Lusting after the wrong man

[Chardonnay]

I hope this isn't too far off the "how to" category, but I can't ask my rl friends and I'm afraid of the general board.

I had this sex dream last night about my ex that was really, really hot. When I woke up I was really turned on, but not interested in having sex with my guy who was sleeping next to me.

All day long I've been thinking about this other guy. He's not especially spectacular physically although I was very attracted to him. But my new guy is pretty great and very cute and I have strong feelings for him. But I can't think about the new guy, just the old one.

If I was single I'd call him right away for some ex-sex, but I'm not. Cheating is not an option and I'm certainly not going to break up with my guy over a dream. But I've been fantasizing all day about the wrong guy! What does it mean? Is my subconcious trying to tell me I don't really want to be with the new guy?

 

[Guest]

 

[sheath]

I hope this isn't too far off the "how to" category, but I can't ask my rl friends and I'm afraid of the general board.

I had this sex dream last night about my ex that was really, really hot. When I woke up I was really turned on, but not interested in having sex with my guy who was sleeping next to me.

All day long I've been thinking about this other guy. He's not especially spectacular physically although I was very attracted to him. But my new guy is pretty great and very cute and I have strong feelings for him. But I can't think about the new guy, just the old one.

If I was single I'd call him right away for some ex-sex, but I'm not. Cheating is not an option and I'm certainly not going to break up with my guy over a dream. But I've been fantasizing all day about the wrong guy! What does it mean? Is my subconcious trying to tell me I don't really want to be with the new guy?

Okay...this was just last night, right? So, take a deep breath. Time will make things much more clear.

I have dreams about other men. My boyfriend knows this, and he doesn't mind, as long as I am honest with him about my dreams and the way I feel about them. The dreams are sometimes very, very hot. Sometimes I get very close to orgasm...and I'm thinking about someone else. But that's okay...because it's only a dream. My man is the one I want, and we both know that, because communication is very, very important. But trust me...it took almost two years to get that far in trust and communication. It takes WORK. Anyway...

If it is just a one-time dream, then let it go. It will fade. But if those feelings linger, it's time to sit down and have a good long talk. I would say...give yourself a week? That sounds reasonable to me. Just time to breathe and think about things. It was probably just raging hormones.

S.

 

[Guest]

not your last one...

 

[SexyChele]

Gotta go with Sheath on this one. There have been times I've dreamed of men I've only seen once - and they stayed on my mind all day as well! The reason? The dream just seemed so livid, so real that it was difficult to get it out of my head. A couple of days later, I couldn't even recall the details. Dreams are funny like that.

I wouldn't worry about it. Just enjoy the fantasies today and move on tomorrow. He's obviously your ex for a reason, yes? And what's to say that your current guy doesn't dream about his ex now and again? It happens. Just relax and let it go.

 

[Chardonnay]

Thanks, guys. Hopefully it's no big deal.

I'm not so much worried about having thoughts about my ex, but... why didn't I want to work off all that sexual energy with they guy I was next to??

 

[SexyChele]

Thanks, guys. Hopefully it's no big deal.

I'm not so much worried about having thoughts about my ex, but... why didn't I want to work off all that sexual energy with they guy I was next to??

I would say because you were in some way tied emotionally to the dream. Remember, you had just awakened from it, right? To turn over to the next warm body in bed would have been to have sex without that emotional connectivity. Something that can be done, yes, but you were connected to the dream at the time.

Hope that makes sense...

 

[Chardonnay]

Hm. That does make sense. Thanks!

 

[lovechild27]

Wow...IT WAS JUST A DREAM! a bunch of residual junk floating around in your head. Relax....its really no big deal!

 

[Chardonnay]

I guess I didn't word my post very well, did I?

I'm not troubled that I had a dream about my ex.

The problem is that ever since I had the dream, I'm NOT interested in or turned on by my current boyfriend.

Last night I masturbated and thought about the ex. Today I have been thinking about him all day and could hardly think straight or walk straight I want him so bad. I even emailed him.

 

[DuckLover]

I realize it can feel uncomfortable, maybe even unfaithful or disloyal, to be aroused by a dream of your ex and not your current partner. However, it was A) a dream, a fantasy, which we all have-- including your bf, and B) only 48 hours ago. A really intense dream can impact a person for several days.

Also, as Sheath and SexyChele mentioned, you probably had an emotional connection in/to the dream. The ex USED to be your bf, implying that you were emotionally connected to him at that time. It's normal to need a lot of time to get over someone; some people even say it takes twice as long as you were together. I've personally found that to be true. Lovechild27 may well be right that you were seeing residual feelings/memories/desires surfacing... and being jettisoned. Think of it as the "last fling," a cathartic experience.

I wouldn't get worried until your feelings continue for a week or so. Then you should talk about them with somebody-- a licensed counselor would be my recommendation. Once you've come to terms with what it means to you, then telling your current bf might be an option.

 

[lovechild27]

sorry I misunderstood...

if this is causing you so much trouble, listen to yourself. your not interested in your current guy...NOT a good sign. You know what you need to do! Talking to someone definately may help.

 

[Guest]

Chardy, I told you I am seeing someone. We can still be friends though.