Make me laugh

I'd be happy to, what would you prefer to talk about? Once the flow gets going I should be able to pull humor out pretty well, but I have to have a bit to work with first.
 
Hrm....the only snag for me is I'm not especially funny. Nor come to think it of it attractive. Don't even have deep pockets. So, guess I am screwed and not in a good way :p
 
Some Jokes to Kill Time

3 types of people

“A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?" The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, her breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions." "Onions?" the son asks. "Yes. You see them and they make you cry." This infuriates his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, "Mom, how many different kinds of penises are there?" The mother smiles and says, "Well, dear, a man also goes through three phases. In his 20s, his penis is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it's like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it's like a Christmas tree." "A Christmas tree?" the daughter asks. "Yes: Dead from the root up, and the balls are just for decoration

Supply and Demand

“A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which gender is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, "Here's something I have that you'll never have!" The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She lifts her dress, drops her knickers, and yells, "My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”
 
So I get on the elevator one day and push the button to go up - I'm in a hotel and I'm on the fourth floor.

Just before the door closes the biggest god damn hand I've ever seen goes through it, then opens it up. This huge black dude strolls in and tells me to punch the button for the 5th floor.

I'm nervous, don't want to stare but the guy looks at me and says "Wassup?"

"Man, you are the biggest motherfucker I've ever seen."

The guy nods his head, tells me "I'm 6' 10", 280 lbs, and pack 16 inches of prime man meat." He turns to me, holds out his hand and says "Glad to meet you, I'm Turner Brown."

I faint - slide down to the floor like a little sissy.

Next thing I know the guy is over me, shaking me awake. "What the fuck? You got a problem?"

I croak out "Uh, maybe I didn't hear you right. What did you say?"

He looks at me like I'm nuts - yeah, it fits...

"Man, I said I'm 6' 10", 280 lbs, and pack 16 inches of prime man meat. And my name is Turner Brown."

I look up at him and get off the floor, all relieved. "Sorry man - my apologies. I thought you said turn around."

Sorry, I thought this was funny.
 
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