Loving Wives

[lc69hunter]

Spoken by a man, about women, so, you know, you ain't all that unbiased.

Good response. However, in response to your detailed post about affairs, that is why I do not like, and have never liked affairs. Affairs cause feelings, and feelings start fracturing that so important bond between a husband and wife, and no one should ever want that

 

[WCSGarland]

Good response. However, in response to your detailed post about affairs, that is why I do not like, and have never liked affairs. Affairs cause feelings, and feelings start fracturing that so important bond between a husband and wife, and no one should ever want that

Affairs aren't the only thing that do that. There are quite a few other actions that cause the same effect without the physical aspects of intimacy with another outside of marriage. The thing to realize, and it is sad that not a lot of people realize it, is that marriage can survive adultery.

 

[Lifestyle66]

Really, you get that out of those stats? Despite the tropes, most affairs by women are because of emotional infidelity by their partner. ...

How do you get that out of those stats?

In my experience, the women I've known who had extra-marital sex do so due because their sex drives are no longer in-sync with their husbands, or to get that feeling of being desired by someone after years of feeling like it's just a routine to be together.

When a man has blood pressure issues or other aches and distraction due to age, they can't perform or get hard as often. If the wife's sex drive remains high, she's left frustrated. One friend had an "unspoken" agreement with her impotent husband: "Don't ask me any questions, and I won't nag YOU to take me out dancing. AND I'll prepare your favorite gourmet meals every day by the time you come home from work." She said that if he ever had a problem with that arrangement, they'd divorce.

Other women I've talked to just like that feeling of being pursued and taken/giving in to another man. It makes them feel younger and desirable, something they can't achieve with the same old husband they been with every day for 20 years.

EDIT: For the one who had her arrangement, she said marriage gave them both the security of the two income/bigger house, health insurance, and someone to talk to and plan long-term vacations. But she was unsatisfied and frustrated with just her toys.

 

[Ianus4]

How do you get that out of those stats?

In my experience, the women I've known who had extra-marital sex do so due because their sex drives are no longer in-sync with their husbands, or to get that feeling of being desired by someone after years of feeling like it's just a routine to be together.

When a man has blood pressure issues or other aches and distraction due to age, they can't perform or get hard as often. If the wife's sex drive remains high, she's left frustrated. One friend had an "unspoken" agreement with her impotent husband: "Don't ask me any questions, and I won't nag YOU to take me out dancing. AND I'll prepare your favorite gourmet meals every day by the time you come home from work." She said that if he ever had a problem with that arrangement, they'd divorce.

Other women I've talked to just like that feeling of being pursued and taken/giving in to another man. It makes them feel younger and desirable, something they can't achieve with the same old husband they been with every day for 20 years.

EDIT: For the one who had her arrangement, she said marriage gave them both the security of the two income/bigger house, health insurance, and someone to talk to and plan long-term vacations. But she was unsatisfied and frustrated with just her toys.

I don’t think ED is an insurmountable problem in a relationship. There are still plenty of other options to give a woman sexual pleasure. If two people respect and value each other, it’s only in very rare cases that they wouldn’t be able to work through the problem together. As one of the many vows said, "I promise to choose you every single day. I will choose us when it's easy and when it's hard. I promise to be the one who stays, who listens, and who keeps building this life with you."
The real problem arises when respect and appreciation disappear, leaving only cold calculation in their place. The "I deserve it". When one partner wants to exaggerate a problem rather than solve it.

 

[MillieDynamite]

Oh, I stand corrected. My feminist side was showing I guess.

I really have to take issue with that "now" there... you surely don't mean in comparison to the past? I am pretty certain we right now live in the peak of human civilization in terms of the lack of those things?

 

[MillieDynamite]

The problem is people have agency, man or woman, they make choices. For those choices there are consequences, but the choices have driving forces (reactions to others choices, deep-seated needs, or perhaps overwhelming curiosity), which are behind them.

Good response. However, in response to your detailed post about affairs, that is why I do not like, and have never liked affairs. Affairs cause feelings, and feelings start fracturing that so important bond between a husband and wife, and no one should ever want that

Every study since Masters and Johnson's work has found the same thing, men cheat more than women. You're experience is you experience. I'm not hear to argue with you. I'm in a committed and happy relationship with another woman who I have never cheated on and believe she hasn't cheated on me. My experience doesn't match yours. My adoptive father was a hound dog when he was young. But, in his marriage to his second wife he didn't cheat, she did. He didn't blame her, she was married to PI who worked an ungodly amount of hours, it was emotionally draining for her. On the other hand, his first wife liked to watch him with other women. She'd find him partners. When that happened, he thought he had the right to do what he wanted. Apparently, he was wrong. I've been around both those women, I far prefer his first to his second. The second is a real bitch! Dad's never cheated on my Mum and regrets how he was when he was young.

I think in general it takes real bonding for people to stay together. I don't believe two incomes is part of the equation.

While every relationship is unique to itself, all relationships have things in common with others. We all have issues, needs, wants (wants and needs are different things) and what degree our SO meets those and we meet theirs determines a lot what happens between them. Before we adopted, Jo never wanted kids, now she wonders why that was. Yes, we adopted because I needed a child. It was selfish of me to be so strongheaded on it. But, thankfully, it worked out well. Jo, is great with Donnie, she's much more attuned to the manly things he needs in his life.

Everyone finds a balance, relationships don't always work. Pops doesn't regret his marriages, isn't and wasn't angry with wife #2 for her cheating. I think he still loves both of them. Though how he ever loved a person as selfish as #2 I haven't a clue.

How do you get that out of those stats?

In my experience, the women I've known who had extra-marital sex do so due because their sex drives are no longer in-sync with their husbands, or to get that feeling of being desired by someone after years of feeling like it's just a routine to be together.

When a man has blood pressure issues or other aches and distraction due to age, they can't perform or get hard as often. If the wife's sex drive remains high, she's left frustrated. One friend had an "unspoken" agreement with her impotent husband: "Don't ask me any questions, and I won't nag YOU to take me out dancing. AND I'll prepare your favorite gourmet meals every day by the time you come home from work." She said that if he ever had a problem with that arrangement, they'd divorce.

Other women I've talked to just like that feeling of being pursued and taken/giving in to another man. It makes them feel younger and desirable, something they can't achieve with the same old husband they been with every day for 20 years.

EDIT: For the one who had her arrangement, she said marriage gave them both the security of the two income/bigger house, health insurance, and someone to talk to and plan long-term vacations. But she was unsatisfied and frustrated with just her toys.

 

[Shady_Lady]

It totally matters. Hitting that definition actively harms your success in that category, because it isn't what most of its readers want or even expect to enjoy in it.

Yes I have come to realise that, hence not posting in that category anymore. It would seem the official Lit definition is not what people want.

I guess the question is, do you publish that stuff there anyway or do you try to figure out where you can publish it so it "performs" better?

For me, I don't bother and find somewhere else where it would fit.

I assume that that material is what you want to write, and you aren't trying to write some other type of material that the real-life LW audience will appreciate.

Previously, I wrote my material and then posted it based on the official definition. Now I post it where it fits outside of LW.

 

[Lifestyle66]

Every study since Masters and Johnson's work has found the same thing, men cheat more than women.

The problem with all of these studies is that they are questionnaires filled out by one side of a multi-pronged issue.

You made the claim earlier that women cheat because of their husband's "emotional infidelity".

That implies that men cheat because of ... what? Just because they're horny and lust for another woman? Or could it start with that same emotional infidelity by their wife with her changing over the years which pushes him out for the final straw of extra-marital sex?

Look at the study you posted yesterday where it says: "Women have affairs younger. " Could that also suggest that many other women who don't "cheat" (as in having extra-marital sex) are more responsible for frictions and discontent later in a marriage, and men are just slow learners?

As you suggested with that "emotional infidelity", there are many other factors in the marriage which cause frictions, and the actual sexual infidelity is probably a "final straw" which breaks things. That's from my own personal experience in my first marriage, with the wife becoming more and more withdrawn from me and the kids over the last years, until I had enough and went looking elsewhere. Tensions between my wife and I grew so thick for years that when she finally announced to the kids we were divorcing (ultimately due to MY infidelity and her finding I was having FUN), two of the kids said "Well, who didn't see this coming?"

IMO, the questions of infidelity aren't "who cheated and at what age or stage of the marriage?" but rather "who initiated the breakdown of the marriage bond, and why/how?" Any study which delves into answering that would probably find that "Time changes most people until the couple becomes incompatible."

Extra-marital sex and infidelity are the final straw, not the root cause of a marriage breakdown.

 

[MillieDynamite]

I make no implication about why men cheat. I'm not a man, I don't like men that way. I have no frame of reference for why men do anything. And as I said, I'm not here to argue.

The problem with all of these studies is that they are questionnaires filled out by one side of a multi-pronged issue.

You made the claim earlier that women cheat because of their husband's "emotional infidelity".

That implies that men cheat because of ... what? Just because they're horny and lust for another woman? Or could it start with that same emotional infidelity by their wife with her changing over the years which pushes him out for the final straw of extra-marital sex?

Look at the study you posted yesterday where it says: "Women have affairs younger. " Could that also suggest that many other women who don't "cheat" (as in having extra-marital sex) are more responsible for frictions and discontent later in a marriage, and men are just slow learners?

As you suggested with that "emotional infidelity", there are many other factors in the marriage which cause frictions, and the actual sexual infidelity is probably a "final straw" which breaks things. That's from my own personal experience in my first marriage, with the wife becoming more and more withdrawn from me and the kids over the last years, until I had enough and went looking elsewhere. Tensions between my wife and I grew so thick for years that when she finally announced to the kids we were divorcing (ultimately due to MY infidelity and her finding I was having FUN), two of the kids said "Well, who didn't see this coming?"

IMO, the questions of infidelity aren't "who cheated and at what age or stage of the marriage?" but rather "who initiated the breakdown of the marriage bond, and why/how?" Any study which delves into answering that would probably find that "Time changes most people until the couple becomes incompatible."

Extra-marital sex and infidelity are the final straw, not the root cause of a marriage breakdown.

 

[SmilingLez]

Extra-marital sex and infidelity are the final straw, not the root cause of a marriage breakdown.

100% agree. Also gender is not relevant.