Major Problem

[WanderingWiccan]

I've got a major problem that I could either use some advise in dealing with or some major emotional support right now. I went to the the movies last night with my mother and she took me out to eat dinner afterwards. It was at this point I decided to tell her that I am bisexual. Well, after she freaked out and spilled her food and stopped crying she told me she was fine with it. However, since then everything I've said or done has set her off and she is now constantly berating me. She's making me feel like thorough shit and, for the first time in over four years, I'm cutting myself and feeling suicidal again. I can't put up with this sort of feelings and life again, not after struggling so hard to get away from it. The scars on my thighs are just now starting to heal from all the pain I've caused myself and I don't want to go back down that road again but I don't know how to stop. Can someone please help me?

 

[dizzylia]

I think you might want to tell your mother exactly how you're feeling and what it's doing to you, and as soon as possible. She said she's fine with it, but her behavior seems to contradict that. Perhaps she needs to know how you trusted and loved her enough to tell her in the first place.

Just a couple thoughts. Best of luck.

 

[april-wine]

Sometimes those closest to us, for whatever reason feel betrayed....They forget OUR sexuality has nothing to do with them....You can overcome all this, WW....Be strong....And remember, you are a good and wonderful person....Your mom will come around....Sending good thoughts....

 

[Pookie]

Talking is one of the keys. Listening is the other. You need to talk things through with your mom. It could take her some time to come to terms with it for herself. I'm sure she is battling some of her own demons and preconceived notions now. It may take time, but the more you talk and listen to each other, the easier it will be for both of you in the long-run.

Thinking about you.

 

[Queersetti]

You can't expect your mother to come to terms with this in such a short period of time. The fact that she says she is fine with it but acts otherwise shouldn't be a surprise, it's a lot for her to handle.

But she did say she was fine with it, and you ought to give her the benefit of the doubt, and some time to emotionally adjust.

And, even more importantly, you should not be blaming yourself for her reaction, or hurting yourself. That is self defeating behavior. Have you considered that if she sees signs of you hurting yourself, she will equate that with what she now knows about your sexuality, and have an even harder time coming to terms with it?

When you feel like cutting yourself, come here and vent instead. You have a lot of people on your side.

 

[69forever]

WW

Man, I've been suicidal over my sexual orientation in the past.
Was I gay...was I straight? I'm bi and know all the crap that
comes with that from BOTH the gay community and the straight.

Please don't hurt yourself anymore. Your mom will take some
time to come around. PM me before you hurt yourself again,
I'll do whatever I can to help.

 

[PoliteSuccubus]

Sweetie, It's good that you told her, but you knocked her for a loop and it will take a while for her to get to center again.

While it's hard on you, remember:

You can't control other peoples actions or reactions, only your own.

Give yourself a break and stop feeling responsiable for what she's feeling, and give her time to feel it.

Meanwhile, seek some help for what your feeling, right now isn't a good time to ask for your mom's support while she's dealing with the issue herself, so outside council is best. Esp with depression, cutting, and such.

That doesn't mean not to talk to her, do, but what it means is don't lay your reaction to her reaction at her door.

K?

*hugs*

 

[ExistentialLuv]

I've got a major problem that I could either use some advise in dealing with or some major emotional support right now. I went to the the movies last night with my mother and she took me out to eat dinner afterwards. It was at this point I decided to tell her that I am bisexual. Well, after she freaked out and spilled her food and stopped crying she told me she was fine with it. However, since then everything I've said or done has set her off and she is now constantly berating me. She's making me feel like thorough shit and, for the first time in over four years, I'm cutting myself and feeling suicidal again. I can't put up with this sort of feelings and life again, not after struggling so hard to get away from it. The scars on my thighs are just now starting to heal from all the pain I've caused myself and I don't want to go back down that road again but I don't know how to stop. Can someone please help me?

Hey WanderingWiccan I lend you an ear to vent on instead of cut yourself. I was once a cutter too, also ripped my toenails out just to cause more pain to myself than the pain I felt inside. It some how made everything feel better. Just to know there could be worse pain than the pain in life. Something triggered in me one day though sitting there bleeding, is the mutilation worth the meaningless pain and perment scars of my ignorance to life. Why scar myself, just to remind me of the misery and emotional pain I was feeling at that time. Why do I want a reminder of that time. No thank you, memories you can block out and bury, deal with them at any time you are ready too. Scars are perment fixtures in time.. To this day I still catch myself ripping at my tonails, not because I have emotional pain but because of habit. Habit I have to condition myself every day to not do it. This makes sense to me, hope it does you. Basically no psychological pain is worth causing yourself physical pain. Take it from someone that knows what you are expierancing. Good luck.

 

[WhisperHaven]

WW, I have no advice for you, but I do want to let you know that there are a lot of people here who care about you. Please don't hurt yourself like that.

If you need to vent, talk, or chat real time, please look me up. I'm on AIM with the same name. I have broad shoulders.

 

[TheCyberPoet]

Here are a few tidbits that might help you, and more over your mom, cope with her difficulties in this matter:

1. Your profile stated that you are a virgin. If that information is still current, then you can express to her that it (your bisexuality) is strictly theoretical an outlook, which is something she might be able to cope with much more readily than than her 'perceived' reality (more on this concept in a minute). The thoughts that are wondering around in her head are the worst possible combination of events she can imagine as she tries to prepare herself for all eventualities that she can envision (including your suddenly appearing on Jerry Springer, much to her horror, because this is probably much of the exposure to that aspect of the lifestyle that she knows of). Talking to her about the reality rather than imaginary (her imagination's realm) will probably help her cope with it much easier.

2. Explain to your mother that being bisexual is not the same as being a slut, nor is it the same as being absolutely open to either gender at all times. Almost all bisexuals still have a preference towards one sex or the other, but are comfortable enough with themselves to admit that there are people of their own sex who might, given the right circumstances, be enticing at either a sexual or emotionally bonded level. Unless I miss my guess, you are still predominantly female-oriented, relationship-wise (in other words, you would probably be more likely to engage in a long term relationship with a female). This is information that your mother will find reassuring and comforting, a solice in a time of exagerated imaginations. Like most mothers, she probably hopes that one day you will meet a wonderful girl, get married, settle down and produce grandchildren for her to spoil -- and knowing that this is still a realistic possibility is reassuring.

Good luck!
=-= The CyberPoet

PS - If the only reason you are still living with your mother is because of the contractual age (19 in your area, according to your profile), consider whether moving to a different state (Florida for example) would be better for you then. Most states have a legal 'adult' age of 18, and I think all the bordering states to yours do.

 

[ExistentialLuv]

Like most mothers, she probably hopes that one day you will meet a wonderful girl, get married, settle down and produce grandchildren for her to spoil -- and knowing that this is still a realistic possibility is reassuring.

I find this to be a big factor with a lot of parents. The hope of one day having their legacy live on in their grandchildren. You gave some great advice Cyber.

Later