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Guest
Guest
I’ve left out the speakers’ names. Garchik’s an SF columnist and pop music reviewer. Readers sent her lines overheard ‘round town.
I bought myself some luxury chocolate last night, maybe after work I'll go have drinks with a goldfish.
Happy Valentine’s Day, Perdita
The many splendors of that crazy little thing - Leah Garchik, SF Chron. 14 Feb 2006
I. The Prelude to Love Is Longing ... and Plotting.
"What I need is a man who will let me henpeck him.'' (Woman overheard on Martin Luther King Boulevard in Berkeley)
"Remember, girls love eye patches and scars.'' (High school freshman boy giving advice to 11-year-old, overhead on the 38L Geary)
"If I was a dude, I'd date me.'' (Young woman to man, overheard on ski lift at Heavenly Valley.)
"The only time I really miss having a man in my life is garbage night.'' (Overheard at the Civic Center courthouse.)
II. Linking Up Is Hard to Do.
"He does know you're a lesbian, right?'' (Woman to woman, overheard in front of Macy's in San Francisco.)
"I was looking for someone for just a really good time, but then I peeked at his iTunes playlist. He'd be serious baggage.'' (One woman to another overheard in Marin County.)
"I think you're very pretty and we could have beautiful children. And I won't stalk you when you break up with me.'' (Young man to young woman, overheard in the Financial District.)
"So we went back to my place. Guess who passed out again? Yep, me.'' (Young woman on cell phone in Palo Alto.)
III. The Ship of Love Is Launched.
"Does he have a pumice?'' (Woman to woman, overheard at the Gardener in Berkeley by Marshal Brewster.)
"There won't be a second date. That girl ate way too many noodles.'' (Man to man outside Union Bank on California.)
"Well, he doesn't usually take off his boxers, so it probably wasn't him.'' (Woman in a San Francisco stationery store.)
"She's gross. He's gross. They're both gross. It's a good couple.'' (Young woman to a young woman friend, overheard at lunch at the Blue Plate restaurant in Reno.)
IV. The Voyage Progresses, But Turbulence Is Noted.
"There was the standard drinking and flirting and ... a week or so later I was taking antibiotics.'' (One man to another, overheard on Post Street.)
"Yes, I watch hardcore porn. Is that a problem?'' (Young woman on cell phone, overheard at the Gardener.)
"She loves having sex in the morning, but she doesn't have a brain in her head.'' (Gentleman on the Larkspur ferry.)
"I love you, but your credit's not that good.'' (Man on cell phone, overheard at the Sausalito Art Fair.)
V. To Relate or Not to Relate, That Is the Question.
"I don't understand how the bastard could marry outside of (his) political persuasion.'' (Woman to male companion, overheard at Fourth and King.)
"I said I love you and think I want to spend my life with you, but right now I'm in Safeway and I can't find anything, so I'll call you later.'' (Older man on cell phone, overheard at Safeway at Jackson and Davis.)
VI. Yes, Yes, Yes. Probably.
"I think he married the first nonhooker he met.'' (Man on cell phone, overheard on BART.)
"This is the perfect wedding ring. It fits just great under my cycling gloves.'' (Newlywed at Gulf of the Farallones National Marine Sanctuary offices.)
"She always marries the wrong man, but she does divorce so well.'' (Man to woman over dinner at Insalata's in San Anselmo.)
VII. We Regret to Inform You.
"It didn't work out because a) he's 39 years old, b) it was Friday night, c) his mom was with him.'' (Woman to co-workers, overheard at Togo's in Emeryville.)
"As soon as she gets out of bed to go to the bathroom, I'm out of there. I don't want to get stabbed by some guy with a knife.'' (Gentleman -- well, maybe not -- at Chili's in Terra Linda.)
"If you think you've got to call the cops when you're going to break up with her, I'd say it's time to take a look at your relationship.'' (Young man to another, overheard in the elevator of a North Bay hospital.)
"First wives are difficult.'' (Overheard at breakfast at the Video Cafe on Geary.)
"She is my second wife. I'm actually much closer to my first wife, though. We've exchanged gunfire.'' (Man at Mel's in downtown Berkeley.)
"She left me. Now I'm dating our goldfish.'' (Man to pal, overheard at the Tuesday Farmers' Market in Berkeley.)
VIII. Lessons to Be Learned Today.
"I need two exactly the same, so that when I talk to each of them, I'll be able to keep it straight.'' (Man purchasing Valentines in Kard Zone in the Castro.)
IX. Whatever.
"He can't be that gay, he got me pregnant.'' (Woman to woman, overheard at UC Berkeley.)
"What do you mean ‘find one’? You are my sugar daddy.’’ (Overheard in front of Chanel at the Bellagio Hotel in Las Vegas.)
I bought myself some luxury chocolate last night, maybe after work I'll go have drinks with a goldfish.
Happy Valentine’s Day, Perdita
The many splendors of that crazy little thing - Leah Garchik, SF Chron. 14 Feb 2006
I. The Prelude to Love Is Longing ... and Plotting.
"What I need is a man who will let me henpeck him.'' (Woman overheard on Martin Luther King Boulevard in Berkeley)
"Remember, girls love eye patches and scars.'' (High school freshman boy giving advice to 11-year-old, overhead on the 38L Geary)
"If I was a dude, I'd date me.'' (Young woman to man, overheard on ski lift at Heavenly Valley.)
"The only time I really miss having a man in my life is garbage night.'' (Overheard at the Civic Center courthouse.)
II. Linking Up Is Hard to Do.
"He does know you're a lesbian, right?'' (Woman to woman, overheard in front of Macy's in San Francisco.)
"I was looking for someone for just a really good time, but then I peeked at his iTunes playlist. He'd be serious baggage.'' (One woman to another overheard in Marin County.)
"I think you're very pretty and we could have beautiful children. And I won't stalk you when you break up with me.'' (Young man to young woman, overheard in the Financial District.)
"So we went back to my place. Guess who passed out again? Yep, me.'' (Young woman on cell phone in Palo Alto.)
III. The Ship of Love Is Launched.
"Does he have a pumice?'' (Woman to woman, overheard at the Gardener in Berkeley by Marshal Brewster.)
"There won't be a second date. That girl ate way too many noodles.'' (Man to man outside Union Bank on California.)
"Well, he doesn't usually take off his boxers, so it probably wasn't him.'' (Woman in a San Francisco stationery store.)
"She's gross. He's gross. They're both gross. It's a good couple.'' (Young woman to a young woman friend, overheard at lunch at the Blue Plate restaurant in Reno.)
IV. The Voyage Progresses, But Turbulence Is Noted.
"There was the standard drinking and flirting and ... a week or so later I was taking antibiotics.'' (One man to another, overheard on Post Street.)
"Yes, I watch hardcore porn. Is that a problem?'' (Young woman on cell phone, overheard at the Gardener.)
"She loves having sex in the morning, but she doesn't have a brain in her head.'' (Gentleman on the Larkspur ferry.)
"I love you, but your credit's not that good.'' (Man on cell phone, overheard at the Sausalito Art Fair.)
V. To Relate or Not to Relate, That Is the Question.
"I don't understand how the bastard could marry outside of (his) political persuasion.'' (Woman to male companion, overheard at Fourth and King.)
"I said I love you and think I want to spend my life with you, but right now I'm in Safeway and I can't find anything, so I'll call you later.'' (Older man on cell phone, overheard at Safeway at Jackson and Davis.)
VI. Yes, Yes, Yes. Probably.
"I think he married the first nonhooker he met.'' (Man on cell phone, overheard on BART.)
"This is the perfect wedding ring. It fits just great under my cycling gloves.'' (Newlywed at Gulf of the Farallones National Marine Sanctuary offices.)
"She always marries the wrong man, but she does divorce so well.'' (Man to woman over dinner at Insalata's in San Anselmo.)
VII. We Regret to Inform You.
"It didn't work out because a) he's 39 years old, b) it was Friday night, c) his mom was with him.'' (Woman to co-workers, overheard at Togo's in Emeryville.)
"As soon as she gets out of bed to go to the bathroom, I'm out of there. I don't want to get stabbed by some guy with a knife.'' (Gentleman -- well, maybe not -- at Chili's in Terra Linda.)
"If you think you've got to call the cops when you're going to break up with her, I'd say it's time to take a look at your relationship.'' (Young man to another, overheard in the elevator of a North Bay hospital.)
"First wives are difficult.'' (Overheard at breakfast at the Video Cafe on Geary.)
"She is my second wife. I'm actually much closer to my first wife, though. We've exchanged gunfire.'' (Man at Mel's in downtown Berkeley.)
"She left me. Now I'm dating our goldfish.'' (Man to pal, overheard at the Tuesday Farmers' Market in Berkeley.)
VIII. Lessons to Be Learned Today.
"I need two exactly the same, so that when I talk to each of them, I'll be able to keep it straight.'' (Man purchasing Valentines in Kard Zone in the Castro.)
IX. Whatever.
"He can't be that gay, he got me pregnant.'' (Woman to woman, overheard at UC Berkeley.)
"What do you mean ‘find one’? You are my sugar daddy.’’ (Overheard in front of Chanel at the Bellagio Hotel in Las Vegas.)
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(I know it is not correct -lol) I try. 
