment with being a submissive and not having a partner will to dominate you. I know believe me! You don't say how old your boyfriend is but his age may have a lot to do with the way he is. If he is younger, he may not be ready or able to dominate you. And there is a huge difference between dominating someone in a loving D/s relationship and abuse. That is a hard one for some guys to understand. Also, he may be submissive himself.

Some of the things you said make it sound like that. He would rather you do it all to him. Tie him up. Tease and torture him with sensual delights. I think most younger men are more interested in their needs while as they get older they take the time to take care of you.

I guess what I'm saying is, be prepared to not get this fantasy fulfilled by this guy. It's up to you to decide if you want to fulfill it some other way.

 

[Doomed_Dreamer]

phoenix jr. - where are you from ?
joking
i think he's cheatin gon me so all everyone's advice has gone to waste. you know, i'd do anything to please a guy and it just isn't good enough.
i think if i were to write a poem now, it would be so depressing i would wither up and die.

 

[SteamyChik]

Write the poem anyway. A lot of the best poems out there are written when the people were depressed!

 

[Guest]

Well I'm in south-eastern Australia, Dreamer. So if you're ever in my neck of the woods, feel free to let me know and I'll personally make sure you have a great time. Doesn't even have to involve sex.

But all that advice we gave you may not be useful now, but I'm gonna give you one more piece anyway. Whatever shit you may be going through now will pass. I can't say when it will, but it will. Just make sure you realise the great person that you are, and don't settle for anything that doesn't make you truly happy. You deserve better than that.

 

[Doomed_Dreamer]

Phoenix Jr., i'll take you up on that if I ever go down to Australia (I live in the States tho)

Totally off the subject, here's the poem i wrote the night i was depressed. I don't know if he is cheating on me now, but i will eventually find out I suppose. I was given a chance to have sex with someone new and I faltered. Anyone know what is best - self-respect or "living up my college years"?

Rose-colored lenses
Everything is bright
Happiness and sunshine
Complete.

Torrent rains
Dark clouds
Threatening skies
Rain streams down

The tears mixed
Black pain
Crushed glass
The world shattered

 

[areacode613]

yOU KNOW THE ANSWER

It looks like your the leader, so go get what you want. He said use the cuffs,SO USE THE CUFFS. I would say that on his knees hands chained to the chair, you could pretty much make him do what you want, "that is if he wants to be freed" The trick in all things sexual, is to make sure when you do get what you want, that he gets what he wants, then he will want to repeat the exsperience. Just like training a dog, PATERN, REPITION,REWARD, DO it right and you just have to press the right button and he will perform to your specifications. So take control, it's yours, the only one keeping you from having an orgasm is you; that is most girls problems, they do not want to be responsible for there own orgasm, feels to sluty, and demanding, SO TAKE CHARGE, ND DEMAND SATISFACTION, then reward him with the bestest, longest slowest, strangest, head of his young life, Peace.