Love to get some feedback

[pyramider]

Just posted a new non-erotic story titled "THE DAY THE ALIENS CAME" I really thought it is good enough to be read. I think the title is not doing it justice; originally it was : The Boy Who Talked to Lions but could not post it under this title. I would very much appreciate some feedback. Sofar only 10 people gave it a high rating out of about 500 readers and one feedback that was so positive. I wondered if it is good to be rated that highly by those who read it how come so few rated it.
Hope I get some response.
http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=227552

 

[CopyCarver]

Vote Totals

Just posted a new non-erotic story titled "THE DAY THE ALIENS CAME" I really thought it is good enough to be read. I think the title is not doing it justice; originally it was : The Boy Who Talked to Lions but could not post it under this title. I would very much appreciate some feedback. Sofar only 10 people gave it a high rating out of about 500 readers and one feedback that was so positive. I wondered if it is good to be rated that highly by those who read it how come so few rated it.
Hope I get some response.

Some sage or other on these boards hypothesized that only one reader out of 100 will vote, and that only 1 in 100 voters will write feedback. All rules of thumbs have to regarded as less than infallible, of course, but that one seems to hold up in my experience. Your "low" totals may well be ahead of the curve.

That said, I promise to read the story and send you some feedback as soon as I have a few minutes that isn't being claimed as eminent domain by eleventeen people.

 

[pyramider]

Thank you copycarver. I thought it was a nice story worth a read and a comment. We really have no idea how good or bad our stories are without readers telling us. I wrote and erotic story called Sexual Healing in about an hour and got more readership and fedback than this one I labored over for few days. Thanks very much

 

[CopyCarver]

Just posted a new non-erotic story titled "THE DAY THE ALIENS CAME" I really thought it is good enough to be read. I think the title is not doing it justice; originally it was : The Boy Who Talked to Lions but could not post it under this title. I would very much appreciate some feedback. Sofar only 10 people gave it a high rating out of about 500 readers and one feedback that was so positive. I wondered if it is good to be rated that highly by those who read it how come so few rated it.
Hope I get some response.

Absolutely good enough to be read. Your plotline is excellent, with humans driving the science--not vice versa. Its science fiction, not SCIENCE fiction. That said, there were no impossibilities or implausibilities in the science that I could find.

There are some typos, spelling and capitalization errors, and some odd constructions and usages that could benefit from another quick editing. There is no way, however, that mechanics stop "The Day the Aliens Came" from being a 5.00!

BTW, I agree with you about the title.

 

[pyramider]

Thank you very much. You made my day. I loved the title "The Boy Who Talked to Lions" but b/c a vesion with this title failed to go through I hasd to pick another title. Read your comment and I fel flatered no end. I am a very lousy typist indeed. However; you encouraged me enough to sit down and write another one.
http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=227552

 

[kbate]

Copy Carver has already pointed out your capatilisation and spelling errors, those need no further comment.

My comment would be to the use of 'Then' and 'As' as sentence beginnings, I find it much easier to read and more interesting if the verbs supply the time continuum rather than the simple mechanism of "then."

Early you state that Carl Sagan calculated........in 27 years.... Later you state .......in 25 years. Try for consistency, if I (not a science fiction fan) notice something like this, the true sci-fi fans probably will go nuts.

You would benefit from hiring a proofreader and / or an editor to help with typos, homophones and the like.

I agree about the title as well, the original was better.

 

[CopyCarver]

Hot

I just noticed that it's gone “hot” already-Congratulations.

 

[pyramider]

I just noticed that it's gone “hot” already-Congratulations.

Thanks. I am surprise that although most gave it 5, some people downrated it for reasons other than the story itself. I am grateful for all replies and interest. I am just wondering why the story gets 4 or 3 because the reader is not SciFi fan
I am lazy corecting typos I think I owe my readers more. I'll try harder next time.
Thanks again very much.