Luscious Lass

[Lonelypoet]

Luscious Lass

Walking through a field one day, I saw a luscious lass,
lying naked in the sun, like a rose on autumn grass.

Her lips, they sparkled in the light,
her skin, all tan and wet,
her countenance, did stop my heart,
her hair was black as jet.

I never will forget that girl, I saw one summer day,
her body I still long to touch, as it lie there on display.

 

[teacherman570]

Luscious Lass

Walking through a field one day, I saw a luscious lass,
lying naked in the sun, like a rose on autumn grass.

Her lips, they sparkled in the light,
her skin, all tan and wet, her countenance, yea,
did stop my heart, her hair, as black as jet.

I never will forget that girl, I saw one summer day,
her body I still long to touch, as it lie there on display.

I have never been able to rhyme and I marvel at people who do it easily and well. Reading through the second stanza the rhythm didn't seem to match the first and third stanzas, perhaps I'm trying to hard and finding it.
Keep writing!

 

[BooMerengue]

Luscious Lass

Walking through a field one day, I saw a luscious lass,
lying naked in the sun, like a rose on autumn grass.

Her lips, they sparkled in the light,
her skin, all tan and wet, her countenance, yea,
did stop my heart, her hair, as black as jet.

I never will forget that girl, I saw one summer day,
her body I still long to touch, as it lie there on display.

Walking through a field one day, I saw a luscious lass,
lying naked in the sun, like a rose on autumn grass.

Her lips, they sparkled in the light,
her skin, all tan and wet,
her countenance, yea, did stop my heart,
her hair, as black as jet.

I never will forget that girl, I saw one summer day,
her body I still long to touch, as it lie there on display

just reads a little easier since you already had the rhymes in place

 

[Lonelypoet]

Thank You's.

Thanks for the compliments, Teacherman. I never follow "rules" when I write poetry, although "Boo" made my poem read easier by reformatting it very slightly. Thanks, Boo!

In 1992 I watched "Dead Poets Society" for the first time, and Robin Williams played a lit teacher at a private boarding school for boys. I liked his approach toward poetry as a teacher. "Tear the introduction of the poetry book out...", lol Follow your heart, not some man's "rule." I write poetry from the heart, and try and make sure it always rhymes, and flows as smoothly as possible, but when one of my verses/stanzas does not flow the same as another, then that is "intentional," because I do not, and never will follow "the rules," because that destroys creativity. It's like saying that when a painter paints, then all his/her paintings must look a "certain way," and follow a "certain format." A painter would have a cow if someone told them that they had to follow a certain "rule" to paint, and I feel the same exact way about poetry.

I appreciate your interests in my poetry, Teacherman," and to Boo, thank you as well.

~ Lonelypoet

 

[bluerains]

this shows a wee bit

of regret on the authors part ...of a time lost now in reflection....very polished and has a nice even tone...blue

 

[Lonelypoet]

Memories Past.

Actually, Blue, the whole scenario in this poem was imagined. What happened in this poem never actually happened, just something I wrote one day. However, I appreciate your comments, for you always say just the right thing to bring a smile to my face. ~ Lonelypoet

 

[twelveoone]

Thanks for the compliments, Teacherman. I never follow "rules" when I write poetry, although "Boo" made my poem read easier by reformatting it very slightly. Thanks, Boo!

In 1992 I watched "Dead Poets Society" for the first time, and Robin Williams played a lit teacher at a private boarding school for boys. I liked his approach toward poetry as a teacher. "Tear the introduction of the poetry book out...", lol Follow your heart, not some man's "rule." I write poetry from the heart, and try and make sure it always rhymes, and flows as smoothly as possible, but when one of my verses/stanzas does not flow the same as another, then that is "intentional," because I do not, and never will follow "the rules," because that destroys creativity. It's like saying that when a painter paints, then all his/her paintings must look a "certain way," and follow a "certain format." A painter would have a cow if someone told them that they had to follow a certain "rule" to paint, and I feel the same exact way about poetry.

I appreciate your interests in my poetry, Teacherman," and to Boo, thank you as well.

~ Lonelypoet

Liked it; "the rules" - I never follow, "the tools" I try to learn, follow your heart, but use your head, always use your head, learn the tools.

 

[annaswirls]

Liked it; "the rules" - I never follow, "the tools" I try to learn, follow your heart, but use your head, always use your head, learn the tools.

damn I am going to remember this down

rules not tools


no wait damn it I already got it backwards
and I did not do it on purpose or anything!

TOOLS NOT RULES

The poem was very lovely, and I like Champs tweek

the only thing I stumbled on was the "yea"

how is that pronounced-- like Yea thou I walk through the valley of the shadow of death or like

yea man, pass the doob

or

yea! go team!

?

 

[Guest]

damn I am going to remember this down

rules not tools


no wait damn it I already got it backwards
and I did not do it on purpose or anything!

TOOLS NOT RULES

The poem was very lovely, and I like Champs tweek

the only thing I stumbled on was the "yea"

how is that pronounced-- like Yea thou I walk through the valley of the shadow of death or like

yea man, pass the doob

or

yea! go team!

?

Is it champs under that hat?? I'm so confused with all thses pretenders. Just be yourselves fer chrissake!

I agree about the "yea" - also I'd take the comma out after "her hair, " and make it "her hair was black as jet."

 

[champagne1982]

Is it champs under that hat?? I'm so confused with all thses pretenders. Just be yourselves fer chrissake!

I agree about the "yea" - also I'd take the comma out after "her hair, " and make it "her hair was black as jet."

Noooooo, that's Boo! She's a 'mercan, I'm Canuckian. You can tell by our accents. Besides, I try not to edit people's poems who don't believe that their "art" could be improved upon.

What could I say about perfection if I don't share the same opinion?

 

[anonamouse]

damn I am going to remember this down

rules not tools


no wait damn it I already got it backwards
and I did not do it on purpose or anything!

TOOLS NOT RULES

The poem was very lovely, and I like Champs tweek

the only thing I stumbled on was the "yea"

how is that pronounced-- like Yea thou I walk through the valley of the shadow of death or like

yea man, pass the doob

or

yea! go team!

?

yea ye should look in the context as in:
Yea it came to pass, a buring doob came unto him and spake yea Moses, ya shall lead your people to the promised land, after which there will be much rejoicing and shouting of Yea! and Good Show!

I got no rules
I have the tools
which way does the hammer go?

I built a house
for a mouse
Jawa showed me so

He said "use the glue"

 

[gypziedoll]

Luscious Lass

Walking through a field one day, I saw a luscious lass,
lying naked in the sun, like a rose on autumn grass.

Her lips, they sparkled in the light,
her skin, all tan and wet,
her countenance, did stop my heart,
her hair was black as jet.

I never will forget that girl, I saw one summer day,
her body I still long to touch, as it lie there on display.

very nice