Lurking in the Shadows

[Comshaw]

Anyone who's been here long enough and has read my posts knows I was in Vietnam. No, I wasn't a Ranger or Special Forces. I was an artillery mechanic. But in that war, even those of us who were supposed to be in the rear got caught up in the shooting. I spent time on fire bases on the edge of the A Sha valley and time supporting the South Vietnamese troops that went into Laos during Lam Song 719. So I saw enough that when I got home it took me some time to deal with it.

Time spent in denying it was a problem, drinking to unconsciousness to avoid the nightmares. It finally took a trip to rehab, some truthful discussions with a group and time to find my way through it.

I haven't had a nightmare about that time for years. I figured I was on an even keel. And then...

I was on Youtube the other day perusing the videos, looking for something interesting to watch when I happened on an interview with a Russian veteran from WWII. I thought it might be interesting to see what he had to say. I shouldn't have watched it.

He talked about an incident that happened after they fought their way into Germany. Two young girls, he thought they were 14 to 16 years old approached him one day. He didn't speak German and they didn't speak Russian, but with sign language, they got across they were looking for their mother and brother. He tried to tell them to run away because it was dangerous for them to be there. When they left he thought he had gotten his message across to them. A few hours later he saw them again being held by some of the troops from his unit.

He said the Major in charge of his unit was sadistic. The Major divided the troops into two lines and they took turns raping the young girls. They were raped so brutally and so many times that by the end they were bleeding. When all the men were done one of the troops shoot each girl in the mouth, then their bodies were dragged to a hog pen that was close by and tossed in. The hogs were starving and the veteran telling the story said he came back in two or three hours and the only thing left were two skulls.

Over the years since my time in war I've read accounts close to this one, but none burrowed into my mind like this one did. All that day after I watched it I couldn't shake it. It kept rolling around in my mind. That night, for the first time in a long time I woke from a nightmare of blood and blackness. for a week they persisted. Each night I'd wake from a nightmare sitting up in a sweat. Over the next few weeks, the nightmares became fewer. The last few days I've actually had a few pleasant dreams.

It's been 50 years since my time in the fire. But I guess it never really leaves you. And sometimes it sneaks in out of the shadows to remind you it is still there.

Comshaw

 

[rockcasbah]

Long time lurker here.

Thank you for defending our way of life and constitutional rights.

Video link?

 

[jomar]

Thank you for your service.

I once knew a retired navy seal who helped folks leaving service get the disability benefits they actually deserved. He said because of the culture he had to work hard getting them to report everything going on both physical and emotional.

 

[rockcasbah]

I once worked with a Cleo-Award winning ad director who served three tours of duty in Vietnam as a grunt.

He had a few quirks, but was largely as normal as most top ad creatives, which admittedly is a fairly broad proviso.

I also knew an Auschwitz survivor; he never sought therapy and had night terrors of being chased by the Nazis until he died.

Both really interesting guys.

 

[oneblueye]

hey...

Anyone who's been here long enough and has read my posts knows I was in Vietnam. No, I wasn't a Ranger or Special Forces. I was an artillery mechanic. But in that war, even those of us who were supposed to be in the rear got caught up in the shooting. I spent time on fire bases on the edge of the A Sha valley and time supporting the South Vietnamese troops that went into Laos during Lam Song 719. So I saw enough that when I got home it took me some time to deal with it.

Time spent in denying it was a problem, drinking to unconsciousness to avoid the nightmares. It finally took a trip to rehab, some truthful discussions with a group and time to find my way through it.

I haven't had a nightmare about that time for years. I figured I was on an even keel. And then...

I was on Youtube the other day perusing the videos, looking for something interesting to watch when I happened on an interview with a Russian veteran from WWII. I thought it might be interesting to see what he had to say. I shouldn't have watched it.

He talked about an incident that happened after they fought their way into Germany. Two young girls, he thought they were 14 to 16 years old approached him one day. He didn't speak German and they didn't speak Russian, but with sign language, they got across they were looking for their mother and brother. He tried to tell them to run away because it was dangerous for them to be there. When they left he thought he had gotten his message across to them. A few hours later he saw them again being held by some of the troops from his unit.

He said the Major in charge of his unit was sadistic. The Major divided the troops into two lines and they took turns raping the young girls. They were raped so brutally and so many times that by the end they were bleeding. When all the men were done one of the troops shoot each girl in the mouth, then their bodies were dragged to a hog pen that was close by and tossed in. The hogs were starving and the veteran telling the story said he came back in two or three hours and the only thing left were two skulls.

Over the years since my time in war I've read accounts close to this one, but none burrowed into my mind like this one did. All that day after I watched it I couldn't shake it. It kept rolling around in my mind. That night, for the first time in a long time I woke from a nightmare of blood and blackness. for a week they persisted. Each night I'd wake from a nightmare sitting up in a sweat. Over the next few weeks, the nightmares became fewer. The last few days I've actually had a few pleasant dreams.

It's been 50 years since my time in the fire. But I guess it never really leaves you. And sometimes it sneaks in out of the shadows to remind you it is still there.

Comshaw

I never made it there-, to Nam. I had joined Oct 71, of all the things I could do the very best of me was expressed with a loaded rifle in my hands. There was nothing I couldn't hit--, to the limits of the weapon I was using. I was going to be a sniper, assigned to the 191 Infantry Div. But it wasn't till I got to Ft. Knox that I found out I was deemed "color blind - combat clors".
I did however, get a discharge, general under honorable conditions but that was because of the "their" conniving.
On behalf of myself and my family I thank you for your service.

 

[oggbashan]

One of my father's friends had been a commando in WW2. he was captured by the Japanese in Singapore and sent to Changi jail.

He saw many of his friends killed by Japanese guards. When Japan surrendered, he beheaded one of the worst - a Japanese officer, with the officer's own sword.

He was court-martialled but exonerated on the grounds of temporary mental illness. But he never regretted it. He had nightmares about his friends being killed until he died.