only_more_so
Man
- Joined
- Jul 3, 2005
- Posts
- 2,678
It came to me out of the blue today. I'm sure I'm not the first person to have come up with the idea, but love is like an addictive drug.
Before you've ever been in love, you have no idea what the big deal is. You see people acting stupid because of love, doing things they know they shouldn't be doing, etc.
Then one day you get a sample. It isn't enough to do much to you, but enough to get you curious. You act like you've gotten a taste, just to prove to your friends that you've tried it. Or maybe you think you've actually had a dose.
Your first taste makes you euphoric. Suddenly everything look beautiful, you're floating on a cloud. But it is tenuous, you're afraid of coming down (or for some people afraid of going too high and you pull away from the source of your love).
You begin to adjust your habits to feed your addiction. You stay up late and drive miles out of your way to meet your dealer. You find that you're constantly out of money which went towards your addiction. Your work begins to suffer because of obsessive thoughts about the addiction.
Eventually the drug isn't enough anymore. You have the same drug, but it doesn't give you the high like it used to. It's used up. But you can't get rid of it either. Maybe you try, but you need it in your life.
You realize how much your habit is costing you mind, body and spirit. You try to go cold turkey, cutting the drug out of your life. But you keep thinking about it. There are little reminders of the drug everywhere in your life. You home is strewn with paraphenalia, the smell lingers on your clothes and sheets. Sleeping becomes a problem, the long nights without the high. Maybe you try to ween yourself off, trying to become a casual user instead. But it is never quite enough, and just a bit too much.
If going cold turkey wasn't your idea, but your source gets cut off, you latch desperately to another source. Even if it is low quality mechandise you seize it to get a whiff of the high. You try different sources, but to no avail. You try begging for more, but you're cut off.
Eventually, the nights are easier to get through. The drug isn't constantly on your mind. You delude yourself into thinking that you are over it. Then one day it blindsides you, you encounter the source in a strange place and all the longings come storming back. Your heart pounds, your face flushes, you almost lose control. Eventually that too passes.
If you beat the addiction, you are always on guard against it coming back. Maybe from the same source, maybe from a new one. There are always dealers out there, waiting for someone in need of a fix.
Others give in to the addiction entirely. Their life is consummed by it. Bit by bit they lose their minds and their souls to it, but when they die they have a smile on their face.
I realize that all sounds a trifle jaded. And the ironic thing is that right now, I really have nothing to be jaded about. Like I said, it came to me out of the blue (which might be rationalizing, but I really have no idea...)
Before you've ever been in love, you have no idea what the big deal is. You see people acting stupid because of love, doing things they know they shouldn't be doing, etc.
Then one day you get a sample. It isn't enough to do much to you, but enough to get you curious. You act like you've gotten a taste, just to prove to your friends that you've tried it. Or maybe you think you've actually had a dose.
Your first taste makes you euphoric. Suddenly everything look beautiful, you're floating on a cloud. But it is tenuous, you're afraid of coming down (or for some people afraid of going too high and you pull away from the source of your love).
You begin to adjust your habits to feed your addiction. You stay up late and drive miles out of your way to meet your dealer. You find that you're constantly out of money which went towards your addiction. Your work begins to suffer because of obsessive thoughts about the addiction.
Eventually the drug isn't enough anymore. You have the same drug, but it doesn't give you the high like it used to. It's used up. But you can't get rid of it either. Maybe you try, but you need it in your life.
You realize how much your habit is costing you mind, body and spirit. You try to go cold turkey, cutting the drug out of your life. But you keep thinking about it. There are little reminders of the drug everywhere in your life. You home is strewn with paraphenalia, the smell lingers on your clothes and sheets. Sleeping becomes a problem, the long nights without the high. Maybe you try to ween yourself off, trying to become a casual user instead. But it is never quite enough, and just a bit too much.
If going cold turkey wasn't your idea, but your source gets cut off, you latch desperately to another source. Even if it is low quality mechandise you seize it to get a whiff of the high. You try different sources, but to no avail. You try begging for more, but you're cut off.
Eventually, the nights are easier to get through. The drug isn't constantly on your mind. You delude yourself into thinking that you are over it. Then one day it blindsides you, you encounter the source in a strange place and all the longings come storming back. Your heart pounds, your face flushes, you almost lose control. Eventually that too passes.
If you beat the addiction, you are always on guard against it coming back. Maybe from the same source, maybe from a new one. There are always dealers out there, waiting for someone in need of a fix.
Others give in to the addiction entirely. Their life is consummed by it. Bit by bit they lose their minds and their souls to it, but when they die they have a smile on their face.
I realize that all sounds a trifle jaded. And the ironic thing is that right now, I really have nothing to be jaded about. Like I said, it came to me out of the blue (which might be rationalizing, but I really have no idea...)
