Love

[Brandii]

How true is the statement "If you love something, let it free if it comes back to you it's yours, if it doesn't it never was?"

Has anyone ever set something or some one free and had them or it return to you?

 

[MagicaPractica]

I've had dogs get loose and come home but men, no.

 

[cloudy]

You don't own anyone to begin with. Throw that thought away, right now.

If you don't own them, how can you possibly "set them free"?

eta: nothing personal against you, but that kind of thing pisses me off. Nobody owns anyone else, as if they were an inanimate object. You can't own them, so you can't set them free. Relationships tend to work much better if you forget all about someone being "yours."

 

[Nirvanadragones]

The act of "setting something free" in essence, means that it had been held captive. For me, love does not mean the end of freedom. It is in love that we find our wings, and the ability to fly.

But the statement you quote, is probably more focused on letting someone choose for themselves what they want - when we do not influence their decisions, don't manipulate them into doing what we want, don't taint the outcome of the process. Love is so much more rewarding when we're loved purely, without our influence.

 

[impressive]

The strongest bonds are forged without bounds.

 

[MagicaPractica]

The act of "setting something free" in essence, means that it had been held captive. For me, love does not mean the end of freedom. It is in love that we find our wings, and the ability to fly.

But the statement you quote, is probably more focused on letting someone choose for themselves what they want - when we do not influence their decisions, don't manipulate them into doing what we want, don't taint the outcome of the process. Love is so much more rewarding when we're loved purely, without our influence.

Which is how it was for me. I let him decide without begging and pleading because I knew he was hurting. I wished him well but he didn't come back and I still miss him.

 

[maggot420]

I've been set free a couple times but I don't think they wanted me back

 

[R. Richard]

Love Is A Rose

Love is a rose but you better not pick it
Only grows when it's on the vine
Handful of thorns and you'll know you've missed it
Lose your love when you say the word mine

 

[TheeGoatPig]

And letting a loved one go basically means tossing them away, and they aren't that likely to come back after being tossed like that, so you best be looking for someone new and treat them better than you did the last one or I'll ocme knocking and...

And I think it's time for bed...

 

[OhMissScarlett]

Ah, at times like these, I just think of the immortal words of The Dead Milkmen...

Know that it would be untrue
Know that I would be a liar
If I was to say to you
I didn't set your house on fire

But it's just the way I am
Have to take it for a fact
Life can really burn you up
When you're a pyromaniac
So...

If you love somebody
Better set them on fire


Of course you all know I'm kidding and that I would never condone such a thing, right?

 

[Boxlicker101]

You don't own anyone to begin with. Throw that thought away, right now.

If you don't own them, how can you possibly "set them free"?

eta: nothing personal against you, but that kind of thing pisses me off. Nobody owns anyone else, as if they were an inanimate object. You can't own them, so you can't set them free. Relationships tend to work much better if you forget all about someone being "yours."

I agree. Someone cannot "steal" a boyfriend or girlfriend or husband or wife from another person. You cannot steal a person, unless you abduct that person. That, of course, is another thing altogether.

 

[poppy1963]

Just because it comes back doesn't mean it's yours. You gotta ask it: Why did you come back?

Yanno...

 

[floweringquince]

How true is the statement "If you love something, let it free if it comes back to you it's yours, if it doesn't it never was?"

Has anyone ever set something or some one free and had them or it return to you?

Well, sorta. But as others have pointed out, you can't really set something free when you've never held it captive in the first place.


- My boyfriend is free to have sex with anyone he wants to.

But he knows that if he does have sex with someone else, he has to tell me*, and we can't have sex without a condom again until he's proven himself STD-free six months after his last non-me encounter.
He also knows that I might not choose never to have sex with him again at all.

(*If he has sex with someone else and doesn't tell me, he knows that once I find out there will be no hope of anything with me, ever again, at all.)

He can look at all the other women, chat on the phone with all the old girlfriends, and go to all the titty bars he wants to (he's with me, but he's not dead, fer Chrissake .
If he's not in love with them, there's nothing for me to worry about. (And if he is in love with them, the him-&-me thing is over anyway.)


- He can keep all the secrets from me (other than having had sex with someone else, or anything else that could endanger my life) that he wants or needs to.

I can ask him anything, and he can decline to answer anything. He knows that if he lied to me, once I find out it would be very hard for me to sustain any sort of relationship with him, even if I still wanted to.


- He can have all the "space", guy-time, alone-time, etc., he wants (although not at the expense of prior commitments).

I need a fair bit of "space", gal-time, alone-time, etc., too. He knows that I'll still be here when he gets back, as long as I haven't found something better while he was gone.


- I can ask him to do things for me, and I can suggest things I think he might do for himself. I try very hard not to just outright tell him what to do, because that usually means he will go to great lengths to avoid doing it.

I would never consider giving him a ultimatum, because if I ever said "You must do this (or not do that), or else...", he'd take the "or else" in a heartbeat.

(I have only once ever made our having sex conditional on some action of his. He mentioned once that his ex used to say things like "Well, we can have sex, but afterwards you'll have to do something-or-other (or buy me such-&-such)."
I was appalled, and so I said "Well, we can have sex, but afterwards you'll have to let me suck your dick."
(He did not seem to mind acceding to that condition


These same things apply to me too, of course.


When we first started dating, he was very clear that these were the terms he was available on. I'd never had anyone make how he felt about any of this sort of stuff clear to me before, and I had some five-alarm romantic disasters to show for it, so I gave it a try. That was 11 years ago.

He's never slept with anyone else, or lied to me exept to protect a confidence someone else had placed in him. When I ask him to do something for me, he almost always does it if he possibly can, and he is always looking for ways for us to spend time together.

(Of course, I could be wrong: he could have been playing me for a fool all this time. I've yet to see any evidence of that, so if he is, he's doing a very good job of it (the truth is indeed a slippery pig, but that usually means it darts across you in front of you from time to time). He knows that if I ever have good solid reason to believe he has betrayed my trust, there will never be any hope of anything, not even the time of day, for him with me.)


I'm not sure whether this would work for anyone else or not. It works for us because we both got so tired of all our previous relationship failures that we were willing to go in for some very serious honesty and trust, right from the start.

And it works because we love each other a very great deal. I can't say how much I love him, except that it's the closest I've ever gotten to being able to imagine infinity. And I knows that he loves me more than that



I don't know if all this helps you very much, Brandii.

The only thing I can think that might be of some help is to tell you that I got to be a lot happier in my relationships after I decided that being alone, for all that it's difficult and kinda sad and sometimes awfully lonely, is better than being in a relationship that either party feels somehow forced into.


Good luck,

Quince

 

[Belegon]

Time is our most precious resource.

If someone chooses to gift me with their time and their love...it is a GIFT.

I have no rights of ownership, even if I have been receiving that gift for many many years.

I greatly enjoy receiving and giving that gift...I do expect people to keep the commitments they make with me, whether a romantic encounter or a pick-up basketball game...but I have no right to DEMAND anything.

True love is freely given, never compelled....

 

[slyc_willie]

How true is the statement "If you love something, let it free if it comes back to you it's yours, if it doesn't it never was?"

Has anyone ever set something or some one free and had them or it return to you?

I'm not making light of this thread, but your question made me think of something. Perhaps it has more profound implications than it seems:

When I was 19 and going through basic training, one of my drill sergeants was named Pugalee. Total bad-ass, in the macho-military sense of the term. 11-bravo, fast attack light infantry, airborne, recon, sniper-trained . . .

Anyway, there was one afternoon that one of the other drill sergeants had to call out, so Pugalee was called in, interrupting a day out with his girlfriend and her kids. He did not change the clothes he had been wearing; he came straight to the base.

While he was walking up and down the line, calling us 'ass-heads' and such, I could not help but notice the shirt he was wearing, the same shirt he'd been wearing when out with the Little Woman and her kids.

It read: "If you love something, let it go free."

On the back: "If it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it."

That's stayed with me for 16 years now. I felt sorry for his girlfriend. And the kids.

 

[Scarlett1979]

I'm not making light of this thread, but your question made me think of something. Perhaps it has more profound implications than it seems:

When I was 19 and going through basic training, one of my drill sergeants was named Pugalee. Total bad-ass, in the macho-military sense of the term. 11-bravo, fast attack light infantry, airborne, recon, sniper-trained . . .

Anyway, there was one afternoon that one of the other drill sergeants had to call out, so Pugalee was called in, interrupting a day out with his girlfriend and her kids. He did not change the clothes he had been wearing; he came straight to the base.

While he was walking up and down the line, calling us 'ass-heads' and such, I could not help but notice the shirt he was wearing, the same shirt he'd been wearing when out with the Little Woman and her kids.

It read: "If you love something, let it go free."

On the back: "If it doesn't come back, hunt it down and kill it."

That's stayed with me for 16 years now. I felt sorry for his girlfriend. And the kids.

Haha! Love it.

 

[inlovewithyourghost]

You don't own anyone to begin with. Throw that thought away, right now.

If you don't own them, how can you possibly "set them free"?

eta: nothing personal against you, but that kind of thing pisses me off. Nobody owns anyone else, as if they were an inanimate object. You can't own them, so you can't set them free. Relationships tend to work much better if you forget all about someone being "yours."

I don't think that it is so much about "owning" anything...

There are people in our lives that we have connections with. And these connections give us the power of influence. What we choose to do with that power of influence is in our own hands. We can manipulate and push things around in order to try and get something out of it that might not otherwise happen of its own will... And often times we can make it work to our advantage, and we can get our way.

Or... we can open our hearts, and our minds... aka our hands... and let things be "free" to develope in the natural course of time. Sometimes what comes out of it is what we wanted. Sometimes it isn't. But for the most part... it turns out to be what we needed. At least that is how it has been in my experience.

 

[SimpleGifts]

How true is the statement "If you love something, let it free if it comes back to you it's yours, if it doesn't it never was?"

Has anyone ever set something or some one free and had them or it return to you?

I've had the converse (or is it reverse? or inverse?)...I loved someone, and had to let her go...and in letting her go, fell in love with her even more. And I know that even though she won't come back, and in many ways can't, she loves me as much as she always did. So, to the extent that she was ever mine, she still is...I have part of her heart, just as she has part of mine.

I think someone much older than me said it better.

SG

Let Love Go, If Go She Will
by Robert Louis Stevenson.

Let love go, if go she will.
Seek not, O fool, her wanton flight to stay.
Of all she gives and takes away
The best remains behind her still.

The best remains behind; in vain
Joy she may give and take again,
Joy she may take and leave us pain,
If yet she leave behind
The constant mind
To meet all fortunes nobly, to endure
All things with a good heart, and still be pure,
Still to be foremost in the foremost cause,
And still be worthy of the love that was.
Love coming is omnipotent indeed,
But not Love going. Let her go. The seed
Springs in the favouring Summer air, and grows,
And waxes strong; and when the Summer goes,
Remains, a perfect tree.

Joy she may give and take again,
Joy she may take and leave us pain.
O Love, and what care we?
For one thing thou hast given, O Love, one thing
Is ours that nothing can remove;
And as the King discrowned is still a King,
The unhappy lover still preserves his love.

 

[TheEarl]

You don't own anyone to begin with. Throw that thought away, right now.

If you don't own them, how can you possibly "set them free"?

eta: nothing personal against you, but that kind of thing pisses me off. Nobody owns anyone else, as if they were an inanimate object. You can't own them, so you can't set them free. Relationships tend to work much better if you forget all about someone being "yours."

I have to say that I disagree. I'm owned, body and soul by my baobei, but it's okay cause she owns me in return. I think only a few relationships work in balance like that, as most cases where someone is 'owned' result in bad endings, but it is possible.

The Earl

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

How true is the statement "If you love something, let it free if it comes back to you it's yours, if it doesn't it never was?"

Has anyone ever set something or some one free and had them or it return to you?

Not me.....she definitely never "came back" to me...then again, I found someone else about the same time...so it's cool.....besides....we were never officially a couple....just damned close to being one.....

 

[Arafura]

I saw a comedian once do this sketch, where he posited that when someone says "I love you" they're really saying "I own you". Did this really funny getting-off-the-phone bit:

"I own you."

"Aww, honey - I own you too!"

I was laughing so hard. But seriously, ownership is usually not a good way to go about a relationship. And the "let it free..." thing? I think the premise is faulty and it has been overused as a b.s. way of breaking up.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

You don't own anyone to begin with. Throw that thought away, right now.

If you don't own them, how can you possibly "set them free"?

eta: nothing personal against you, but that kind of thing pisses me off. Nobody owns anyone else, as if they were an inanimate object. You can't own them, so you can't set them free. Relationships tend to work much better if you forget all about someone being "yours."

Believe it or not, I know where you, Box, and others come from on this point.....in the moral, philosophical, and even legal sense, we are always our own.....I believe that was the point of the abolition movement and the 13th Amendment, if I recall correctly.....which incidentally reminds me to watch "Amazing Grace"....I'll try to overlook the sectarian preaching and focus on the abolition theme...

Now, it's true that some of us have "ownership" transferred to us on a purely voluntary basis.....but that's entirely a separate issue....that's not true, chattel-type slavery....nor would we want it to be....at least not in our saner moments....it's voluntary servitude....

....but, even then, we really still own ourselves, not each other.....though one could argue Schopenhauer's claim that we're not really separate from each other at all and that is all an illusion....that's another issue....

....to actually think that you "own" people tends to lead to violence, when our sense of "possession" and "entitlement" is violated.....not a good thing, believe me....as evidence by abused wives and women setting fire to their husbands/boyfriends' clothing.....not good at all.....and need I mention Betty Broderick.....no, I have no interest in declaring lovers to be each other's property....it goes against my every instinct and principle as a civil-libertarian....

 

[Zeb_Carter]

There have been more lives ruined over this thought that they are "owned" or "own" someone else. The thought processes that twist a mind into this believe astound me. If someone doesn't want to have a relationship with me, their loss. Of course I loose something also but, the world is a big place with over 200 billion people on the face of it, if I can't find someone who wants to be with me I must be a hermit.

I was lucky, 35 years ago I found someone who wanted to be with me and I with her. There was a time in our relationship that I found myself with emotions that I now find disgusting. That emotion was jelousy. If my wife talked to another man I became upset, even if she was right there with me. I soon realized that this was a waste of energy, as she always was at my side. Not because of my will, but because she wanted too. She wanted to be with me not someone else.

Now, if she wants to stray - which she doesn't (as far as I can tell) - what would I do? I have no control over her, she is her own person. She could decide tomorrow that she doesn't like it here anymore and leave. I have no way of stopping her. Yes I would be heartbroken, for a while. But I have a life to live and I would get on with it.

 

[TheEarl]

I'd like to clarify what I said above. I do believe it is possible to own someone in a relationship, but that ownership can only come with their express permission. It's a thing that can only be given, never taken.

The Earl

 

[Wildcard Ky]

Is kicking them out the same as setting them free?

If so, I set my ex free, but didn't want her to return.