Make a radical departure

[Panama Hat]

I've lived my whole life as a religious type; morality, repressed feelings, soon-to-be ex-wife and bunch of kids. (Not really my fault or my parents; everyone raises their kids according to their beliefs.) Problem was, I always felt 'out-of-place' in my own skin. Now with the marriage coming apart, I've walked away from all that.

Now I'm living in another state, alone, and have two choices: Turn into a depressed hermit of a lonely old man, or re-invent myself as the bohemian libertine I've always secretly wanted to be.

The problem I put to you: After an entire adult life 'conforming', I am completely un-equipped both in behavior and social connections, to find the life I've been wanting. It's not that I'm some nerdy dork; it's just that when you've spent 20 years being Ward Clever, and it's been 15 years since you went out on a date, there are things that a) I never experienced (coming on to a sexy woman as something more than a 17 year old; and b) I've never come in contact with, e.g., the kind of woman who revels in her sexuality and who lives in that world away from the suburbs.

Any body re-invent themselves lately?

 

[M's girl]

I'm assuming this 'new' situation is quite new indeed since you're not divorced yet. All I can say is that it takes a little longer than a few months or even a year to change when you've been a certain someone for such a long time.

Give it time. Take it slow. Observe. Plus honesty will take you a long way. Make the changes you want but take it slow and stay as close to yourself as you can. If you start living an act people will notice and most certainly women will.

 

[_JP_]

Panama, give yourself some time before you expect a racy single lifestyle. I can only go by my own experience here so bear with me. Divorce is a nasty, debilitating, sad (even when you want it) guilt flinging, miserable time. Your emotions will be tossed and splattered on the pavement for all to see by people you don’t even know. Surviving that for more than a year with your life intact is enough.

As M’s girl so rightly pointed out—take it slow and be yourself. Not an easy thing to do these days.

Good luck.

JP

 

[Panama Hat]

Thanks both!

I actually have that part pretty well 'anticipated' My question is, however, more, well, 'technical'.

What I'm saying is that as the year (so many people have said that that's how long it takes) winds it's way through, I'd like to avoid merely eating cat food in my apartment, and try to 'scout out' a lifestyle I really want to experience. Problem is that When I was 'dating', Desert Storm still hadn't happened, and I didn't have any money anyway.

The world is different now, and in spite of the divorce, I won't be eating ramen noodles every night. I'm finding I'm very turned on by SG type women, but have no idea where one would find them. How does one meet people who aren't hung up about sex? Where do you meet them? THAT'S how retarding my previous life was.

Don't mean to sound strident. . . maybe that's going to be my biggest thing to change. But it's not so much philosophic assistance as actual time/place/manner advice I was hoping for.

That said, you're both very kind, and I appreciate the good wishes.

 

[_JP_]

Panama, I don’t think there is an easy answer for you. Finding a partner that has the qualities your looking for is an age-old problem. I don’t mean you in particular but anyone. That’s why there are so many dating services out there making lots of money.

Participating in on-line chat groups is one way to meet like-minded people but geography is often a problem. Getting out and dating is another of course, but it does take time to find someone with similar interest.

There are underground newspapers that have personal add sections that specialize in finding sexual partners of special tastes but please be careful of these and your personal safety.

I would say get out there and be a part of the world, the more people you meet the better chance you have of finding what you’re looking for.

Good luck.

JP